


I Shall Not Live in Vain

by zinjadu



Series: Between Eternity and Time [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Baby Jedi, Death, Developing Relationship, Discovery, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Feels, Forgiveness, Friendship, Gen, Ghost crew are family, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Hope, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Past Relationship(s), Rebellion, Redemption, Rescue, That's Not How The Force Works, but death is not the end, clones need love too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 09:13:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 103,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7096327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zinjadu/pseuds/zinjadu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU after Season 5.  Ahsoka Tano left, but where did she go?  What did she do, and what did she learn?  And what if after Order 66, Rex found her.  This follows Ahsoka and Rex (and their cobbled together family) as they live through the last of the Clone War, Order 66, and the Empire era.  They make a life for themselves, but as the Force calls Ahsoka back to help the people of the galaxy, she comes to accept that she never really could run from a fight worth fighting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Proud little Heart

They had seen Master Skywalker fighting Padawan Offee, and had been confused, worried, even with Master Sinube there standing between them and the fight. They hadn’t been worried about their own safety, however, but about what was happening to Padawan Tano.

 

And now, and now they had learned she was gone.

 

“I don’t get it! She was the best Padawan, she was going to be a Knight, and she _left_?” Petro said, still indignant that they had let the Padawan— _former_ Padawan—leave. Katooni shook her head.

 

“She must have had her reasons, Petro,” she said calmly. She listlessly stirred the food on her tray. They were in the youngling’s cafeteria, at a table all to themselves, as was usual. They were closer than most youngling crèches, they knew that, but so far no one had told them not to be.

 

“Yeah,” Ganodi agreed. “I don’t think she would give up being a Jedi without a reason.”

 

“Maybe she’s on a secret mission?” Zatt asked, looking up from his computer kit. He still liked technology, liked tinkering and making things work better, but he wasn’t reliant on it anymore.

 

“ _She didn’t say good-bye,_ ” Gungi pointed out. “ _If she left for real, wouldn’t she have said good-bye?”_

 

“Good point!” Petro said, latching on to any reason as to why Ahsoka hadn’t left, not really. “Maybe it had all been a set up, to get her a good cover story? That’d be so amazing!”

 

Katooni was about to say something else, as even Ganodi started to get caught up in the idea that Ahsoka was still a Jedi. They all wanted Ashoka to come back, to train them. Each of them had harbored the hope that they would be her first Padawan learner. Petro had always been the most vocal about it, but they all wanted to train and learn from the brave Togruta who had been a part of their first Jedi mission.

 

Then Byph spoke.

 

“ _She’s not on a secret mission, and we should stop pretending that she is. We have to accept what is true, that’s what Master Sinube said,_ ” Byph reminded them. They all blinked. Ever since the crystal caves of Ilum and their encounter with pirates and Seppies, Byph had, well, stopped being so afraid. He was still cautious, but he spoke up more. They still weren’t completely used to it.

 

Katooni felt bad as she watched everyone’s faces fall, Petro especially. He had idolized Ashoka more than any of them, to the point where he talked about her more than he talked about Master Kenobi now.

 

“We know, Byph,” Ganodi said sadly. “But it was nice to dream that she would come back, one day.”

 

“ _I miss her,_ ” Gungi mourned, chin falling heavily into his hands.

 

“We all miss her, Gungi,” Zatt said, putting a hand on his friend’s shoulder, computer kit completely forgotten now.

 

“She’s not gone forever,” Petro said vehemently. “I never believed that she could have bombed the Temple, and I can’t believe she would walk away from the Jedi. I was right about the first, so I have to be right about the second,” he insistent.

 

“Petro,” Kantooni said softly, reaching out to him. He looked at her, his expression stubborn and determined, but a real sadness in his eyes. “All we can do is train to be the best Jedi we can be, and when we’re Knights, we’ll do what she taught us to do: to believe in people, to be kind, and to never give up.”

 

“Maybe its all we can do, but I don’t have to like it,” Petro muttered.

 

“None of us like it,” Zatt pointed out. “But what else can we do?”

 

“ _Make her proud of us, even if she can’t see us_ ,” Byph said. They nodded, agreed.

 

It didn’t matter where Ahsoka Tano was, because they would work and train and become the best Jedi they could. They would be Jedi she would be proud of, and when they became Knights, each of them vowed to find her and try to bring her home.

 

Because, even if their Jedi training wouldn’t let them admit it, they loved her, and could not completely let her go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick intro to this fic, if you haven’t read the previous one (“Enough for Us” also by me), this will reference events that took place there, which is mostly canon compliant to Season 5 of The Clone Wars. The title for this chapter comes from a Dickinson poem (because I like themes), and it has the connotation of talking to a child, of sympathizing with hurt but assuring the child it will be better soon. 
> 
>  
> 
> Poor little Heart!  
> Did they forget thee?  
> Then dinna care! Then dinna care!
> 
> Proud little Heart!  
> Did they forsake thee?  
> Be debonnaire! Be debonnaire!
> 
> Frail little Heart!  
> I would not break thee—  
> Could'st credit me? Could'st credit me?
> 
> Gay little Heart—  
> Like Morning Glory!  
> Wind and Sun — wilt thee array!


	2. Chapter One: Called to my Full

Ashoka had spent two weeks getting to this place, and now that she was here, she hesitated. It was far, far away from any part of the known galaxy. Not quite in Wild Space, but on the ragged edge, and as she looked out she could see the curious lack of stars. Behind her, she knew, the galaxy would be arrayed Corellian socialite in a gown studded with jewels, but she looked out on the edge of nothing.

 

Nothing, save for this small little planet in this small little solar system. The sun was yellow, a medium kind, and the planet looked oddly and disappointingly normal. It had artic zones, temperate zones, prairies, oceans, river deltas, mountain ranges, the works. It even had life, though none of it was sentient if she trusted the ship’s scanners. They weren’t meant to pick out that kind of detail about planets, but nothing seemed to indicate large settlements.

 

Sighing, she glared at the planet.

 

“Alright, I’m here,” she said. “Mind telling me what you want?” When she had left Coruscant, she had meditated in her ship (a fine old HWK-290 that had been a sort of good-bye gift from Master Kenobi and Padmé, which she had taken to calling _Grey Hawk_ , for no other reason than it popped into her head one day and she liked the sound of it) and felt _something_ call to her. She had stopped here and there to triangulate per position to make sure she wasn’t getting too off track, and about a day ago, she had felt a more direct pull. She had entered some coordinates ( _and how exactly did I know those coordinates?_ ), and made a final jump.

 

However, once she had jumped in system, the call, the presence, the ghost, whatever it was, was gone.

 

“Of course you won’t,” she muttered to herself. “Bring me all the way out here and leave me guessing.” The planet was beautiful, she supposed, in an ordinary kind of way. She could go down further, do some low sweeps and see if anything stuck out to her, any signs of ruins or anything. Or she could keep scanning.

 

Rubbing the heels of her hands into her tired eyes, she grumbled to herself. She wanted to be cautious. She was alone. She had never been so alone. Her people were deeply communal, and the Jedi were as well, in a way, and her life in the army had been filled to the brim with people who looked out for each other, who helped one another. She had not known how much she would miss other people until she was without them.

 

Still, there seemed to be nothing for it. She could scan and scan until she was exhausted, but she doubted the mysteriously ordinary planet would give up any of its secrets to computers. If something wanted her down there, then it probably wanted _her,_ not to be scanned by a spaceship.

 

Resigned, she sat at the controls and took the ship down into the planet’s atmosphere, doing her best to keep an eye on the instruments and feel any subtle variations in the Force at the same time.

 

As it turned out, she didn’t need to be on the look out for subtle variations, because as soon as she got to within a few klicks of the planet’s surface, _something_ took hold of the ship.

 

“Stang!” she cried, and shot out of the pilot’s seat in sheer surprise. She nearly ran to the ship hatch to open it and jump out, but one look at the instruments, and out the window, told her that the ship was flying level. In fact, it came to a gentle landing in a large swath of open grassland to the west of a mountain range.

 

“Well, that’s not normal, but then I flew halfway across the galaxy to meet a ghost, so I suppose normal is relative, huh?” she asked herself. The choice, to some degree, made for her, she knew she should leave the ship, but that was no reason to go unprepared.

 

There were six passenger bunks, and Master Koon had stocked one of them with clothes and other essentials. One of which was a blaster. She didn’t like blasters, but she had been unable to get her lightsabers back, and clearly Master Koon thought she would need _some_ kind of weapon. A blaster it was. She holstered it on her hip, took up a small backpack, and headed toward the galley. That had also been stocked with food and tea (she thought the tea might be Master Kenobi’s doing, somehow), and she took a few meal packs down for her first foray on this new planet. She also grabbed a bottle and filled it with some water.

 

Feeling more confident now that she had some supplies to last the day, she exited the ship. Walking down the gangway, she relished the feel and the smell of the fresh air. It was a warm day, with the promise of a cool but pleasant evening on the breeze. The air smelled fresh, and she marvelled at air that didn’t carry the stink of battle or close-pressed population.

 

She waded into the tall grass, somewhat like the tufi-grass on Shili, enjoying hearing the susurrus of the stalks in the wind, and smiling at the sensation of small game animals pinging off of her montrals. This place, it was so alive, alive but without being ravaged by war or people.

 

Then the gangway started to close. She hadn’t hit the controls for that.

 

“What the kriffing hell is going on now?!” she demanded to the empty sky, but the gangway was closing faster than it should, and she couldn’t jump back on board. She punched in the command for the hatch to re-open, but it registered as locked. Her passcode wasn’t even recognized!

 

“Fine!” she yelled, startling a few birds out of their hiding places. “Fine! I get it, I’m stuck here! But at least you could tell me _why!_ You could at least give me a damned clue, you barves!”

 

Looking at her ship in consternation, she went over the things she knew, which were precious little. One, she _had_ been called here. Two, she had been guided down and landed safely. Three, she was now locked out of her ship. _What does that tell you?_

 

“That they do want me here, that they aren’t going to let me die, and they aren’t above forcing the issue. Whoever they are,” she muttered darkly, glaring at the ship, as though _it_ were the problem and not the mysterious presence that had lured her to this planet.

 

With an indignant huff, she Force-jumped to the top of the _Grey Hawk_ to get a better lay of the land. Mountains reared up to the east, and stretched for a fair distance north and south. To the west, north, and south the plains just went on and on and on. If they had brought her here, then likely they meant for her to go towards the one discernable feature, though why they didn’t land her somewhere closer was beyond her.

 

Still, it was good to be certain about these things. Shrugging off her backpack, she sat on the top of the ship and dropped into a meditative state. She had learned that the presence didn’t like being looked for, so she found a place to simply _be_ in the Force.

 

It was easier here than it had been so close to Coruscant. There the Force had roiled and raged, made chaotic by the fighting and the emotional upheaval of war. Here, so far away from everything, it was calmer, and somehow deeper. Frowning, she thought how that shouldn’t really be possible. Depth in the Force came from a high density of life, particularly sentient life. There was life on this planet, but it was an isolated planet, and it lacked sentient life, save for herself and the presence.

 

Banishing her ancillary thoughts, she focused on _being_ , on standing on a point in the ebb and flow of the Force itself, balanced.

 

The first time she had done this had been by accident. The first time she had _tried_ had been like trying to stay perfectly still on the ocean of Mon Cala, which, for the record, had never happened. But now, she only took a few minutes to center herself and find that balance.

 

Before, when she felt the presence call to her, it had been a mere whisper. Here it was a definite tug, a pull on her Force senses that was gentle but nevertheless adamant. She also felt a faint sense of amused approval from it now, whereas earlier it had only ever been emotionally neutral.   She shouldn’t have been surprised, really. Being on the planet of the call’s origin, she should have expected it to be stronger to _do_ more, but she did feel a little startled. She had grown used to the presence being subdued in a sense.

 

Still, she had a direction now, and it was definitely to the east. Standing, she put her backpack back on and jumped down off the ship, landing lightly on her feet. Deciding against Force-running, she set off at a ground-eating lope, her senses, both physical and Force-based, stretched out for any danger.

 

And for the first time in a long time, she moved for the sheer joy of movement. This was not training or battle or running for her life, and there had been no sense of urgency from the presence, so she decided to enjoy the feel of the wind on her face, the fresh smell of the air and the grass, the sense of small creatures on her montrals, and the exhilarating feeling of her body working as it should.

 

In spite of the fear and worry and heartache of the past three weeks, she broke into a wide grin, and felt something she had not fully experienced since she had learned about the Temple bombing.

 

It was joy.

 

* * *

 

Three days later, Ashoka was feeling considerably less joyful. She was tried, out of food, and she estimated she had a few more days to go to reach them. She was also very, very hungry. At least she had found water here and there, which allowed her to keep her bottle full.

 

There were signs of large game around, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to try to track one down. She would have to deal with a herd, then. Sure, she had a blaster, but that much dead meat would certainly attract a predator. She had seen signs of them as well, but they had maintained their distance. Occasionally she felt one near her, her montrals registering something slinking along in the grass, but so far they had left her alone.

 

“Alright,” she said, “time to hunt.”

 

She scented on the air, trying to catch a whiff of prey. The wind brought her many things, and there, to the south, there was a definite stink. The large herbivores, so not that way. Then she remembered something, something old, something she had done when she was small.

 

Trilling, she vocalized as the ancient Togruta did when they hunted the plains of Shili. The sounds carried on the air and pinged on the smaller creatures around her, and the information was picked up by her montrals. Her head swung to the north, and she zeroed in on her target.

 

Ashoka sank into the grass and slunk through it, careful to move like she was the wind itself, weaving in and out of the grass, her tread feather light. _There, just ahead_ , she felt it and it took flight. Quicker than she could blink, she drew her blaster, aimed, and shot the bird down. Stunned at her own reactions, she stood a moment before gathering up her kill.

 

“Now… how the hell am I going to cook it?” she asked aloud.

 

* * *

 

Two more days and she had reached a sparse forest on the foothills of the mountains. She had been able to hunt frequently, keeping herself going easily. She had worked out how to cook the small game she hunted, and it wasn’t half bad. Though, she was generally really hungry by the time she started cooking, so maybe that was why she didn’t mind the char and the rare bits.

 

She had learned, however, that the burrowing animals could sense her coming, so she had removed her boots. They were in her pack, but ever since taking them off, she had a better sense of what was going on around her, in addition to not altering the small underground animals to her passing. She vaguely recalled that Togruta had once refused to go about shod, to disconnect themselves from their planet. The planet wasn’t telling her anything she didn’t already know, but she did take some satisfaction in feeling the dirt and grass underneath her feet.

 

That night she climbed one of the trees and saw that the forest got more and more dense as she neared the mountains proper. She settled down for the night, balanced on a branch, her back against the solid bulk of the trunk, and drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Somewhere in a denser part of the forest, she jumped from branch to branch, making good time as she gained elevation. She ran, feet bare, backpack and boots left behind, blaster holstered to her hip, and her bottle strapped to her belt. Mostly unencumbered, she felt freer than she had in ages. And it wasn’t only the lack of items but a sense of letting go, of not holding on to all that she had lost.

 

As she walked and ran and climbed all over this planet, Ahsoka found that the heaviness in her heart had lifted. The fear and anger had burned away, leaving acceptance behind and a space for something else. What else, she didn’t know, but she would find out. One day.

 

Stopping for a moment, she was grinning in the early twilight common to deep forests, and felt something that had long eluded her: _peace_.

 

Then something behind her growled. “Of course,” she said softly.

 

She turned and saw a large, prowling animal, slinking along the branches, the midnight black hide moving like silk over its muscles. As it stalked toward her, she saw it was relatively cat-like, its yellow eyes intent on her. She was reminded, with good reason, of her akul-hunt, staring down a predator that was bent on killing her just as she was on killing it.

 

Feeling for it in the Force, she sensed that it wasn’t hungry, but it wanted her gone, wanted her out of the area. That would, at least, explain why it didn’t kill her straight off.

 

Ahsoka had never been terribly good at calming animals, even after Master Kenobi had shown her the trick reaching the mind of animal, so different than that of a sentient. But then, she had never found such peace before either. Maybe that was the real trick, though, the one that couldn’t be taught.

 

Finding that peace inside of her, she reached out to the creature, not imposing her will but flooding it with her own feelings, calming it. It was, she realized, very much like what she had done for the troopers, for Rex especially, after their harrowing time on Umbara. With that in mind, and seeing how it connected to Force-healing, she managed to get the animal to stop.

 

It still eyed her, wary, wanting to drive her away, but it wasn’t going to pounce.

 

Not yet, at least.

 

“Good murder-beast,” she said soothingly. “I’m just going to back away now, slowly, so you don’t need to disembowel me, okay?” Her hands held before her in a placating manner, she slowly walked backwards along the branch. The creature followed her, not stalking like it had before, but still clearly intending to make sure she left its territory.

 

One step.

 

Then another.

 

Then the branch gave way with a sickening snap.

 

 _Stang!_ she thought as she fell, feeling like an idiot for not jumping to the next branch sooner. She hit other branches, hard, and then she kept falling, not on the ground but past it into a sinkhole she hadn’t noticed from her vantage in the canopy.

 

When she did stop, it was hard and everything went black.

 

* * *

 

Ahsoka came back to consciousness slowly, every last part of her body in pain, and it nearly overwhelmed her. Breathing, even though that hurt too, she distanced herself from her body and did her best to take stock of her situation.

 

She was in some shallow water over some rocks or stone, and she could only barely see the opening above her into which she had fallen. It had been twilight on the surface, so the faint light coming down now was moonlight and starlight that had filtered through the branches and made it down the sinkhole. Her hunter’s eyes could pick up more light than many other sentient species, but there simply wasn’t that much light to work with.

 

And she was a long way down.

 

 _How the kriff am I alive?_ she thought, and tried not to let the question imply that she was ungrateful. She didn’t think the presence did anything to cause her to fall, but she couldn’t rule it out. It might not be as benign as she had hoped.

 

As she lay there, she also noticed something else. She was hurting less and less. Frowning, she refocused and collapsed the distance between her mind and her body and found that her body was _healing_. All on its own.

 

“That is not normal,” she said, and talking didn’t hurt. Breathing, blinking, even slowly sitting up… “Okay, that hurt, but not as much as it should.” This made no sense. She could smell her own blood in the water and on the stones. She had bled a lot, but something was healing her.

 

Gingerly, carefully, she stood. She tested her range of motion, and with every step it got a little better and better. Knowing she couldn’t stay in this cave forever, she tried to get a feel for the way the water was flowing. If she went against the flow, she might find a way out.

 

With no other options, she discerned the direction of the flow, and went upstream.

 

She still felt addled, and she knew she wasn’t thinking as clearly as she should. Something else nagged her about this place. Something that felt familiar, but she couldn’t quite pin down the feeling.

 

Feeling stronger bit by bit, she walked on, and eventually came to some kind of tunnel. It was definitely where the water was flowing out of, but as she ran a hand along its edge, she found it was flush against the wall of the cave. That wasn’t right. Tunnel openings in caves weren’t this regular, weren’t this circular. The bottom and sides, she felt, had been worn away by water over time, but the sides above the water line and the ceiling where definitely constructed by sentient beings.

 

A chill went up her spine, but she had no choice save to press ahead.

 

For how long she followed the tunnel, she couldn’t say, but by the time she saw a light at the end, she was fully healed. Not a bruise or scratch on her, though her mind still felt dull and sluggish. Grimly pressing on, she made her way to the opening and found herself in a temple of some kind.

 

She was at one of four openings leading into the stone, all set in a circle around a central stage where a fountain burbled, with runnels going from the fountain to each of the four tunnels. On the edge of the stage were four statues, each of them set between the grooves in the stage. If the grooves were at the four cardinal points, then the statues were set at the ordinal points.

 

Looking up, she saw that there were four winding staircases, each one starting at the top of the cliff that encircled this open-air temple, and wound its way down to the bottom where the stairs met the grassy floor of the amphitheater. The light from the sun reached the bottom easily; no trees crowded the top edge, and something on the edge of her vision… sparkled, sparkled like a gem. Then it was gone.

 

Cautious, she stepped out of the culvert and walked to the stage, enjoying the grass under her feet instead of cold water and hard stone. One shallow step, then the next, and she was on the stage. She turned, trying to get a look at each of the statues. They were tall, impossibly tall, like the statues in the Jedi Temple, robed and cowled so she couldn’t see their faces. Their hands were all in different positions, and she thought they might each communicate a different meaning, though where that idea came from, she wasn’t sure.

 

“Because you know, but you do not yet admit to yourself that you know,” a voice behind her said, and she spun on her heel, heart thudding in her chest, eyes wide in surprise. She crouched, ready to fight, but there was no fighting a ghost.

 

For it was a ghost. _Or,_ she thought, squinting, _several ghosts._ There were several outlines, shifting together, shifting through each other, as though four beings were one or one being had four aspects.

 

“What do you mean?” she asked. “Why did you bring me here?”

 

“You were not brought, child,” it (or they) said, its voice layered, like several beings were speaking at once but in perfect harmony. “You were called, yes, but you answered on your own.”

 

“Why did you call me then? What are you, what do you want?” she asked, pressing. It didn’t seem to be hostile, but this whole experience had put her on edge. Too much was unexplained, and she was uncomfortably reminded of Mortis.

 

“To teach,” it said simply, “to enlighten.” On that word, something in her mind clicked, as though a door that had been shut opened. And then she _saw._

 

The reason she couldn’t get accurate readings, the reason the Force felt so deep on this planet, the reason she had been healed. It was all kyber crystal, and it glowed with an inner light that suffused everything, as though her understanding had turned on the power. She felt the animals running, crawling, swimming, flying, she felt the plants growing, striving, and even the water and stone and the whole planet, _alive_.

 

Her mind reeled, and dimly she realized her mind had shut itself to the Force, blinded her to the glow of the crystals out of self-defense, to keep her from going mad.

 

“Focus, child,” the ghost said, “find yourself, as you have done before.” Ahsoka couldn’t respond, but focused on the presence. Now that she was close, she could feel its four aspects, layered on top of each other but distinct, and as she had done for the past two weeks, she found a place to _be_ and came back to herself.

 

As she came back to herself, she found herself kneeling on the stage, her head in her hands. Looking up, she saw that the ghost had split into its four parts, though the features of each escaped her.

 

“Well done, child,” they said in unison. “You are balanced, but are you willing?”

 

Ahsoka stood, looking at each ghost in turn, head held high. “I am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now we start the AU in earnest. I know not much happened here, but Ahsoka’s going to learn a lot in the next chapter. We’ll get to Rex and company after that. 
> 
> Posting will be much slower than it was for “Enough for Us” because I’m plotting things out and writing fuller chapters instead of between episode snap shots. This will end up being Rexsoka, but its gonna be a sloooooow burn. 
> 
> Hope folks enjoy!


	3. Chapter Two: With Will to choose

After about a week, Ahsoka had learned to tell the different ghosts apart. They didn’t give their names, and she doubted if they even remembered their names: they felt ancient, sometimes, like the weight of memory and time itself had kept them ‘asleep’ for so long. They had mentioned, once, that the chaos of galactic war had awoken them not long ago.

 

However, since they didn’t give themselves names, she named them. There was the Warrior, the Healer, the Seer, and the Guardian, and it helped her to keep them in some kind of semblance of order.

 

In that week she had also managed to find a place to set up a permanent kind of camp. It hadn’t even occurred to her to try camping and building a fire in the strange temple-like structure she had wandered into. Instead, she took the stairs up to the cliff-top and found a place to ensconce herself. She had also learned that the ghosts didn’t need to be in the temple to make themselves manifest. Considering the amount of kyber crystal in this planet, likely they could appear anywhere they wanted.

 

They had been testing her, she thought, for the past week. Finding out the extent of her abilities. The Warrior was the most pleased with her, with her battle abilities and Force-combat skills. The Healer was satisfied that she knew a little about healing and other Force techniques, but had said something about needing a long way to go. The Seer had seemed to find nothing but failure in her one and only experience in looking into the future. It didn’t matter that the dark side was clouding everything, not to the Seer. The Guardian simply watched, however, though he often reminded her to eat and look after herself.

 

They kept her busy, that was for sure. Ahsoka wasn’t sure how she felt about being here. The pace was so slow, compared to what she was used to. Battles, mad scrambles for survival, racing to the other side of the galaxy to save someone or something, helping rebel armies, punctuated by brief moments of R&R or study, though she preferred R&R to study at the Temple.

 

In her camp for the evening, she laid back and looked up the stars, looking back at the heart of the galaxy. It was so beautiful from here, no war, no death, no suffering. Just millions of points of light. But that was an illusion. People were suffering and dying, the people she loved were fighting, and she was… here. Part of her ached to be back out there, to be right at Skyguy’s heels taking down tinnies, or leading a charge with Rex and the other troopers at her back, to be out there keeping them all safe.

 

But another part of her, a part of her that had been lost in the middle of the war, demanded to stay, to learn. They would start tomorrow in earnest, they had said. Tomorrow they would help her unlock secrets of the Force that had been lost for so long that no one even remembered losing them. She could not complete her training at the Temple, but here, on this strange planet with these strange, ancient ghosts, she could maybe, just maybe, become whoever she _wanted_ to be, instead of what people thought she was meant to be.

 

* * *

 

“Come along, child,” the Warrior said. He, and although it was hard to see any of their features and thus determine their gender ( _another thing lost to time_ , she thought), reminded her of the many of the clone troopers. Quick to action, quick in thought, she thought Rex and the other troopers would approve of him.

 

Ahsoka followed the ghost, nearly a month now into her time here. They had all been training her according to some rotating schedule that she couldn’t quite figure out. Apparently it was the Warrior’s day. He led her to the temple floor and stood with her at the fountain. He gestured to each of the four tunnels in turn.

 

“You must find your way and come back to us if I am to teach you more,” he told her.

 

She had been anticipating this. This temple probably had been used like the Jedi used Ilum now, a way to find lightsaber cyrstals. But lightsabers must be older than she thought, if these ancient beings knew about them. Or, at least something like lightsabers. Or, maybe they simply knew about changes in Force combat. Knowing she wouldn’t get an answer no matter how she asked that kind of question, she asked another one, much more pertinent.

 

“How long do I have?” she asked. The Warrior tilted his head, considering.

 

“How long does it take to find your heart?” he asked in return. “Go, I will wait, but choose your path well, your heart only lies down one road.”

 

Full of questions, Ahsoka tried to clear her mind, but thoughts kept crowding in. _My heart? What does he mean by that? Is he saying that a saber crystal is like your heart? Your soul? Or is it that it is another heart that calls to our own? No! Stop, Ahoska, focus. Find… my heart…_ and images were called to her mind, images of people she loved and couldn’t be with.

 

_“Careful, Snips,” Skyguy said, deflecting a blaster bolt. “Watch out behind you.”_

_“Don’t look back, little ‘Soka,” Master Koon said, hand on her shoulder as they left Shili._

_“Let’s go back, Ahoksa,” Barriss said, taking her by the hand._

 

_“I’ve got your back, Commander,” Rex said, following her into the fray._

 

Opening her eyes, she turned to the tunnel that was behind her. Well. She could take a hint, so she started walking.

 

In the caves, she could see the glow now, her mind accustomed to the presence of so much crystal now. It was soft, muted, and she let her heart guide her. As if pulled by invisible strings, she walked on until she reached a chasm that the water sheeted down. There was a narrow bridge of kyber crystal over it, narrow and slick with water, connecting to a pillar rising from the abyss below.

 

As her bare foot made contact with the narrow span of the bridge, she felt something like a jolt run up her entire body.

 

_“The Jedi are wrong, Ahsoka, they are evil!” Barriss spat at her, “and you’re one of them!”_

 

Ahsoka almost backed away, almost stopped at Barriss’ onslaught. She had loved her friend, loved her dearly, but the other young woman had seen only the pain and the death, had never understood the good with the bad. Ahsoka didn’t like the death either, but there was joy even in war, and life and hope. Taking a breath, she pushed through the apparition and stepped fully onto the bridge.

 

_“You should never have left, Ahsoka!” Master Skywalker raged. “You left me when I needed you most! You were more than my student, you were my friend!”_

 

This time she did cringe. She had seen Master Skywalker’s rage only a handful of times, and every time she did it had worried her. A Jedi should have not felt such rage, but Anakin did. And now it was directed at her, because she had betrayed his love for her, his faith in her, to find her own selfish way. Then she grit her teeth, squared her shoulders and kept walking. She walked through his rage, and like Barriss he disappeared when she was through.

 

_“Commander,” Rex said, contained as always, but his eyes were just a little bit tired, and a little bit sad in a way she had never seen before. “Its just not the same without you.”_

 

And that was somehow so much worse, that simple statement of loss, than the rage and the recrimination. She wanted to reach out, to tell him she missed him too, that she missed all of them, that she loved them. She almost stopped, transfixed by her own loneliness.

 

“I miss you too, Rexter,” she said softly, wishing that he could hear her from halfway across the galaxy, “and I’ll come back, I promise.” Then she walked through the apparition, and found herself on the pillar. A spike rose from the pillar, and on it was a crystal, larger than either of her previous ones. She took it, and it fell into her hand with a sharp _crack_ , and split in two. Startled, she closed her fist around them, and she made her way back to the surface where the Warrior waited.

 

“It seems you have found your heart,” he said, and he held out a hand. She dropped the crystals into it, and had stopped wondering how ghosts interacted with material objects after about two weeks here. He looked at the crystals, head cocked to the side, and then returned them to her.

 

“A heart split in two. One once, two now, but they remember being one. They will be stronger together. Make your blades, then we will continue,” he said, and disappeared.

 

It took her a couple of days to construct her new lightsabers, and she missed a few training days with the other ghosts. None of them seemed to mind, though. She made the one full size one and the other shorter, like her old ones, but this time the blades were both a silvery-white. It reminded her of Master Sinube’s blade, and she smiled as she thought of the calm, insightful old Master.

 

When she next trained with the Warrior and lit up her blades, she felt his satisfaction at her work, and his joy for the anticipation of a proper fight. As he summoned his own ethereal blades, she felt the same satisfaction and joy, and when they trained, it was in a whirling, crackling dance.

 

* * *

 

While Ahsoka liked the Healer a great deal, she had always found healing boring. She had some ability, more than Skyguy did who was infamous for his lack in spite of his raw power, but she had never honed it. She could do some battlefield emergency patching up, and had managed a little Force-assisted therapy for the troops after Umbara, but real healing, real sustained healing, had never been her forte.

 

Still, after a few months, she had built up her ability, by practicing on injured animals and occasionally herself, to the point where she could heal with some regularity. She hadn’t lost a patient yet, at least.

 

“Child,” the Healer said softly.   She was quieter than the Warrior, and she had a patient, kind manner that reminded her of Kix or Master Che at the Jedi Temple. Ahsoka felt most comfortable with this ghost, because she felt no judgment, no hostility, only a wellspring of deep compassion.

 

“You have learned a great deal, but there is one last lesson.” The ghost started off, and Ahoska followed. She was getting used to their odd behavior, to the point where she didn’t really notice it anymore. At least she didn’t have to talk to herself anymore.

 

They travelled for some distance, and Ahsoka smelled the creature before she saw it. It was a small deer-like creature, and it was lying in the bottom of a shallow pit, side pierced by a jagged rock, legs broken, bleating sadly. She looked at the Healer. The Healer only gestured with her hands, and she looked like of the statues, one hand held out, the other held to her chest. They were all meant to be one of those statues, Ahsoka knew, and she wondered anew who they had been.

 

Kneeling next to the creature, Ahsoka hovered her hands over it, feeling it in the Force. She could set aside pain easily now, for herself and the animal, and it stopped making noises of distress, but she still stayed in touch with its mind, keeping it calm. Then she lifted it off the jagged rock, carefully, but quickly. Fresh blood poured from the wound, and Ahsoka wondered if it was even possible to heal the creature.

 

Sinking her mind into its body, she guided the Force to repair the animal, closing wounds, stopping blood flow. She had to fix that gash, but she also had to repair the internal organs. This was the most difficult thing she had tried to heal yet, but it wasn’t working. There was too much trauma. She could feel the animal’s small but bright life flicking and faltering.

 

“I can’t,” she half sobbed, fighting the pain for herself and the animal. The Healer knelt next to her, one hand on the animal, the other pressed to Ahsoka’s chest.

 

“Take it upon yourself,” the ghost said. “Take a measure of it, and heal the balance. But only a measure. To take all, is to take death, and we must let go in the face of death.” And in an instant Ahsoka understood. It was like that sometimes. They seemed to be unable to unlock parts of her mind without _saying_ anything. It was weird, but it worked.

 

Doing as the Healer suggested, Ahoska used the Force to take some of the wound upon her own body. She felt her side open, felt the pain, but she grit her teeth and set it aside. She kept healing, kept pouring the Force into the animal, and kept taking on more and more.

 

It still wasn’t enough.

 

“Let go, child,” the Healer said. “Do not take its death for your own. You will both die.”

 

“Damn you,” she said through grit teeth. “This was the lesson, wasn’t it? Learn to let something die.”

 

“Yes,” the Healer said, and although the word was cold, final, her voice held such compassion, for Ahsoka and the poor animal, that Ahsoka couldn’t be mad. So she let go, she held the pain, but stopped trying to make the creature’s body better. She sat with it as the light in its eyes died, and she felt it grow still. As it died, the pain went with it, leaving only an open gash in her own side. Breathing slowly, she focused on the wound and directed the Force to closing it, to knitting her flesh back together. When it was done, she opened her eyes and saw the Healer sitting next to her, one ghostly hand on the dead body before them.

 

“You have some skill, but you must know when to let go, when a life is becoming a death and let the energy return to the Force. This is not a failure, for death is not yours to stop or control, but it is a part of life. Nothingness, unbeing, that is the true enemy. Do you understand?” the Healer asked.

 

“No,” Ahsoka said honestly. “Well, at least not about the unbeing thing. But death being a part of life, I get it. But if that’s true, why is hope so important? I mean, I know it is, but…” she trailed off, feeling less like herself than usual, in the face of such a hard lesson

 

“Because although death is inevitable, the trying, the striving, that is how we know we are still alive. Do not die, do not give up hope, before you must, child,” the Healer said. Ahsoka nodded, patting the soft fur of the beast, heart heavy.

 

“Not giving up hope, that I understand,” she said softly. They sat, for a time, next to the body of the animal. Ahsoka made a pyre that night and burned the body, sending a silent thank you to its spirit for helping her learn her lesson that day. As she watched the smoke trail into the night sky, she wondered if she could let go when it was someone she knew.

 

She hoped she could, and she feared she couldn’t. She prayed that she would never have to find out.

 

* * *

 

Ahsoka balanced precariously on the branch, the thin wood bending ominously. The Guardian stood below, watching her. Unlike the Warrior, he did not teach her to fight, nor did he teach her to heal. In fact, she had no idea what he was trying to teach her at all. Of all the ghosts, he confused her the most. She could sense in him an implacable tenacity, a willingness to _stand_ , but she could also sense a great gentleness in him as well, and an abiding love that radiated out from him. The tenacity was like Anakin, but combined with that sense of infinite care, she thought he was more like Padmé than anyone else she knew. The woman who cared so much about everybody, but wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer when no help was forthcoming.

 

“Listen to the Force inside you, child,” he said. “The Force is in us, as well as around us. You must listen to the whole if you are to find balance.”

 

Sighing, she closed her eyes and tried to _listen_ as instructed. What she heard, or more accurately felt, was that she was going to break the branch soon and fall. Not that she would get hurt. She could easily land lightly, using the Force to cushion her fall.

 

Then, as if thinking about it caused something to happen, the branch did break, and she fell.

 

The Guardian merely stood there, looking at her.

 

“You fell,” he said.

 

“Yes, I fell! I always fall! I don’t get it!” she yelled. “The Force in me? I know all living things have the Force inside of them, but that’s what we use to make things happen, isn’t it? We reach out the Force and change things. We don’t just… change the Force inside us or other people! That’s impossible.”

 

The Guardian laughed. Ahsoka blinked. She had never heard any of the ghosts laugh before. She was stunned into silence.

 

“Impossible, you say that word when you are here? No, this is not impossible, just knowledge so forgotten that you forgot it was lost in the first place,” he said. “Too much has been lost, for so long, you close yourself off from others, you restrict your heart. How can you stand against the darkness if you do not let the light of others join your own? If you do not know how to make your own light brighter?”

 

“Are you telling me that we can manipulate the Force in our own bodies, and in the bodies of others? And… do what? Balance on a branch? Walk on water?” Ahsoka asked, incredulous. It seemed unreal, though the Guardian had a point about her notions of ‘unreal’ and ‘impossible’ considering the past several months.

 

“Yes, to start,” he confirmed. “Will you try again?”

 

She did, and listening to her body, she heard what her body and what the Force had been telling her all along. Shifting, twisting, balancing her very _self_ , the branch did not bend under her weight, and she walked to the very tip of it before jumping down with a flourish. Laughing with delight, she jumped to a higher branch to try again.

 

As the day faded, she could barely believe what she had learned to do. It would require a lot of practice, but she could control the Force in her own body. But something else the Guardian said had been bubbling in the back of her mind the whole day.

 

“Guardian,” she said, as they walked back to the temple. “What did you mean by ‘restrict your heart’ and everything else you said earlier? It sounded like you mean that it’s wrong that the Jedi don’t allow relationships, that they advocate compassion and empathy, but not personal attachment.” She was never sure how much they knew about the galaxy beyond this planet, but it was possible that they could glean such information from her mind if not from the Force itself.

 

“It is wrong, child,” the Guardian said. “How can you stand and defend anything if you do not love it? If you love no one, what is the point of being in the universe in the first place? The Jedi avoid attachment to avoid temptation, but this is shortsighted. You do not stop a child from being hurt at all costs. Hurt is a part of life, as is temptation. As is love. We must love to learn how to love without obsession or possession. There is a danger in all things, but the greater danger is hiding from the fullness of life and the lessons it holds.”

 

Ahsoka stopped, stunned. It was against everything she had been raised to believe and know. She loved people, of course she did, and she struggled with attachment like any Padawan learner, but she knew that one day she would transcend her need for it. But the Guardian just said that love was _important_. That it was vital to life. Part of her was put off by the idea, an ingrained instinct to avoid the dangerous temptation of _loving_ that the Jedi had instilled in her. Another part of her, an older part that dimly remembered a lullaby and the warmth of falling asleep in someone’s arms, rejoiced, briefly crowed and danced and felt _free_. But no, could she? She had walked away from the Jedi, but could she walk away from habits learned so young? But these ghosts were older than the order, and had a deeper knowledge of the Force. What was right?

 

She didn’t know.

 

The Guardian had walked on a few more steps, but turned and looked at her once he noticed she had stopped.

 

“Child,” he said softly, kindly. “If your love is a gift, freely given, without expectation or demand, then you need not fear. And know that those who love you extend to you the same, precious gift. Do you not wish to return to those you love?” he asked.

 

She looked up, the sky a cascade of soft colors from the pale red to the deep, blue-black of the sunset. Some stars were already making themselves known, and soon the full galaxy would crown the sky.

 

“Yes,” she whispered, her heart feeling full to bursting as she thought of those she had had left. Anakin’s hurt, Obi-Wan’s quiet pride, Padmé’s admiration, Rex’s acceptance. “Yes, very much.”

 

* * *

 

Six months on the planet, and she had learned so much. Her fighting skill had greatly improved, and her new sabers moved with her in ways that her old ones didn’t. She could heal a great deal, though she would never be as good as Master Che. And her ability to alter the Force in her own body was remarkable. But she still could not use the Force to look into the future. The Force had only given her one series of glimpses into the future, and she wondered if that was all she would get.

 

The Seer did not like this idea. She was aloof and hard, demanding in a way that made Ahsoka nervous at times, and who interacted with Ahsoka the least of all the ghosts. She was like Master Windu, who seemed to be able to take in a situation at a glance, and who always found it wanting.

 

“Again,” the Seer said in that even tone that wasn’t angry but nevertheless communicated disapproval. Mastering her simmering irritation, Ahsoka breathed out and closed her eyes, dropping into her meditation again. She could _be_ in the Force easily now, but she could not get past the upheaval of the Force itself. The Seer had told her that she needed to feel how time itself was bound up in the Force, to find points of access to follow the thread of events forward and backward.

 

Which was great in theory, but in practice Ahsoka couldn’t figure out what ‘points of access’ were, or how to feel time itself in the Force.

 

“No, child,” the Seer said. Ahsoka opened her eyes and didn’t bother to hide her irritation now. The Seer ignored that and continued. “You cannot simply balance. To see the flow of time, you must seek a point of entry, a way to start. A place in the _now_ from which you can go forward and back.”

 

“But what is a point of entry?” Ahoska asked, finally giving up on her ability to figure out _this_ particular obscure meaning.

 

“A place or person that calls to you, that echoes in your mind,” the Seer said, as if it should have been obvious. “Finding direction only occurs when the outcome matters to you, when your soul calls to the Force for guidance and the Force answers. Have you learned nothing here? The Force exists not only in us and around us, but between us, in the space between one and an other. The space between is where the Force comes to life, child. Do you understand?”

 

“Maybe?” Ahsoka said, trying to fit her mind around the all the ideas the Seer tried to hammer into her at the same time.

 

“Try again, child. Bring your mind to bear on something that _matters_ ,” the Seer said. Ahsoka tried again, and she thought about the people she could try to find, but so many of them might, just might, sense her trying to find them. There was one, however, who was not a Force-sensitive and someone who seemed… safe.

 

 _Rex_.

 

She reached, she searched, she felt for him across the vast distances of space, and she found him, there... _Felucia_. He was tired, battered, sore from too long fighting tinnies, and… lonely. _Oh Rex,_ she thought, and her heart went out to him. Focusing on him, she could see, just on the edges, a path stretching in front of him and behind him. She followed the forward path.

 

_“Good soldiers follow orders,” Tup said, gaze unfocused, body rigid with fear and anger._

_Kamino, secrets, darkness, lies._

_“I thought I was saving him,” Fives cried, slumped over Tup’s body._

_Coruscant, a chip, death, betrayal._

_“Fives!” Rex yelled over his friend’s dying body, not wanting to believe what he was seeing. “Fives!”_

Ahoska wrenched her mind free of the vision, of the death of two of her friends, of Rex’s grief, his lonely suffering, of the horror and suspicion that the clones were a weapon in more ways than one.

 

“I need to go,” she said. “I need to save them.”

 

“Then you will go,” the Seer said.

 

“What? No, ‘stay, be mindful, finish your training’?” Ahsoka challenged, feeling raw, on edge from the horrors she had seen in the future.

 

“No, child. You have seen something that calls to your soul, and you must answer it, as you answered our call. But be wary. In striving to avoid a future, we often meet it along the way. You must know the past to know the present. Then you may change the future. But with this vision, your time here is done,” the Seer said. Suddenly, the other ghosts were there, standing around her as they had done the first day she stood in the temple.

 

“She is fierce, so she fights,” the Warrior said.

 

“She is compassionate, so she heals,” the Healer said.

 

“She is mindful, so she sees,” the Seer said.

 

“She is loving, so she protects,” the Guardian said, and Ahsoka realized that this was it. They were giving her one final blessing before she left. At that, they became one spirit again, the four aspects merging together to sleep again, or call others. She didn’t know.

 

“Go, Ahsoka Tano,” they said. “Use what you have learned here, teach, and above all, know that the Force is with you. Always.”

 

* * *

 

Back on _Grey Hawk_ , once again above the nameless planet, she gave it one last look. It was so ordinary, with its standard yellow star, and its oceans and tides and wildlife. But it was far from that. It was not like Mortis, a place she half remembered and didn’t understand. This place was older, she thought, deeper, and yet more connected to the rest of the galaxy somehow.

 

It was where she had been able to rededicate herself to the Force, if not the Jedi Order. She was no Jedi, she never would be, but she was still herself, and that was what mattered.

 

The coordinates set, she punched the hyperdrive and headed back toward the galaxy and the people she had left behind. She would find the answers to her vision, and she would save the people she loved.

 

She could do nothing less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a Jedi, but still a Force-user, and a good one at that, our girl. Yes, I made stuff up left, right, and center, but I wanted to lay the groundwork for Ahsoka having more tricks up her sleeves in future chapters, and the idea that, well, the Jedi Order at the end of the New Republic Era is not how the Jedi always were or always must be. Lots of stuff, in canon, point to it having lots of problems.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for sticking with it through these more philosophical chapters, I guess you'd call them. Rex is up next! More action! 
> 
> Chapter titles for this chapter and the previous one are from Dickinson, again. A poem about, aptly enough, leaving the church of one’s birth and rededicating one’s self to God in adulthood and on one’s own terms.
> 
> I'm ceded—I've stopped being Theirs—  
> The name They dropped upon my face  
> With water, in the country church  
> Is finished using, now,  
> And They can put it with my Dolls,  
> My childhood, and the string of spools,  
> I've finished threading—too—
> 
> Baptized, before, without the choice,  
> But this time, consciously, of Grace—  
> Unto supremest name—  
> Called to my Full—The Crescent dropped—  
> Existence's whole Arc, filled up,  
> With one—small Diadem—
> 
> My second Rank—too small the first—  
> Crowned—Crowing—on my Father's breast—  
> A half unconscious Queen—  
> But this time—Adequate—Erect,  
> With Will to choose,  
> or to reject,  
> And I choose, just a Crown—


	4. Chapter 3: Who win, and nations do not see

The 501st was due to ship out soon, and in the aftermath of everything, Rex needed a new captain. He had been notified of his commander status that morning, a standard message from GAR HQ, and that left a bit of a hole in the chain of command.

 

He didn’t want one of the shiny captains out of Kamino. He wanted an experienced soldier, someone he could trust to see to a whole Company without any worry. There was only one brother for the job.

 

Rex pinged Cody, and luckily his fellow commander was available to talk.

 

“Need a favor, Cody,” Rex said without preamble. “I need Coric back.” Cody nodded, understanding without having to be told.

 

“You got him. I’ll put it through now, and see if he can hitch on another ship to meet you at your next post,” Cody said, already filling out the form.

 

“I owe you one,” Rex said.

 

“It works out. This way I can promote Waxer and keep him here. General Kenobi likes working with him, and Jedi do like familiarity,” Cody said, then his eyes widened as he realized what he said. “ _Stang_. Rex,” he started, but stopped. Brothers sometimes didn’t need to say anything, and in those two words Cody said everything he needed to say. Rex shook his head.

 

“Appreciate the thought, Cody. But we’ll manage,” he said. “Thanks again for Coric.”

 

“He’ll be happy to be back in the 501st, I’m sure,” Cody said. They signed off, not saying good-bye. Clones never said good-bye, at least not to each other. _If we started,_ Rex thought, _we’d never stop._

 

* * *

 

They were headed to Anzat, a Sep world too damn close to Handooine, where they built a good portion of the Republic Fleet. Orders were to make a play for Anzat and derail the Sep fleet headed to the Republic shipyards. It was also the first mission without Ahsoka.

 

Rex was thankful for Coric. The familiar face seemed to help the General, and Rex knew the other man was an experienced captain now. Someone who had earned the title the hard way. The General... had not been well otherwise.

 

Rex had seen General Skywalker arrive at the launch, not from the direction of the Jedi Temple, but from where the Senators had their apartments. Rex idly wondered how anyone missed Skywalker’s relationship with the Senator from Naboo, but if right now that helped keep the man on in his game, Rex didn’t particularly mind.

 

 _Hell_ , he thought, _we all miss her, but damn you for walking around like you’re the only one who cares_. Clenching his teeth, Rex shoved that thought down, far, far down and fast so the General wouldn’t notice. He had learned how easily Jedi could sense things, especially things about them. Eyeing Skywalker, the man seemed preoccupied with his own thoughts, so he had escaped detection.

 

Angry at himself, because men were counting on him for their lives, Rex focused on the mission.

 

“General Skywalker, we will need to have you lead the fighter assault with Gold Squadron before joining the ground forces,” Admiral Yularen said, his polished tones making him sound as unflustered as ever. “The Azant don’t have much in the way of space defenses, but they have enough that our ground teams will need cover.”

 

“Thank you, Admiral,” Skywalker said, as he examined the holo-image detailing the battle plan, as calm and controlled as ever on the surface. But the other man had withdrawn from his troops lately, so Rex had little enough intel to work with there. “Commander Rex will run point on the ground assault. It will be a three-pronged attack, Rex. Power plant, military base, and the palace,” he said, tapping them off on the display. “We need to put pressure on the ruling caste in order to get them to call off the attack on Handooine, and we can’t do that without cutting the city’s power or tying up their military to give us a shot.” Skywalker turned to face him. “This won’t be easy, Rex, and it’ll cost us.”

 

“Never is, sir, and always does,” he said. “But it’ll be worse if the shipyards are destroyed. I’ll get Fives and Echo to scout for us, and Coric and I will draw up teams for your review, sir.”

 

“Sounds good, Rex,” Skywalker said.

 

“Well, then, gentlemen, if there is nothing else, I suggest we get to work,” Yularen said. Rex saluted and went to find his ARC-troopers and his captain. He had a job to do.

 

* * *

 

Rex checked his HUD, getting the streaming data from all his troopers and the direct line to Coric, Tup, and his two ARC-troopers. Rex had divided his troops according to their particular talents. Coric had Fives, and they were headed to the power planet to inflict maximum damage. They were both excellent at that, and Rex didn’t miss the sly looks of glee on their faces. Tup and Echo were off to the local military base to lock it down. It required a bit more finesse, especially because Rex wanted to avoid a full-scale slaughter of sentient life. Clankers, and Rex would have just firebombed the whole damn base, but it made the Republic look bad, doing that, with sentient beings.

 

Rex had Jesse with him, as a newly promoted sergeant, and Kix as well. The medic was the best in the 501st, and the run on the palace would be even more delicate than the military base. Rex didn’t want any of the high profile civvies dying on him. That would probably only stiffen Azant resolve instead of cowing them into calling their fleet home.

 

They hit atmosphere and the gunship shook, rumbling in the turbulence. On instinct, Rex gripped the handle tighter. The timing had to be perfect. The power plant had to go a split second before the teams hit the other two targets.

 

“Talk to me, Coric,” he said.

 

“Closing on the target, Commander,” Coric said. “One minute until contact.”

 

“Good man,” Rex said. “Silent comms start now.” With the flick of an eye, Rex closed all voice comms. The data transmission wouldn’t be noticed, but too much voice chatter and keeping a channel open would certainly ping someone’s alarm bells.

 

They were coming in hot, but then they always did, and Rex watched the feed from the pilot’s helmet. The gunship swooped down, Jinx running them as close as possible to the treeline, hopefully too close for the scanners to pick them up clearly. Between that and the distraction Skywalker was providing above, should give them an opening.

 

They were close to the palace now, coming over the city. By now they knew the assault was coming, but if Coric and Fives had done their job, there wouldn’t be enough power for the palace laser cannons to work.

 

Since they weren’t blown out of the sky, Rex supposed it was a job well done.

 

The gunships rose up and over the palace wall and disgorged troopers by the score into the main courtyard. As always, Rex’s boots were the first to hit the ground. Dodging fire from the palace guards, he led the charge, a pistol in each hand, firing with deadly accuracy.

 

Using hand signals, he directed Jesse to take a squad around to the far entrance, to prevent them from being surprised by any latecomers to the party. Then Rex led the main body of Torrent Company up and in. They didn’t have to really take the palace, just make it look good enough to make everyone inside nervous.

 

“Clankers!” Jesse shouted, breaking comm-silence. Ordinarily, Rex would be annoyed, but checking on Jesse’s feed, he saw SBDs and Droidekas in addition to the regular battle droids. Good reason for breaking silence, then.

 

Making the ruling council of Azant nervous was about to get a lot more difficult.

 

Since comm-silence was already out the window, he opened the channels. “Coric, Tup, status!” he barked while using signals to get Torrent Company in position to defend the gunships and try to break through the droid units forming up, and looking for a place for better cover. They were too exposed in this courtyard. Might have to abandon the gunships and hope for rescue instead of trying to keep them intact.

 

“Power station down, sir!” Coric said. “Light resistance only.”

 

“Get the civvies out, and blow it,” Rex ordered.

 

“Yes, sir!” Fives broke in.

 

“Military base not secured yet, sir,” Tup said. “They had a backup power supply we didn’t know about!”

 

“Fives, Coric, back up Tup, we’ll hold here until you can get to us,” Rex ordered, and then turned his full attention to his own problem. The droids for the most part were stupid, at least. The sheer numbers were always more of a problem, but they could make it into the palace. It would be risky. They would be fighting droids, guards, and the locals, but it wouldn’t be a killing field.

 

“Into the palace!” he ordered. Torrent Company decamped and retreated in an orderly fashion to the palace. Rex kept a weather eye on the advancing line of droids, and quickly used his new commander status to access the gunship systems from his HUD.

 

Smiling grimly, he waited for the first line of tinnies to pass the gunships. Then he triggered the autodestruct. The explosion was rather impressive. In quick succession, he set the rest of the gunships off.

 

“Sorry about that boys, but I figure we were owed new ones anyway,” he said, and that earned him around of chuckles.

 

“Never liked the paint job on that one anyway,” Jinx said.

 

* * *

 

They had been fighting in the palace for what felt like hours, though Rex knew it was only twenty minutes. Coric and Fives were still tied up helping Tup keep the Azanti military tied up, and while the droids were easy enough to deal with once inside the palace, the clone troopers were up against a native population as well. One that knew their way around this damn maze.

 

“We need to find a place to hole up, sir,” Kix said. “Our wounded can’t keep moving with us.”

 

“They back us into a corner and its all over, Kix,” Rex said in a rare lull in the action. “We need to get to the main council chambers. That’s where they should be.” At least it was where the ruling council should be according to the intel they had. His map of the palace indicated only two more floors to go.

 

“I know that, sir,” Kix said. “I know, but…”

 

“One more push, Kix. Can they make it through that?” he asked.

 

Kix looked over their wounded. Not many, but enough. More were dead. “I think so, sir.”

 

“Alright. Move out!” he ordered. And his men stood, readied their weapons, and followed him into the fray.   He charged up the stairs, blasted open the doors, and laid down cover fire as the other troopers charged up after him. The guards went down. The men covering the rear held off the Droidekas, rolling those poppers with pin-point precision.

 

Luckily, the stairs were bit difficult for the SBDs, and made their ponderous progress that much slower.

 

“Go! Go! Go!” Rex shouted, and they rounded the next staircase, keeping the wounded men in the center. Their boots rang sharply on the stone, and the last few guards when down hard, exchanging fire with the men while Rex held off the battle droids finally making a push for their position.

 

“Get in the council chambers! No unnecessary casualties!” he ordered, and Jesse and his squad broke through the doors, Kix and the wounded men close on their heels. Rex backed into the chambers, flanked by two other troopers, Jinx and Ven, and they blasted away at the droids until they were firmly in the room.

 

Jesse shut the doors as soon as they were over the threshold and jammed the console. Rex hoped that the droids had enough programming to not try breaking into a hostage situation, at least not by force. It would buy them a few minutes.

 

Finally able to spare a moment, Rex took in the situation. It looked like the whole ruling council of Azant was here, the Triarchs standing tall and icy in their indignation.

 

“You _dare?_ Vile clone!” the oldest of them spat at Rex. Rex had heard worse.

 

“Orders,” he said, not caring to get into a debate with someone who thought him as some kind of human-droid equivalent. He opened the comms again.

 

“Coric, Tup, where are you?” he asked.

 

“The base is secure, sir,” Tup answered. “The Captain arrived just in time to keep us from being driven out. But I’m not sure if we can leave them without heavy casualties.”

 

“Noted. Make your preparations to move out when we get the word,” Rex ordered.

 

“But sir,” Tup started.

 

“Follow your orders, Tup,” Rex said, and closed that comm channel. He opened another. “General, could use a pick up, if you don’t mind.”

 

“How long can you hold out, Rex?” Skywalker asked, and Rex could hear the strain in his voice. The Azant pilots were better than anyone had expected, it seems.

 

“That depends, sir. How long do you think we can keep droids out of the council chambers when we’ve got the Triarchs, effectively, held hostage?” Rex asked.

 

There was silence for a moment.

 

“Rex. Do you do this to me for fun?” the General asked.

 

“I wouldn’t want you to get bored, now, sir,” Rex answered.

 

“Always thoughtful, Rex,” Skywalker said, the sarcasm oozing through the comms. In spite of himself, Rex smiled. Skywalker might have his own problems, but he was still a good General. He didn’t loose sight of the fact that his troopers were men, not just clones. “Let me talk to Yularen, we’ll pull your hide out of the fire yet, Rex.”

 

“Appreciate the effort either way, sir,” Rex said.

 

* * *

 

It was a near thing.

 

The droids clearly had programming to not bust into a hostage situation, but they knew that the clones wouldn’t just execute powerful and prominent political figures. So they were chipping away at the electronics problem. But the troopers were running out of time.

 

Rex had been considering the structure of the place, going through the maps on his HUD, and something about this room was bothering him. _There_ , he thought, _murder holes? How old is this place?_

 

Still. It was a place to snipe from.

 

“Jesse,” he called. “Take your squad and keep yourselves occupied. I can’t stand seeing troopers idle.” He commed the details to Jesse, who saluted smartly, with just enough of a flourish to indicate his amusement.

 

“Yes, sir!” Jesse said, “Beta squad, with me!” They climbed up the wall and found the old access panels, and crawled through the openings. Before too long, Rex heard the satisfying sound of blaster fire and destroyed tinnies. That was when Rex noticed the Triarchs starting to get nervous.

 

The longer they held, the more nervous they got. Rex had, after all, intentionally _not_ searched them for comms. The mission was to make them nervous and recall the fleet. They couldn’t recall the fleet without comms. So. A little intentional incompetence was sometimes necessary.

 

“Rex,” Skywalker said, opening the comm channel not long after Jesse’s squad cleared out the entryway. “Get ready to get out. I just got word the fleet is coming back to clear us out.”

 

“Acknowledged, sir,” Rex said.

 

When the gunships arrived to take them away, Rex was the last one on, and as they rose into the sky, he couldn’t help but give the Triarchs a little salute.

 

“Good job, Rex,” Skywalker said. “We have just enough time to redeploy and signal Obi-Wan into the system. We can take care of the Azant fleet once and for all and permanently remove a threat to Handooine.”

 

“Thank you, sir,” Rex said. “All part of the job.” Skywalker nodded, and went back to arranging the ambush.

 

* * *

 

There were more missions, seemingly endless. They worked with General Kenobi a fair amount, General Koon as well. But every drop, every run, every narrow scrape, Skywalker withdrew from the men more and more. Had it been anyone else, Rex wouldn’t have bothered to notice, but this was _Skywalker_. He ate with his troopers, talked to them, knew about them.

 

Now the man moved among his own troopers like any of the other generals, slightly apart.

 

Ahsoka hadn’t asked Rex to look after Skywalker. She knew he’d do it anyway, and she was right, but he didn’t do it just for Skywalker or because it was part of his conditioning. He did it for the men under his command who needed their general back, and the young woman who left them all behind.

 

It was late, ship time, and they were headed back to Coruscant. They weren’t often back on the city-planet, the heart of the Republic, what with the GAR being spread thinner and thinner these days. But that didn’t undercut the need for some down time for those who fought, even if it was only one day, which also was a resupply and refit.

 

Rex wandered down to the training rooms in the belly of the massive ship, which is where he expected to find his general. And there he was, lightsaber in hand, a breathtaking and terrible display of raw power, but there was something off about the picture without Ahsoka in it. Rex couldn’t help but remember watching them train together, a blur of speed, blue and green blades spinning and deadly but never out of control. They had been glorious.

 

Waiting patiently, Rex, watched as Skywalker finished up the form and came to a halt, not even breathing hard. Skywalker looked up and saw his commander standing there and frowned.

 

“Rex, there a problem?” he asked.

 

“Not quite the way you think, sir,” Rex said. Skywalker raised an eyebrow at him, and for a second his old general was back, but it was gone too quick, replaced by the distant man he had become.

 

“Say what you mean, Rex,” he said tiredly.

 

“Figure you could stand to hit something, sir, something a bit more satisfying than clankers,” Rex said.

 

“You’re offering yourself up for me to _hit you?_ ” Skywalker asked, incredulous. It was then Rex’s turn to quirk his eyebrow, and he threw in a sharp smile for good measure.

 

“I wasn’t planning on making it easy for you, sir,” he said. Then he threw some hand tape at Skywalker, who caught it easily. Rex removed his shirt and was wrapping up his hands.

 

“I’m not going to fight you, Rex. It wouldn’t be fair.”

 

“Don’t use the Force, then, sir,” Rex said, checking over his tape. “And you might want to tape up your hands.”

 

“Rex,” he started, and Rex threw the first punch. He had anticipated that Skywalker would refuse to fight, but once his pride had been nudged, he would get over it. Skywalker dodged easily, and Rex saw the glint in the other man’s eye as he swung back.

 

Ducking under the wild swing, Rex grinned, satisfied in his assessment of the general, and knowing it would egg the other man on. Hands protecting his head, Rex ducked and weaved Skywalker’s first assault. The man was _fast_ , even if he wasn’t pulling on the Force, but Rex was fast too, the limits of human speed fast.

 

And Skywalker wasn’t a brawler, but a swordsman. Close hand-to-hand, while likely taught to Jedi, was not the focus. The general over extended, and Rex caught him in the ribs with a quick hook punch, and when Skywalker instinctively flinched, Rex kept up the pressure with more body punches, driving Skywalker back.

 

But in Rex’s push, he had to leave his head unprotected. Ducking, but not fast enough, Skywalker’s fist connected with his head. Ears ringing, Rex got his hands back up, and it was Skywalker’s turn to push. It went like that for a time, the two men trading blows back and forth, until Skywalker flipped Rex onto his back.

 

Not one to be outdone, Rex tangled his legs with Skywalker’s, bringing the other man down to the floor with a heavy thud. Scrambling, they each tried to go for a finishing hold, but neither could manage it, both tired, pushing near to the limits of Jedi and clone endurance.

 

At some point, Skywalker seemed to catch on to what exactly was going on, and he tapped the mat, signaling the end of their sparring session. Exhausted, both of them flopped down on the mat, bleeding and bruised.

 

“How the kriff are we going to explain this to Kix?” Skywalker asked.

 

“Got Bacta patches for us here. We’ll be fine by morning,” Rex said. Skywalker rolled his head and gave his commander an amused look. Rex shrugged. “Being a CO has some perks.”

 

They were silent for a time, each of them trying to work up the will to move and wondering exactly how much it would hurt when they did so. Eventually, they got up and dragged themselves to Rex’s supplies, and they applied the med patches. Sitting next to each other on the floor, they waited for the Bacta to do its job.

 

“You aren’t the only one who misses her, you know,” Rex said into the silence. _That_ surprised Skywalker, and he turned to look sharply at his commander. “Might help if you spent more time with the men, sir, like you used to. You aren’t alone, sir. None of us are, and for all that you’re a Jedi, you’re part of the 501 st, too.”

 

For a second, for a moment, for a heartbeat, Rex thought Skywalker might return to himself, might let go of that Jedi detachment he was holding to all the tighter these days (more than Kenobi, even, if Cody’s reports were right). Rex thought he might get his friend back. Then Rex watched the other man close himself off, building the walls behind his eyes.

 

“The war isn’t going well, Rex. Everyone knows, but no one’s saying anything, and I keep seeing.... I can’t… I can’t afford to be attached anymore. I know it sounds harsh, and I will never forget that you’re all good men as well as fine soldiers. But I need to be a Jedi, now more than ever,” he said, and to Rex’s mind it sounded like something Skywalker had been telling himself over and over until it became a fact in his mind.

 

So Rex had his answer. Skywalker would remain professional, he would do his job, but he would continue to remain a man apart. Rex might not be the most emotionally reflective of men, but he knew the folly of Skywalker’s actions, but there was little he could do if his general refused all help. Rex wasn’t like Ahsoka, who could slide past someone’s defenses to heal and offer hope. He only had his own blunt way of doing things, and clearly it wasn’t enough.

 

“See you tomorrow, Rex,” Skywalker said, standing and walking away. “But Rex,” he stopped and looked over his shoulder. “Thank you, at least, for trying.”

 

“Sir,” Rex said, letting it go at that. Rex sat for a moment, and thought he might understand, on some level how Skywalker felt. The battles they did win were fewer and further between these days, and harder won, making the victories feel a little bit hollow. The Republic could only see the failures, scared citizens crying out that the clone troopers weren’t doing a good enough job to keep them safe. The losses were heavier, and it seemed like there was no relief in sight. And there they were, men, simple men, entrusted with the lives of so many others. He could feel the darkness closing in, and how much worse must it be for a Jedi? It didn’t bear thinking on.

 

Rex knew what it was to feel alone, in spite of the company of his brothers, and inexplicably lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, that mostly covers what Rex was up to while Ahsoka was off learning to be more of a BAMF. More horrific, futile fighting. Nothing like all of us knowing how the war is going to end to add that extra poignancy. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking through the solo chapters! Rex and Ahoska reunite in the next chapter. Kind of.


	5. Chapter 4: For such the angels go

They walked along the streets of the city, crowded with refugees from the recent fighting. Chandar had recently been liberated by the Republic from the Seppies, and the 501st and the 212nd were there for a single rotation to rest up before they went their separate ways, and to kickstart the relief effort.

 

There were children everywhere, unattached, unattended, and unnoticed. All too common in the aftermath of a battle, of any occupation, families separated, destroyed, torn apart until nothing was left but sorrowful eyes, empty bellies, and broken hearts.

 

Keeping the hood of the cloak about her face, Ahsoka looked for a likely child, one that had a spring in its step, one that looked like it could eel between the crowds and wouldn’t give up. At the mouth of an alley, among a group of children, she saw a boy with bright eyes and ready smile, in spite of the bombed out building behind him.

 

“Hey,” she called, and the little pack looked up as one, and tracked her with wary expressions. “I only need a package delivered,” she said, holding out a small cloth pouch. The bright-eyed boy stepped forward, clearly the little leader of this gang.

 

“Cash creds, no ‘lectronic creds,” he demanded.

 

“Done,” she said, and dropped some creds into to boy’s hand. At the amount his eyes went wide. “For sharing,” she explained, and couldn’t help but smile as the boy doled out the credits to his friends.

 

“Who you want it delivered to?” he asked.

 

“You’ll know him when you see him,” she said, quickly pressing two fingers to the boy’s forehead, putting an impression of the recipient in his mind. Quick as a breath, it was done, and she dropped the pouch into his hand. With that, the children scattered, and she hoped she wouldn’t have to wait too long.

 

“You sure that was a good idea?” her companion asked. He was tall, also cloaked, but he had an easy way about him even if he was constantly scanning the crowd for threats.

 

“They won’t remember this, Mereel,” she assured him. “Besides, we tried it Ordo’s way, but we couldn’t crack the code. This is my last chance to save those I can, to stop… what I saw.” She looked around, satisfied that they had not attracted undue notice. “We should get to the rendezvous point.” She started walking off, and could only just hear him mutter under his breath.

 

“ _Haar’Jetti!_ ” he grumbled in Mando’a. She smiled. Working with Null-ARC’s had been challenging, and while a few months ago that would have been a curse in earnest, now it was down graded to habituated exasperation.

 

* * *

 

Rex walked through the blasted out cityscape, surveying the relief effort when one of the ubiquitous small urchins called out to him.

 

“Sir! Sir, you dropped this!” the boy called, holding out a small pouch. Frowning, Rex knew he hadn’t dropped any such thing, but whatever it was, it was wrapped in a fine, silky cloth, tied neatly with a string. Training demanded that he check if it was a bomb or some other threat, but that would require detaining the boy, and something ( _a hunch, instinct, a wild guess?_ ) told him that it wasn’t likely to kill him.

 

Besides, it was a bit too subtle to be a droid assassination attempt. Those tended to be rather direct.

 

“Give it here, then,” Rex said, opening his hand. The child stopped just short, and clutched the pouch closely to him with one hand and held out the other.

 

“Creds first!” he demanded. _The cheeky barve!_ Rex thought, and not necessarily unkindly. Dropping a few hard credits into the boy’s hand, the boy examined them and apparently found them satisfactory. He handed over the pouch without any further qualms and disappeared into the crowd.

 

Closing his hand around the pouch, Rex found a secluded spot to open it. He undid ties and tipped the contents into his hand. Shocked was too simple a word to describe how he felt when Ahsoka’s akul-tooth headdress fell into his hand. Instantly, his mind exploded with possibilities: _she was in trouble, she was being held hostage, she was here, she needed him, or she was dead and this was all that was left, given to him for some unfathomable reason._

 

Then his mind was filled with other visions, something not of his own mind’s making. _Ahoska, her blue eyes older and wiser than when he last saw her, standing in a dingy one-room apartment. Back, a hallway, down stairs, looking up, like it was a holovid in reverse. Outside, a door, a street, a district._

_“You better come quickly, Rexter,” he heard her say, her voice become mellow now. “We don’t have much time.”_

 

The visions let him go, and he shook his head to clear the last of it. Tucking the headdress into a pouch at his belt, he made his way to the place he had been shown. He didn’t run, he knew better than that. If she had contacted him in this round about way, it was because she couldn’t do it openly. That also meant he would have to not report in.

 

But he didn’t question her summons. There was no point. He knew that when Ahsoka Tano called, he’d be there.

 

* * *

 

The knock on the door startled her out of her meditation. Mereel took up a position beside the door, giving her a quick questioning look. She stood, and able to feel who it was on the other side of the door, she ignored Mereel’s tension and flung it open.

 

“Hey Rex,” she said, and smiled. She couldn’t help it, seeing him again, she cataloged all the small differences. He was tired, she saw, stretched thin, but he was still Rex. Still the same solid, grounded presence that been a part of her life since she was a Padawan.

 

“Ahsoka,” he said, and he smiled slowly in return, as though he hadn’t quite believed that she was really here on this planet, that she was standing in front of him right now. That smile, slightly crooked and making his eyes just a little bit soft, it felt like home.

 

Caught up in her own reaction to him, unexpected in its depth, she left the door open a bit too long. Mereel poked his head in, and she found it intensely unwelcome.

 

“Well, that was nice, but we should probably get him inside before the neighbors talk,” he said. Rex was startled for only a second, and then used his arm as a bar across Mereel’s chest and shoved the bigger clone back into the room, kicking the door closed behind him. Ahsoka was forced to jump out of their way.

 

“Rex!” she called. “Mereel’s a friend, he and the Nulls have been helping me,” she said. Mereel, thankfully looking more amused than offended, stepped back and held his hands out in a placating gesture.

 

“You should listen to her, _vod’ika_ ,” Mereel said. “I’ve been very helpful.” And Ahsoka cursed the fact that sometimes Mereel just _had_ to make certain things into innuendo.

 

“What?” Rex growled, his hands clenching into fists.

 

“Mereel, you are not helping now,” Ahsoka said tersely. She stood in front of Rex, taking up his field of vision, demanding his focus by her sheer proximity. “Don’t mind Mereel. He can’t help but say that kind of thing, and he thinks its funny. He’s here to help me. Here’s here to help me help you and the other _vod’e_.”

 

“Help us? How? With what?” Rex asked, sparing a murderous glance at Mereel, who seemed too smug by half.

 

“That’s… a long story. Mereel, give us the room,” she said.

 

“Oh, its like that, well. That explains why she kept turning me down. You’re a lucky man, _vod’ika_ ,” Mereel said with a nasty smirk as he made his escape.

 

“Don’t worry about him, Rex. Mereel’s never met a woman shaped object he didn’t flirt with,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I think he does it out of habit at this point.”

 

“Right,” Rex said, eyeing the door warily. It didn’t take Jedi senses to see that Rex was put on edge by the Null-ARC. “How the _kriff_ did you get the Null-ARCs to work with you? They’re very… Mandalorian.”

 

“They needed someone with my particular skills, but couldn’t go to the Jedi Council. We worked together for mutual benefit,” she said. “But like I said, it’s a long story, and we don’t have much time.”

 

“You’ve got to tell me _something_ , Ahsoka,” Rex said, sighing, retreating into himself, crossing his arms in front of his chest. And she realized that for all that he had accepted her leaving, he might have been more hurt by it than she knew. Or that showing up with a Null might have made him feel on edge.

 

“That’s fair,” she said. “Come on, let’s sit. I’ll give you the quick version, and then we’ll have to work quickly.” There wasn’t much furniture in the room, a bed, a small table with two rickety chairs that she knew from experience were highly uncomfortable, and a chest of drawers shoved up against the kitchen counter. The bed seemed too terribly intimate, though once upon a time she never would have thought so. And she didn’t want to sit across from him at a table with chairs likely to collapse underneath them.

 

Unsure for the first time in his company, she opted for sitting on the floor against the bed. With only a slight hesitation, he sat next to her, his long legs splayed out in front of him. She followed suit, her leggings and bare feet in sharp contrast to the hardness of his white plastoid armor.

 

And then she talked.

 

* * *

 

Rex couldn’t stop looking at her. When the door opened and she was standing there, large as life, his first thought had been the sheer enjoyment of seeing her again. For a moment it was like no time had passed at all, because she was _here_ and _alive_ and _real_.

 

Then the Null had ruined it. Damn the man, even if he was a brother, for how he acted. According to Ahsoka he was rather the ladies man, and some of his implications had made Rex want to punch him in the face. Not that such an encounter would end well for Rex. The Nulls were made bigger and stronger and nastier than the standard clone, though that made him want to punch the other man all the more.

 

At least Ahsoka knew well enough not to fall for it, if the Null-ARC’s comments were anything to go by.

 

Still, there she was, sitting next to him. Taller, her face less round, voice more steady and sure, her montrals taking on their adult height even as her lekku had lengthened. But her eyes were still the same impossible blue, her smile was the same fierce grin when her canines showed, and for all that she was older and wiser, she was still the same bright presence that had helped lead the 501st through some dark moments.

 

Somewhere, out there, in the past year, Ahsoka Tano had grown up, and part of him felt like he’d been hit by a ton of durasteel realizing it.

 

“So, let me get this straight,” he said, because for all that he had been somewhat distracted by her, he could still pay attention. “You went out to this nameless planet, learned ancient Force techniques from four ghosts, and then had a vision of the future where Tup and Fives die?”

 

“Well, when you say it like that, it sounds insane,” she drawled, favoring him with a sarcastic expression.

 

“It is insane, but not as crazy as you making contact with the Null-ARCs, breaking into Kamino and investigating these chips,” he countered. She shrugged.

 

“They needed to get into the facility without being noticed, and I could get the access codes without anyone noticing anything. Apparently, some ancient Force techniques are really good for infiltration,” she said. “Anyway, they tried to hack the chips, but they’re bio-tech. Their contacts haven’t come through with a hack either, and there’s nothing that can stop the signal. We’ve tried.”

 

“Any idea what they do?” he asked. This was the big question, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer. Sure, the creation of the clone army was somewhat of a mystery, but he had been trained not to worry about it. Follow orders, do the job, protect the Republic because the Republic was right. That was what he knew. Though, he had learned, learned the hard way the Republic was not everything it seemed or wanted to be.

 

Ahsoka turned to him, her legs tucking up underneath her, and she put a hand on his shoulder. She seemed almost afraid to tell him, worried for him, worried about what his reaction would be.

 

“Considering they’re placed near the frontal lobe, we think they’re meant to compel obedience. It looks like they’re set to cut off higher order reasoning and independent thinking. They’ll practically lobotomize you, Rex. All of you,” she said, and her eyes were infinitely sad, sad for him and his brothers, he realized.

 

He shook his head. “No, they… they wouldn’t… Yes, they would,” he said in a low, horrified voice. “Someone would. We’re too perfect a weapon not to use like that. Who, who authorized it? When are they put in?”

 

“In embryonic development,” she said. “And we don’t know who authorized it. We only barely got the information on the chip’s existence. The Nulls had figured out something wasn’t right, but they couldn’t tell what. So that’s why we had to go to the source.”

 

“Didn’t Master Tii sense you on Kamino?” he asked. She shook her head.

 

“I can mask my presence. That’s why Skyguy, Master Skywalker, doesn’t know I’m here, Rex. You can’t tell him. If he knew about this, you know him, he’d go charging in and try to _fix_ it. I’m here to help Tup and the 501 st. The Null’s are trying to fix the problem before it becomes a problem, to deactivate all the chips out at once so no one has a chance to stop them.”

 

Rex didn’t have the heart to tell her that he wasn’t sure how well he knew the general anymore, but he could guess that Skywalker wouldn’t take kindly to the clones being made more like slaves than they already were. Rex was one of the few people, and the only trooper, who knew anything about the general’s past, and slavery certainly made him intensely angry. Not without good reason, though.

 

“You’re right,” he admitted. “So what’s the plan?”

 

“Remove the chip from Tup, that’s priority one. Then as many others as we can until you ship out. Mereel reprogramed a medical droid to do the procedure, and I can heal the incision site. No one will be able to tell anything happened unless they did a level five brain scan,” she said.

 

“Then I better round up the men we can trust to keep quiet about this,” he said, feeling a bitter twist in his heart. “How do I choose what brothers to save, Ahsoka? The shinies, they’d go running to a general over this. It will be old hands only, and it just… seems wrong.”

 

He could only stare at his hands, feeling like he was a failure as a commander no matter what call he made. They were blunt hands, a soldier’s hands, and they seemed inadequate for this task; _he_ seemed inadequate for the task. Then a slim, burnt-orange hand slipped into his own, strong and sure, though slightly cool to the touch.

 

“We save who we can, Rex,” she said, and he felt her other arm across his shoulders, and her forehead rest against his head, the sorrow in her voice an echo to his own. “That’s all we’ve ever been able to do.”

 

“Doesn’t make it easier,” he said, relaxing against her, and he was reminded of the time after Umbara, when she had healed that hurt in his soul.

 

“Never does,” she agreed. They sat there for a few moments, taking a small measure of reassurance in the presence of each other, in the fact that they had one last mission together. Then, as if by silent agreement, they rose and parted. Ahsoka went to find Mereel and make the ad-hoc medical facility ready. Rex went to find the handful of men he knew he could trust with his life in the face of Republic programming and the sometimes overwhelming instinct to obey. Men who had learned to put brothers first.

 

* * *

 

“Ahoska!” Echo exclaimed, rushing toward her and hugging her for all he was worth. He was followed in quick succession by everyone in their turn. No group hug like when she left, they all seemed determined to have just a moment of her time for themselves. She greeted each of them in their turn, and then they looked at her expectantly. Then she realized that they didn’t know why they were here. She frowned at Rex, who only shrugged.

 

“All I had to say was that you were here,” Rex said, “and they couldn’t be stopped. Said they could hear the reason from you directly.”

 

Ahoska smiled softly, her heart feeling so full in that moment. They were all here, and she was grateful that they were alive. Echo with his earnest ways, in stark contrast to Fives and his easy manner. Tup, quiet and serious, but kind. Jesse, shy but sweet. Kix, dedicated to his brothers. She smiled brightly at seeing Coric again, back with the 501st. Cody was also here, along with a clone she hadn’t met, but had introduced himself as Waxer: he felt safe, compassionate.

 

“Quite a party, _jetti’ika_ ,” Mereel said, stepping into the improvised med-bay, the stolen medic droid in tow. “They know the score?”

 

All the clones tensed as Mereel appeared: they knew a Null when they saw one and knew they were nothing good. And none of them liked how familiar he was with their former commander. Ahsoka sensed the tension immediately, and held up her hands.

 

“Cool your afterburners, boys,” she said, and like old times they all relaxed, trusting her so implicitly that it made her heart ache. Then she told them about the chip, and at first only Fives seemed inclined to believe her, until Mereel told them about getting his own chip removed. After that, Rex stepped forward, making the call for his men, as always.

 

“I’ve given it some thought,” he said. “Tup, you go first. You’re the one who has the most problems in the future, according to Ahsoka’s visions. I don’t want to take any chances with you. Then the rest of us. Kix, you’ll go last. You watch the procedure, learn it.”

 

“I’ll be able to heal each of you afterwards,” Ahoska said. “So there won’t be any scaring, and I can use the Force to stimulate your hair growth. You’ll look like yourselves come morning. We cannot raise any suspicions.”

 

“But,” Fives started. “If this chip is really going to go off, if all the clones are in danger, we have to try to figure it out.”

 

“No, Fives,” she said. “The Nulls and I will be working on it, but if anyone else starts looking under rocks, that could put you all at more risk. I came here to change the future I saw, not to make it happen.” Fives looked like he would press it further, but Rex put a hand on his shoulder.

 

“We trust her with this, Fives,” Rex said, giving Ahsoka a nod. “She’s earned it how many times over?” Fives held Rex’s gaze for a moment, then nodded.

 

“We’re all yours, Ahsoka,” the ARC-trooper said. “Lets get this over with.”

 

* * *

 

The droid was just finishing up with Kix, and Rex watched, making sure his men were all right. Cody sidled up next to him, the operation scar gone like everyone else, and his hair already growing back.

 

“How you holding up?” he asked. Rex shrugged.

 

“Finding out that we’re a loaded blaster for an unknown person and that the Republic _isn’t_ the good guy we were trained to believe it to be?” he drawled. “I’ve had worse.” What could he say? Rex had been disillusioned in more ways than one since his first battle, and since Ahsoka had told him about everything, he had already been dealing with it. Cody and the others would adjust, they always did. One benefit of being able to handle as much stress as they did. Cody shook his head, though.

 

“Not what I meant, Rex,” Cody said, and tilted his head in Ahsoka’s direction. At that Rex kept his expression as blank as possible. Cody sighed. “Have it your way, but don’t have regrets. See you back at the barracks.” Cody nodded to Waxer and they left, and the other men said their good-byes to Ahsoka as well. It seemed like a damn conspiracy, all of them leaving him alone with her.

 

And Mereel.

 

Ahsoka had noticed it as well, and instead of looking annoyed or embarrassed she seemed… amused, and just a little bit pleased if her lekku’s colors were anything to go by. She turned to Mereel and spoke softly, though his ears were good enough to hear it anyway: “I’ll meet you back at the ship.”

 

“Won’t wait for you, Ahsoka,” he said. She grinned sharply.

 

“As usual. Go, I’ll be there in time,” she insisted. Mereel shrugged and left, but as he left, he caught Rex’s eye and inclined his head sharply. Rex returned the gesture. He still didn’t like the Null-ARC, but he respected and, reluctantly, trusted the other clone.

 

Then he was alone with Ahsoka. Again. And had to say good-bye. Again.

 

He considered the warehouse turned impromptu medical facility, its plastic sheeting and sterile table somehow making the patina of grime and neglect in the rest of the building all the worse. Straightening, he shook his head, trying to dislodge the feeling of subtle horror the scene presented.

 

“Let’s get out of here,” he said, and she nodded after taking one last look at the place, her expression mirroring his own ill-ease with the place.

 

“Know any nice places in this town?” she asked, cheekily. He couldn’t help but let a small grin slip at that. Grown, but still herself.

 

“Think they bombed all the nice places,” he said dryly.

 

“Figures,” she sighed, a touch overdramatically. They were both too used to war and its fallout to let little things like that really get under their skin anymore.

 

“But there’s a nice little hill on the edge of town. Between the distance and the darkness, you’d never know the city was bombed,” he said.

 

“Sounds perfect,” she said, smiling widely. Then she looped her arm around his his, and they walked into the night, like they had nearly a year ago, when they had seen each other last. When he didn’t know if he would ever see her again. He wondered if this time it would be any different.

 

He hoped so, he dreaded that it wouldn’t.

 

* * *

 

They gained the hill easily, and it was still in the middle of the night, the stars bright and beautiful above them. Looking out over the city, Ahsoka found that Rex was right: it was hard to tell how much damage had been done from this vantage. She didn’t know if it was because darkness covered the sins of war, or because it softened them.

 

Ahsoka wasn’t sure how to start saying good-bye to Rex again, because she knew that was the last thing in the galaxy she wanted to do right now. Seeing him, it had seemed to crack open her heart, a heart that she had kept isolated for a year, for all that she had thought about her friends nearly every day. There was too much to sort through because of all of this, and part of her wanted to sort it out with him. That wasn’t possible, however, and she knew this was one of those times where she was going to have to let go, for all that she wanted to hold on with both hands.

 

Preoccupied with her own thoughts, she was silent, and Rex took the initiative. He withdrew her akul-tooth headdress from a pouch on his belt and held it out to her.

 

“I thought you might want it back,” he said, voice quiet, and Ahsoka could have sworn that he wanted to do this as much as she did: not at all. Then she considered the headdress, and shook her head.

 

“No,” she said, but quickly closed his fingers around it wrapping her hands around his larger one. “I don’t… I haven’t worn it since leaving that planet. It’s…” she trailed off, looking down at their hands. “It’s a part of my old life, and it makes me too recognizable. Not many Togruta wear them these days, you know. I just haven’t been able to bear to part with it.” Then she looked up at him, trying to convey the earnest nature of her request. “I’d feel better knowing you have it. If you want to keep it, that is. You don’t have to.”

 

Rex had always been a controlled man, someone who rarely let his emotions show on his face, but at her request, his expression turned bittersweet. His face said it all, that he would treasure this small piece of her, this one small thing, but that he would rather not need it at all. He nodded, reasserting control of over his features as he looked away to put the headdress back.

 

“So where do you go from here?” he asked.

 

“Back to Ordo, to report on the success of the mission, and keep trying to figure out what is going on with these chips, who ordered them put in, all of it,” she told him. He nodded at that, understanding for all that she might not be a Jedi any more, she was still a soldier in this war. They lapsed into silence again, the space between them too full to talk, but Ahsoka did so anyway. Eventually.

 

“I know I don’t have to say this, but… be careful, Rex,” she said, wrapping her arms around her middle as though she was cold. She could feel the danger around the clones, around the Jedi too, sometimes, like it was a physical thing, and other, darker threads that she couldn’t figure out or follow back to their source.

 

“Its worse than I ever imagined. Everything is so dark right now, and the Force…” she trailed off, grimacing. “There’s going to come a time when everything goes wrong, maybe, if my sporadic visions are anything to go by. Don’t stick around to see if you can fix it. Just get out.”

 

“Ahsoka, slow down, you’re not making sense,” he said, holding her lightly by her shoulders, and at his touch she felt grounded again. Looking up at him, she gave him a lop-sided, almost sheepish smile, but still worried around the edges.

 

“Sorry, I know. But I’ve seen more than the chip, Rex. I’ve seen… darkness and death, coming for all of us. Its not something you can fight, not head-on, and… and I’d rather you not die,” she said trying to impress on him the truth of her words.

 

“I’d rather not die, either,” he said, a flash of his dry humor in his face. She couldn’t help but give an amused little huff in answer. “But if it gets as bad as you say, Ahsoka, what about you? Unless, you’re safe with your Null’s?” he asked, and she caught a flash of… not quite jealousy but envy, maybe.

 

“They aren’t my Nulls. We’ll probably part company soon, keep a few comm dead-drops open, but that’s it. They tolerate me, but they aren’t overly fond of even ex-Jedi,” she said.

 

“Then you’ll need back up. I told you once, you just had to say the word, and you didn’t. You didn’t because it would have put me in a bind, and I appreciate it. But if I can’t fight this fight anymore, I would rather be your backup out there,” he said, and she could feel that he meant it. Not out of a sense of duty or obligation, but because it was he wanted.

 

“What about Skyguy?” she asked, knowing that Rex’s loyalty to Anakin had been a defining part of his life for the past few years. He shook his head.

 

“The general will have the Jedi Order to look after him, and General Kenobi. You won’t,” he reminded her. “You’ll need backup. I’ll just need a way of finding you that can’t be hacked or traced, so… do you have one of those on you, too? More fancy Null tech?”

 

“No,” she said, shaking her head, but then an idea was forming in her mind. Something that might work, that might allow him to find her (and her find him) anywhere, a way that couldn’t be traced by technology.

 

“There is something that might work, but it might be a bit… intimate for you. I know you value your privacy, Rex, and I don’t want to do something that you’ll regret,” she told him. He only raised an eyebrow in inquiry, which she took as a sign to continue. “I can create something like a Force-bond between us. It’ll allow you to find me, to know where I am. When we’re in close proximity, you’d be able to sense my presence, even my emotions, but at distance you’ll just have an idea of where I am. I’ll also be able to feel you more strongly as well,” she said, which was the part she was really worried about him not liking.

 

“Do it,” he said without hesitation. Nodding once sharply, she drew closer to him, reaching her hands up to his face, guiding his forehead to her own. Closing her eyes, she breathed, focusing on his presence in the Force, strong and true, and coaxed it toward her own Force energy, extending herself toward him in return. In her mind, she created a bridge between them, not out of the Force, but out of their own energies, and as they met, she felt Rex go rigid, and then she felt like she had been knocked over the head.

 

 _Stang!_ she thought, _feedback!_

 

Letting him go, she gave him space as he bent double over his knees, gasping, heart hammering at the manipulation of his internal Force energy. He got himself under control, and he straightened, but when he looked at her, finally, he did so with naked wonder.

 

“Is this… is it like this for you all the time? Feeling everyone like this?” he asked.

 

“No, its more muted with most people, but its kind of close,” she said. He swallowed, and rubbed at his face, unable to wipe away the expression of awe.

 

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” he asked her. “Your presence!” he said quickly, startled by his own words. “I mean, your presence. Its… so bright.”

 

“How would I know? I can’t exactly sense my own presence,” she teased him gently. “And no one said anything about it.” He rolled his eyes at her, but he grinned regardless. She could sense him more clearly, now, but she withdrew her mind from that, not wanting to sense more than what he was willing to share, in spite of the temptation.

 

“Well, now I can find you,” he said. “Good.” He looked at the lightening sky. The sun would be coming up soon, and he had to get back to barracks anyway. “You probably need to go.”

 

“Rex,” she started, then stopped. Once again they were both struck by the impossibility of saying in words everything that was held in a heart. Ahsoka settled the dilemma by throwing caution to the wind, and wrapping her arms around him with all the strength she could muster. He hugged her fiercely in return, and when they parted, she walked away. Over the hills to wherever a ship awaited her, and he watched her go.

 

Again.

 

* * *

 

Ringo Vinda had been a successful mission. Tup hadn’t had a break down, there had been no trip to Kamino, and Fives hadn’t died in a warehouse, everyone believing him gone mad. Rex knew it should be considered a victory for lots of reasons, and had allowed Coric and the rest of Torrent Company to chivvy him into a bar for some R&R. But he hadn’t been terribly festive company.

 

“See you back on the ship, Commander,” Fives called, his arm around another Twi’lek woman’s waist. Some things, maybe would never change. Rex shook his head.

 

“You really should enjoy yourself a bit, Rex,” Coric said, his own arm around a pretty, perky red-headed human woman’s shoulders.

 

“You know,” the woman said, “I’ve got a friend who’s got a thing for bald men.”

 

“Ah, no thanks,” Rex said, “But I appreciate the thought. Go on, Coric. Get out of here. Someone’s got to settle up the tab.” Coric shrugged.

  
“Suit yourself, Commander,” Coric said, and rose, his lovely lady quick to follow. Rex shook his head. The troopers had never had any shortage of women and men who were only too happy to validate the rumors of clone endurance and strength. He supposed it worked out to everyone’s benefit, but he had started to wonder about it.

 

Still, there was the tab to settle.

 

Striding up to the bar, Rex tapped it, and held up his cred card. As Commander he was allowed some discretionary spending, funded by the Republic of course, to look after the men’s morale. Drinks generally accounted for most of it. As the bartender took the card, a beautiful Togruta woman sidled up to him.

 

And she was beautiful; she had been hard to not notice. Long legs, with that burnt-orange skin tone common to her people, with pretty little white markings, and graceful montrals and lekku.

 

“Couldn’t help but notice that you’ve been glancing my direction all night, trooper,” she said in a husky voice. He _had_ been looking at her throughout the night, off and on, but now that she was close, he was suddenly put off.

 

“Sorry about that,” he said, keeping his expression and voice neutral. “You just reminded me of someone I… used to know.”

 

“Well,” she said, drawing closer to him, arranging her body in a way that was supposed to be pleasing to the eye, but made him want to quick march right out of the damn place. “I could be anyone you want, trooper. For the night at least.”

 

“No,” he said, voice suddenly cold. “No you really couldn’t.” Then he realized what he had said and how he had said it. “Stang! Look, ma’am, no offence, its just…” For half a second, he thought she was going to slap him, but then she waved her hand, as if batting away his explanation.

 

“Whoever she is, she must be pretty special for you to be this hung up on her,” the woman said, and drifted away back into the crowed at the bar. Rex settled up the tab for the 501st and all but fled back to the ship and his berth. Once there, he shut the door and tried to _not_ think about everything that was implied.

 

Instead, he drew out the akul-tooth from Ahsoka’s headdress that he had put on a chain that he wore around his neck, and felt its solid, sharp weight in his hand. The headdress itself was in his belt, but this… he had wanted something that he could feel, and it suddenly worried him how much he checked on the bond she had forged between them.

 

It only took half a thought, and he could sense her. She was alive, somewhere far away. That was all he could tell, but it was enough. It would have to be enough, because anything else would be wrong. He knew that.

 

He hadn’t thought of her as anything other than a fellow officer, and later, a friend, since he met her on Christophsis. But seeing her again on that damn planet, riding to their rescue from a threat they hadn’t even been aware of, something had shifted in the space between them. She had been more than merely older. She had been Ahsoka down to her core, but an Ahsoka who had found her place in the galaxy and _stood_. Maybe it was the ingrained lessons from Kamino to follow a strong leader and Jedi in particular, or maybe it was something deeper, a Mandalorian inclination for certain kinds of women. Regardless, something was different for him, when he thought of her, and he knew what that made him.

 

Grimacing, he realized he had closed his fist around the akul-tooth. It had cut him, and he cursed, moving to clean up the blood. But then stopped, starting at the blood-stained tooth in his hand.

 

 _Wrong_ he told himself. _For so many reasons. Be content with what you have, you kriffing barve_.

 

He knew it was wrong.

 

He _knew_.

 

And part of him went on wanting anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka is seventeen in my little timeline here, so of age depending on your location, or damn near. Also, sorry about the continued angst, there’s just no way around it at the moment. There will be fluff and cuteness later. I promise! Just not in the next chapter. Sorry, folks.
> 
> Mando’a:  
> haar’jetti = damn Jedi  
> vod(‘e) = brother(s)  
> vod’ika = little brother  
> jetti’ika = little Jedi


	6. Chapter 5: The cavalry of woe

“Execute Order 66,” the shadowy figure said from every comm channel in the 501st barracks on Coruscant. Hundreds of his brothers suddenly came to attention, and Rex knew this was it. This was the darkness Ahsoka had seen, this was when the clones became the weapons they had always been engineered to be.

 

Skywalker strode into the barracks, his dark cloak drawn up around him, anger pouring off of him in waves. “Rex!” he called peremptorily.

 

“Sir!” Rex said, coming to attention. He had to live through this, he had to get his men through this and get out, because otherwise it had all been for nothing.

 

“Ready the men. We’re headed to the Jedi Temple. The Jedi are traitors the Republic. They just tried to kill the Chancellor. They must be dealt with swiftly. All of them,” Skywalker said. Rex clamped down on his fear and panic as he realized that his general had gone mad, his eyes on fire with an unnatural yellow glint.

 

“Yes, sir!” Rex said, and slammed his helmet on his head, not trusting himself to be able to master his expressions through this. He started issuing orders to the whole 501st, and then opened the black-book comm channel Echo had set up after Ahsoka had made her brief visit last year.

 

“Rex, what’s going on?” Jesse asked, voice strained.

 

“The Jedi can’t possibly be the enemy!” Echo called, and Rex could feel the other man’s terror.

 

“Stow it, lads,” Rex said sharply. They all felt it: the horror, the betrayal, the sharp, jagged edges of what was happening. The 501st was being led by a madman to slaughter the very people they had been instructed to obey and protect.

 

“You all have your roles, and this doesn’t change that. Coric, Fives, slip out, get to the ship, get it prepped. Everyone else, form up on me, and stay with me. We stick together, you read me?” he asked, and heard a chorus of affirmative answers.

 

They strode through the streets, from the barracks to the Temple, and Torrent Company fell into line around him. Kix had been able to save a few more men, and Rex had filled out the company with the men who were chip-free. They had all been busy in the last year, siphoning funds, purchasing a ship, laying in supplies, going over plans, but nothing had prepared them for this.

 

“Sir, what are the parameters?” he asked the general cautiously.

 

“Shoot to kill,” Skywalker said, voice terse and raw. “All of them. Every last one. The Jedi are a disease, Rex, and we can’t let even one get away.”

 

Rex understood the meaning, even if the general couldn’t bring himself to say it. Every. Last. One. Marching up the steps to the Jedi Temple, Rex felt sick, sick in a way he had never known before. Sick in body and soul for what was about to happen.

 

“Yes, sir,” he said, hoping that Skywalker was too consumed by his own emotions to notice Rex’s desperate mental gymnastics. _No_ , he thought desperately, _not all, it can’t be all._

 

* * *

 

“Stang!” Cody cursed as he took down one of his own men. He looked up at his general, who was unaware of the danger now posed to him by his own men. He commed Waxer, ordering the other man to his position.

 

“General Kenobi, sir!” Cody called. “You need to get out of here, you need to run, sir!” The rest of the 212nd were off a fair distance, but Cody knew it was only a matter of time.

 

“What is going on, Cody?” Kenobi asked, his urbane manner never so much as wavering in the face of his entire battalion turning out to be a weapon designed to kill him all along. He had to admire a man for keeping his composure under any circumstance, but Cody thought a little concern might be warranted.

 

“The other brothers, sir, they’ve been hijacked. Someone has sent an order to kill the Jedi, and… it’s a long story, but you need to get out of here. Now, sir!” Cody said, and then turned at the sound of footsteps behind him, ready to fire. But it was only Waxer.

 

“They’re coming, sir,” Waxer said. “We don’t have long.”

 

“Whatever is affecting the other troops, you two seem to be untroubled,” Kenobi noticed. “Come with me,” he said. Cody and Waxer looked at each other for a moment, agreeing without speaking that there was no way to convince the general to leave them behind, at least not without talking too much and making the whole issue of saving Kenobi’s life moot. _Sometimes,_ he thought, _Rex’s preference for direct action does have its uses._

 

“Sorry about this, sir,” Cody said, and opened fire on his general. Kenobi launched himself away, back to that mad beast he was riding. Waxer took a few shots as well, helping to keep their general from looking back.

 

By the time the rest of the battalion showed up, Cody had to report that the traitor, General Obi-Wan Kenobi, had escaped. Cody explained the body by way of saying Kenobi had redirected the blaster shot, which the brothers accepted without demur. Had they been in their right minds, none of them would have believed him, but they were gone now, never to be themselves again.

 

Waxer opened a private comm channel: “What do we do now, sir?”

 

“We take care of our brothers, Waxer,” he said. “Even if they don’t know they need taking care of.”

 

* * *

 

Shaak Tii awoke in the middle of the Kaminoan night, knowing something was wrong. Suddenly, for no reason she could understand, the entire clone population of Kamino had become overwhelmingly and single-mindedly hostile, and it was all directed at her.

 

While she often preferred to understand the reasons behind the actions of others, this was too blatant to be patiently parsed out. She had to flee.

 

Grabbing her saber, she cut through the window and jumped up onto the outer structure of the facility. It was not a moment too soon, as troopers suddenly crashed into her rooms, blasters firing.

 

“She’s on the roof!” one of them commed, and the alarm was set off. She did not linger, but ran along the domed tops of Tipoca City. She had almost made it to her ship, when she saw it explode in a violent moment. That took the wind out of her, the hope out of her. She could feel them dying now, feel the Jedi being slaughtered and the Force itself heaving in the disruption.

 

The sense of loss was almost overwhelming, and her hesitation allowed the clones to catch up to her. They were using their jetpacks to avoid having to walk along the domes. She lit her saber, determined to die as a Jedi, if nothing else.

 

“General Tii!” a small voice called behind her, and she risked a quick glance down. It was a group of the younglings, the boys who would become troopers one day. They had accessed one of the roof hatches, and had probably been monitoring the situation with a hacked comm device; most of the boys had one to track troop movements like they were audio dramas. She didn’t want to have to kill them, and once again she hesitated.

 

It saved her life.

 

“Come with us!” he said. “We don’t know what’s gone wrong with the troopers, but we’re still us! Please, General Tii.”

 

So she leapt. They crawled through the ducts, too small for the full-grown troopers, and she for once felt grateful for her narrow shoulders. The boys led her to a different platform, the one for the submersibles.

 

“If you take one of those you can get to another port and find a ship,” the leader said. He had given his name as Miles. Whatever was affecting the adult troopers seemed to not have triggered in the boys. Perhaps it was a part of their training that would only occur later. But she knew they would be reprogrammed, or destroyed, and she was not sure what was the worse fate.

 

“Come with me, all of you,” she implored. “The Kaminoans will not treat you kindly for this, you know that.”

 

“We know that, ma’am,” Miles said. “But it is a clone trooper’s duty and honor to serve the Jedi. Now, please go, ma’am.”

 

And to her everlasting sorrow, she did.

 

* * *

 

“What’s going on?!” Ganodi cried, as they all felt the Force heave and shift. Master Sinube was with them; they had been meditating with the ancient Jedi. He calmly turned to the children, unwavering even in the face of such horror.

 

“You must flee, younglings,” the old Master said, and he pressed a hand to each of their foreheads, pressing in their minds the old maps, the forgotten corridors, the secrets of the Temple only Sinube remembered.

 

“No, we’ll fight!” Petro said.

 

“No,” Sinube said, voice as hard as durasteel. “You will go.” Even Petro was cowed by that voice.

 

“What about you, Master?” Katooni asked.

 

“Do not worry about me, my little ones,” he said, smiling slightly, a fierce light in his eyes. “I shall have one last little adventure, yes? Now go,” he urged. They started off, even Petro. Katooni risked a glance back, and saw Sinube light his saber as clone troopers came around the corner of the hallway.   The clones starting firing, but Sinube deflected every bolt.

 

“Come now,” the old Master challenged, “You will have to do better than that!”

 

So they did.

 

Katooni ran.

 

The younglings scurried through the Temple, ducking through hallways, using the Force to stay ahead of the clone troopers who were gunning down every Jedi in sight. Katooni didn’t know why this was happening, but she did know that if they stopped to try to figure it out, they would be dead. Zatt kept trying to reason it out, until Byph told him to stop.

 

They needed to escape.

 

But as they passed one of the storage rooms, Gungi stopped.

 

“We have to keep going!” she cried.

 

“ _There’s someone in there!_ ” Gungi said. And before anyone could stop him, he went into the room. Unwilling to leave him behind, they all followed him into the room.

 

It was that choice that allowed a company of troopers to catch up to them.

 

* * *

 

Rex had been tracking the kids since they had run into the old Jedi Master. They had found him under attack by other troopers, and so Rex had simply shot his brothers in the back, tamping down his own disgust at doing so. But it had been too late, the damage too extensive.

 

“The younglings,” the old man gasped. “Save them, save them if you can, trooper.” Master Sinube reached up and touched his jaw, in the small gap under his bucket, showing him the same secret paths he had showed the younglings. And then he died.

 

“Right,” Rex said, letting the body down gently and standing. “New mission objective, lads. There’s some younglings that might be left. We find them, and we get them out.”

 

“That’s damn noble of us, sir,” Coric said, “But that’s going to make things really complicated. You sure this is a good idea?”

 

“Could get us all killed, Coric, but are you saying we should let some younglings die?” Rex challenged, feeling raw and on edge in a way he never had before.

 

“No, sir, just making sure you know what you’re doing,” Coric said.

 

“Fair enough. Still, any one not like it, sound off now. Get to the ship if you don’t want to go after the younglings, and help Fives and Coric prep,” Rex said. Not a man moved, and that unwavering faith in his call humbled him. But he didn’t have time to say so. He nodded. “Alright, move out!”

 

* * *

 

Rex saw the younglings up ahead, and they all ducked into a supply room, which wasn’t part of the old Jedi’s instructions. Then one of them, a little Rodian, caught sight of several clone troopers running toward them.

 

“Troopers!” she called out to the others, and they piled into the room. Rex reached the door and heard the unmistakable sound of a saber coming to life and the destruction of electronics.

 

“They fried it, sir,” Echo said, giving the controls a cursory try.

 

“Do we go, sir?” Tup asked, not out of any callous inclinations, Rex knew, but because Tup knew they were on a clock and it was fast running down.

 

“We’ve got to try,” Kix urged, more obviously distressed than the other brothers. He had always been more prone to feeling other’s pain. It made him a good medic.

 

“Blow the doors,” he ordered. Jesse set the charges, they whirred charging up, and Rex prayed to any gods and goddesses that were listening that the little ones took cover. There was a deep thud as the doors broke apart. As the smoke cleared, six sabers lit up, blue and green against the darkness of the room. Their small faces were determined, fierce, and Rex tore off his helmet without thinking twice, hoping that seeing his face would put them at ease.

 

“We aren’t going to hurt you!” Rex said quickly. “I know you’re scared, I know you don’t have a reason to trust us, but we aren’t going to leave you here. We’ll get you out.” Six pairs of eyes stared at him, eyes suddenly too old for their young faces. And he knew they could feel the death and the terror around them, but they still would fight.

 

 _Damn us all for this_ , he thought, _for making them too old too soon_. The two at the front, a little human boy and a Tholothian girl looked at each other for a moment, nodded, and then trained their gazes back on the troopers in front of them. The younglings powered down their sabers. Little commanders, those two.

 

“There’s just one thing,” the human boy said. “We aren’t the only ones in here.” The younglings parted to reveal three even younger Jedi, no more than four or five years old each of them.

 

“We think their nurse hid them in here before serving as a distraction for… other troopers,” the girl said, putting her hand on the shoulder of a frightened Zabrak girl. There was a nervous Twi’lek boy, and lastly a little Togruta girl, who stared at Rex with all the fearlessness of a born hunter.

 

“Sir,” Echo said softly, “how’re we going to pull this off?”

 

Rex’s mind raced. The older younglings could likely keep up, hell they could likely out run the troopers if they put their minds to it. The younger ones would have to be carried. Luckily, they had a Wookie, even if it was a young one.

 

“You,” he said pointing to the Wookie youngling, “Can you carry one of them? The other five of you can switch off with the other two. We’ll form up on you little ones, and Kix will be with you,” he said, and Kix knelt down in front of them, removing his helmet.

 

“See this?” Kix asked, pointing at his medic insignia. “Only one like it in all the 501st, you stick to me, alight? No matter what happens, you keep your eyes on this.”

 

“We won’t slow you down, sir!” the little Nautolan said.

 

“Good lad,” Kix said. “You’re all very brave, but you don’t need me to tell you that.”

 

“Sir,” Tup broke in, “we’ve got company.”

 

“Stang!” Rex cursed, “Move, move, move!” he shouted and led the way, Echo at his shoulder, and jamming his helmet back on his head. He saw Kix running right behind him, trailing nine Jedi younglings. Tup and Jesse at their six. Rex heard the exchange of blaster fire, but didn’t have the time to look back.

 

They descended down, down into the depths beneath the Temple, where eventually the tunnels joined up with the general maintenance tunnels that ran underneath the entire planet. Relieved to not be relying on an old Jedi’s borrowed memories any longer, Rex led the way to the non-descript ship in port they had managed to purchase through, according to Echo, several shell buyers.

 

“How we looking, Fives, Coric, we have a clear shot to the ship?” Rex asked as they drew near to the landing zone.

 

“Yeah, about that, sir, the landing zone is crawling with security,” Fives said. “The whole planet is on lockdown.”

 

“Of course it is,” Rex said, keeping to the comm channel, not willing to let the younglings know, just yet, how bleak their prospects for escape had become. “Options?”

 

“We could blast our way out?” Coric suggested.

 

“And get shot out of the sky! We need to get off planet in one piece,” Echo said.

 

“Jesse and I could provide cover and a distraction,” Tup suggested.

 

“That’ll get us to the ship, but not off the planet,” Kix said. Then Rex mentally cursed himself for an idiot.

 

“Whose running planetary defense right now?” he asked. There was a moment of silence as Fives did a bit of detective work.

 

“Yularen, holy hell, Rex, we’ve got Yularen in orbit!” Fives crowed. “Maybe the Force does help us, hey?”

 

“Maybe,” Rex allowed. “Alright, Tup, Jesse, you up for providing a bit of cover?”

 

“Yes, sir!” they both said, and moved out, working to gain a higher access point to cover the landing zone. The rest of them followed the tunnel to an old maintenance bay that had a door to the landing zone as near to their ship as possible.

 

“Alright,” Rex said, speaking once again through his vocoder for the benefit of the younglings. “We’re going to need to move very fast very quickly, you understand? Run to the ship,” he said, pointing out their ship from their vantage point in a maintenance bay. They all nodded. The Wookie got a firmer grip on the Twi’lek boy on his back. The human boy held the Zabrak girl piggaback as well, while the Tholothian girl wrangled the Togruta girl.

 

It was a tense few moments while they all waited for Tup and Jesse’s distraction to go off, and Rex was struck by the particular madness that had led him to saving a double handful of younglings, right out from under the nose of his general who had lost his mind, and away from brothers who had become essentially the droids they once fought.

 

If it hadn’t been so gruesome, Rex would have had to laugh for the sheer absurdity of it all.

 

Then the explosions started. He didn’t have to say a word, they ran. He and Echo took point, blasting away anyone who came too close, while Kix brought up the rear, keeping an eye on their sides. Tup, always a good shot, started sniping at security personnel who were coming up behind them.

 

Jesse, ever a direct soul, had found a rocket launcher.

 

Rex and Echo gained the ship first, and Fives and Coric were already firing it up. They took up positions on either side of the gangway, covering the younglings and Kix as they ran up and into the ship.

 

“Get those younglings stowed, Kix,” he ordered. “Tup, Jesse, move your asses!”

 

“On our way, sir!” Tup said, and he boosted with his jetpack, headed straight for the ship. Rex and Echo picked off the troopers that were aiming for Tup, but they were all too far away when Jesse’s position was overrun.

 

“Jesse!” all the troopers cried, as they watched but could do little to prevent the inevitable.

 

“Get them out of here, boys!” Jesse yelled over the comm. “I chose this! For myself, I saved them, because it was right, not because we were ordered to. No greater honor!” he cried as he triggered the overload on the rocket launcher, which set of his jetpack as well.

 

The explosion took out nearly half the landing area, leaving a smoking crater behind.

 

“Run us up, Coric!” Rex ordered, and he and Echo walked up the gangway as it was closing. They left the landing zone unmolested, all security troopers converging on the massive explosion as per protocol. _Hell of a distraction, Jesse,_ he thought.

 

But he didn’t have to mourn, not yet. He raced to the command deck, hoping that Yularen wasn’t complicit in whatever the kriffing hell was going on. Fives and Coric were already there, checking on hyperspace coordinates and keeping an eye out for any ships getting ready to blast them into nothingness.

 

“This is CT-7567, for Admiral Yularen,” he said, “Priority Alpha.”

 

Nothing. No response.

 

He tried again.

 

Again, nothing.

 

Heart racing, this was the final hurdle. They had come so far, they couldn’t fail now. Not now, not when they had lost so much and had something damn precious to protect now.

 

“Priority Alpha for Admiral Yularen from CT-7567,” he said once more.

 

“Rex,” Yularen’s image appeared in front of him. “What’s going on, man?!” he demanded.

 

“Priority Alpha,” Rex repeated. Yularen nodded.

 

“I’m alone,” the admiral said.

 

“The Jedi have been declared enemies of the Republic, sir, and Skywalker stormed the Temple,” Rex said. Yularen’s eyes went wide, and for a moment he didn’t say a thing. Rex continued, “You can’t trust the clones anymore, sir. They’re little more than droids now.”

 

“I had noticed something like that, yes,” the other man said softly. “But that doesn’t explain you and what you’re doing.”

 

“I’m am aberration, as the Kaminoans would say,” he said, which was somewhat true, and easier than explaining about the chips and why they had kept quiet. _The Nulls, they didn’t stop it_ , he thought absently, _but they surely tried, I know that. They must have tried_.

 

“Sir,” Rex pressed on, “I can’t stay to chat and fill you in. I’ve got… precious cargo here. Cargo that needs to be very, very far away from here.”

 

“Wouldn’t your cargo be… helpful to combat—” Yularen started, but Rex cut him off.

 

“It’s a bit immature, to be honest, sir,” Rex said, and at that Yularen’s expression became studiously blank.

 

“I see,” he said. “You won’t be stopped, Rex, I can guarantee that. Beyond that, you’re on your own.”

 

“Acknowledged, sir,” Rex said.

 

“Good luck, Rex. It’s been an honor,” Yularen said.

 

“Luck to you too, sir. A privilege,” Rex countered, and signed off. As they went past the massive cruisers, Rex felt a momentary twinge of anxiety. It would be so easy, so damned easy for them to die right then, caught between the guns of such large ships. But they passed by, in the vast silence of space. Once clear, Coric didn’t even wait for an order to engage the hyperdrive.

 

Rex closed his eyes for a moment, trying to get a hold on his hammering heart. He _hated_ rescue missions, even worse were rescue missions that came at a complete surprise, but they had done it. _Well,_ he thought, _most of us. Jesse, you brilliant barve._

 

Then he straightened. He might not be a Commander in the Grand Army anymore, but he still had people counting on him.

 

“Get back here!” Kix’s voice suddenly came from down the corridor. Rex looked up to see the younglings barging onto the bridge, the two little leaders at the fore.

 

“Where are we going?” the human boy demanded. The Tholothian girl glared at him.

 

“Don’t be rude, Petro. These troopers saved us, and we owe them our respect,” she scolded, and the boy huffed, but didn’t argue. She turned back to Rex, large eyes too old, too knowing for her young face. “We are very thankful for being saved, sirs,” she said, and looked at each of the men in turn. “I do have to admit that we would like to know where we’re going. We aren’t ungrateful, but our fates are in your hands, and we aren’t sure why you saved us in the first place.”

 

“Sir,” Kix put in, “Sorry about this, but well… there are _nine_ of them.” Kix did look a little wild around the eyes, and Rex was sure once the reality of what they had done sunk in, he’d be in a panic too. Nine Jedi younglings, grant him the strength.

 

“Its alright, Kix,” he said. Rex looked back down at the younglings. “I’ll tell you where we’re headed, since that seems like your biggest worry, and then I’ll explain the rest in the mess hall, alright?” The younglings nodded. “We’re going to meet someone you might have known, might have seen around the Temple, she was a Padawan when she left,” he started, and then the six older younglings perked up.

 

“Ahsoka!” they declared, their faces suddenly joyous.

 

“We’re going to find Ahsoka?!” the Rodian girl exclaimed.

 

“Why didn’t you say you were friends of her’s?” the Nautolan asked.

 

“She’s our friend too!” the Tholothian girl exclaimed.

 

“We saved her from Hondo!” the human boy declared.

 

Rex looked at the younglings, stunned. Then Fives laughed.

 

“You’re _those_ younglings?” Fives asked between chuckles. “She told us that story, it was hilarious.” The rest of the men started laughing.

 

“Might be something to the whole ‘there are no coincidences’ thing, huh?” Coric mused.

 

“Might be,” Tup agreed dryly. Rex recovered quickly, holding up his fist for silence. For a wonder, it worked on troopers and younglings equally well.

 

“Right, well, let’s go give you lot the rest of the story,” Rex said, as gently as he could manage, and stood to help Kix shepherd the younglings off the bridge. “The rest of you, get into civvies, and call me when we’re back in normal space. I’ll need to get a fix on her location.”

 

The men nodded, accepting that Ahsoka had left Rex some means of finding her, though none of them asked what it was. They likely assumed it was some bit of technology, an untraceable, black-book comm device. He happily let them go on believing that, because it was easier than explaining how Ahsoka had created a Force-bond between them. _Hell_ , he thought, _I’m not sure how she did it._

 

It didn’t matter how, though, just that she did, and that he could feel her out there, still alive, still a beacon in the dark.

 

* * *

 

The week aboard the ship had been a long one for everyone. Rex knew he had started to exhibit strange behavior. Retreating to his bunk every time he needed to get a fix on Ahsoka’s presence didn’t help. What also made things more difficult was that the closer they drew to her location, the clearer she became in his mind. He could sense something of her emotions, and the thread of grief that spooled out from her was undeniable, setting him on edge.

 

Coric had been the first to notice, but by the end of the week, even the damn younglings knew that Rex was not necessarily himself. He even caught himself staring off in the direction of their travel, staring off in her direction, when nothing else was occupying him. He also had a hard time explaining how, exactly, he was finding her, because it looked like they were homing in on a location without any coordinates. Fives and Echo had both offered to help him recalibrate whatever comm device he was using, but he had to refuse each time.

 

They both had seemed to shrug it off, but the next day Kix had sidled up to him for a ‘chat’, which was Kix-speak for trying to figure out what the hell was bothering him. He had managed to get out of that conversation without revealing anything or embarrassing himself, or having to admit to anything, though it had been a near thing.

 

Then, thankfully, blessedly, he had identified the planet she had parked on, deep in the Outer Rim. He didn’t even know the name of it, but as the ship descended into the atmosphere, Rex stood on the bridge, directing them toward the western continent, where their scanners picked up another ship and a single life form.

 

As they started to touch down, Rex strode to the hatch, and even before they landed, he punched in the sequence to open it. He walked to the end of the gangway, hanging on to one of the struts as they made contact, trying not to feel uncomfortable in the civvies that offered no protection against the elements.

 

And there she was, standing in front of her own ship, her hand held above her eyes to shield it from the dust and debris kicked up by their own landing. When she saw him, she smiled, and he felt a burst of _joy_ so pure that it made his heart leap in response. It nearly overwhelmed him, that, but he walked off the ship onto the soft dirt of a place unspoiled by war.

 

They stood slightly apart, the wind twisting the grass at their feet ( _still with the bare feet_ , he thought), wrapping around them, twining between them like a cord. A heartbeat, a breath, a moment in time, that was all it took. Rex was a man who had been made on Kamino, tempered on countless battlefields, and had never known anything other than being a soldier, but now he finally understood something he had only read about.

 

Because when Rex looked into Ahsoka’s blue eyes, he was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Titles for the past three chapters are again from a Dickinson poem, which seemed to fit for fighting in a war, especially when the soldiers are ones that the general public doesn’t seem to care about too much.
> 
>  
> 
> To fight aloud is very brave,  
> But gallanter, I know,  
> Who charge within the bosom,  
> The cavalry of woe. 
> 
> Who win, and nations do not see,  
> Who fall, and none observe,  
> Whose dying eyes no country  
> Regards with patriot love. 
> 
> We trust, in plumed procession,  
> For such the angels go,  
> Rank after rank, with even feet  
> And uniforms of snow.


	7. Chapter 6: I sing to use the waiting

The Force _heaved_.

 

Ahsoka could barely get a breath, which was a problem as they were fast coming out of hyperspace, and she had someone very important on her ship. She tried to control her breath, to stand, to _be_ in the Force like she had learned, but it was no use. This was beyond the standard chaos of war, which had become almost like a background noise she had learned to tune out.

 

It was a tempest of epic proportions, unable to be ignored or tuned out.

 

“Miss Tano!” her guest cried, a genetic specialist from Alderaan named Deran Yendar. He was a kind old man, who she had charmed out of his lonely retirement with the promise of a great challenge that could change lives for the better. “Miss Tano, whatever is wrong, my dear?”

 

Deran put a tentative hand on her shoulder, steadying her. She gripped the console tightly, trying to understand what was going on.

 

_Death, pain, betrayal._

_“Commander, no!”_

_“What is going on?!”_

_“I order you to stand down!”_

_Blaster fire, the whir of lightsabers, the thud of bodies hitting the ground._

 

“They’re dead,” she whispered hoarsely. “They’re dying.”

 

“Who, Miss Tano?” Deran asked, his concern clear in his voice. She shook her head, fighting to get herself under control, and put up walls against the Force, shielding her from the worst of it, but she couldn’t hide herself completely without masking her bond to Rex, which she was unwilling to do. He was still alive, she could feel that, but he was too far away for anything more.

 

“I’m sorry, Dr. Yendar,” she said, trying to compose her features and sound apologetic. “There was a disturbance in the Force, a rather large one, but I’m alright.” _No, that’s a lie,_ she thought, _I don’t know if anything will ever be alright ever again._

 

Still, she got them out of hyperspace, and as the _Grey Hawk_ emerged back into real space, there was another ship already there. It was only slightly bigger than _Grey Hawk_ , but Ahsoka knew that it was heavily armed and armored, enough to put a Republic Battle Cruiser through its paces.

 

“ _Aay'han_ , this is _Grey Hawk_ ,” she commed, striving to keep her voice even and her emotions in check, at least for now. “Mission objective is complete, requesting permission to come aboard.

 

“Acknowledged, _Grey Hawk_. Initiate docking procedure,” came the voice, and she thought it might have been A’den, from the light tone. If it had been Mereel, there would have been some level of flirting, and Ordo wouldn’t answer the comms.

 

The ships docked with a solid jolt, and the door opened. Ordo was standing there, tall and as impassive as ever, though he didn’t frown as he saw her. She thought that he might have even looked pleased to see her.

 

Mereel certainly was.

 

“Welcome back, _jetti’ika_ ,” he said, giving her a grin. In spite of her stated disinterest, Mereel really couldn’t help himself, but she was _not_ in any kind of state to handle it today. She ignored him as they walked to the command center of the ship.

 

“Captain Ordo,” she went on, “I’m sorry to do this to you, but now that I’ve delivered Dr. Yendar to you, I need to go.” Ordo’s expression only changed a micro-fraction, but it was enough to indicate his surprise.

 

“Miss Tano,” the doctor said, “You must rest. You are not well!” That made both Ordo and Mereel pin her with their gazes. But she had faced down Sith lords, General Grievous, and overwhelming odds. Not to mention the Jedi Council. She returned their looks with a studiously bland expression.

 

“I’m fine. There’s been a disturbance in the Force, and it took me by surprise, that’s all,” she explained. “I need to investigate it. You have the doctor and Ko Sai. Together they should find the solution, but it will take time. There’s no reason for me to stay.” Ordo inclined his head sharply, acknowledging the truth of her words, but he looked thoughtful regardless.

 

“Still, you have been our ally these two years, Ahoska. We would be remiss if we did not help you,” he said. She thought he might actually be worried about her, which was nice in its own way, but she couldn’t stay. She had to know what was going on, and she couldn’t do that here, with the Nulls. They had been kind to her, in their way, but they weren’t friends, not really. They weren’t family, weren’t clan.

 

“At least rest up, a bit,” Mereel suggested.

 

“Captain,” came A’den’s voice over the comm system, “Is Tano still on board?” Ordo nodded at her, giving her leave to respond.

 

“I’m here, A’den,” she said.

 

“Couldn’t help but hear that you said there was a disturbance in the Force, so I checked the news feeds. Just… here, I’ll send it back there, and you can see for yourself,” he said, and A’den, the most jovial of his brothers, sounded subdued.   Unable to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach, she turned to the holodisplay.

 

“The Jedi are traitors to the Republic!” the announcer said, “Several Jedi Masters attempted to assassinate the Chancellor, but they were stopped by loyal Republic citizens! The brave men of the 501st have been sent to the Jedi Temple to apprehend—”

 

Ahsoka slammed her palm down on the control panel, cutting the feed.

 

“I need to go,” she insisted, staring down Ordo. _No, not the 501 st, Rex, oh no, the chips, we failed, no, no, no, no_, her mind reeled from the implications. They were killing Jedi. Troopers were killing Jedi. “My friends, my clan… they need me,” she said, her voice surprisingly level. She felt like she was turning to stone, she needed to be stone. She couldn’t feel, not now.

 

“Then you need to go,” Ordo said. He waved his hand dismissively, though not unkindly. He understood the importance of clan.

 

“Be well,” she said to them all, and then she turned and headed back to the _Grey Hawk_. After a moment she became of aware of Mereel following her. Facing him, she held her head high, in spite of being tempted to just leave.

 

“You need backup,” he said.

 

“You sound like you care,” she returned, trying to keep her tone civil, but every last nerve felt frayed and raw. He shrugged, rolling his shoulders. The Nulls took clan seriously, and they had worked together a fair bit in the past two years. She supposed it made sense that he had started to think of her as an actual friend, not only a sometime useful ally.

 

“Mereel,” she said, voice softening. “I need to help my friends.” He raised an eyebrow at her.

 

“That commander from the 501st?” he asked. She opened her mouth to protest, that he had it all wrong, but he waved it away. “Go, _jetti’ika_ , and tell my little brother that if he hurts you, he’ll have to answer to me.” She shook her head.

 

“Must be a Mandalorian thing,” she muttered, never quite able to understand why some males, human males especially, were so proprietary.   He grinned.

 

“Get out of here. We’ll tell you when we’ve got some results worth a damn,” he said.

 

“Luck,” she said by way of good-bye, and made her way back to her ship, where she undocked and laid in coordinates.

 

She needed to find a place, a safe place where Rex could find her. He still lived, she could feel that, through the bond she had forged with him. That was enough, for now, to know that he lived. Then she did something she had not done for two years: she examined the bond she still had with her former master. It was there, muted, but strange somehow. Obscured, though she could tell he still lived.

 

He might be held somewhere, kept imprisoned in a place like the Crucible. _Well,_ she thought, _Rex first. Maybe we can save Skyguy. We broke in and out of that place once. We could do it again._

 

Then she engaged the hyperdrive, and there in the unreality of hyperspace, where no one could see her, Ahsoka Tano cried. She cried in great heaving sobs as she let down all her walls and witnessed the violent storm caused by the deaths of so many Force-users. There was too much death to feel any individual one, they all blurred together in one mass, but she could do no less.

 

Though she was no longer a Jedi, she knew she still had a duty to witness, to know, to _remember_.

 

So she witnessed as the Jedi died across the galaxy, and the darkness closed in. She knew their pain, their fear, their confusion, their sorrow, and she would remember this day, the day the Jedi fell.

 

* * *

 

It took five days for them to find her, after she had landed on some planet, some random ball of dirt and water far away from anywhere important. She needed to find her balance again, to find a way to function and let her grief go instead of clinging to it, but meditation was not productive. The Force was like a beast gone mad, and it only hammered home how dark the galaxy had become.

 

Instead, she found herself spending her days hunting, losing herself in the focused pursuit of game. The physical exertion let her pass the daylight hours, stalking a likely animal, running it to ground rather than using her sabers. She relished in the feel of the wind on her skin, the pinging of animals on her montrals, the dirt under her bare feet, and the scent and taste of a planet that was _alive_.

 

But her nights stretched out before her, vast and empty. Sleep was elusive, a taunting thing, and so she watched the stars turn and focused on her bond with Rex. It was the only stable thing she could feel at the moment, steady and strong and true, he was touchstone in what was otherwise a sea of chaos. As he drew closer, she knew he could feel her emotions just as she could feel his, and she decided not to hide from him. She let her grief and sorrow show, and it was almost like he was beside her, because she could feel him respond, like one string resonating with another.

 

Perhaps, it was indulgent, wrong, but she remembered the lessons she had learned two years ago and far, far away: that it was love that made the Force live, and the fear of love was denying life, which was, somehow, worse. She still wasn’t clear on _why_ , but she thought that sometimes the _why_ was less important than the _is_.

 

The lesson seemed to hold, because when she saw him standing on the gangway, even before the ship landed, she couldn’t contain her joy, and she didn’t even feel a little bit guilty about it. She had to smile, seeing him, his sharp nose, his golden eyes, clearly feeling out of place in his civvies, he was still _Rex_ in a way that she would know anywhere.

 

He stopped short, like he was drinking her in with his eyes, like he had been a man hollowed out and she filled him to the brim, and both their hearts jumped. She had felt it, and she wondered if he knew how much he was feeling at this moment, or how strongly he was projecting. She knew her lekku colored at all of it, though she didn’t mind.

 

But if he wouldn’t close the gap, she would. Stepping toward him, she looked up at him and smiled, wide and true, not trying to hide any grief, because at least right now her grief had subsided. Then, she felt something else, something that had been all but hidden behind the intensity of her bond with Rex: they were not alone.

 

Clamoring down the gangway were the remnants of Torrent Company, and she felt another spike of joy, and she knew Rex could feel _that_ , because he smiled at her.

 

“ _Vod’e_ ,” she called, and if any of them were surprised at her switching to Mando’a, none of them showed it. Then she noticed something she had not thought possible. She blinked, and looked back at Rex.

 

“You didn’t… but you did. Oh, Rex,” she breathed, as she saw the younglings trotting at the side of the men. And she felt like a newborn sun in that instant. Hope and light and _life_ returned to her heart, expanding outward in a wave of exultation that nearly knocked Rex over.

 

“Ahoska!” the younglings cried, and she couldn’t believe that they were the very ones she had come to care for so much. Heedless of Jedi teachings about demonstrating affection, they clustered around her, hugging her tightly. She knelt, and embraced them all over and over again, exclaiming over how some of them had grown. Then she noticed the three very little ones.

 

“And who do we have here?” she asked.

 

Kix came forward, leading a little Zabrak girl and a Twi’lek boy. “This,” he said indicating the girl, “is Jith. The boy is Tal’ror,” he said. The he blinked. “Where’s Maada?”

 

That was when a small Togruta girl leapt out of the grass and into Ahsoka’s arms. “I’m here!” she said, looking far too pleased with herself. Kix sighed.

 

“She’s a proper terror,” Coric remarked dryly. Ahsoka laughed and stood, holding the girl in her arms.

 

“Let me guess, you all made Kix look after them?” she asked.

 

“Its not like the rest of this lot are good with the little ones,” Kix grumbled, but she could tell that he oddly enjoyed his new job.

 

“Hey!” Fives protested. “Its not like we haven’t been helping at all. We each kind of look out for one of them.”

 

“Or we look after you,” Katooni said softly. Ahsoka laughed, and she couldn’t stop looking at each of them, thankful beyond words that so many of them were here, were alive. It was as though her whole world had been preserved, had made it through the fires of destruction as the Republic died. It was more than she had ever expected, maybe more than she deserved, but here, now, she just appreciated it for the gift that it was.

 

Because her heart had come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, and a bit of cuteness at the moment. Ya'll deserved it. Next chapter will be a bit darker, but then we should sail into the territory of the developing relationship.
> 
> Title of this chapter from a Dickinson poem about, well, waiting for someone to come around. Knowing Dickinson, its probably about Death, but it could be read as waiting for your lover to come back to you.
> 
> I sing to use the waiting,  
> My bonnet but to tie,  
> And shut the door unto my house;  
> No more to do have I, 
> 
> Till, his best step approaching,  
> We journey to the day,  
> And tell each other how we sang  
> To keep the dark away.


	8. Chapter 7: Not with a club the heart is broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Allusions to self harm and mention of suicide.

“Alright, alright,” Ahsoka said, breathless, laughing, joyful. Rex watched her, unable to keep the smile off his face, as he could see and feel that for right now, at least, she was happy.

 

“You all keep playing, okay?” she went on, disentangling herself from the younglings that had been orbiting her like planets around a sun all day. He couldn’t blame them, not really. He and the other troopers had been doing something of the same thing, though at a greater distance. “We’ll eat soon, so don’t go too far.”

 

The younglings accepted the suggestion and wandered off a short distance, delighting in the fresh air and the open space, like they weren’t the last Jedi younglings in the whole galaxy. The little Togruta girl, Maada went off with the older younglings, apparently for the express purpose of pouncing on them when they least expected it. It seemed to be part of the game they were playing, though Rex couldn’t figure out the rules. The two other small ones, Jith and Tal’ror, however, lingered. They were more timid, still scared from all that they experienced at the Temple.

 

Ahsoka knelt and took their hands in her own.

 

“You don’t want to play?” she asked kindly. Thus far only Kix and Byph, the Itholian boy, had been able to get the shy ones to talk, but Ahsoka seemed to have automatically earned their trust.

 

“You won’t leave us behind?” Jith asked.

 

“No,” Ahsoka said immediately, and Rex could feel her heart ache for the girl. “Never.”

 

“Promise?” Tal’ror pressed.

 

“Promise,” Ahsoka confirmed. Still, the little ones seemed reluctant to go. Then Byph detached himself from the group and walked over.

 

“ _Ahsoka never leaves anyone behind_ ,” he said. Fives and Zatt had rigged up a translating device for him and Gungi, and it had been a lifesaver on the ship. “ _You should play with us. You can help me, how does that sound?_ ”

 

Both the little ones agreed, and they wandered off, leaving the adults to sit and talk for a while without worrying they were overhead. That had been an adjustment, too, having to watch his words. They were clever, and likely more mature than similarly aged younglings, but still.

 

“Ah, Byph,” Ahsoka said, clearly proud of him. “He’s gotten pretty good at dealing with fear now, it seems.” Then she caught her breath, sitting easily on the grass, and turned to look at the rest of them. “Well, I suppose we have a lot to consider.”

 

“Like that we need a bigger ship, for one,” Coric said, as they all sat. “Weren’t expecting to have nine passengers. Not that I mind them!” he was quick to say. “They’re not bad, but we just don’t have the room.”

 

“Quarters did get a bit tight,” Tup agreed.

 

“What about finding somewhere to settle, what about here?” Echo asked. “It might be safer for them than on a ship, exposed.”

 

“No,” Ahoska said carefully. “A ship would be best. They need to stay on the move, though it is going to be… difficult. I’ll need to get rid of my ship as well. It’s registered to me, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to keep it.”

 

“Where the hell can we sell two ships, buy another, get a fake registry, and have no one alert any authorities?” Fives asked. “I mean, I know some places, but they’ll send us on our merry way and then try to kill us after making a profit.”

 

Rex could feel Ahsoka’s trepidation, and he knew that whatever she was about to suggest, he wouldn’t like it. Then she looked at him, eyebrow raised.

 

“You’ve been quiet, Rex,” she said.

 

“Not a captain or commander anymore,” he said, shrugging. And that was true, but not the whole of it. He wondered if she could tell that he was holding back, and from the way she looked at him, the answer was: yes, yes she could. “I suppose I’m more preoccupied by thinking about what we should do once we get a ship. That’ll happen, but we need intel. What lanes are safe to travel, what planets won’t simply sell us all out, are we going to isolate ourselves? I don’t think that’s a good idea, for us or the younglings. More, how are we going to keep ourselves in food and fuel?”

 

They went silent at that.

 

“I suppose passing ourselves off as mercenaries wouldn’t fly with the younglings on board,” Coric said.

 

“Merchants?” Echo asked. “Traders? We do still have some credits from, well, my creative efforts, that could be used to start us up.”

 

“Cargo carriers?” Tup suggested. “Less people do deal with that way, and having the younglings would make more sense. If we stuck to the Outer Rim, most would assume they were slaves for one reason or another.”

 

“That might be the best option, Tup,” Rex said, considering. Ahsoka’s lip curled in distaste, but she nodded at the last suggestion. Rex felt his own uneasiness with even posing as a slave owner resonate with her’s. He caught her eye. “I don’t like the implications either, but the idea has merit.”

 

“Alright,” she agreed. “That also answers the kind of ship we’ll need.”

 

“It’s not glamorous,” Fives allowed, “But it should help us stay under the radar.”

 

“I suppose you’d rather we were dancing troupe sponsors, eh, brother?” Kix teased. Fives rolled his eyes.

 

“Now, much more important question,” Ahsoka said, and Rex could see the teasing light in her eyes. “Who picked out your civvies? Because I know Rex would never put himself in pants that tight.” At that Rex could feel a spike of… something from her, and it made him more than a little nervous, and he tried to keep his expression neutral. Still, the men laughed and Tup damn near preened.

 

“I put together our non-medical supplies. Rex,” Tup said, shooting his brother a smirk. “Would never have thought of civvies, and we all needed to look a little bit different, make us all look a little less identical.”

 

“Well, good job, Tup. You all look pretty good,” Ahsoka said, and the rest of the men sat up a little straighter. Rex shook his head, but couldn’t help the smile that flickered across his face at her praise.

 

“Anyway,” Ahsoka went on. “I do know of a way to get a ship, but I don’t want to make the choice without you all agreeing.”

 

“Fair enough,” Echo said, sidelining the point again. “But we should have a captain, if we’re going to be on a ship. Someone at least nominally in charge.”

 

“That’s obvious,” Rex said, “Ahsoka’s our captain.” She turned to look at him, eyes wide, and he could feel her surprise. He returned her look, as if to say _what else did you expect me to say?_

 

“I can’t,” she started.

 

“You’d be my choice,” Coric said. “We can shake down the rest of the command structure, but it’s not that important with this small a crew.” The rest of the men agreed. She smiled wryly.

 

“Alright, fine, but you might change your mind since we’re going to Hondo to get a ship,” she told them.

 

“I change my vote!” Fives said without missing a beat.

 

“I don’t think we can change our votes once we have a captain,” Kix said. “We’re stuck with her now.”

 

“ _Stang!_ ” Tup said. “Well, I suppose we’ll just have to manage somehow.”

 

“Could be worse,” Echo said. “Fives could be captain.”

 

Rex allowed himself to visibly shudder, as though the very idea was worthy of existential dread. Well, it _was_ , but that was beside the point, because it made everyone laugh again, like for a moment nothing was actually wrong and their lives hadn’t been turned inside out.

 

And as easily as that, they had decided their fates, the course of their lives for the next however long. Though he wasn’t a solider anymore, though he had lost everything that had once been an essential part of how he thought of himself, he had been able to keep everything, as it turned out, that really mattered.

 

* * *

 

They had put the little ones to bed, that being a rather protracted event. First, the youngest ones asked for a lullaby from Ahsoka, who happily obliged, though it was a Togruta one and had a few odd vocalizations that, while soothing, sounded odd to his ears. He supposed he would get used to it, if it became regular practice. They still demanded Kix tuck them in, though.

 

Then Fives had to convince Zatt to turn off his scanner, while Tup had to get Byph to _not_ turn on his flashlight. Coric got Gungi to settle, while Echo assured Ganodi that they would keep working on their project tomorrow. Katooni spoke softly to Ahsoka for a little while as well.

 

“You’ll help me get better with a blaster, right?” Petro asked him, and Rex nodded, smiling. The boy had attached himself to Rex fairly quickly, like other younglings had done with the others.

 

“Of course,” Rex agreed. “Now, get to sleep.” Petro gave him a tired salute.

 

“Yes, sir,” the boy said, smiling, and curled up.

 

Ahsoka and the men left the cargo compartment they had turned into a bedroom for the younglings, stepping carefully around the bedding, blankets, and pillows that had been carefully arranged. Kix and Echo had put most of it together, trying to make sure the younglings would be comfortable.

 

They regrouped in the mess hall, and Ahsoka looked at them with such a heartfelt expression on her face, Rex almost didn’t need that bond to know that she felt such gratitude to them for caring for the younglings.

 

“Do you have to do that every night?” she asked. They nodded and shrugged.

 

“We had a hard time getting them to sleep that first night on ship. They were so wound up,” Kix explained. “It seemed to help them, having us around for a little bit.” Ahsoka looked at them all, her heart in her eyes, and she squeezed Kix’s hands.

 

“Thank you,” she said, with all the sincerity in the galaxy in her voice. Kix blushed and looked away.

 

“Wasn’t much,” he muttered.

 

“Just seemed like the thing to do,” Tup agreed.

 

“Still,” she insisted, and looked at them all in turn, and for men who had stared down death and worse, feeling the weight of Ahsoka’s gratitude made them all feel taken aback, unsure.   _We’ve never been good at being thanked,_ he thought, _probably because it happened so rarely_.

 

Ahsoka looked Rex sharply at that, as though she could hear his thoughts, though he knew that wasn’t the case. But he thought it might be the case that she could infer his thoughts from his emotional state.

 

“They’re our responsibility now, too, Ahsoka” Rex said. “We might not know much about younglings, but we’ll do our best. You’ll need to train them, not to be Jedi, I suppose, but how to use the Force. We’ll teach them what we can, and… be there for them, that’s how it goes, right?” he asked, and though he did know it worked that way, because that’s what you did for shinies who had a rough go, it felt different applying that same logic to younglings, though Rex couldn’t figure out why.

 

Ahsoka nodded, smiling brightly.

 

“Its not a normal family, but then, none of us are normal, so it works out, I guess,” she said lightly, but he could feel her happiness, and he wondered how long it would take to get used to Ahsoka being such an immediate presence in his mind, or if they should even keep the bond she had forged in the first place. Then he could feel her dim, diminish, retreat.

 

The happiness of the day was retreating, and he could feel her turning toward darker thoughts. And while the others didn’t have the benefit of being able to feel her motions, the frown on her face warned them that they were about to shift topics, and not for the better.

 

“There’s been something on my mind, though. I know that it must have been hard, but I need to know. What happened at the Temple?” she asked softly and then took a breath, “What happened to Anakin?”

 

They froze, like cornered animals. She must have sensed all of their trepidation, their hesitation, because she put her hands, palms down on the table to steady herself and give them the space to talk though she would likely rather shake answers out of them. Rex looked his brothers, the remnants of Torrent Company, and for all they knew one of the handful of clones to still be themselves. From their expressions, however, he knew what they were thinking.

 

It was Rex’s job to tell her.

 

There was no easy way to say it, so he forged ahead, but he kept his voice as gentle as he could manage it. Suddenly dealing with younglings for the past week had a beneficial side effect: he could modulate his tone much, much better now.

 

“The general, he was there, and he,” Rex started saying, but then stopped, struck by the look on Ahsoka’s face, her wide eyed hope, her shiver of fear for her former Master. “Ahsoka,” he said softly, reaching out, hand on her shoulder, trying to radiate honesty and sympathy. “The general led the 501st into the Temple. He gave the order to shoot to kill.”

 

For a long, protracted moment, she stared at him, her blue eyes uncomprehending. Then she shook her head, and shrugged his hand from off of her shoulder. She was withdrawing from him, from all of them, body and mind. He felt her build up walls between them, but her disbelief rang loud and clear regardless.

 

“I don’t know why, Ahsoka, but he did. Something must have happened to him, because he wasn’t himself. He was angry, so angry, and there was no talking to him,” Rex said, and he could feel her getting angry. She shot to her feet and back away, looking from face to identical face, trying to see something other than the truth in their expressions.

 

“No,” she said. “He wouldn’t, Rex, no. I can’t believe it that, I… I need to go. I need to see for myself,” she said, voice breaking.

 

Then she fled.

 

They sat there, stunned. The other men turned to him, looking for a call, a direction, an answer. He had none.

 

* * *

 

Ahsoka retreated to her room on the _Grey Hawk_ and sank herself into the Force. It was still chaotic, a tumult, a riot, but it was starting to subside. It was different now, the points of light destroyed in one fell swoop, and darkness reigned, making it hard to see beyond the immediate moments.

 

Looking back, using the Force, would be a risk, she knew, but she _had to_ _know_. She trusted Rex, she did, and it must have been the truth as he had seen it, but there had to be more. That wasn’t the whole story, it couldn’t be. He had been her Master, her friend, her brother, and it was in him to be angry and reckless, but not cruel, not vile.

 

Or, so she had always believed.

 

So she opened herself up to the bond she had with her former Master, and found it a shadowed, tenuous thing like she had before, but this time she followed it down and felt him: _pain, anger, fear, hate, so much hate, hate for himself, for the galaxy, for the Jedi_.

 

She pushed past that, needing to see what had happened.

 

 _Padm_ _é, visions of the future, her dying, her pain, no, no, no, my love. Anything, anything, I will do anything for you, because that’s love, I can’t lose her too, I won’t, I will do **anything**._

 

_The Chancellor can help, he’s always been so helpful, but they’re killing him! Without him, I can’t save her, I have to **save** her! So they have to die!_

_What have I done?_

_Too late._

_Too far gone._

_She’s worth it._

_She can forgive._

_Will she forgive?_

_But she will **live!** For her live they must die, they must all die, but no, no, no, no, I can’t, but I am, it’s done. The Jedi are dead, the Jedi would have let her die, would have **kept her from me**. _

_Nothing will part us again, and the baby, the baby will be safe. We’ll be a family._

_Dead… but… I did as I was told, I did **everything** , and it was for **nothing**. _

_Hate, anger, fear, pain, burning, horrible pain, down to his bones, hate that hollowed out his soul, anger that burned his mind, fear that consumed him, a fear so old it had always been a part of him. So afraid, always so afraid of being alone, of being unloved._

_And now he was, in truth. Alone. Unloved. Only the Emperor loved him now, cared. That was all he had left._

_Unless._

_Snips?_

 

Ahsoka’s eyes shot open, aware that he had felt her rummaging around in the past, in his past. But this was dangerous, if he remembered that she was alive. She had seen it now, indelibly burned into her mind and soul, Anakin Skywalker leading the 501st up the Temple steps, giving the order, killing Jedi and younglings, cutting them down, not sure if he hated the Jedi or himself more.

 

She couldn’t be alive. He would come for her, to drag her into darkness or kill her, she didn’t know, but he would come. And he would find the younglings. Half in a panic, she cast about for ideas, how to keep him away. The remnants of their training bond had to be broken, but that wouldn’t be enough. He had to think her dead.

 

Casting about, she tried to think of ways to send that through the bond, and then she remembered her knife. Rex had insisted, years ago, that she have a proper knife, because it wasn’t always appropriate to use a saber to cut things.

 

 _Yes,_ she thought, _the knife would do the job perfectly_.

 

* * *

 

Rex sat in the pilot’s chair, monitoring the readouts. Someone had to keep watch, and Rex thought as long as Ahsoka’s horror and confusion were coming through the bond, he wasn’t going to get any sleep anyway. He had all but ordered the rest of the men to their bunks to sleep, promising them that he’d get some shut eye once they were in hyperspace on their way to the pirate’s hideout.

 

Which still sounded like a bad idea, but the least bad idea of all their options.

 

Then he felt a spike of pain through the bond, not emotional pain, but physical. His body didn’t even consult his brain as he shot to his feet and pelted out of the ship and keyed in the passcode for the _Grey Hawk_. Running through the ship, he found her in her berth, kneeling on the floor, a puddle of blood spreading ominously on the floor, her hand holding her side, and her knife lying next to her.

 

Heedless of the blood, he knelt, and took her by the shoulders, not sure if he wanted to hold her or shake her. He settled for growling at her.

 

“What the _kriff_ did you do, Ahsoka?!” he bit out. “We need to get you to Kix, come on.” He made ready to bodily pick her up and drag her to Kix for patching up, when she moved her hand, and he saw that there was no wound. At least, not anymore.

 

“I’m fine, Rex,” she said, voice ragged, but steady. Too steady. She was in turmoil, a mass of lingering physical pain, unthinking horror, and heartache.

 

“Like kriffing hell you’re fine. You stabbed yourself, Ahsoka. Any particular reason why, or were you just playing about with the idea of killing yourself?” he demanded, heart in his throat. He knew she wouldn’t take the information well, she had loved Skywalker, idolized him, and while the Jedi didn’t approve of suicide, she wasn’t a Jedi anymore.

 

At that, she seemed to realize how this looked, her eyes going wide, and he felt a spike of sympathy. For him, for finding her like this. She reached up, her unbloodied hand cupping his face, her thumb lightly stroking his cheek, comforting _him_.

 

“Oh, Rex. No, no, but I had to make him think I was dead. I couldn’t… I saw it, Rex,” she choked out, tears falling down her face. “Found him, I saw him, and I looked back and it was all there. Padmé, he lost her, I knew he loved her, and she had been pregnant when she died. Rex, he went mad. I saw it all.”

 

There was nothing to say to that, so he stayed silent. His heart went out to her, however, and he knew she could feel it. She drew a shaky breath and forged ahead.

 

“But he saw me too, through the Force. I couldn’t… I couldn’t let him come after me, or the younglings. He had to think I was dead. I couldn’t just break the bond. Then I remembered the knife, the one you said I should have. So… I just did it, and then I broke the bond, and I think it worked. I think he thinks I’m dead,” she said, speaking faster and faster as she went on, as though she were working herself into a panic. Then she let out a breath, and she reasserted some kind of control. Rex took a breath too, his fear draining out of him.

 

Without thinking, he drew her into a hug, holding her to him for all he was worth. She returned the hug, her fingers digging into his shoulders. Their shared grief echoed between them, mourning the man they had both known and cared for, for the lives lost, finding solace in the lives they had saved.

 

“Promise me something, Ahsoka,” he said, surprised at how raw his own voice sounded. “Don’t surprise me with something like that ever again.” She pulled away from him at that, enough to look up at him with a mix of surprise and guilt that confused him at first.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think about… I’m so sorry that I scared you, Rex. I wasn’t thinking clearly, and I just did the first thing I could think of that would work,” she said.

 

“Yeah, I got that you weren’t thinking clearly. Speaking of,” he said dryly, and looked pointedly at the blood they were both kneeling in. The metallic tang of it was starting to invade his sense of smell in an unpleasant way. “You should probably get cleaned up. I’ll… deal with this.”

 

They stood up, and she gathered up some fresh clothes for herself, and made her way to the refresher. Sighing, Rex ransacked one of her supply stashes for cleaning supplies, and finding them, he sopped up the blood and scrubbed the floor clean before it could stain. He threw it all into the disposal.

 

She was in the refresher for a while, but he didn’t want to rush her. So he waited, sitting in the mess and getting some tea ready for her. When she emerged, she was clean, head to toe, for all the world looking like she hadn’t just damn near killed herself, regardless of her lack of intent. He could feel her composure returning, though she was steeling herself for something. Tensing, he hoped she wouldn’t undo all the plans they had made that day. Oddly, he had begun to look forward to his new life. The galaxy might be in shambles, but he would get to make his own choices, live his own life, with the people who mattered to him.

 

It was more than a clone trooper could have ever dreamed of. He didn’t know if he could stand to lose his new life before it had even begun.

 

She could sense his tension, of course, and possibly infer the source of it as well. Shaking her head, she gave him a small smile, trying to put him at ease. She sat next to him and wrapped her hands around the mug of tea he had made.

 

“So I’ve been thinking, Rex, and I don’t know if this bond is fair to you, not anymore. I could break it, well, that’s not accurate, but close enough. I worry that it’s too intrusive for you. You aren’t used to having to filter out other people’s emotions and pain, and lately I’ve had a lot of both. More, I can sense _you_ , more clearly than anyone else. I know you value your privacy, Rex. You’re not… its okay, is what I’m trying to say, if you don’t want this, now that we’ll be travelling together,” she said, and her tone had been measured and reasonable throughout. She had also managed to hide exactly how she felt about this from him, though he thought it was taking some considerable effort on her part to do so.

 

“Do you want to break it?” he asked, cocking his head to the side in inquiry. She shook her head.

 

“What I want isn’t the issue here, Rex, and besides, it should be your choice. It impacts you more than it does me. I’m used to filtering and blocking, and I… I don’t mind you knowing how I’m feeling,” she said, and he suddenly hated not knowing how she felt. In a day, it had almost become second nature to have that information there in his mind.

 

“Could you teach me how to filter and block?” he asked, and she looked at him, clearly surprised.

 

“I suppose so,” she said carefully. “But you wouldn’t have to filter at all if I broke it.” He sighed, and decided he would have to take a leap. The bond might cause discomfort or awkwardness here or there, but its benefits far, far outweighed its burdens.

 

“I get that, but,” he said and breathed out sharply though his nose. He looked at her sharply, pointedly. “You are a stubborn woman, Ahsoka, and you might be our elected captain, but someone’s got to look after you, and that might as well be me. I get it. You’ve been on your own for two years, or near enough. I don’t know what the Nulls are to you—”

 

“Sometime allies, maybe friends on a good day,” she said wryly, breaking in briefly. Then she took a sip of her tea, her cue for him to continue.

 

“Yeah, well, you don’t need to go it alone, anymore, and I’m going to use whatever I can to make sure that gets through your head. I don’t want a repeat of tonight, in any way, shape, or form. And besides,” he said, and this was hard to admit, he knew that, and he knew she would be able to feel his wariness, but he went on regardless. “I’ve gotten used to you being here,” he said tapping his head. “Wouldn’t feel right without, now.”

 

She smiled, almost shyly, and she let down her guard, and he could feel her tentative happiness at his choice. And something else, something like a realization, that she had just figured out something important. What, he didn’t know, but at least it didn’t feel like she was sinking away from him anymore.

 

“If it ever becomes too much, you tell me,” she insisted.

 

“I will, but I don’t think it’ll be a problem. Besides, you’re going to teach me how to control it better,” he reminded her.

 

“I’m a bit too out of sorts to start that tonight, but I’m certainly not going to get any sleep either. Did you want to stay?” she asked. At his surprise, she quickly spoke again. “I was thinking of going up topside and watching the stars. It always helps me, looking at them, when I can’t meditate.” She didn’t say why she couldn't meditate, he had a fair guess.

 

“Sounds like a plan,” he said, and her full smile was more than worth it all.

 

* * *

 

What Ahsoka had realized, what she had forgotten was that while clan meant protecting and helping those you loved, it also meant letting those who loved you help you. It was, as the Guardian said, a precious gift to receive. So there, sitting next to Rex on the top of the _Grey Hawk_ , her hands curled around a new mug of warm tea, Ahsoka knew her heart had been hurt, hurt deeply, and that she would take time to recover. But she need not recover alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Ahsoka, not an easy thing to learn, that. Especially so close to the event, I would imagine. Chapter title from another Dickinson poem about, of course, how a heart breaks.
> 
>  
> 
> Not with a club the heart is broken,  
> Nor with a stone;  
> A whip, so small you could not see it,  
> I ’ve known 
> 
> To lash the magic creature  
> Till it fell,  
> Yet that whip’s name too noble  
> Then to tell. 
> 
> Magnanimous of bird  
> By boy descried,  
> To sing unto the stone  
> Of which it died.


	9. Chapter 8: Just such a retrospect

Hondo’s place hadn’t changed, and considering her experiences with the pirate, she had rather expected it. It actually made her smile to see that it was the same, raucous place. Rex walked at her side, and she could feel him keeping an eye on everything. She wouldn’t call his emotional state nervous or wary, but that sustained watchfulness of a long-time soldier.

 

If a fight broke out, Rex would react with deadly efficiency.

 

Underneath that, however, was something that was only apparent because of the bond they shared: he was not happy with this plan. He had wanted to come in armed to the teeth with his brothers and negotiated from a position of strength. So she had pulled rank.

 

He had _not_ liked that, especially when she reminded him that her being captain was his idea.

 

“Well, well, well,” Hondo drawled, one leg kicked over the arm of his chair, and few women eagerly waiting on him. With a wave of his hand, he dismissed them, and she could feel all of his attention on her.

 

“I had thought you had died,” he said. “I must say, I am pleased to see that you are still very much alive, my dear.”

 

“Hondo,” she said brightly. “I’m touched that you care so much.”

 

“Oh, you misunderstand me. There is a substantial bounty offered by this new Empire, ha! Empire, Republic, they are so silly with their names, but still, I wander. They want the Jedi, and you, my dear, will provide me with a tidy bit of profit, and I didn’t even have to work to find you! You came to me!” he exulted.

 

She could feel Rex tense at that, but he held steady, his face giving nothing away. Smiling sweetly, Ahsoka shook her head.

 

“Oh Hondo, that would be a really bad idea,” she said. “Did you think I came here, knowing about the bounty and your habits, and that I didn’t come with backup?”

 

“Him?” Hondo scoffed, gesturing dismissively at Rex. “He has the look of a fine solider, I’ll grant you that, my dear, but he is alone.”

 

Then suddenly several red dots appeared on Hondo’s chest. Rex, with a gleeful satisfaction, had signaled the other troopers to turn on their sights. She pointed down and Hondo saw the points of light. He looked back up, apparently as unconcerned as ever, and smiled at her like he was proud of her.

 

“Ah, well played, my dear,” he said. “Very well then, what do you want?”

 

“Just to make a trade. I’ve got two ships, but I need one that can accommodate a good two dozen crew and work cargo shipping,” she said. That surprised him.

 

“Cargo? My dear, I had thought you would be coming to me for weapons! Do you not want to take back your Republic?” he asked. She shook her head.

 

“The Republic is dead, and I just want to live a quiet life, Hondo. Shipping cargo will let me do that,” she said. His eyes narrowed, and he considered her for a long moment, then he reverted back to his normal, easy, affable expression.

 

“We all have our limits, yes? Even former Jedi, it seems,” he said. “Very well, let us find a suitable ship.”

 

They had made the trade, and Hondo had been almost offended when she had been willing to take no extras considering that she had a HWK-290 to trade. He was, as he said, a man of business. But this new ship was perfect. There was enough space for everyone, plenty of space for cargo (and some well hidden smuggling nooks, which testified to its past life), two shuttles, and it even had some basic defensive capabilities.

 

The clones had swarmed over the ship, checking out systems, and hull integrity, and she let them do their work. Tup and Coric were already thinking up ways to improve the weapons and shields, and Echo was nearly in love with the computer system on board.

 

Eventually, Hondo waved his men back to their little hideout, and he squared his shoulders as he turned to her.

 

“Now, you will tell me the truth, yes?” he said. “I know you, my dear, and you do not give up. That reason might suffice for my men, they are stupid and short sighted, but you are neither.” She knew he hadn’t believed her, but she wasn’t sure how much truth she could trust him with. Though she didn’t try to hide her concern, Hondo knew he wasn’t trustworthy, so he didn’t take it personally.

 

“I will not turn you in. I have helped you, and the Empire, ah the things I hear already would make you weep,” he said, as though she had not already known how dark the galaxy had become, as though she had not wept. “That I helped you, well, I have chosen my fate, and I shall abide by it.”

 

And that, was as close as Hondo Ohnaka would come to having a moral compass, but it might just be enough.

 

“Turning cargo carrier is a cover. There are some very special people I have to protect. You know them, in fact. The clones rescued them and brought them to me,” she said, and told without having to say the exact words. Hondo’s eyes still went wide and he gave a low whistle of surprise.

 

“Is the little Tholothian among them?” he asked. She nodded. “Well, a life saved, your secrets are safe with me, though I cannot say the same for my men. I will likely have to kill a few of them for the betrayal they are now committing,” he said, laughing. “Now, you just need to pick a name for your ship, and I can provide you with a set of documents even the most meticulous Munn could not fault.”

 

Ahsoka looked at the ship, the place that would be her home now, filled with the people in the galaxy she loved more dearly than she had realized, her brothers, the younglings, _Rex_. There was only one name she could give it, something her mother had said to her before she left, a secret whisper as Ahsoka was whisked away to become a Jedi: _do not forget your heart’s home, my daughter_.

 

“ _Bar’ore_ ,” she said, leaving off the trills that would have accompanied it. It would do.

 

* * *

 

They had just picked up their very first cargo from their very first client, and Ahsoka couldn’t help but feel a little bit proud. Certainly, it wouldn’t be an exciting life, this, but it would give the younglings the stability they would need. She wasn’t sure how long most of the _vod’e_ could stand to be this bored, but for now most of them were reveling in the novelty of consistently not being shot at.

 

That didn’t mean they stopped training, though.

 

The problem with the clones still training was that it was rather distracting.

 

Especially when she was trying to work with the younglings.

 

They were in the secondary cargo bay, which they had converted for the express purpose of keeping sharp, and yes, they had agreed that they could easily share the space. The clones liked to keep their own schedules, performing their various tasks at their own pace.

 

It made Rex slightly twitchy, she thought, but the rest of them seemed to enjoy the fact that they could prioritize their various tasks themselves.

 

Regardless, that meant there was generally at least one or two of them training at any given time during the ‘day’ part of their cycle. She had kept the younglings to some kind of schedule after she and Kix had done some reading on how to raise younglings. Consistency seemed to be very important, and thinking back to her own training, she could agree with that idea.

 

She was currently leading the older ones through a slightly more advanced saber form, and keeping an eye on the smaller ones who had just learned a basic technique that day. It had been going fine until Rex and Tup had walked in, both in loose fitting clothing for training, and started to warm up.

 

 _No,_ she told herself, _focus._

 

“Alright,” she said putting herself back together slightly, “do you think you can do that on your own?”

 

“Yeah! Just you watch me!” Petro said, and she couldn’t help but smile. Still a proud little thing. Katooni rolled her eyes, but Ahsoka could sense the determination rolling off of the girl. She watched them, correcting them a few times. Zatt placed a foot wrong, and Byph needed to hold his arms stronger for the form to work, and they were still slow, slightly unsure, but confidence in a new form would come with time and practice.

 

They were, she had good reason to know, already fairly competent. But that was no reason to stop improving. Even the younger ones were getting the hang of the basic form, and her attention started to drift again.

 

Rex and Tup had just finished their warm up, and both of them removed their shirts and started wrapping that cloth around their hands. They circled each other, and then started trading punches, ducking and weaving with a surprising level of grace.

 

She was not watching them. No. Just glancing now and again, to make sure that they didn’t get too close to the practicing younglings. That was all.

 

Rex took a brutal hit to the ribs, and Ahsoka felt an echo of his pain, but he kept going, and got Tup in a nasty looking hold. They broke apart, Tup acknowledging the point, and they started to circle each other again.

 

“Ahsoka, am I doing this right?” Ganodi asked, her high voice breaking into Ahsoka’s thoughts that she really shouldn’t be having, mostly featuring Rex’s broad, well-muscled shoulders.

 

“Um, let me see it again, to make sure,” Ahsoka said, and forced herself to pay attention as Ganodi went through the form again. She smiled, and knelt. “You’ve got the movements right, but you need to learn to _feel_ the form as well. How it flows through the Force and becomes your guide in battle.”

 

“How do I do that?” she asked, frowning, clearly not wanting to admit that she had a hard time understanding the concept.

 

“Like this,” Ahsoka said, “and don’t watch with your eyes, feel it.” She started to move, concentrating on each movement and letting the feeling of the form flow through her. It was the Soresu, designed to block blaster fire, and one that they would need, and required the user to be centered in the Force to anticipate the incoming bolts. Her movements were tight, controlled, but she kept her balance at her center.

 

Then she felt Rex take a hit to the face. Her eyes opened and she turned around to see him kneeling on the mat, holding his hand out, waving off Tup’s help. He staggered to his feet and felt frustrated, but at himself.

 

He caught her eye and then looked away sharply.

 

 _Oh,_ she thought. She wasn’t the only one having trouble concentrating at times, it seemed. The thought cheered her slightly. Turn about, after all, was fair play. Quickly, making her distraction seem like she was merely concerned with a friend’s wellbeing and nothing more, she turned back to the younglings.

 

“Did you see, did you feel it?” she asked them. They all nodded their heads, but even Petro looked tentative, and knew that real understanding would come in time. For now, they would simply keep trying.

 

“Good,” she said, smiling brightly. “Run through it again, then we’ll break for lunch.”

 

There was a little happy chorus at that. They were growing Force-users after all. She could vividly remember how much she had been able to eat when she had been a youngling. This would never be the training the Temple could have given them, the patient attention and care, with dozens, hundreds of Masters and Knights on hand to guide and give lessons and advice. There was only her and what she knew.

 

Still, seeing their small faces set in determined concentration, their dutiful practice with the forms, she thought she might not do too terrible a job after all.

 

* * *

 

It had been two months since they had started their little odd life. Running cargo had kept them in enough credits to buy food and fuel and a few luxuries, and life had settled into a reasonable routine. Ahsoka spent a lot of time training the younglings, mornings were for saber practice, and after lunch they would work on various Force-techniques. Rex only understood some of it. She talked about more than meditation and healing, and while that seemed fairly straight forward, internal Force manipulation sounded uncomfortable at best.

 

He had taken up the position of second-in-command almost without thinking about it, which just went to show that some habits were too ingrained to be lost no matter the context. Coric and Tup worked on the weapons systems, found ways to boost the shields, and strengthen the armor. They also provided a good measure of intimidation when they ended up dealing with less than respectable persons. Which was most of the time on the Outer Rim.

 

Echo had started to take up the pilot’s position, though he split his time between that and helping Fives look for clients and making sure that the holonet didn’t talk about the _Bar’ore_ as anything other than a reliable cargo ship and crew. They also monitored Empire communications, but those conversations were for after the younglings went to bed.

 

Kix happily presided over the medical bay, though he had started to branch out into cooking, refusing to let them eat meal packs all the time. Something about actual food being psychologically important. Which had translated into a medical mandate for communal meals.

 

Hence, the current chaos that was nominally called ‘dinner.’

 

“ _Then I got Petro really good_!” Gungi said, giving the human boy a smile to let him know that Gungi wasn’t being mean. “ _But then he got me, so I guess we both still have to get better, huh_?”

 

“Good job, Gungi, you must be doing well with your practice,” Coric said, like it was the most natural thing in the galaxy for men who had never had a childhood to be part of raising younglings. The Wookie sat up a little straighter and started eating again, which meant that it was another youngling’s turn to talk.

 

“I was able to heal a cut today!” Katooni said, clearly excited. “Kix was very helpful, making really careful cuts for us to heal. Used the laser scalpel and everything so it didn’t hurt at all, and I healed my cut!”

 

“Let’s see!” Echo said excitedly. Katooni held out her arm, showing them that there wasn’t even a scar. All the clones, himself included, happily examined her arm and saw that the other younglings had managed to heal themselves as well, though it seemed Katooni had a knack for it.

 

As he looked up from Petro’s arm, his cut covered by a small Bacta patch that would finish the job the boy had started, he caught Ahsoka’s eye; she had been watching him, like she was trying to figure something out. That had been happening lately, and it made him just a little bit jumpy. He had caught her watching him from time to time, and did his best to ignore it. Not that he hadn’t watched her in return. They all kept up their training, and Rex tried not to think about the times he saw Ahsoka training by herself in the refitted secondary cargo hold, all grace and strength and _don’t go there, you barve_.

 

Some part of him liked the idea that she paid attention to him, in ways she didn’t with his brothers, but he knew better to encourage it. He had thought about it, lying in his bunk, but the reasons to _not_ kept piling up. She was an adult now, but she hadn’t been when they had met, would he be taking advantage of her? Would it be fair to her? And worse, he had seen what too much emotion could do to a Force-user.

 

But this wasn’t like that.

 

This was something else. He could feel her, through the bond, because even though they had been working to help him learn how to filter, sometimes she projected. And right now her heart was so full, a mix of _pride, happiness, love, belonging, togetherness, home, safe_ that he smiled in return.

 

Then he noticed Maada was nowhere to be seen. They had all quickly learned that if Maada couldn’t be accounted for, then she was likely doing something that she shouldn’t. At least she was somewhat predictable. Ducking his head under the table, he saw her sitting there, playing with some of the toys Tup had bought the little ones in their last port of call. In fact it looked like all of the toys were currently scattered around her. He didn’t even want to know how she did this without anyone noticing.

 

“Maada,” he said, and she looked up him guiltily. “Come on, out from under the table now. You haven’t touched your dinner yet.”

 

“Not hungry,” she declared.

 

“You don’t have to eat, but you know what Kix says. We should spend dinner time together,” he said. “And if you don’t eat your dinner, you don’t get your dessert.” He couldn’t blame her for that working. Every time. Togruta might be carnivores, but sugar still tasted good to them. She put down the toys she had been playing with, and climbed up in to his lap.

 

Another thing that he had not been able to imagine: being comfortable around younglings. He remembered Saleucami, where a trooper had found a family that had needed him, and loved them until they became his own. Rex thought he might understand Cut better now, for all that it had been true that back then he could not have imagined being anything other than a soldier.

 

“I did a saber form today!” Maada declared, now back at the table, but interrupting Zatt to do so. “So did Jith and Tal’ror, and we did it really good!”

 

“You had your turn,” Rex said softly. “You should say sorry.” She screwed up her face like she was about to protest, then Ahsoka trilled sharply. Whatever that meant, it did the trick. Maada looked away, abashed.

 

“Sorry, Zatt,” she said, though a bit recalcitrant about it.

 

“Thank you, Maada,” the boy said with a smile. “Apology accepted.” Then he kept talking about some new thing he was building in his room, with Fives and Echo asking all sorts of questions. Maada then began to amuse herself by stealing food off of his plate, thinking he didn’t notice.

 

Considering she had apologized, he would give her that victory.

 

That night, after the younglings had gone to sleep (only Maada, Jith, and Tal’ror got tucked in now, so that was an improvement according to Ahsoka and Kix who had been reading up on youngling development), the adults sat around the table, going over their days, comparing notes, dividing up tasks for tomorrow. Fives would stay up late and sleep through most of the day cycle, because someone had to keep watch. Tup and Coric traded off staying up with him. They lingered, enjoying some relatively fresh _caf_ , as they had gotten into the habit of doing now that none of them were on solider time.

 

Rex’s days had become rather boring, if he was honest about it. Some part of him knew that this wouldn’t last, or dreaded that it wouldn’t. Still, he was learning to enjoy this new life, and be grateful for the people he got to share it with.

 

He must not have been blocking that well, what with it getting late, because Ahsoka caught his eye again and grinned. She raised her cup of _caf_ in silent acknowledgment and agreement. He returned the gesture, and for all that it felt like the most natural thing in the galaxy to share moments like that with her, he knew he had to be careful here.

 

Even though he didn’t want to be.

 

Looking at her, her blue eyes and bright smile, knowing her kind heart and fierce determination, no, he would rather not be careful.

 

But he would be, because he knew he didn’t want to be that kind of man, the kind of man who took advantage of the best friend he had ever had, or be the reason she fell into darkness like her Master before her.

 

Still, he enjoyed the moment for what it was, and tried not to wish for things that couldn’t be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought you all deserved some out and out cuteness, with just a touch of relationship angst on the end. Just a touch. Because Rex is a little bit too stoic for his own good.
> 
> Also, if you want to know what Ahsoka got up to with the Null-ARCs, check out “The Kamino Job,” part of this series! Thanks for putting up with the slower updates. Postgrad life.
> 
> “Togruta” (stole some elvish for this, and mucked with it, thanks Tolkien, you O.G. con-langer)  
> Bar’ore = heart’s home
> 
> Yet another Dickinson poem, about how a house becomes a home, a thing in itself.
> 
> The Props assist the House  
> Until the House is built  
> And then the Props withdraw  
> And adequate, erect,  
> The House support itself  
> And cease to recollect  
> The Augur and the Carpenter –  
> Just such a retrospect  
> Hath the perfected Life –  
> A Past of Plank and Nail  
> And slowness – then the scaffolds drop  
> Affirming it a Soul –


	10. Chapter 9: That kept so many warm

“Got an odd request,” Echo said after they had put the younglings to bed. “Came through over the net today, calling out for any takers. They seem desperate.”

 

In the past four months they had been seeing a lot more desperation as the Empire tightened its grip, though it had largely remained a problem in the Core and Inner Rim regions of the space. The Outer Rim so far had remained neglected, which meant that the criminal element was starting to reassert itself.

 

“What’s the job?” Ahsoka asked, sipping at her tea. While she preferred _caf_ , after those years on the _Grey Hawk_ , she had gotten used to having tea before going to sleep.

 

“Transporting a group of people to… anywhere really, as far as I can tell. They’re on Aridus, claiming that they need to relocate, that they lost their jobs and are willing to pay to go to a good planet with better prospects,” Echo said. All other conversation stopped at that.

  
So far they had stuck to the Outer Rim, hauling _goods_ , and on one memorable occasion, exotic animals for an eccentric Mirial who had his own personal zoo to relocate after his rental agreement had been voided by his most recent acquisition: a baby rancor.

 

At least the younglings had enjoyed _that_ trip. Even cleaning up after the dangerous animals hadn’t deterred their enthusiasm.

 

But this would take them into the Expansion Region, which nestled snugly between the Inner and Mid Rim. That was closer than she would have liked to the Core Worlds and the consolidating Galactic Empire.

 

“Well that’s out of the question, then, isn’t it?” Coric asked, leaning forward on the table. “Too close to the Core.”

 

“Did you have any more details?” Tup asked.

 

“A few from the job listing, and more from my own research. The job specifies needing space for seventy-three people, a mix of species, Twi’lek, Togruta, Bothans, Rodians, the odd Zabrak, and one family of humans. Payment will be in credits, half up front half on relocation. They say they’ll be able to feed themselves,” Echo said, referring to his data pad.

 

“What do you know about the planet? Why do they want to leave?” Fives asked.

 

“Well, its oddly valuable for a desert plant, lots of mining. The Empire conducted a survey there a few months ago, and they’re going to take direct control of the operations there. But they’re going to impose their own structure. They already got rid of old foremen and managers and workers and put in their own people. It’s not stated explicitly, but it seems like everyone new is human.”

 

“Ah,” Kix said aloud, though all of them understood what had been unspoken: this new Empire did not view aliens kindly. “I can see why they’d want to leave.”

 

“But we can’t do this, can we?” Echo asked, pushing away his data pad. “We can’t draw attention to ourselves.”

 

Ahsoka could sense their concern, but also their disappointment, their frustration at having to do nothing in the face of people in danger. They were soldiers; they had been created and shaped to protect people, all people. It made no sense to them to abandon innocent civilians to the tender mercies of an aggressive force.

 

It made no sense to her either. She glanced at Rex, who as usual, let the men talk it out amongst themselves, and she had adopted that tactic. It helped solidify the facts, generate ideas, and also helped to gauge how they were approaching the problem in their own minds. She raised an eyebrow at him, silently asking that he voice his opinion. He leaned forward on his forearms, looking at his brothers in turn.

 

“You’re right, Echo, that it would be dangerous, but I wonder how we could live with ourselves if we let things like this go by. Maybe we won’t be able to help everyone. I don’t think we should try. But there might be times where we can help, and we should,” Rex said. She could feel them all perk up at that.

 

“But, the decision is up to our captain. She has the final say. So, Captain,” he said, turning to her. “Do we take this job?”

 

Torn, she leaned back in her chair and looked off into the middle distance, expression thoughtful. She knew better than to hesitate, to say, stuttering _I don’t know_. At least this way she looked like she was gathering her thoughts, which at least this time had the virtue of being true.

 

“The younglings are my first priority, I can’t get around that,” she began, speaking carefully. “Aridus is close to the Core, and we don’t know the lay of the land. We could end up coming into direct contact with the Empire, and I don’t think any of us could guarantee passing unrecognized.” She paused, considering, and closed her eyes.

 

For a moment, she dipped into the flow of the Force. The dark side clouded so much, and she had no point of contact to navigate by to see the future around Aridus, but she could feel the currents of the Force weaving around her and through her. _Is safety worth turning my back, making them turn their backs on everything that we are?_

 

 _Safety is an illusion_.

 

 _Living is dangerous_.

 

_Hope is all anyone can ever offer another._

 

She opened her eyes.

 

“But we’ll take the job,” she said. “Tell them yes, Echo. We’ll start for Aridus right away.”

 

“Yes, sir!” Echo said, springing to his feet and giving her a snappy salute before heading back to comms.

 

“Kix, I need you to prep for seventy-three sentients. Hopefully we’ll get a full passenger manifest so we can plan accordingly. Coric, Tup, help Kix as needed, but your first priority is to making sure our defensive systems are operating at peak efficiency, just in case. Fives, get the younglings to help you with the engines. Trust me, they all know their way around the important systems, and Zatt might have some interesting ideas for boosting our speed and maneuverability,” she rattled off the list of duties, and as she did, they all left, making plans for what needed doing and in what order.

 

Then it was just her and Rex at the table. He gave her a thin smile, a mix of pride and a soldier’s cautious anticipation of conflict.

 

“I won’t ask you if you’re sure, I know you are,” he said. “But mind if I ask why?”

 

“I know. What gives me the right to put the younglings in danger? If it was just me, or you, or all the _vod_ , there would have been no question. But what kind of example would we be setting for the younglings if we avoided what was hard because it gave us the illusion of safety?” She shook her head. “We will do what we can to minimize the danger, but to avoid it all, as though we could hide and not let the rest of the galaxy affect us, no. That’s not who I am, or you are. Its not who they are either.”

 

“For what its worth, Ahsoka, I agree with you,” he said, and though he had gotten better at keeping his end of the bond muted, he sometimes let something show. Like right now, he let her feel his trust and confidence in her. Knowing that, feeling that, made the hard choices a little easier to bear. “Any orders for me, Captain?”

 

“Yeah, keep your brothers from working themselves crazy, and help me keep Zatt from winding up sleeping in the engine room,” she said, a wry smile on her face. Rex gave her a lazy salute, and returned her grin.

 

“Yes, sir,” he said softly.

 

* * *

 

“Karna Berylla,” the pale green Twi’lek woman said, holding out her hand. Ahsoka took it, and they shook hands. She had seemed immeasurably reassured to find out that the captain of the _Bar’ore_ was a Togruta.

 

“Captain Ahsoka Telen,” she said, using the last name that was on her ship’s registration files. It had been her mother’s clan name, and she doubted anyone in the Empire would be able to figure that out, and luckily her first name was a common one.

 

“I just want to say, on behalf of all of us, thank you so much for helping us. We know that we were putting ourselves out there, but we couldn’t stay here anymore,” Karna said.

 

“So I heard. I don’t suppose you could fill me in on what made you all want to leave?” Ahsoka asked. She had some idea, but it still seemed like details were missing from the official reports on the net. Karna’s lips compressed in anger, and Ahsoka could feel her light up like a blaze.

 

“The _Empire_ , ha!” Karna began. “They came here a few months ago, doing a survey, they said, to find the true value of our mining operations. Well, of course the mining is valuable, but they said it would help make sure we were fairly compensated. It sounded reasonable, but then just a month ago they said they were taking direct control, and all of a sudden everyone not human on this planet found themselves out of work. And when Merek spoke up, they fired him too, even though he’s human and his daughter used to serve in the Republic fleet!” The woman shook with anger, at righteous indignation that they had been treated like this.

 

“We’re good citizens! We do our jobs! And this is how we’re treated. Well, I saw the writing on the wall, and I didn’t want to waste time. We were stuck here, eating through our savings, so we pooled our funds and put out a job advert. It wasn’t like the Empire was going to help us, and I’m not about to let my children turn into criminals or slaves just to stay fed,” she declared. “I couldn’t put that all in the job listing, of course. The Empire keeps an eye on such things. I just hope that we can find a place to resettle.”

 

“I have a few ideas, actually. Fives, one of my men, he’s been looking around for you all. I hope you don’t mind the Outer Rim, tough,” Ahsoka said. Karna huffed.

 

“At least out there they’re honest criminals,” she remarked dryly. Ahsoka grinned in dark amusement.

 

“Well, we should have your people on board soon, and then we can leave,” Ahsoka said, and she thought that maybe this job wouldn’t be so bad after all.

 

* * *

 

“ _Bar’ore_ , this is the Empire Cruiser, _Hammer of Toren_ , please halt your progress and prepare to be boarded. You are carrying dissidents of the Empire, and they will be remanded to our custody,” the officious voice come over the comm system. Echo looked to her for direction, and she motioned for him to keep their heading.

 

“Sorry, _Hammer of Toren_ , but these people paid us to do a job, and breaking contracts is bad for business,” she said over the comm channel, trying to keep them talking and not firing on her ship.

 

“We understand that the loss of funds and face to your Outer Rim… contacts will be problematic. You will be fairly compensated for your trouble.”

 

He sounded so damn smug, Ahsoka was half tempted to find a way to punch that one personally. But no, she had over eighty people to keep safe now, and like hell she would endanger them, no matter how satisfying punching the comm officer would be.

 

 _Think, Ahsoka, think_ , she told herself. _There has to be a way out of this, I just need to see it._

 

“ _Bar’ore_ , this is your final warning. You are ordered to a full stop or you will be fired upon.”

 

 _Stang, well, no choice now_.

 

Ahsoka jerked her head at Echo, and he took the co-pilot’s seat while strapped herself in to the primary pilot’s chair. Like old times, she ran the engines hot and flew.

 

* * *

 

“Trooper!” a short human woman called out to him. Rex had been down in the hold, sorting out the refugees, when all of a sudden he heard the engines working extra hard and felt the unmistakable jerk of acceleration before the antigrav could adjust.   Had this been a fighting ship, there would be klaxons, warnings, but this was a freighter, and instead of those familiar sounds, he just heard the ship straining around them. The refugees scrambled to strap themselves into the wall-harnesses that had been rigged up for them.

 

Everyone except this woman.

 

Who knew that he was a trooper.

 

But they had no time to dance around anything, because from the pitch and roll of the ship against the antigrav, it felt like Ahsoka and Echo were taking evasive action against someone. From the sound of the other systems coming online, Tup and Coric were at their jobs already, laying down cover fire. But if there was a proper Battle Cruiser on them, this wouldn’t last for long.

 

“Name’s Lena Hardin, former Republic pilot, and it seems like you could use help,” she said. “Whoever’s flying is good, but I’d like to help if I can.”

 

Rex, never one to look too closely at a gift, nodded. “Come on, bridge is this way.”

 

They ran quickly, and made it to the bridge in record time.

 

“Captain, we got a pilot on board, and she wants to help,” Rex called, once they reached the bridge, and now that he could see out the view-window, he could see how much trouble they were in. There was a Battle Cruiser out there, and a few smaller ships, though none of the fighters had been launched yet, thankfully. They were doing something else, though, something his ground-trooper eyes couldn’t quite figure out.

 

“Stang!” Lena cried. “They’re heading us! Captain, I know you don’t know me, but please, I can fly us out of this!” Ahsoka took a moment to look at the woman, measuring her in some way that Rex probably couldn’t understand. Then she smoothly transferred control to the human woman.

 

Who promptly put Ahsoka’s flying to shame.   Not that Ahsoka wasn’t a good pilot, but this woman clearly had lived and breathed space battles.

 

For a moment, Rex thought they might actually get out of this. Then the smaller ships out there charged up an energy net. He heard Ahsoka’s sharp intake of breath.

 

“Oh kriffing hell,” she swore. “They don’t want to blast us out of the sky. They want to stun us.” And they both knew what that meant. Something much, much worse than death.

 

* * *

 

 _Think! Think! We can’t outrun them forever. We have to get past their defensive grid… somehow_ , she thought to herself.

 

“Pilot,” she said, because she didn’t even know this woman’s name, for crying out loud! “How sharp can you turn this thing?”

 

“Pretty sharply, but not enough to fake them out or anything. They’ll be able to adjust. She’s a lovely ship, but she is a cargo carrier,” the pilot said, voice as calm as you please for all that she was a tight bundle of concentration, and paying attention to Echo feeding her information from nav to boot.

 

“Okay, okay. That means they know we can’t move that fast. Good,” she said. “I want you to go straight for them.”

 

“What?” the pilot said, an edge of panic creeping into her voice.

 

“Right into their waiting arms, if you please,” Ahsoka reiterated. “Trust me, I don’t want to be caught by the Empire any more than you do. I’m trusting you to fly my ship and keep all of us safe. Trust me to not get us all killed.”

 

“You’re the captain,” the pilot muttered, and she leveled out. Echo shot Ahsoka a wild-eyed look, and Coric came over the comms demanding to know what the hell was going on.

 

“Captain’s got a plan,” Rex said, and she felt a little boost of confidence at that. She did have a plan.

 

She just didn’t know if it would work.

 

They were getting close now, and the energy net sprang to life. It was basically a directed EMP. It would stop them dead, making them easy pickings for a boarding crew, but she had no intention of letting that happen.

 

“This is your captain speaking,” she said, hitting the button to put her on ship-wide comms. “Everyone strap in, and I do mean everyone. This might get a little interesting.” She felt a spike of amusement from Rex as he calmly sat in one of the bridge seats and did up the straps.

 

“Going to take your own advice, Captain?” he asked evenly, putting a little emphasis on her title.   She shook her head.

 

“Don’t know why, but it works better when I’m standing,” she said. They were near enough to damn near breathe on the net, and it was now or never.

 

She reached out the Force and _pushed_. Not on the ships holding the net, but on the _Bar’ore_ , forcing the ship south on the z-axis, under the net. And also practically right back at the surface of Aridus.

 

For a moment, the antigrav really couldn’t keep up and things floated, just a little, and she lost contact with the ship. Reaching up, she pushed herself back down to the floor of the bridge, and _pulled_ with the Force, bringing the ship out of its nose dive toward the planet, and back out into open space. She felt the ship’s gravity pull at her like leaden weights for a moment before they evened out.

 

“Fives!” she said over the comm, “Tell me the hyperdrive is a go!”

 

“Ready when you are!” he said.

 

The human woman didn’t even wait for her order to punch them into hyperspace.

 

Then Ahsoka let herself fall over.

 

* * *

 

“Ahsoka!” Rex called out, which was the first indication that Echo had that something was wrong. Echo turned around in nav chair and saw Rex leap out of his seat to catch Ahsoka as she fell. For a moment, it looked like Ahsoka had fainted of all things, but then her eyes fluttered open and she started to wave off his brother.

 

“I’m fine, Rex, really. Don’t need to make a fuss, it just took a bit of effort moving this thing. No gravity in space, but momentum is still a thing,” she said, smiling albeit weakly.

 

“You’re going to see Kix and he’ll say whether you’re fine or not,” Rex insisted, clearly not ready to budge. Echo wondered who would win this particular battle of wills, but Ahsoka must have been more tired than she would have liked to admit, because she sighed and let Rex help her up.

 

“Alright, but you’re making a fuss over nothing,” she said as his brother helped her up and shepherded her down to the med bay.

 

“She gonna be okay?” the pilot asked, and Echo realized just how much this woman had seen. They could all be in a lot of trouble. His fear and surprise must have been horribly obvious, because she quickly went on, “Don’t worry, your secrets are safe with me.”

 

“Um, thank you,” he said, not sure what else to say.

 

“I will admit, it was hard to tell at first, and I even knew what to look for, at least you and your… brothers, right? That’s what you call each other, or at least that’s what I remember. The different clothes, the different hairstyles, and not to mention that your noses are all broken differently, gives your faces all a different kind of character,” she said, and he felt himself put at ease. And thinking that _her_ nose was pretty cute, with a little upturn and freckles across the bridge.

 

“Now your captain being a Jedi… that I didn’t figure on,” she said. “Still, won’t breathe a word. She saved us, and I just hope she’s okay.” That was a lot of Echo to process, but he thought she was sincere.

 

“Ahsoka will be alright. She’s tough. Thank you, for helping us and everything, uh,” he said and then faltered. The woman smiled and held out her hand.

 

“Lena Hardin,” she said.

 

“Echo,” he said, and shook her hand.

 

“Good to meet you, Echo,” she said brightly. “Well, even if she’s tough, she might still need rest. You think she’d mind if we started charting a course to a quiet little spot where we can reconnoiter?”

 

“I think that’d be a good idea. Let me see what we’ve got on nav,” he said, and they got to work.

 

“By the way,” Lena said. “What’s up with her and your brother?”

 

“Rex and Ahoska?” he asked, looking up from his star charts, and couldn’t help but laugh. “Who knows? Fives has a pool going, if you want in.”

 

“Might take you up on that,” she said, and she laughed with him. Echo felt a strange warm flutter in his chest at that.

 

* * *

 

Ahsoka felt groggy, drained, and confused. It was dark. Looking around, she realized belatedly that she was in the med bay, but Kix wasn’t here. Instead, Rex slumped in a chair next to the exam bed.

 

“Rex?” she said softly, reaching out for him. He came awake quickly.

 

“Hey there, Ahsoka,” he said, shaking his head to clear it. “Looks like you did need some rest, but since you’re the captain, I won’t say that I told you so.”

 

“Oh good,” she said, “as long as you don’t say it.” They grinned. “What time is it?” she asked.

 

“Ship mid-night,” he said. “And I’ve taken care of it everything while Kix looked you over. Echo and Lena, the pilot that helped us out, kept us safe, and Karna managed to get ahold of Cham Syndulla on Ryloth. I don’t know how she got him to agree to take the lot of them in, but she did, so that’s where we’re headed now.”

 

“Good, good,” she said, taking it all in, her brain slowly kicking into gear. “Are we going to have a problem with the pilot, with Lena? She saw… a lot. Hell, everyone in the hold must know something not-normal happened.”

 

“Lena is former Republic fleet. She knows we’re clones and you’re former Jedi, but Echo says that she’s trustworthy,” he said. “For what its worth, I think she is too, though I get the impression that she’s angling to stay. I think she’s also angling after Echo, not that he’s trying hard to get away.”

 

Ahsoka grinned at that. “Good for them,” she said. “Karna?”

 

“Said much the same,” he said. “She doesn’t care who we are, just what we did for them. She invited us to take a little time planet-side with them, so we can resupply maybe even do some maintenance while we’re Ryloth.”

 

“Oh, that would be lovely,” she said, feeling very thankful. “It’d be good for the younglings too.”

 

“That’s what I said, but I had to run it by you first,” he said. They lapsed into silence for a while, and she kept a hold of his hand. “If you’re tired,” Rex started to say, but she shook her head.

 

“I’m feeling better now,” she said, and that was the truth. All she had really needed was sleep, though food wouldn’t go amiss, and almost as soon as she thought of it, Rex reached over to the table, and handed her one of the many sandwiches Kix had made up for her. She bit into one happily. “Momentum is a bitch, even in space,” she said around the sandwich.

 

Rex laughed, but didn’t even try to hand her a napkin. They both knew there would be no point.

 

“Damned impressive, though,” he said, and between the compliment and the food she couldn’t help but feel pleased.

 

“So, what about Lena?” he reminded her. “You think we should let her stay? We could use a real pilot. It could be a bad idea, though, if she and Echo don’t go well.”

 

“You said you think she’s trustworthy, right?” Ahsoka asked and he nodded in confirmation. “I think she is, too. She feels like a good person.” She thought about the rest of it for a little bit, and she knew the answer. “It might be a bad idea, but that’s no reason to stop them. You all, all of you have a right to find whatever happiness you can, and if Echo can find it with our new pilot, well, I’m not going to stand in his way, Captain or no. We can’t… Rex we can’t hide from life to play it safe. That’s not living.”

 

Rex squeezed her hand, acknowledging the point, though he felt wary, through their bond. Not sure what to say and like she had made him think of things he’d rather not. She had an idea what it was about, and she knew they were going to have to have it out sooner or later, but not right now. Right now she was enjoying her sandwiches, the quiet hum of the ship around her, the satisfaction of a job well done, and the simple fact of Rex’s presence.

 

* * *

 

“I’ll be fine, Dad,” Lena said, and Ahsoka hoped she was doing the right thing by letting the woman stay on board. They did need a new pilot, but the Hardin family might also need their daughter. “Mom, really, I’ll be okay.”

 

“I was born to fly,” the pilot said, “And these people, I can help them.”

 

“Oh, my little girl,” her mother, Helna said, embracing her daughter. “You stay safe.”

 

“I will, Mom,” she said. Ahsoka tried not to feel awkward watching this family moment.   Then Lena’s father, Merek, turned to her, face stern.

 

“You keep my girl, safe, you hear me?” he said sternly. Ahsoka put on her best ‘I’m a competent adult smile’ and nodded.

 

“She’s part of the crew, part of our family now, too,” Ahoska said. “We all look out for each other out there.” He nodded.

 

“Good enough for me,” he said, and shook Ahsoka’s hand firmly. It took some time, but Lena eventually extracted herself from her parents, and they made their way back to the ship, Lena intent on getting her things sorted.

 

“I swear,” Lena said, fondly exasperated with her parents. “Parents. I went off to _war_ , but I came back. This isn’t that, at least.”

 

“Wouldn’t know, not exactly,” Ahsoka said, giving Lena a cheeky grin.

 

“Right! Ah, sorry?” Lena said. Ahsoka waved it away.

 

“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “Though I did notice, that you didn’t tell your parents that Echo had anything to do with your decision.”

 

“Rule one about getting your parents to be okay with anything, don’t tell them a guy is any part of your decision making process,” Lena said sagely.

 

“Noted,” Ahsoka said, as though she were taking mental notes. Then they both laughed, and Ahsoka knew she had made the right choice with their new pilot.

 

“Though,” Lena drawled, eyeing Ahsoka, carefully. “Speaking of guys, what’s going on with you and Rex?”

 

Ahsoka, briefly, thought about denying it, but what would be the point in that? Isolating herself, pretending like she didn’t have feelings at all? Try to be like the Jedi and exist without emotion and its connection to other lives? No, not that. She was starting to understand how that was an impossible ideal that only ended up making people torture and contort themselves into unloving shapes.

 

“It’s complicated,” she said. “For one, we met when I was fourteen, and even though he was chronologically ten, well, clone aging.”

 

“Yeah, okay, that’s complicated. How about this? You tell me your life story, and I’ll tell you mine?” Lena suggested.

 

“Sounds like a plan,” Ahoska said, looping her arm through Lena’s, the two of them strolling companionably back to the ship.

 

* * *

 

They had been on Ryloth for three days, enjoying the sunlight and actual gravity, and Rex could tell he and everyone else felt better for it. The younglings had been running around with the miner’s children, carefree and joyous. They had been able to make a few upgrades to the _Bar’ore_ as well, improving the engines just a touch, and it might make the difference down the line.

 

What Rex hadn’t expected was the party that the former miners were throwing in their honor.

 

Good food, good drink, the younglings running wild, Rex sat back and watched his strange, cobbled together family enjoy their well earned praise. Echo had been co-opted by Lena, though he looked like he had been happy to be caught. Though sometimes his brother looked surprised by the whole thing.

 

Fives had ingratiated himself among the Twi’leks, and had his arm around one of the women. Somehow he had talked the Twi’lek women into dancing, which meant that Togruta women weren’t to be outdone. Rex had a feeling seeing Ahsoka dance like _that_ would stay with him for a time, and it had clearly made her so happy, to dance among her people, bare feet kicking and flicking to the music. She had looked exultant and free, and likely felt that way as well, but he had gotten better and blocking, though… let his walls drop, and felt her joy.

 

He smiled to watch her be so happy.

 

Then the dancing died down for a moment, and the eldest Togruta came forward, a man by the name of Jorman Rant, and held something in his hands.

 

“Captain Ahsoka,” he said, bowing. “We know you have hunted and defeated an akul, though you do not wear its teeth,” he continued, and suddenly his conversation yesterday with the man made more sense. “But you have shown great spirit, a kind heart, and a warrior’s strength. You protected us, at cost to yourself, and in this we speak as one: _Nos’thand_.” He bowed, they all did, and he could feel her heart leap, and her humble wonder.

 

“Thank you, Elder Rant, you honor me, more than I can say.” Ahsoka bowed in return, accepting the headdress from Jorman and put it on. Rex didn’t understand, not exactly, but it mattered a lot to her. Then she realized that everyone was looking at her, and she became ever so slightly embarrassed.

 

“Let’s have another song, eh?” she called out, and as the music started up again, she made her escape. She picked her way through the crowd, stopping here and there to exchange a few words with some of the refugees, but he saw that she was headed for him. Sitting next to him, she nudged his shoulder with her own, and gave him a grin, deflecting.

 

“So you still don’t dance, huh?” she asked. He shook his head, giving her a rueful smile.

 

“Never did learn,” he said, and took another sip of the ale that Syndulla had donated to the party. “What was that all about?”

 

“Ah, that,” she said. “Its an old custom, not used much anymore. _Nos’thand_ ,” she said, putting a little trill between the ‘s’ and the ‘th.’ “It means ‘shield of the people,’ and it was a title and honor given to hunters that went above and beyond the call of duty.” She tilted her head, and he could see the new headdress. It was simple band, alternating dark purple and silvery grey, with a shield-like device in the center of it.

 

“I wasn’t expecting them to do that, but…” she trailed off. He could feel her swirl of emotions, _regret, loss, loneliness, hope, friendship, family, love_. “I’m grateful.” Then she arched an eyebrow at him.

 

“Listening in, are you?” she asked, teasing. He shrugged.

 

“And you don’t?” he asked in return. She laughed.

 

“I try not to, honestly, but sometimes you’re too damn stoic, Rex,” she said, grinning, and giving his shoulder a friendly nudge again.

 

“Could say the same for you,” he said, allowing himself a dry smile before hiding it behind taking another drag of ale. She waved her hand at him, as if to say _fine, we’re even_.

 

They sat together for a little time, enjoying the music and the company, then she stood, clearly wanting to move again. He had always known that she was a restless sort, someone who danced even when standing still, but the chance to dance properly was something she had never been able to pass up. Looking down at him, she smiled, and held out her hand.

 

“Come on, Rex, dance with me,” she said. He raised an eyebrow, silently reminding her that he didn’t dance. She rolled her eyes. “If I lead, can you follow?”

 

Now, if there was ever a question that had a foregone answer, he didn’t know what did.

 

He set the ale down, took her hand, and let her draw him up and around the fire, where the others danced. Rex was a clone, fast grown and flash trained, and had always had a knack for picking up things, especially physical skills. Once he got used to the idea of taking cues from the music, and following Ahsoka’s lead, he counted _one, two, three, four_ , and took the lead from her with only a slightly smug grin.

 

Seeing her blue eyes go wide in surprise was certainly worth it.

 

She, of course, took the lead back from him, and they passed the lead back and forth between them, like children tossing a ball.

 

It was the best night he could remember for a long time.

 

* * *

 

Echo was having trouble finding Ganodi. All the other younglings were accounted for, except the little Rodian girl, and he was starting to get really worried. He loved all the younglings, but Gandoi was special to him. She liked to fly, and she was interested in learning about the stars. He had made a set of constellations for her room, set up to resemble the sky over Rodia.

 

He eventually found her, sitting on an outcropping some distance from the resettlement camp. Part of him wanted to scold her, to order her back to the ship so they could get going. They had a full tank and were resupplied, and had to keep moving. But then he thought better of it. At least _he_ was reading those youngling development books that Kix had downloaded, unlike some of his brothers.

 

“Mind if I sit?” he asked. She shrugged, so he did. “What’s wrong, Ganodi?”

 

She tensed at that, and too quickly said, “Nothing.”

 

“Come on, kid,” he said, and put a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him, with those big starry eyes, and he wondered how he had ever thought Rodians strange looking. She was a cute kid. “Talk to me. We’re friends, friends talk to each other.”

 

“I guess,” she said slowly. “I guess that I’m worried that now that we have a pilot, I won’t get to learn how to fly ships. She’ll be doing that all the time. And… and that we won’t get to work on our star charts as much.” She grew quiet, but he had a sense that she had more to say, so he waited it out.

 

“I guess I’m jealous,” she said. “You’re _my_ friend.”

 

“I will always be your friend, Ganodi. Just because I’m… um,” he hesitated, unsure how much a ten year old youngling new about things.

 

“Because you have a girlfriend?” she supplied.

 

“Right, because I have a girlfriend, doesn’t mean you’re suddenly not my friend. We’ll still work on our star charts, and having a pilot means you can learn from a professional, not just whatever I remember.”

 

“You think she’d teach me?” Ganodi asked, jealousy seeming to evaporate at that idea.

 

“We could always go ask her,” he said, and she stood up.

 

“Then what are we waiting for?” she asked, and started off. As they were walking back, she spoke up again. “Hey, Echo, I’m sorry for making you come find me… and for being jealous. I know I shouldn’t feel that emotion, but I just kind of… did.”

 

“Its okay, Ganodi,” he said. “You talked about it, which maybe is enough. Though, check with Ahsoka on that, eh?”

 

“Will do!” she declared, and then ran all the way back to the ship where she made straight for the bridge.

 

“Um, Lena,” the little girl said hesitantly. “I know you’re really busy getting us ready to take off, but I don’t suppose you could teach me to be a pilot too?”

 

“Absolutely,” Lena said, not even needing Echo to prompt her. “In fact… give me a second.” She opened the comms. “Hey Captain, I’ve got Ganodi here with me, and I think now might be a good time for her show me what she knows about take off procedures.”

 

“Sounds good, Lena,” Ahsoka said. “Good luck, Ganodi.”

 

And as Ganodi took them back out among the stars, she thought that having new members of the crew wouldn’t be so bad, as long as they were willing to be part of the family like Lena was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope no one too terribly hates Clones/OC stuff, but those boys deserve to be happy, dang it! 
> 
> Also, just making up stuff about Togruta culture. Because I can, though feel free to correct if necessary.
> 
> “Togruta”  
> Nos’thand = shield of the people


	11. Chapter 10: And sore must be the storm

“Jith,” Rex called, “Come on!” The little Zabrak girl grinned widely and jumped on to his shoulders, and Coric passed her the ball. He ran, dodging between Petro and Zatt, but Gungi leapt up and took the ball from the girl’s hands.

 

“Hey!” Jith cried out, and Rex gave chase.

 

Ahsoka was watching the game, cheering on everyone indiscriminately. It was good to see them like this, all of them. The men who had never really been younglings, and the younglings that had almost lost everything, together, playing like the galaxy hadn’t turned inside out and upside down.

 

She was only mildly upset that they didn’t let her play. Though, in their defense, she was much, much too fast for it to be fair anymore.

 

“So,” Lena said, joining her, “Echo tried explaining the rules to me, but I couldn’t follow it.”

 

“There are no rules,” Ahsoka said, smiling. “I think that’s part of the fun.”

 

Then the proximity alarm went off.

 

The game stopped.

 

“On it,” Lena said, and ran up the stairs toward the bridge. Ahsoka looked at the troopers for a moment and nodded. They were breaking up the game as she followed Lena up to the bridge.

 

“What’ve we got?” she asked, as Lena started running scans. She heard and felt Rex coming up behind her. She turned to see him pause in the doorway, eyebrow arched.

 

“Small craft, hyperdrive capable, but it looks like it sustained a fair bit of damage, like it wasn’t able to stay in hyperspace. What’re the odds, huh?” Lena asked, looking over her shoulder at her. Ahsoka looked at the craft, so small, so fragile in the blackness of space, and she felt… something. A pull, a tug, a moment of _knowing._

 

“There are no coincidences,” she said softly. She felt Rex’s attention sharpen on her at that, but she let it slide for the moment. “Lena, tell me if there’s life signs.”

 

“One, but its very faint,” she said. “Barely there.”

 

“Bring us around,” she ordered. Then she hit the comms. “We’re about to have a guest everyone. Kix, Fives to the cargo bay. Kix, bring a medkit. Fives, you might have some repairs ahead of you. Coric, get ready to bring a small ship aboard. Younglings, I want you in your rooms, no arguments.”

 

Then she slid past Rex and made her way down to the cargo bay.   He followed close her heels, and she only actually noticed when he touched her lightly on the shoulder.

 

“Ahsoka, what’s going on?” he asked. She shook her head.

  
“I’m not sure,” she said honestly. “I just have a feeling about that ship.”

 

“Any particular kind of feeling?” he pressed. She hesitated, trying to parse out exactly what she was feeling. She couldn’t.

 

“I don’t know,” she reiterated, and kept going to the cargo bay, leaving Rex to follow her, but to his credit, he didn’t project the frustration he must have been feeling. There was little she could do about that, and someone might be dying, so there were priorities.

 

Kix and Fives were already there, ready to go. The cargo bay doors were open, and Coric was using the short range tractor beam to guide the ship gently into the bay. With a solid _thunk_ of metal on metal, Fives got to work overriding the hatch. As soon as it was open, she moved in, Kix right behind her. There was a stasis pod, and as Kix opened it, he sucked in a harsh breath.

 

“This is a hackjob,” he said, kneeling beside the man in the pod, checking on the systems and hookups. Ahsoka knelt as well, and she finally got a good look at the man’s face.

 

It was Lux Bonteri.

 

* * *

 

They moved him to the medbay, where Kix could give him a proper look over. Fives had called in Zatt, and the boy had all but run down to the cargo bay to help start repairs, Gungi trailing after him. That amount of damage, it was going to take them a little while to fix, even with three sets of hands.

 

Rex leaned up against the doorframe, arms crossed, as he watched the medic and Ahsoka look over the unconscious young man. Kix pressed buttons, checked read outs, and other medical things. Ahsoka stood by Lux’s head, her hand hovered by his head, and she had that distant look in her eyes that told him she was doing something with the Force.

 

“This is a hackjob,” Kix repeated. “Whoever put him in this pod was either incompetent, in a rush, or both. Even if I can repair the damage to him, which is rather extensive, there’s no guarantee we’ll be bringing back anything other than a body.”

 

“He’s still here, Kix,” Ahsoka said, voice measured and soft. Kix shot Rex a look, and he could only shrug in return. There was a lot he knew about the Force, considering how closely he had worked with Force-users, and second-guessing their instincts was a pointless exercise. He tried checking their bond, but she had closed it off, and _that_ made him worried. Kix frowned and considered his patient.

 

“It’d be a near thing. If we’re going to save him, I need to take him out of stasis first. This set up won’t work if I try to fix him prior to that. But if I do that, I’ll be working against the clock to fix the damage. I don’t suppose you have any Jedi healing techniques that could help?” he asked. Ahsoka hesitated.

 

“I could help heal his body, but his mind… he only has a tenuous presence. The trauma of bringing him out of stasis and operating on him? It might be too much. I’ll be too busy holding him here to help you,” she said, frowning. They were all so focused on the body in the pod that they didn’t notice Katooni approaching. Rex noticed, however, and shoved off the doorframe.

 

“Katooni,” he said quietly. “What is it?”

 

“Its true? There was someone who was hurt on the ship?” she asked, peering around him. “Zatt said Fives said so.” Rex made a mental note to take it out Fives’ hide later, passing on that information to younglings. They told each other everything, and his brothers _knew_ that the younglings were far too eager to help.

 

And this, this was too dangerous.

 

“Go back to your room, Katooni,” he said firmly.

 

“But I can help!” she cried, and that drew Ahsoka’s attention finally. She stepped out of the medbay and considered the girl for a long moment.

 

“I know you can help, Katooni, but this isn’t healing a cut or a broken bone, or even a bigger injury. He’s nearly dead, and we talked about what can happen if you’re not careful,” she said, using her wise old Jedi voice that worked wonders on the younglings.

 

Most of the time.

 

“I’ll be careful, promise,” Katooni insisted. Ahsoka knelt, and put a hand on the girl’s shoulder.

 

“Katooni, you are gifted, I won’t deny that. But this… this could kill you,” Ahsoka said, trying to impress on the young girl that this was not her fight. But Jedi, even young ones, had an overdeveloped sense of self-sacrifice.

 

“I have to learn sometime,” Katooni said, calmly staring down Ahsoka.

 

“You’re afraid,” Ahsoka said.

 

“Yes, I am. But I won’t let my fear make my choices for me,” the girl said. Ahsoka looked to him, her expression ever so slightly desperate, and he felt the vague appeal from her: _help_.

 

They could forbid it, they could, and he gave it serious thought. He didn’t like the idea of letting an eleven-year-old girl risk her life to save anyone, even an old ally. But she had made her choice. It wasn’t something she wanted to do to show off, or because she was over proud of herself. She was afraid, and wanted to not let fear control her. For all that it might help Bonteri, Katooni had made this choice for herself. And he knew the importance of being able to make your own choices and have other people respect them.

 

Ahsoka’s face was a damn near perfect picture of surprised betrayal, and he realized she must have been able to feel something of his weakening resolve.

 

“Damn it, Rex,” she muttered at him, standing. “Alright, Katooni, you can help. Talk to Kix, get him to tell you everything that you’ll be working. And you follow his orders. He says do something, you do it. He says stop trying to heal, you stop. Do I make myself clear?” Ahsoka asked finally, her voice firm.

 

“Yes, Ahoska,” the girl said, nodding, and slipped between them into the medbay. Ahsoka gave him a long, level look.

 

“Get Petro,” she said tersely.

 

“Ahsoka,” he said. “She’s doing this for herself, to know that she can even when it’s hard. Its not our place to take that away from her.”

 

“She’s not a soldier, Rex. She’s a youngling. It _is_ our place. And this isn’t like helping those refugees. This is her taking on something she shouldn’t, something she isn’t ready for,” she said hotly.

 

“And what about when they came to your rescue? How was that any more dangerous than this?” he asked. She breathed sharply out through her nose and narrowed her eyes at him.

 

“Just go, get Petro. He’ll spot her, make sure she’s not giving too much,” she said, and it had all the overtones of an order and a dismissal.

 

“Yes, sir,” he said, and stalked off to find fetch the boy.

 

* * *

 

Ahsoka stood at the head of the pod, and Kix and Katooni were at the ready to begin.   Coric, Tup and Rex were there, ready to haul Lux out of his pod and put him on the exam table.

 

“Alright,” Kix said. “As soon as I disconnect him from the pod, lift him on to the table. Katooni, you ready?”

 

The girl nodded, eyes wide. Petro stood behind her, watching her, ready to step in and pull her back if necessary. Katooni hadn’t liked the idea, but Ahsoka hadn’t given the girl much of a choice.

 

“Here we go,” Kix said, letting out a breath slowly. He started bringing Lux out of stasis, and suddenly the machines started beeping. A lot. At Kix’s nod, the other clones lifted Lux out of the pod and put him on the exam table. They backed off and Katooni came forward, following Kix’s instructions, but Ahsoka didn’t have time to see what they were doing.

 

She had already sunk into the Force and found Lux, still there. Barely.

 

 _Lux_ , she reached out, holding on to him with her force of will.

 

 _Where am I?_ came his thoughts, distant, weak.

 

 _You’re safe_ , she sent to him. _Just stay with me, Lux. Stay with me._

 

 _Ahsoka? Oh, Ahsoka, I’ve…_ he started slipping away.

 

 _No, Lux!_ her mind cried, and she reached out and extended her energy around his, keeping it here, preventing it from joining the Cosmic Force.

 

It was taking everything that she had, and she felt her heart starting to beat too fast, her breathing becoming shallow. Katooni wasn’t the only one playing with death today. She was too close, too close to the boundary of life.

 

_You don’t get out that easy, Lux!_

 

It seemed like forever, but it was probably only a few minutes. She could vaguely feel Katooni working, could feel Lux’s body starting to repair itself. Just a little more, a little more and it would be safe for him to return to his body.

 

_Stay with us, Lux!_

 

_Ahsoka… I don’t want to go…_

 

There! He was whole enough, and she slammed his spirit home.

 

With a jolt, she came back to herself, and she braced herself against the bulkhead, gasping for breath. Kix and Katooni were backing away, both looking harried, but Lux’s vitals were stable. Looking down, she saw his eyes flutter open. He turned his head, looking, looking for her, he realized.

 

“I’m here, Lux,” she said, looking down at him with a tired smile. “You sure owe us a hell of a story, you know.”

 

“Ahsoka,” he said, barely able to catch is own breath. “I… I…”

 

“Rest,” Kix said, coming up beside her, but instead of reassuring Lux, the sight of Kix seemed to send him into a panic. His breathing went shallow, the machines starting to beep madly again, and he tried to scramble away, but he was too weak to manage it.

 

“Lux, calm down,” she said, pressing his shoulders into the exam bed. “They’re good, they’re good. Kix helped heal you. They won’t hurt you.” He calmed down, but his eyes were still a bit wild.

 

“If… if you say so,” he said. “Ahsoka…” he breathed again, reaching up to touch her face. She took his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, and then put it to rest on his chest.

 

“Don’t try to do too much. Just rest, we’ll be here,” she said, and he fell asleep before he could finish nodding.

 

* * *

 

It had taken Lux nearly a week to recover fully, and Kix had been monitoring his progress closely. In that time Ahsoka had been able to get the story out of him. He had been visiting Senator Organa on Alderaan, talking about building a network of like-minded politicians who wished to try to temper the growing power of the Emperor. On his way back to Onderon, however, his ship had been ambushed, though he could remember little after that.

 

Nearly dying, Ahsoka supposed, would do a number on a person’s memory.

 

“Have you thought about it, Ahsoka?” he asked, pulling her out of her thoughts. They sat at the table in the mess hall, sharing a cup of tea. It was just them, it being late according to ship-time.

 

“Thought about what?” she asked in return. He smiled, that charming smile that he knew was charming. She supposed that once upon a time, she might have responded to it, but three years and a lot of distance had changed things. Had changed her.

 

“Being part of the network. We could use someone like you, and you could fight for the Republic again, and do important work,” he said, and he clearly still believed that politics could work. That he could change the galaxy with words and petitions and laws.

 

“And what I’m doing now, that’s trivial?” she asked, brow arching. He sighed, and ran a hand through his hair.

 

“That’s not what I meant, Ahsoka,” he said shortly.

 

“No, but it was implied,” she told him, but she didn’t hold it against him. Lux always did have trouble slowing down and seeing certain things. Not that she was one to talk.

 

“Look,” she went on. “I’ll think about it, but the younglings are my first priority. I can’t keep them out of danger entirely, but I can’t just up and go on missions right now. They’re too young.”

 

“So, you’re saying that perhaps when they’re older?” he angled. She rolled her eyes, but held out her hand.

 

“Give me the comm,” she said, “and we’ll see.” He smiled brightly at her, and dropped the comm into her waiting hand.

 

“That’s the Ahsoka I remember,” he said, and she realized how wrong he was. She wasn’t the Ahsoka he remembered at all. She had changed so much, but he persisted in seeing what he wanted to see. As much as she had cared for him, liked him, he hadn’t been the person who had accepted her, changes and all.

 

He would always be her friend, and perhaps even a future ally in a fight against the Empire, but he wasn’t someone who would stand beside her.

 

Though the one who had stood beside with withdrawing from her lately, and it was putting her on edge. It felt, horribly, like she was losing him.

 

* * *

 

Rex kept to himself while Lux was around. Not that he didn’t like the young man, he found him relatively unobjectionable, all things considered. It was Ahsoka he was avoiding. They had had a little spat, and sure, they didn’t always agree, but she most often got her way.

 

That it had been about one of the younglings certainly didn’t set well with her, he knew that. At least Katooni thanked him for his support.

 

But it wasn’t exactly that either.

 

He was trying to not get in the way of whatever her and Lux might have. It was easy to recall her on Onderon, heart in her eyes whenever she looked at the boy, but still doing her job. He had tried to be simply reliable, present, honest. Someone she could count on, and at the time, he had only hoped she didn’t get too hurt by the whole debacle.

 

Lux showing up now though, it might give him the out he was looking for. If Ahsoka still had feelings for the young man, then Rex could firmly tell his own inappropriate feelings to go the kriff away. He could get her to break the bond, and it would be fine.

 

He could keep everything the same between them and not risk losing the best friend he had ever had.

 

* * *

 

“Near as I can tell,” Fives was saying, having examined the flight logs from Lux’s ship. “Whoever put you in the pod, set the hyperdrive to simply get you out of there, hence why you ended up all the way out here. They probably didn’t even look too closely, just went for the first calculated route.”

 

“I suppose that makes sense,” Lux said, “and thank you, Fives, for fixing my ship. I won’t have to ask you to go out of your way to take me home, which I very much appreciate.”

 

“Ah, it wasn’t all me. Zatt and Gungi helped a lot. Well, okay, Zatt mostly directed us,” Fives allowed, smiling. “Boy’s a damned genius with machines.”

 

“Well, I must thank them, too,” Lux said, and then he turned to Ahsoka. “You don’t happen to know where they are?”

 

“Those two? Probably the engine room, thinking up more ‘improvements’ to inflict on us,” she said, grinning. They were just about to leave when the ship rocked. Ahsoka hit the comms.

 

“Lena, what the hell?” she said sharply.

 

“We’ve got company, Captain! They just jumped out of hyperspace and fired before the proximity detector could go off! Looks like pirates!” Lena said, and the ship pitched and rolled with evasive maneuvers.

 

“Gentlemen,” Ahoska said over the comms, “you know what to do.” Fives had already left the cargo bay, headed for one of the small shuttles and use the guns on that to help defend the ship.

 

Then Lux hit the comms.

 

“Lena, this is Lux, tell me, what are the markings on their ships?” he asked, expression intent.

 

“Looks like some kind of… bird?” she replied.

 

“Thank you, Lena,” he said and then cut the comm. “These are the pirates that attacked us, though I’m not sure they did so on their own. There’s something wrong here, but I don’t know what.”

 

“You need to get out of here, Lux,” Ahsoka said. “Get in your ship and go, we’ll distract them.”

 

“You don’t have the firepower!” he exclaimed. “Yes, you have two shuttles and some guns, but this is a freighter, Ahsoka.” She grinned, fierce and bright and sharp.

 

“Oh, I don’t need firepower. There’s a trick I’ve been saving for this kind of situation,” she said, and she felt an old familiar surge as she drew on the Force. She would be stronger and faster, and something else. Something she had learned nearly three years ago on a forgotten planet on the edge of the galaxy. Something that no Jedi had done for millennia.

 

* * *

 

Rex was in one shuttle, Fives in the other. Coric and Tup were on the guns, Echo and Lena were flying the _Bar’ore_ , and Fives was in the engine room keeping an eye on things. And he knew Kix was getting the younglings to safety.

 

What he hadn’t expected was to see Lux’s ship out there with them, giving as good as it got. Rex grinned, thankful for the help. Then he thought he saw something jump from his ship onto one of the pirate fighters.

 

A small figure that had something in either hand.

 

Then twin white beams sprang forth, and he knew.

 

 _Ahsoka! What the kriffing hell!?_ he thought, and he felt a steady, calm from her. She was jumping around _in space_ , cutting apart the fighter ships. That meant he could concentrate on the main ship, but he was boiling mad. Maybe he shouldn’t be, but for some reason he just felt _angry_.

 

 _Of all the insane, reckless, stupid…_ he mentally ranted as he fired on the pirates.

 

Then the pirates broke, realizing that they weren’t easy pickings. Ahsoka launched herself off the last fighter and floated through the vacuum of space toward his shuttle. He let in her in through the hatch, and wanted to scream at her, shake her, but she ducked past him and hit the comms.

 

“You’re clear, Lux, get out of here,” she said, and he was oddly satisfied to see that her little stunt at least left her out of breath.

 

“Thank you, Ahsoka, and I’ll look into these pirates. I think they might have some powerful friends,” Lux said, his voice distorted over the comms. Then the small ship disappeared into hyperspace.

 

“Well,” she said, turning to face him, eyes bright. “That was exhilarating.”

 

“Right, I’ll just take us back home,” he said and keyed in the sequence. He could feel her looking at him like he’d grown a second head.

 

“What the hell, Rex?” she asked. “Why are you angry?” He clenched his jaw, and tried not to think about it as he docked. Once the shuttle was safely locked in, he turned in his chair to glare at her.

 

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe something about seeing my captain, my best friend, in space without a suit jumping around like its nothing,” he growled at her. “Maybe it would have been nice to get a little warning that you were going to go completely insane.”

 

“Didn’t it occur to you that maybe I had it under control? That I knew what I was doing?” she challenged, her blue eyes flashing dangerously. He stood and looked down at her.

 

“You could have commed,” he grit out.

 

“Oh, because you’ve been so communicative lately,” she shot back.

 

“Don’t start with that,” he began to say, and then someone coughed in the doorway. Fives, standing there, trying to keep a grin off his face. And Zatt. A post battle systems report. Right. Reigning himself back under control, Rex exhaled sharply.

 

“Report later, Fives, the Captain and I need to have a chat,” he bit out.

 

“Yes, let’s,” she said flatly, and strode out of the shuttle. Rex followed her, boots ringing sharply on the metal grating.

 

Fives and Zatt stared after them, the boy a little bewildered, and Fives looking amused and thoughtful at the same time. Fives looked down at Zatt.

 

“Is that what it’s like when parents fight?” Fives asked. Zatt looked up at him, a skeptical look on his face.

 

“How would I know?” the boy asked.

 

“Right,” Fives said, not bothering to stifle his laughter. “Sorry. Let’s go get some food, huh? They’ll probably be a while.”

 

“Why’s that?” Zatt asked, and Fives blinked.

 

“They’ve got a lot to… talk about,” he said. _And I need to update the odds on the betting pool,_ he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that didn’t sit oddly with anyone. Rex isn’t dealing with his feelings too well, to the point where he’s not terribly honest with himself, so it comes out sideways and angry. And Ahsoka isn’t one to just let someone take potshots at her. Don’t worry, it gets fixed!
> 
> And the ball game at the beginning is inspired by Merfilly’s “Murder-ball.” Hilarious fic. Ya’ll should check it out.


	12. Chapter 11: To a heart in port

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, explicit sexy times ahead. This chapter is firmly NSFW.

Rex seethed the whole way to Ahsoka’s room. She had led them there, likely because it was the one place on the ship where they could yell at each other in private and not have inquisitive younglings or prying _vod’e_ interrupt them.

 

And Rex was working up a good, righteous anger, and the sight of Ahsoka’s purposeful stride ahead of him, her lekku twitching in her own anger, only fueled it.

 

 _What has **she** got to be angry about? _ he asked himself.

 

She sharply hit the panel and the door opened. Standing in the middle of her room, hands clenched at her sides, she turned to look at him, like it was a damned challenge. Jaw clenched, he entered the room and closed the door behind him.

 

“What the hell were you thinking, Ahsoka?” he said, trying to keep his voice even, and not quite managing it. “I don’t care if you have crazy Force powers, that was madness!”

 

“I was thinking that we didn’t have enough firepower to deal with those pirates,” she returned, her tone deceptively calm, but he could hear the edge in it. “I thought you’d trust me to know what I was doing, like you used to.”

 

“This isn’t about trust,” he growled. “You think I don’t trust you? How dare you, Ahsoka. I’ve trusted you with _everything_. I took a chip out of my head on your say-so, I trusted you with my brothers after everything went to hell, and I trusted you to lead us, not risk your damned neck pulling stunts worthy of a Padawan learner!”

 

At that hit, her blue eyes widened, and she felt _shocked, taken aback, and ever so slightly… hurt_. Suddenly, he wished he could take it all back, but he had come too far now. And he should have remembered that Ahsoka had never been one to back down from a fight. Her eyes narrowed, and she tilted her head forward, like a predator that had seen a point of weakness.

 

“Why are you really angry, Rex? It’s not about that… _stunt_ , is it? What are you afraid of?” she pressed, voice low and dangerous. She had hit on something Rex had been keeping from himself, something he had buried, but she had unearthed it with that simple question.

 

But Rex wasn’t one to back down either. _If she wants to have this out, fine_ , he thought, and collapsed the distance between them.

 

“You want to know what I’m afraid of?” he asked, almost like a threat, and before she could react, he took her face in his hands and kissed her. He kissed her hard, and used his height and weight to back her up against the bulkhead. Then she started kissing him _back_ , her mouth opening up under his, and her breasts and lekku pressing against his chest. Her arms twined around his neck, and his hands rested on her hips, holding her against him.

 

Then, just as suddenly as he had started kissing her, he stopped, his mind screaming at him that he had gone too far, that he had ruined everything, that this was wrong, wrong, wrong and _dangerous_. Disentangling himself from her, he backed away, fighting to get his breath and his body back under control.

 

It was damned difficult to do, though, with her standing there, lips bruised from their kiss, blue eyes dark and wide, and a little catch in her breath.

 

“ _That_ is what I’m afraid of, Ahsoka,” he said, sounding strangled. “I should go. I need to go.”

 

He turned, trying to scrub the last few moments from his mind, but Ahsoka didn’t need to use the Force, or even a touch to stop him.

 

“Rex,” was all she said, because she could hold him with a word. Rex stood with his back to her, his shoulders bunching with tension. He didn’t know if he could take being in the same room with her at the moment.

 

“Talk to me. Talk about this _with_ me,” she implored.

 

“I can’t, Ahsoka… I can’t. Anyway, what is there to talk about?” he asked, feeling stupidly lost. He still couldn’t look at her, and she didn’t push it.

 

“Oh, Rex,” she sighed. “How about the fact that I’m in love with you, and that I’m tired of dancing around it?” That made him turn around and look at her, regret etched on to the planes of his face. He shook his head.

 

“You’ve known me since you were fourteen, Ahsoka. Its not right, and it wouldn’t be fair to you, if I took advantage of that fact,” he said. She was about to say something, to protest, he kept talking. “More, I’ve seen, up close, what happens to Jedi, to Force-users, who lose their way in their emotions. Ahsoka, I won’t be the reason that you lose your way, the reason you betray your _self_.   I couldn’t stand that happening to you, too.”

 

“You’ve given this some thought,” she said, leaning up against her bed, a bunk built into the wall. She looked thoughtful, thoughtful and sad. Then she raised a challenging eyebrow at him. “But, I hate to break it to you, Rex, your reasons just don’t hold up.”

 

“I’m not having this conversation with you, Ahsoka,” he said firmly, crossing his arms across his chest.

 

“I have no intention of talking you into doing anything you don’t want to do, Rex, but I refuse to bury this and act like it never happened,” she shot back at him. “No matter what happens between us, we can’t just leave it here. One way or another, Rex, we need to resolve this.”

 

“Damn it,” he groused, running his hand over his face, and he wanted to run and leave, but she was right. They couldn’t keep circling each other like they had been lately. “When did you get to be so wise?”

 

“While you weren’t looking,” she said, grinning. “I thought it best to be sneaky about it.” In spite of himself, he laughed. She sat on the bed, and he sat as well because there wasn’t any other place to sit, though he kept his distance.

 

“Alright, we’ll talk,” he said, feeling inexplicably lighter. Maybe they could get through this and still be friends. He would count himself lucky if that was the case.

 

* * *

 

Ahsoka leaned against the bulkhead, watching Rex as he tried to relax. He managed it, barely. Part of her, the huntress, simply wanted to pounce on him and have done with it. But that would be counterproductive at the moment; Rex needed space right now. She kept that urge firmly clamped down, and thought about where to start, where she could find some leverage to pry this mess apart.

 

“So,” he drawled, resting his palms on his thighs, “talking.”

 

“Is more difficult than I thought,” she said, giving him a ghost of a grin.

 

“I don’t, Ahsoka, I don’t know what to do, what to say,” he started, looking at her like he was lost. She supposed he was. She was, too, and she let him feel it, and that seemed to help, because the corner of his mouth tugged upwards ever so slightly.

 

“Well, you have a few ideas in your head that aren’t exactly factual,” she said. “Let’s start with the one where you’d be ‘taking advantage of me,’ which by the way, is utterly ridiculous.”

 

“Care to enlighten me as to why?” he said, just a touch sharp.

 

“You seem to think that I’ve been nursing a crush on your since I was fourteen, or that I imprinted on you, or something,” she said, and shook her head. “That’s just not true. Yes, I’ve loved you since I was fourteen, but as a _friend_ , Rex. Though, I did figure out you were attractive pretty early on,” and she couldn’t help but let out an amused huff at his slight blush. “But I never thought of it much, really. We were friends, fellow commanders, and I was honestly a bit too busy trying to not die and keep us alive.”

 

“Alright, fine, so when _did_ you start to feel differently about me?” he asked. She could have teased him for that question, but decided not to. This was difficult enough for him as it was.

 

For her as well, to unburden a heart that had been kept constrained so long. First by the rules of the Order, and then by choice, to wait, to give him time.

 

“When the Jedi died, though not right then,” she said, an echo of that raw, grasping grief sounded in her heart, but it was only an echo. And now her life was more full than she could ever have imagined, filling all the places that had, for a terrible time, been cracked and torn.

 

“Later, when I waited for you on that planet,” she continued softly, eyes focused on a memory. “I could feel you, coming closer, and you were the only thing in the whole galaxy that made sense at that point. Then there you were, and it was like you’d come home. That you’d come home to me, and I loved you in that instant like I hadn’t before.” He was quiet for a while, taking that in, and then let out a breath. Then he started to speak, eyes fixed on the far wall, but there was a quiet warmth in his voice.

 

“I missed you when you left for the first time, but when you left Chandar, after helping us with those damned chips,” he said, and then he looked at her, a fierceness in his golden eyes. “I had to watch you walk away again, and it took everything that I had not to follow you, or drag you back, or do _something_ , anything but watch you walk out of my life again. Before then, Ahoska, I hadn’t thought I could have anything other than a trooper’s life, hadn’t wanted anything different, but damn me for a kriffing idiot, because you gave me the hope that I could have something more than the hand the galaxy had dealt me. Then you showed up and I knew that if I could have more than a trooper’s life, I would want to find that out with you.”

 

Then he looked away, like he had said too much, but how could she tell him that it wasn’t too much. How could the truth be too much? When it was a truth like that?

 

“And I did, I do, have more than a trooper’s life, and I’ve been terrified of messing it up, messing up with you and all these damned feelings,” he admitted. Ahsoka saw he was tensing up again, and so she decided to risk it. He needed reassurance, but words wouldn’t be enough. Though if she crowded him physically, their talk could come to an abrupt end.

 

So she nudged his shoulder with her toes, and he gave her a look that was so perfectly startled and slightly off-balance that she had to let out a small laugh.

 

“You haven’t messed up anything, Rex,” she said. “No matter what happens, I will always be your friend. I hope you can be mine.” And she finally figured out _why_ Rex was so terrified. How many friends did he really have? Friends who weren’t also _vod’e_? The younglings didn’t exactly count. They were younglings, people he looked after. Anakin might have been once, but that was… gone. She was his friend because… she was his friend, simple as that. The prospect of losing that must have scared him desperately. She also had some idea of what it cost him to admit that, as well.

 

He gave her a tentative smile at her reassurance.

 

“Anyway, did it ever occur to you that you happen to tick all the boxes in what a Togruta female looks for in a mate? That’s hardwired, Rex,” she said, teasing him lightly. “You’re a victim of evolutionary biology.”

 

“I suppose I’ll have to manfully suffer through,” he allowed, his grin becoming that dry, barely there one that she had seen countless times before. It felt good to see it again.

 

“Oh, you think I’m joking, but its true,” she said, trying to be deadpan and failing. “You’re clever, strong, fast, a good fighter, and you protect the clan. A huntress couldn’t ask for anything better.” Her smile was wide and true, as was what she was saying, she realized. He ducked his head, ever so slightly embarrassed at the praise. It was, she decided, kind of cute.

 

“Right well, thank you, I think,” he said, shaking off his embarrassment. “But what about the rest of it? Relationships aren’t safe for people like you. I thought it was kind of stupid at first, to be honest, but then… after everything, well.” He looked off into the middle distance, remembering, she knew, that night when the 501st walked into the Temple and slaughtered the Jedi because one man had lost his mind, and his heart.

 

“I’ve been thinking about that for a while, actually,” she admitted, taking her time and choosing her words carefully. “When I was on that planet, learning from those ghosts, they told me that love was a part of life. One of them said that love is a gift, freely given, and that when you love without expectation or demand, when you love unselfishly, that’s… that’s what we’re meant to do. Its only when love becomes obsession and possession, that’s when darkness creeps into the heart and corrupts everything,” she concluded softly, looking down at her hands, still and calm, not betraying the worry she felt about the possibility of ever being able to live up to that kind of ideal.

 

“What if you can’t? What if I can’t do that, Ahsoka?” he asked, and she felt him watching her.

 

“So we let fear dictate our choices?” she asked archly, and looked back up at him. “I seem to recall you recently supporting Katooni in her choice to overcome her fear. I think… I think that’s why I was so angry with you then. You told Katooni that she was right to overcome her fear and follow what she knew was right for her, and risk death. If you think she was right to do that, what’s the difference between that and this?”

 

Rex could only look at her like she had cut his legs out from under him.

 

“I won’t live in fear, Rex, of what might be, because being alive itself is a risk,” she went on, letting her expression soften. “I love you, Rex, and I’m not going to hide from it or be afraid of it. I love you, but I’m not going to make any demands here. I love you, and whatever becomes of that, I would rather have it than have nothing at all. I won’t be so afraid of life that I fail to live.”

 

Rex held her gaze and drew a shuddering breath. She thought she could feel him starting to let go of the fear that he had clutched to him like a talisman against change, against possible loss.

 

“You wage a hell of a campaign, General,” he said, voice low. He reached for her hand and took it in his own. Like when she had said good-bye to him on Chandar, he pressed her hand to his chest over his heart. “But then, truth has a way of winning out, doesn’t it?”

 

She stayed silent, letting him work through this on his own, whatever he was deciding. Then he raised her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles, knuckles that had split and bled over the years in fights and desperate battles, now treated with a reverent gentleness that she had come to suspect, but had not known for sure, that Rex had in him.

 

“I love you, Ahsoka,” he breathed, “and if you want to put up with a fast-aging clone who only has a battered soldier’s heart to offer you, well, you’ve got me.”

 

There was nothing she could say to that, nothing that would be an adequate response save action. She reclaimed her hand, and rising up to her knees on the bed, she took his head between her hands, and pressed her lips to his forehead, letting him feel all her love for him. She touched her forehead to his, and his hands reached up for her face as well. Then he lifted his own filters, and she could feel him through their bond, his love for her as clear and bright as the stars.

 

* * *

 

“What do we do next, then?” Rex asked. Sure, he had been with women occasionally, but he had never had what anyone would call a relationship with any of them. Ahsoka withdrew slightly, her head tilted to the side in thought. She had recaptured one of his hands in hers, and he idly ran a thumb across the back of it, stupidly excited by being able to touch her like this. And this was just holding hands!

 

 _You’ve becoming a love-struck idiot, old boy,_ he thought to himself. He mostly didn’t care.

 

“I suppose that’s up to us,” she said, “What would you like to do?” He could feel his face heat up _that_ question, and since when did a trooper blush? This was idiotic, but then he had never been the focus of someone’s love before. Lust, yes, love, not so much.

 

“Not sure if what I would want to do would be appropriate. I mean, I don’t even know if…” he trailed off, wondering how to politely ask, exactly, how much she knew about sex.

 

“Would it help you to know that you wouldn’t be my first?” she asked, and he could tell that she was amused. Just a touch. He, on the other hand, felt like she had just lobbed a live grenade at him.

 

“What?!” he exclaimed. “Do I even want to know?”

 

“What do you think happens with teenage Padawans? That we meditate all the time? Only most of the time,” she said, still teasing him, then shook her head. “Voraka Che, the Healer at the Temple, she had to take me aside and tell me herself because, well, could you imagine Anakin telling me?”

 

“Ah, no,” he said somewhat lamely, still feeling a little shell-shocked.

 

“The short of it is that we were allowed, not encouraged, but allowed to… experiment, I guess. Only with other Padawans, that was clear. We could trust that we would look out for each other and help each other with any attachment problems,” she said. “I think the idea was that at least that way we wouldn’t be so caught up in the idea of sex and love and all that when we were out interacting with the rest of the galaxy.”

 

“I don’t think the plan worked out so well,” he said, regaining some of his equilibrium. She shrugged.

 

“The Jedi got some things very wrong, Rex. I’ve learned that. Not everything, but I think they let fear of certain consequences dictate their policies. They tried to be alive without living, without taking the same risks that everyone else does,” she said sadly. Then she looked at him, with only a touch of smugness. “Do you need alcohol to deal with this revelation?”

 

“No, I’ve been turned around enough tonight as it is,” he said, feeling like he was slowly getting his feet back underneath him. Letting go of his fear, admitting that he loved her, that was one thing. Adjusting to the idea that Ahsoka had… experimented, that was unexpected to say the least.

 

“Though, you’re right. It does make me feel better,” he admitted, after digesting those facts for a few moments, and it did. Strangely, it really did. He wasn’t taking advantage of her, and he wasn’t going to lead her to her doom. They were two people who had known each other for a long time and had fallen in love.

 

There was no simpler story that that, he supposed.

 

So he kissed her again, guiding her to him with his hand on her central lekku. Too soon, she pulled away, a question in her eyes.

 

“Have you ever known me to be a man of half measures?” he asked. She grinned, and there was something in her eyes that he had never seen there. Fierce, but heated, and he felt his body respond to that look.

 

“No, I can’t say that you are,” she said, her voice become husky. She ran a hand down his chest, and he couldn’t help but caress her back in return.

 

“Then if I love you, I’ll love you,” he told her, and he could feel all the desire he had for her this past year finally breaking free of the constraints he had placed on it.

 

He kissed her again, running his hands down her sides, tracing the curve of her waist down to her hips. At that, she raised her hips up and straddled him, pressing close to him, her hands, her battle roughened hands, tracing over and down his shoulders and back. His heart beat quickened, feeling her, touching her, like this.

 

It was more than he had ever allowed himself to imagine.

 

* * *

 

Ahsoka deepened their kiss, her tongue teasing his, and from her position on his lap, she could feel him hard against her. It was a heady sensation, his touch, his scent, the hard muscles of him under her. Unable to help herself, she nipped at his lip, not too roughly, but enough to satisfy the urge. He gave her a look as if to say _really now?_ , and she grinned, her hunter’s grin.

 

Not to be outdone, Rex lifted her easily and flipped her on her back, his own grin equally predatory, like a bird of prey with those golden eyes and his sharp nose. He kissed her again, briefly, before trailing kisses along her jaw line and then to her neck, making her shiver in delight. Pressing his lips to the hollow in her throat, she trilled happily, though he couldn’t know what it meant, exactly, she hoped he would have some idea. He must have, because he started to undo her top, his hands deft but unhurried.

 

Getting herself back under some kind of control, she reached up and pulled at the bottom of his shirt, dragging it over his head and tossing it aside. And in addition to his well-muscled chest, she saw that he wore one of her akul-teeth on a chain around his neck. She reached up and touched it, holding it between her fingers. He smiled, expression softening.

 

“I wanted to have some part of you close,” he explained. “Stupid, but…”

 

“Not stupid,” she said firmly, rising up to kiss him softly, sweetly, and then nuzzled at his cheek. “Not stupid in the slightest, Rex.”

 

He let out a shuddering breath, and she continued to nuzzle and kiss him, down his jaw, as he had done to her, his neck, his collarbones as he finally got her top off. She couldn’t stop touching him, his chest, his arms, his back, but he urged her to lie back down, and he moved over her. Lightly, he touched her breast, and she arched in response, her body wanting more touch, more contact.

 

Kissing her again, he stroked her body, along her side and her breasts, his touch firmer, more sure, and she couldn’t help it as a soft moan escaped her. That only seemed to encourage him, as he took one of her breasts into his mouth, his tongue teasing at one of her nipples. Then he worked his way back up to her mouth and kissed her deeply.

 

“So, I have a question,” he rumbled, his forehead resting against hers, but still touching, caressing.

 

“It’s about my lekku, isn’t it?” she asked, amused.

 

“Well, yes,” he admitted, and traced her facial markings with his thumb as he looked down at her. She smiled, her own hand resting lightly on his cheek.

 

“I’m not a Twi’lek, they aren’t sensitive in that way. But it does feel nice when you touch them,” she told him.

 

“Thought it best to ask,” he said, grinning, and then he kissed her again. And as he continued to explore her body, he ran a hand along one lekku, and it did feel very nice.

 

“Oh, you can always ask,” she said, feeling a little breathless. He gave a low chuckle at that, and she decided that he might deserve a little attention at this point. Wiggling a little, edged to the side of the bed, and stood, leaving him looking a little confused. Then she started to take off her pants.

 

His eyes went wide, and sat on the edge of the bed, his hands over hers, stopping her. Then he started to undo the fasteners himself, with that same unhurried deftness as before, slowly sliding her pants over her hips and letting them fall.

 

Never particularly self-conscious, Ahsoka watched him as he seemed to drink her in with his eyes, and this was so different from how anyone had ever looked at her before. They had both clamped down hard and fast on their bond, the feedback alone would have been problematic, but she could still sense him normally. He was a mix of love, lust, reverence, fierce joy, but there was no desire to possess, to own, to keep. Just… admire and be with.

 

She stepped close, her bare burnt-orange legs braced against the edge of the bed and she kissed him lingeringly. His hands ran down her back and cupped her butt, then he gave her a little squeeze. She could feel him grinning into their kiss, and she laughed in return.

 

“That must be a Mandolorian thing,” she muttered.

 

“Don’t want to ask, do I?” he breathed.

 

“Probably not right now,” she told him, and she started undoing _his_ pants. They were _very_ tight, and she didn’t know if she should curse or thank Tup at this point. Settling on getting Rex naked, she tugged, and he lifted his hips, letting her slide them off. His cock was erect, and she reached out, touching it delicately, enjoying the weight and feel of it in her hand. He sucked in a breath as she stroked it, climbing back onto the bed.

 

“Come here,” he said after a moment or two, and he took away her hand, drawing her back to him. He sat against the bulkhead at one end of the bed, and she straddled him again, feeling his hardness against her. She pressed her breasts and lekku against his bare chest, and reveled in the feel of it, in the feel of his hands stroking her back, and caressing her hips and buttocks.

 

Arching against him, her hips started to rock almost of their own volition, and he snaked a hand between them. She raised herself up, and felt his fingers test her slit, dipping inside her and finding her wet, and she shivered at feeling any part of him inside of her.

 

“Oh, Ahsoka,” he said, voice ragged with desire, “you are glorious.”

 

She reached between them then, and guided his cock inside her, sinking onto him. His head fell back, and he moaned, and she did as well as she felt him fill her. With only a little effort, she worked over him and took him inside her completely, and she sat perfectly still, letting the sensation ebb and flow through her.   She reveled in the feel of him under her, inside her, arms around her, as she nuzzled and nibbled as his neck.

 

“And you, Rex,” she said softly, “are magnificent.”

 

Then she started to rock her hips, and he responded, thrusting up against her, and as they moved together, kissing, stroking, touching, exploring, she could feel her climax building. She wanted to, she wanted to let go, to shudder to completion on him like this, but she didn’t want to be selfish.

 

“Oh Rex, I’m going to…” she moaned, and he seemed to understand her, because he took her hips firmly in his hands and set a rhythm, and she could feel his own breath start to catch.

 

“Let go, Ahoska, let me see you,” he said, and she looked down at him, his golden eyes dark and full of desire. So she let go, and rocked and ground and moved against him, kissing him, nuzzling him, biting at his ears and neck, a huntress claiming her mate. She felt it build and build, that warmth, that _tingle_ , and every touch of his hands against her, the feel of her breasts and lekku brushing against his chest was nearly overwhelming. She wanted to shut her eyes, but fought it, and watched him watch her, and she knew her love was reflected there.

 

Then her climax broke over her, a shuddering, spreading sensation, and she thought she might have screamed or moaned, or said his name over and over and over. Then she felt him grab her hips tightly and his thrust became rougher, harder, and that triggered another wave. She heard him moan and she watched him close his eyes, and shudder and tense and cry out at his own release, spilling into her.

 

Eventually, she got her breathing back under control and rested against him, and his arms wrapped around her, holding her closely. She could hear his heart beat returning to its low resting rate. He held her like that for a time, and came back to herself.

 

“I suppose we can’t stay like this,” she said, looking up at him, still resting against him.

 

“Tempting,” he said, “but probably not.” She levered herself off of him, but didn’t go far, snuggling up against his side. One of his arms was slung around her waist, and sleepily, she pointed at the towel on the far side of her room.

 

“Should probably clean up,” she said, already feeling lethargic.

 

“That my cue, is it?” he asked dryly.

 

“Yes, it is,” she said cheekily. Huffing, he left the bed, got the towel, and threw it at her. She caught it with a grin, and cleaned herself up, then she cleaned him as well. Negligently, she tossed the now rather poorly used towel aside.

 

“Are you… are you staying?” she asked as he settled back into the bed, drawing the covers up around them. He looked at the covers and looked back at her.

 

“I thought that would be fairly self evident,” he said, looking just a touch confused. “Unless you don’t want me to.”

 

“No! No, I want you to stay, I just didn’t know if you wanted to stay, for yourself,” she clarified, suddenly aware of how much distance they had overcome and very suddenly. Rex, like most clones, could adjust to new circumstances quicker than most people, but he had been carrying around his fear and anxiety for a long time. She didn’t want to load him up with more than he could handle.

 

“Ah, well, I don’t know if I’ll always be here, I mean, I don’t know if we want to share a bunk full time just yet,” he said, thoughtful, settling down, and she curled around him. “I guess we’ll see how we go, one step at a time. Though,” he said, looking at her, his dry grin back in force. “That first step was a bit of a drop, eh?”

 

She blinked, then she felt the utter ridiculousness of that understatement bubble up through her, and she lost herself in laughter, giggling and snorting uncontrollably. He shook his head, looking at her like she had lost her mind.

 

“It wasn’t that funny,” he said.

 

“Yes it was,” she insisted. “Bit of a drop,” she repeated, mimicking his deadpan delivery between breathless giggles. “Understatement of the year, I think.”

 

“You’re a mad woman, you know that?” he teased her. She got her laughter under control, and gave him a smug grin.

 

“Yes, but you love me anyway,” she said. His expression softened, and he kissed the tip of her nose.

 

“I do at that,” he said.

 

“Love you, too,” she said, as she snuggled up against him. And there, in his arms, she fell asleep, as contented as a hunting cat.

 

* * *

 

The comm woke them both, and Rex blearily looked around, confused for a moment because the bed was on the wrong side of the room. Oh, and because there was a naked Ahsoka next to him. Then his brain caught up to his body, and he grinned stupidly at the memory of... He checked the time, and saw it was after ship-midnight.   _Well the memory of last night_ , he thought.

 

Ahsoka, of course, had woken up like a shot, though that didn’t make her any less grumpy about it.

 

“We had better be literally on fire,” she grumbled, and then she hit the comm with only slightly excessive force.

 

“What?” she said, clearly holding herself back from barking at Fives.

 

“Sorry if I woke you up, Ahoska, but we got a priority one communication from the _Aay'han_ , and they won’t talk to anyone but you,” Fives said. Rex wondered what the hell the Nulls were doing contacting them. Though they had dropped their comm details to the Nulls when they got the _Bar’ore_ , his older brothers had maintained radio silence for the past year.

 

He shot Ahsoka a quizzical glance, and she looked thoughtful.

 

“Give me a minute, and then pipe it back here, Fives,” she said.

 

“You got it,” he said, and the comm cut out. Ahsoka rummaged through their discarded clothes, and then pulled out his shirt and put it on. He decided he definitely liked the look of that. Then she turned to him.

 

“You might want to put on pants,” she said, and he did so, quickly stepping into the damned tight pants. He was starting to wonder if Tup did that on purpose, and if his brothers had slight match-making tendencies. Probably, he decided.

 

“What do you think this is about?” he asked, but just as he did so, the vid screen came to life and, of course, it was Mereel. His older brother grinned that damn smug, dirty grin of his that made Rex’s fists itch to punch something.

 

“Ah, so you’ve been taking care of her, have you, _vod’ika_?” the Null asked. “Good, if you hadn’t by now, well.” Mereel smiled and the rest was implied.

 

“Mereel,” Ahsoka said flatly, and that was enough to get the other clone to back off.

 

“Sorry, I can’t help it, Ahsoka,” he said, grinning. “I’ve got good news, and this made even _Ordo_ smile. They figured it out, Ahsoka,” Mereel went on. “The docs, they figured it out.”

 

Ahsoka let out a breath, and he could feel that she was relieved, excited, nervous, but mostly astonished. Mereel’s grin was wide and bright. Rex frowned, knowing he was missing the context of this particular conversation.

 

“Anyone care to fill me in?” he asked. Ahsoka looked at him, and an inexplicable thankfulness shone in her eyes.

 

“They figured out how to slow down the aging, Rex,” she said. Then she turned back to Mereel. “I’m assuming we’ll need to assemble a few things, that’s why you’re calling?”

 

“Got it in one, _jetti’ika_ ,” Mereel said, but Rex stopped paying attention to their conversation. It seemed impossible, unreal. A normal life span, an end to growing old at a break-neck pace, no more waking up and knowing he’d aged two days for every one that actually passed.

 

Dimly, he was aware of Ahsoka and Mereel working out some details, and eventually she shut off the comms. He could only stare at his hands. Ahsoka took his hands in her own, and he jerked his head up to look at her.

 

“Talk to me, Rex,” she said, voice soft. She could probably feel what he was feeling, though even he couldn’t categorize it, an overwhelming mixture of hope and disbelief. How could he explain what it felt like knowing that now, now he wouldn’t have to leave her too soon. That he didn’t have to fear his body giving out on him years before it should. That he could have a life, a _full_ life.

 

“Looks like you’re going to be stuck with me for longer than you originally bargained for,” he said, only able to deal with this through humor at the moment, because he had just been given a reprieve from the death sentence that he been living with his whole life, one that he had grown used to and thought of it as normal. It felt like the most uplifting kind of madness.

 

“I’ll adjust, I suppose,” she said dryly, and they laughed together, giddy and joyful and free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! Finally! That only took… 11 chapters, if you don’t count the rest of the series. Oh snap. Really glad I got here, though, because real life is starting to reassert itself, and I won’t have as much writing time. Updates will still happen, but much likely a great deal slower.
> 
> So no, this is not the end! Not by a long shot. More missions, more faces from the past! Action, adventure, silliness, and adorable stuff. Thanks, though, everyone for sticking it out this far. Been so fun to write, and you’ve all been so wonderfully encouraging. <3
> 
> Oh yes, the poem is a pretty steamy one, and seemed to fit not just the sexy times, but the idea that all those rules they lived by get firmly thrown out the window. Ah, Emily Dickinson, you saucy thing, you. Virginal poetess, my left foot.
> 
> Wild nights! Wild nights!  
> Were I with thee,  
> Wild nights should be  
> Our luxury! 
> 
> Futile the winds  
> To a heart in port,—  
> Done with the compass,  
> Done with the chart. 
> 
> Rowing in Eden!  
> Ah! the sea!  
> Might I but moor  
> Tonight in thee!


	13. Chapter 12: Hope is the thing with feathers

Kix was organizing the med bay. Again. He couldn’t help it. He felt restless, excited, daunted. Ahsoka had told them that morning: the Nulls had a cure for their fast aging.

 

Or at least the start of a cure.

 

They needed some other components and some equipment, but it was insight. The _Bar’ore_ was headed to the meet up coordinates right now, and Kix couldn’t stop his thoughts from racing around in his head: _How was it done? What was the mechanism? Of course it would be some kind of gene therapy, but would it cure anything else? Would turning off the aging alter their other genetic modifications? What kind of care would his vod’e need while undergoing the treatmeant?_

 

And suddenly he needed to switch around how he kept the palliative supplies.

 

“Pain medication should go here,” he muttered to himself, breathing coming short, and rustled around in the drawer. He could feel himself getting worked up, and he knew what this was. He was having a psychological reaction, which was odd. Troopers weren’t supposed to have psychological reactions, but they did. Umbara had certainly broken that assumption. Even then, they had been functional with Ahsoka’s intervention. Had they been normal humans, they would have required months, even years of sustained therapy.

 

But he couldn’t figure out why he was having a reaction _now_. Happiness, he would have understood. At the moment, however, he felt anxious, pent up, lost, and he couldn’t figure out why.

 

Gritting his teeth, he braced himself against the countertop, trying to get his breathing back under control. But he couldn’t. Turning, he slid down to the floor, his back against the drawers of supplies and equipment, and he cried. Hand over his eyes, tears running down his face, trying to choke down his sobs, Kix felt like something unbearably heavy was being lifted off his chest, because now he wouldn’t have to watch, helpless, as his brothers grew old and died before their time. He could finally help _fix_ his brothers.

 

“Kix,” Jith said, peering around the entrance of the med bay. “Why are you crying?” He looked up and saw Jith and Tal’ror standing there, eyes large in their faces.

 

“Because I got some really good news,” he said, giving the younglings a tremulous smile, and opened his arms. They ran to him, and cuddled close. He could feel their young hearts beating light and fast against their backs. “I’m going to get to be around for all your growing up, and that makes me really happy.”

 

“Now,” Kix said, coughing, clearing the tears from his eyes and throat, “why don’t you tell me about your days? I want to hear everything.” Smiling, properly smiling, feeling a buoyant kind of hope, he listened to them talk about their lessons and their small triumphs and setbacks, and he knew that there was nowhere else he would rather be.

 

* * *

 

Tup had taken bridge duty, letting Echo and Lena celebrate privately. It also allowed Tup to have his own, quiet moment to contemplate what was coming. It was, he thought, a win-win. He had always liked it when things feel together for everyone involved. There was a pleasing sense of symmetry and harmony about some outcomes.

 

Watching the elongated stars of hyperspace streak by, he considered the fact, the nearly unbelievable fact that he was going to live out a nearly normal human lifespan. He had, he thought, accepted the fact that he would die early, his body betraying him long before it should. It had only made sense, Tup knew. Having an army of genetically modified men running around after the war was over would only be a hindrance. There would have been no way to integrate them into galactic civilization, and so, they were made with an expiry date. Similar reasoning behind their sterility, because having over four million genetically identical potential fathers running around would have been a disaster for the diversity of the human genome.

 

Still, though these things made sense, they were nevertheless done to him and his brothers to take away their choices, to control them, confine them. These things were not honorable, though they had been sensible.

 

There was a difference between the two, Tup knew.

 

And now, they were taking their lives back, some part of them at least. They would take their lives back and decide for themselves how to live. A whole life in front of him was a large thing to contemplate. For the past year, he had more or less let events unfold as they would, and he had been happy.

 

But now, now, he contemplated the stars and understood why some saw the future there. Because it was, indeed, out there, only waiting for one to reach it.

 

* * *

 

Echo held Lena close, her curvy form pressed tightly against his own. He liked the look of her skin against his own, a dusky brown against his tan. They had been locked in their room for a while celebrating.

 

“Remind me to thank Tup for taking bridge duty,” Lena purred, nuzzling his neck. Echo smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

 

“I think he knows we’re plenty thankful,” Echo said, blushing only slightly. It had been nearly six months of them being together, and he was still getting used to talking about it with his brothers. He would doubt Rex would have that problem now that he and Ahsoka had resolved their… whatever it was, mostly because none the _vod’e_ were crazy enough to bring it up with him. Echo, on the other hand, was clearly fair game for teasing.

 

“Still, its amazing news. I mean, I knew you troopers had shortened lifespans,” Lena said, propping herself up on her arm and tracing designs on his chest with her other hand. Echo sat up at that.

 

“Wait, you knew?” he asked, interrupting her, not sure how to feel. Shocked, elated, humbled.

 

“Of course I knew,” she said, her warm brown eyes smiling up at him. “Republic pilot. I worked closely with some of your brothers. They had some pretty dark jokes about it, to be honest.” Echo wasn’t sure what to say, so he kissed her, trying to express how that simple statement made him feel more loved than he ever could have imagined. She pulled away gently, her expression soft and a touch worried.

 

“Hey,” she said, touching his face lightly. “Echo, you were worth it. I knew that within ten minutes of meeting you.”

 

“Oh,” was all he could say, feeling like the best kind of bewildered, a lopsided grin spreading over his face. “Well, I just. I hope you’re okay of spending a bit more time with me than you originally thought, because I’m really excited to spend the next sixty or eighty years with you.”

 

“You can count on it, trooper,” she said, and kissed him again for good measure.

 

* * *

 

Coric and Fives were drunk.

 

“So there was this one time, this one time, we were pinned down,” Fives said, nearly falling out his chair.

 

“What time? I kriffing swear, Fives,” Coric drawled, pointing with this glass, “we get pinned down a lot. It’s a thing. Real manly, going up against the odds, taking down the clankers, makes the ladies all willing and interested.”

 

“Oh yeah, that was the best,” Fives said, eyes going distant with memory. “Still, not a bad life now, eh? Getting to do what we want, in port here and there, long enough to have fun with a lady, some occasional excitement. Sixty more years of this, I can handle.”

 

“You reckon?” Coric asked, blinking blearily.

 

“Damn right,” Fives said, nodding firmly. “I like this life. Always on the move, seeing new places, meeting new women, running under the radar of the law. Its better than a holodrama!”

 

Coric nodded, and couldn’t fault Fives. It was a life that seemed to suit all his brothers, but after a year, Coric was missing being in the thick of it, of testing himself in battle against the enemy. Who that enemy would be, now, would be anyone’s guess. He supposed it might be the Empire, but that would be a war fought in the shadows. Coric didn’t know if that would be for him either.

 

All he did know, was that if he had another six decades, he would live it how he wanted to, even if that meant leaving the ship and his brothers.

 

* * *

 

Fives was wary. The younglings had insisted on making dinner that evening, in celebration of the news. Once they met up with the Nulls, the younglings would have to stay out of sight, and this was the last night they could all spend happily together for a little while.

 

It smelled alright, but the kitchen was a disaster. He supposed that was what happened when six eleven-year-olds cooked. At least the three younger ones were banned from helping. Well, mostly in an effort to keep Maada from ‘helping’.

 

Byph was directing most of the effort, the other younglings listening to his careful instructions. They rushed about, calling out and yelling to each other, all of them determined to make it perfect.

 

He was touched.

 

“Byph,” he said softly, “you know we’ll be happy with anything, right?”

 

“ _I know, we all know, but we want to do something nice for you. This is an important day,_ ” the young Ithorian said.

 

“Byph is right,” Petro said. “This is like… your second birthday or something.”

 

“It’s more than that,” Katooni said.

 

“How is it more than that? What do you mean?” Petro pressed, but Katooni only smiled, her eyes taking on that knowing that sometimes Ahoska had in her eyes. “Bah, girls,” the boy groused and went back to work.

 

Fives shrugged and did his best to not laugh, but he was touched. Once dinner was ready, they all gathered about. His brothers were there, the men he had fought beside and been with through hell and back. Lena sat next to Echo, no longer looking out of place. The younglings mostly sat, but would stand in their chairs now and again, exuberant presences in between the more sturdy _vod’e_. Then there was Ahsoka sitting next to Rex, their hands touching occasionally, kind of adorable expressions on their faces.

 

 _At least that bit of drama is resolved_ , Fives thought, more than a little pleased with his prediction on how long that would take.

 

Fives had once only thought about being the best, being an ARC-trooper, but what he had said the other night to Coric had been true. This was a good life, a life that a man could find real purpose in, because the war, he saw now, had been pointless. But now, he was helping protect the most precious younglings in the galaxy, he was helping to keep a ship running that served as home to him and his brothers, and he kept an ear out for any chatter that would indicate that they were in trouble.

 

For the first time in his life he was doing good work, work that mattered not to some government because he had been programmed to think that way, but work that mattered to the people he loved, and he could think of no place he would rather be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Managed to get some time to write! Just a quick series of reactions from the boys. Next chapter will see the return of the Nulls, a bit of action, and a plan that, of course, goes pear shaped.


	14. Chapter 13: I’ve heard it in the chillest land

“ _Bar’ore_ , this is the _Aay'han_ ,” Ordo’s voice came over the comm, and Ahsoka watched as the sleek ship came to a full stop in front of them. “Requesting permission to dock and come aboard … Captain,” he said, a hint of a smile in his voice. Ahsoka felt a grin spreading across her face in response. She nodded to Echo and Lena, and they started on the docking procedure.

 

“Permission granted, Captain,” she said. “And I know you hate sentimentality, Ordo, but it’ll be good you see you all again.”

 

“I’ll let it go, just this once. Considering the circumstances,” he said. “Ordo out.” She shook her head, letting out a half amused half exasperated snort. Nulls. Always the same.

 

“Get us docked, and meet us in the dining area,” she said to Echo and Lena.

 

“You got it, Captain,” Lena said, smiling. Echo tossed her a lackadaisical salute as she left, and Ahsoka couldn’t help but feel damn near _bubbly_. It was strange, this sensation in her chest: a lightness that she hadn’t felt in a long time. It was everywhere, and she knew she was picking up everyone’s emotions. She tried to keep herself balanced in the middle of it all, but sometimes she wanted to throw herself into their fierce joy.

 

She wondered how the Nulls would affect her, but she wasn’t as close to them as she was with her troopers and the younglings. At least the younglings were safely in the cargo bay, going through saber training drills with strict instructions to keep out of sight. Ahsoka gave it about twenty minutes after docking until that order was disobeyed.

 

Rex, Coric, Tup and Fives were already there at the docking hatch, all three of them looking at ease but she could feel that all of them were just a touch on edge. Nulls had that affect on the regular troopers. She tried to see if Rex was feeling any particular kind of agitation, but he seemed as collected as ever, his professional soldier face firmly in place.

 

Taking her place at the head of the welcoming committee, she watched as the ships docked, and suddenly there were six Null-ARC troopers, all taller, bigger, faster, and much more aggressive than _her_ troopers. Like always there was the edge of barely restrained violence to them, but it was currently tempered by an almost congenial mood. The doctors were also there, Kai So and Deran Yendar, the men who had figured out how to save the lives of the clones. One because he had no other choice to do so, the other because she had talked him into leaving his retirement on Alderaan for one last chance to save lives.

 

At the sight of the Kaminoan, Rex and the others tensed, but they kept themselves under control. They had been warned about Kai So, but she knew seeing one of the ‘long necks’ was more than a little upsetting to them.

 

Ordo strode forward and they exchanged an old Mandolorian warrior’s handshake, clasping each other on the forearm, and she could have sworn he damn near smiled to see her.

 

“Ahsoka,” he said, tone as even as ever.

 

“Ordo,” she returned, matching him in tone. Then she looked past him at the other troopers and gave them a grin. “Hey guys. I suppose I should have expected all of you.”

 

The other Null-ARCs smiled at her, and she could feel her troopers become slightly disgruntled at that. _Yes, being territorial and proprietary about females is definitely a Mandolorian thing_ , she thought, and tamped down the urge to laugh. Togruta males didn’t engage in such foolishness, but then, she didn’t love any Togruta males. She seemed stuck with a double-handful of clone troopers, not that she minded really.

 

“Come on, lets get to the dining area, get introductions over with, and we can work out the details over some food,” she said, and led the way. For a wonder, they all fell in behind her, with only minimal jostling. _This,_ she thought, _is either going to be highly entertaining or a disaster… or both_.

 

* * *

 

Rex didn’t understand even half of what the doctors were going on about, but Kix seemed to be asking some smart questions. Ahsoka was even following along fairly well, though he was satisfied to see most of the Null-ARCs not really paying attention. Rather they were all sizing each other up. This wasn’t like when different battalions got together, that had always been like a friendly brawl until things got sorted out. This was more like two cats circling each other, and it was because the Null-ARCs were… what they were.

 

 _Also, maybe, just maybe, because they were part of Ahsoka’s life while you weren’t?_ a part of his mind whispered. He tried to firmly tell that part of his mind to kriff off, because he finally knew where he stood with her. It was a good place, they were together, sort of. They hadn’t made any announcement or anything like that, but he knew his brothers knew.

 

Damn Fives and his penchant for running betting pools.

 

What really didn’t help was that Ahsoka was making exactly zero effort to hide her amusement. He shot her a level look now and again, but she only kept that bright, too knowing smirk on her face. Deciding that it was pointless to try to follow the medical jargon, he caught Ordo’s eye, and the other man nodded, understanding.

 

Well, at least there was one Null trooper Rex didn’t feel wary around. Ordo might be a living legend, but he was solid.

 

“Are you satisfied, Kix?” Ordo asked, breaking in.

 

“Ah, I suppose,” the medic said. “There’s a lot I’ll still need to know, especially when it comes to after care. But I think I’ve got the basics of it, yes.”

 

“You’ve been reading up in your spare time, eh Kix? Good thinking,” Rex said, and the other man gave him a sharp, almost military nod at the acknowledgement. They were all getting back into mission mode, as Rex thought of it. The last few times they had been in a spot of excitement, as Fives called it, they hadn’t gone looking for it, they had just reacted. But this time they were going looking for trouble.

 

Rex had to admit, at least to himself, that he missed it. Just a little.

 

“I assume,” Ahsoka said, breaking in, and clearly not willing to be left out of the mission planning stage. “That you have a plan for how to get these genetic therapy catalyzers and this synthesizer. And a reason why we can’t just buy or make either of them.”

 

“Ah, I believe I can answer your second question, my dear,” Doctor Yendar said, in his soft, academic voice. He was far more pleasant to deal with than Kai So, the damned long neck looking at them and talking about them like they were still an interesting project. Still, at least the Kaminoan was helping them. Probably at blaster point, but Rex couldn’t summon up much sympathy for the barve.

 

“Many genetic therapy catalyzers are easily obtained, this is true,” Yendar continued, “But the ones we need are particularly expensive and difficult to obtain considering the unique genetic structure of even the standard clone troopers. Accommodating the more… extensive modifications made to the Null-ARC troopers,” Yendar grumbled, clearly indicating he did not approve of the kind of genetic tampering Rex’s older brothers had undergone. It made Rex like the man even more.

 

“Well,” Yendar said, clearing his throat slightly. “We need some very well made catalyzers. The kind typically used for cutting edge genetic research.”

 

“We looked for them,” A’den said, “sent out feelers, but they weren’t to be had. There’s just no black market for academic genetic research. Funny that,” he drawled.

 

“Indeed,” Yendar agreed. “I might be the first to hold that unique post. Anyway, as for the synthesizer, to build it would require us to, ahem, liberate specific components anyway. It seems logical to simply take the item we require, as it just so happens you can get both the synthesizer and the catalyzers in the same place.”

 

“Alright, fine,” Ahsoka said. “So where are we ‘liberating’ these supplies from?”

 

“The Advanced Genetics Research Laboratory at the University on Corellia,” Ordo said. Ahsoka sucked in a sharp breath.

 

“Stang, Ordo, I can’t take this ship that far into the Core!” Ahsoka exclaimed. “You know what we have on board.”

 

“We’ll need to take your ship in, won’t we?” Rex asked, breaking in, wanting to place a comforting hand on Ahsoka’s shoulder, but stopped himself. They weren’t alone, this wasn’t even downtime. Some boundaries might need to be maintained, and she also might not appreciate such a gesture when she needed to be Captain, not only herself.

 

“Yes,” Ordo confirmed. “We can leave the doctors here, on your ship, with one of your troopers and one of mine. Maybe your pilot, too.”

 

“Like hell you’re leaving me here,” Lena interjected, which was the first time she had talked this whole time. “You’ll want a good pilot if things go sideways, and you’re all busy shooting at things. I’m not a Jedi-class pilot, but I’m damned good.”

 

Rex watched the Nulls for a reaction. They had been introduced to the pilot and dismissed her: she wasn’t _vod’e_ or Ahsoka, and Rex knew they could react badly to her for those very reasons. He saw Echo tense as well. Rex caught his brother’s eye, and Echo nodded. For all that Rex found himself suddenly protective of Lena, because she was part of the crew, she was part of this family, he knew that she would not thank any of them for trying to protect her. Looking at Ahsoka, he knew he had made the right call, because she leaned back in her chair, waiting and watching to see how this would go.

 

Jaing looked at Lena sharply, eyes narrowed, and Rex suddenly knew it wouldn’t go well. Prudii and Kom’rk also speared her with their gazes, as intent as hawks.

 

“Listen, _aruetii_ ,” Jaing all but spat, and Rex felt himself tense at _that_ word. Echo almost launched himself, but Fives put a hand on his brother’s shoulder, though all the men of the _Bar’ore_ looked ready to launch themselves into a fight. “Its real kriffing sweet that you’re helping out our brothers, flying this bucket around, even kriffing one of them, eh? But don’t think that makes you one of us, or someone who has earned the right to be on this mission.”

 

“ _Copaani mirshmure'cye, vod_?” Echo yelled, belligerent, standing with such speed that his chair was flung backwards. Fives and Tup restrained him, holding him back at the shoulders, and Rex felt stunned seeing his normally well-mannered brother lose his temper. Ahsoka looked almost as startled as Rex felt, but before either of them step in, or Ordo could get Jaing back under control, Lena spoke again.

 

“Oh kriff you, you ass,” Lena said derisively. “You don’t know me, and you don’t know this crew. You think I’m some outsider? And yeah, I know what that word meant. No, I’m not one of you, but that doesn’t make me any less invested in finding a cure. I’m part of this. Your brothers saved my life more times than I can count when I was in the Republic Navy, and this crew saved my family from starving to death when the Empire took over mining operations. Oh, and to set the record straight, I’m not just _kriffing_ Echo,” she damn near growled that out, and Rex saw a new side to their sweet-natured pilot. Suddenly, Lena and Echo made a lot more sense.

 

“I love him, and I’ll be damned if I sit idle when I can help the man I love live a full life, when I can help the troopers I can, because I can never help the ones who had my back out there in a fight, because they’re lost to us all now,” she finished saying hotly.

 

The stunned silence was so total, Rex could clearly hear the quiet hum of the engines, the whir of life support, and the muffled surprise of younglings at Lena ripping into a clone trooper like that, swears and all. Rex turned to see Petro, Katooni and Gungi hiding around the corner, and he shot them a look that he hoped communicated the fact that they should get out before any other adult could see them. Regardless, they slunk away quietly.

 

“Holy hell, _vod’ika_ ,” Mereel said, that charming grin on his face, “where do you find these fierce women, and are there any more where she came from?” Echo looked at Lena, his expression a mixture of pride and adoration.

 

“You don’t find women like that, they find you, I’m pretty sure,” Echo said, and Rex looked at Ahsoka and thought that his brother wasn’t wrong. Ahsoka spared him a triumphant glance before turning to the Nulls.

 

“Well?” she asked them, the challenge clear in her voice.

 

“I can’t say I approve of the overblown sentimentality, but I have no problem with her taking the helm of the _Aay'han_ at need. Do any of you?” Ordo asked, turning to look at his brothers. Jaing couldn’t meet Ordo’s eyes after that, but the others nodded.

 

“Good,” Ahsoka said at that, “glad we got that out of the way. However, my ship, my rules, Ordo. Sentimentality is just fine here,” Ahsoka said, smirking, clearly baiting the Null-ARC captain. Ordo, for his part, wisely chose to let it pass.

 

“Now that the position of get away pilot is settled,” Rex said, trying to get the whole thing back on track. “What’s the rest of the plan?”

 

* * *

 

“Talk to me, Echo,” Ahsoka subvocalized on their closed loop comms. Fives, Echo and Mereel had worked on it together, and it gave them a private comm-channel, that let them avoid the distinctive buckets the troopers were used to.

 

“The system will be going dark for a fifteen count in thirty,” he said from a ground-car they had found in a junkyard and jury-rigged to serve as a command center. Echo was there, sliced into the University security systems, and Prudii was with him, watching his back and ready to drive them away as soon as they had the supplies and equipment. Ahsoka nodded to Rex, Mereel and A’den once the count of thirty started. She had one team and they were set to get the catalyzers, and they hoped that the blue prints and campus layouts they had found on the holonet were still accurate. Ordo, Jaing, Fives and Coric were set to break into the lab itself and steal the synthesizer, and were using the south entrance, while she and her team were at the east entrance.

 

“Go!” Echo called out over the comms, and she pushed with the Force as the three men ran and took a jump at the fence. They landed lightly on the other side, and she took her own Force jump over the obstacle, and they were off on the grounds, running like mad as Echo looped the security footage.

 

As they approached the east door of the Genetics Lab, the light flicked to green, and they barreled in, letting it swing shut behind them. The quiet was profound after the soft patter of rain and the traffic of various kinds just on the edges of the University founds. Then there was an electric hum, and banks of lights flicked on with a harsh-sounding thud that she picked up in her montrals, making her wince.

 

“Don’t worry, the security in the building itself is sparse. You only have to worry once you get to your targets,” Echo said, a reassuring voice as he followed their progress.

 

“Got it,” she said, and using old trooper hand signals, led them along the route they had all memorized to where the catalyzers were kept.

 

* * *

 

Coric kept pace with Ordo, Jaing watching their backs and Fives up front as they approached the lab where they kept a synthesizer. At the door to the lab, Fives knelt and took out his tools, and after a few moments the door gave a cheerful little _blip_ as it swung open. Fives shot them all a proud grin, and they strode inside, Ordo taking point.

 

The lights in the lab came on automatically like they had everywhere else in the building, and none of them paid it any attention. And this would have been fine, had it not led them to overlook something very important.

 

“Who the hell are you!?” a woman called out. Coric turned, training his blaster on her, and was staggered. She was damned gorgeous. Tall, leggy, long black hair and dark eyes. And in a lab coat. _Oh stang_ , he thought.

 

“Ma’am, we’re not going to hurt you, we just want…” Ordo started to say as he readied his blaster. The woman’s eyes widened, as though she noticed the movement and what it meant. Then she dove for cover.

 

“Stun her!” Ordo barked at them, and Coric was pleased to note that Fives and Jaing had been momentarily stunned as well. They jumped to attention and started to make their way down between the lab benches.

 

“Ma’am, we don’t want to hurt you. We just want the synthesizer, and we’ll be gone,” Ordo went on as they closed in on the woman. There was only so far she could run, and they were closing in on where she should be.

 

“Do you know how much I had to scrooge for grant money for this stuff?!” she yelled at them, and they all trained their blasters on where her voice came from, and were blinded by a bright flash. Coric cried out, and heard his brothers cries of pain as well, holding his hands in front of his eyes, staggering and running into the lab counters.

 

“I might want to hurt her now,” Jaing growled.

 

“Stow it, Jaing,” Ordo said sharply, and Coric looked up, his vision clearing. He saw the woman a little more clearly. She was young, but not as young as Ahsoka, and she looked _pissed_.

 

“The synthesizer is useless to you now,” she crowed. “I’ve locked it down, and it won’t work without the code. And good luck breaking it, because this is a genetics lab, you _barves_. It’s also got my bio print! So you might as well leave and not touch a damned thing!”

 

Coric looked at his brothers, and they all must have had the same thought: _you might be a genius, but that was stupid_.

 

Ordo nodded, and Coric shrugged, turning casually to the beautiful academic, and he stunned her. She didn’t even have time to be surprised as she fell. He rushed forward to catch her, and slung her over his shoulder. Jaing unslung the anti-grav unit from his back and powered it up, sliding the synthesizer onto it.

 

Then they made a break for it, Fives staying in communication with Echo to disable security on their way back and arrange a pick-up with the ground car. In and out of the building in under five minutes, mission objective obtained, minimal fuss, and only one casualty. Sort of.

 

Coric would call that a success any day.

 

* * *

 

“This is a disaster,” Ahsoka yelled at Ordo and Coric as Prudii drove them to the spaceport where Lena waited with Tup on the _Aay'han_. “Are you insane?! We can’t kidnap a student!”

 

“There isn’t much we can do about it now, Ahsoka,” Rex said, trying to diffuse the situation. “We need to get off planet and to the rendezvous. We can deal with the fall out then.” For a moment, it looked like she was about to argue with him, too, then she closed her eyes and centered herself as she had done hundreds of times before. He wondered if she knew that when she did that, it helped him as well. Likely, she did.

 

“You’re right,” she agreed, and Rex could feel her coming down from her angry surprise, though she still simmered at the sheer insanity of their current situation. “But don’t think this is over.”

 

Ordo looked unperturbed, but Coric was clearly worried. Rex put a hand on his brother’s shoulder, trying to steady the other man.

 

“It’ll be alright,” he said. “She won’t be angry for long, and we’ll figure something out.” Coric only shrugged.

 

“If you say so, brother,” he said, and Rex knew that there was nothing he could say to help Coric right now. Instead, he focused on coordinating with Lena and getting the ship up and running. Blessedly soon, the ground-car rolled up into the _Aay'han_ ’s cargo bay, and they piled out. Ahsoka had gotten the poor woman on a stretcher, and she and Fives were taking her up to the small medical bay.

 

Tup was there to help them unload and saw their new guest, only reacting with a slight raise of his eyebrows. Always an intuitive man, Tup declined to ask Ahsoka what had happened and turned to Rex with a mildly inquisitive glance.

 

“Dare I ask about our… guest?” he asked, only giving away a small measure of his amusement. Rex wondered how this could possibly get worse.

 

* * *

 

“I can’t let you take that machine, its vital to my research and it took me ages to get it! They won’t replace it,” Nel said. She had given her name as Nel Rend, a fellow at the University of Corellia, and an all around self-proclaimed scientific genius, specializing in genetic therapies.

 

They were in the command room of the _Aay'han_ , only Ahsoka and Rex in the room with her. The Null-ARCs terrified the woman, not without good reason, and none of them wanted to go near her. She was terrified of Coric, and was leery of the rest of his brothers. She only tolerated his presence because Ahsoka was there, exuding calm and understanding.

 

“We can find a way to help you with money, but we couldn’t buy it on our own. Those kinds of purchases get noticed, so we had to take it like this,” Ahsoka said patiently, trying to reason with the woman. “But if you unlock the machine, we can let you go back. As I said, I am very sorry that you’ve had to suffer through this, but it’s very important that we use that synthesizer.”

 

“And my research is important!” Nel insisted, then her expression softened.   “Look, I get it. You aren’t common thieves. You want to use it for a reason, I can tell, not just sell it off. But I can’t let you take it away from me. I spent too long scraping together the grant money for that model, and the Empire is in a budget-cutting mood. We’re still getting funding because people like being healthy, but not as much as we used to. Please, I won’t turn you in or call the authorities or anything. I’ll make something up, but my research saves lives. Just… please, let me go.”

 

Rex could feel Ahsoka’s confusion about how to proceed. Had Nel been difficult to deal with, some unfeeling, cold researcher like the Kaminoans, it would have been easier. But it was never that easy. It never would be that easy, black and white, good and evil. Those days were over. It was all making the best of a bad situation now, and Rex had to think of his brothers first. He wasn’t a solider anymore, there to stand between the Republic and the enemy. He was just a man trying to keep his family alive.

 

Putting a hand on Ahsoka’s shoulder, he sent her a wave of reassurance through their bond. She looked up at him, quizzical. He nodded at her, and gave a quick jerk of his head. Letting out a breath, she stood up and leaned against the bulkhead of the command room. Rex took Ahsoka’s place, sitting on the other side of the table. He leaned forward on his arms, hands clasped in front of him, and looked Doctor Nel Rend square in the eye.

 

“Do you know what I am, doc?” he asked her.

 

“A human and a man who needs a genetic therapy of some kind. But why don’t you go to a hospital? You can get treated there,” Nel said, clearly confused. Rex shook his head.

 

“Hospitals are a bad idea for me and my brothers. Really _look_ , doc,” he insisted. Then she did, her eyes taking in his features, and he saw the realization dawn behind her eyes. He had to make her see for herself, see what they were and why this was important to them. Some people, he had learned, you could tell them all day, but until they saw it for themselves, they would never believe you.

 

“You’re a clone trooper,” she breathed. “I don’t understand. Aren’t you all part of the Grand Army? The Empire’s army now?”

 

“Not all of us,” Rex said. “Some of us didn’t agree with the… regime change, I guess you could say. But if you know anything about us, and you’re as good as you say you are, you know why we need genetic therapy.”

 

“You’re dying, aging too fast. It’s only going to get worse as you get older, too,” she said, and he could see the wheels in her head turning. Like every doc he had ever known, she liked to fix and tinker. This time, at least, it might work out in his favor.

 

“So let me get this straight,” she went on. “You’re deserters from the army, you don’t like the Empire, and you want to alter your already heavily manipulated genetic code?”

 

“That’s the short of it,” Rex confirmed, and sat back, watching her process everything. She looked down at her hands; they were graceful hands, hands that worked with delicate equipment and had never known a desperate fight for life. But she cared about life all the same, and that was sometimes enough.

 

Then she looked up, her proud features sharp and her eyes clear.

 

“I’ll help,” she said. “I’ll help develop the treatment, but after that, you need to return me to the University. I can send them a message, saying I needed to take some vacation days, or something. I help, then the machine and I go back home. Is it a deal?” She looked to him, and then past him to Ahsoka. Rex turned in his seat to look at Ahsoka as well. Casually, Ahsoka reached over to the comms and pressed the button.

 

“Does that satisfy you, Ordo?” she asked, and Nel sputtered about that ‘invasion of privacy’ a little, and Rex shrugged at her, as if to say: what can you do?

 

“It does. And Rex? Well done… _vod_ ,” he said, and for all that Rex had been a Captain, then a Commander and thought himself beyond wanting anyone’s approval, he felt pleased regardless of have the captain of the Nulls call him _brother_. Not _vod’ika_ , but _vod._

 

Ahsoka shot him a grin, and he could feel her pride in him as well.

 

 _Well_ , Rex thought _, how about that?_

 

* * *

 

It had been two days, and Kix was starting to worry about the actual doctors. He was engineered to endure past normal human limits, and Kai So was a surprisingly delicate thing. They had been working nearly around the clock, even though this wasn’t an emergency, and none of the brothers were in immediate danger of falling over dead. It seemed, instead, like Yendar was aware that every day it took, was two less days each trooper would have. Kai So worked hard, if only to keep the Null-ARCs happy.  

 

What he couldn’t figure out, exactly, was why Nel ( _and oh dear_ , he thought, _I’m thinking of her as Nel, not Doctor Rend_ ) was working so hard. She could just want to get back to her own work and her own home, but she argued passionately with Yendar over some points of the therapy, talking about physical and psychological limits and recovery times.

 

Or maybe. Just maybe.   She actually cared.

 

“Hey,” he said softly, handing her some food. “You need to eat.” She smiled at him, and Kix realized all over again that he was in trouble. Nel would be leaving once the therapy was refined and administered, he shouldn’t get attached.

 

“Thanks, Kix,” she said, taking the tray and slowly eating, as though she was almost too tired to do even that. “I’ve been meaning to ask, by the way. How’d you get your name?”

 

“Oh, that? Not much of a story, really. When I was decanted, I kicked a lot, and one of the Kaminoans, they told me that, and it kind of stuck,” he said, slightly embarrassed.

 

“Decanted, right… not born,” she said softly. “Well, Kix, thank you for looking after us. Better than some grad students I’ve had as research assistants.”

 

“Least I can do, really. All I can do, I suppose. I’m just a medic,” he said, unsure how to handle the compliments. He was used to things like: “stop making me do rehab,” and “its not that bad, leave it,” and “you’re such a damned mother hen, Kix.”

 

“You’re more than a medic,” she insisted, setting her dinner aside, only half finished. “Don’t think I haven’t heard your suggestions to Deran. They’re good, and you know almost as much about the clone genome as Kai So does, and you care a hell of a lot more than that cold barve.” Kix shrugged, looking away.

 

“Well, I’m the one that’s going to have to take care of some my brothers once you all leave, so, I need to know its safe,” he said, and then desperately trying to switch topics away from him, he blurted out: “Sorry about kidnapping you, by the way.”

 

She blinked. Then she laughed, laughed long and loud, and it got a little hysterical at the end. Kix knew she would have to get some sleep soon, if that laugh was any indication.

 

“Oh, Kix, that’s… sweet. I think,” she said, still a little breathless. I can’t say I’m a fan of your brother, Coric, but I know why he did it. I’m even sorry about that magnesium flare, just a little, but I’m still doing what I’ve always wanted to do: helping people that have been betrayed by their own genetics. It just so happens this was deliberately done to you, rather an accident of nature. That makes it a moral wrong to correct, not just a genetic one.”

 

“Um, yes, well, thank you,” Kix said softly. Then he coughed and straightened. “I figure its time for you to get some sleep. The synthesizer is running, and you can’t do anything else until its done, right? So… medic’s orders: sleep.”

 

“Yes, sir,” Nel said, with a smile, giving him a lazy and totally incorrect salute. Kix couldn’t help but smile back.

 

* * *

 

There was a knock on the door to his bunk, and Rex, vaguely hoping it was Ahsoka coming by to save him from looking over their supply lists, called out, “Come in!”

 

“I hear the docs are almost done,” Coric said, and Rex fought down a wave of disappointment. Ahsoka, he recalled, was spending some quality time catching up with the younglings, and more, Rex had vowed not to let his relationship with her get in the way of looking after his brothers. And Coric had been withdrawn ever since the Nulls had contacted them about the gene therapy. It had been nagging at Rex that something was wrong with Coric, but Rex knew better than asking Coric what was wrong. Coric was solid, and always would speak in his own time.

 

“They are,” Rex said, tone neutral, putting down the datapad.

 

“And once they are, we’ll part ways with the Nulls, right? We’ll hole up separately and ride out the treatment, or that’s what Ahsoka and Ordo agreed on,” Coric said, repeating what everyone knew. They had agreed it would be a bad idea to stay together for too long, and both groups needed to stay on the move.

 

“That’s right,” Rex confirmed, and then let the silence hang between them. Coric looked at him for a long moment, and Rex didn’t need Jedi senses to know that his brother was struggling to tell him something, but it was something that he needed to say.

 

“I don’t want to go with you, I mean, I don’t want to stay on the _Bar’ore_ ,” Coric said, and his brother looked like he was relieved and guilty at the same time. Probably was.

 

“Care to explain why?” Rex asked, leaning back in his chair, giving Coric space. Coric ran a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated at himself, then he looked sharply at Rex.

 

“I’m not you, Rex,” he said. “I can’t… I’m not… Rex, you seem to be good at this kind of life. Looking after younglings, running cargo, only the occasional fight, and even then we run away more often than not. That isn’t me. I need to fight, I need to be out there, doing the only thing I’m good at.” Coric inhaled deeply, drawing himself up. “I’ve been talking to Captain Ordo, and he thinks I could do good with them. I’m not a Null-ARC, but I’ve got more experience than any other standard trooper save you. I can help, and they know I can keep up.”

 

“You’ve given this a lot of thought, _vod_ ,” Rex said softly, and didn’t lie to himself. The idea of Coric leaving hurt, it hurt because Coric was the brother Rex had known the longest, and because Rex hadn’t been able to help his brother adjust to this life.

 

“I have, and this isn’t me asking permission, Rex. You aren’t my captain or my commander. I just… it seemed right to let you know,” Coric said. Rex nodded, acknowledging the truth of that, but then raised an eyebrow at his brother.

 

“And you don’t want to explain this to Ahsoka by yourself?” Rex asked, and had to smile at Coric’s sheepish grin.

 

“Hell no, are you kidding? She’d look at me with those Jedi eyes of hers and I’d end up staying,” Coric said, and they laughed.

 

“Well, we can tell her tomorrow, but right now, lets go get our brothers and have a drink or two. You aren’t going to slink off this ship without a proper farewell,” Rex said, standing and squeezing his brother’s shoulder.

 

* * *

 

“They really should not have been drinking last night,” Nel said, surveying the aftermath. Ahsoka stood next to her, trying hard to keep from laughing. Clone troopers had a hard time getting drunk, but when they did, they got drunk hard. Not that they ever got hung over, the barves.

 

She nudged Rex’s leg with her bare foot. His eyes snapped open, and he gave her a lazy grin. _Check that_ , she thought, _still drunk._

 

“Good job, boys, you just bought yourselves another twenty-four hours before you can get the gene therapy,” Ahsoka said, and they all looked at each other and laughed.

 

“Worth it!” Fives said, levering himself up and putting Coric an affectionate headlock.

 

“Pre-celebration!” Coric said, laughing, and punching Fives in the side to get his brother to stop it. “Oh, and I’m jumping ship, Captain. Gonna work with the Nulls, now.”

 

Ahsoka didn’t know what to say to that, so she stepped carefully around to Coric and pulled him to his feet. Then she hugged him close. For a moment, he seemed at a loss, then he hugged her back.

 

“Gonna miss you, Ahsoka, but I need to go,” he said. She pulled away, and felt his calm surety. He had clearly already made his choice, and she would never stand in the way of any of the troopers and the choices they made about their lives. They certainly had a right to live their lives as they saw fit, and it wasn’t her place to get in the way of that, no matter how much it might break her heart to see one of them go.

 

“It’s alright,” she said, knowing that she would miss him desperately. He had been there on Christophsis, and he had looked after Rex ( _and Skyguy_ ) after she had left. “You’re a part this family, and you always will be, no matter where you go.”

 

“I… thank you, Ahsoka,” he said softly. “You take care of my brothers, eh, sis?”

 

“I will, Coric,” she said. “I promise.”

 

* * *

 

 _One more day_ , Ahsoka though, a little bit nervous and very much excited. They had parted ways with the Nulls earlier, and had found a safe place to drift in space while the clones would be undergoing their genetic therapy. Rex held her close as they curled up in her bunk together. They had slept separately during the mission, the both of them agreeing to stay focused, but now they both wanted the comfort of the other.

 

“How you holding up?” she asked him, tracing his jaw with the tips of her fingers. He reached up and gripped her fingers, kissing the back of them. His golden eyes danced in the low light.

 

“Pretty damn good, all things considered,” he said, voice quiet and deep. “And I know what you’re asking about. He’ll be alright. What about you?”

 

“Hopeful, but worried,” she admitted. “And… wondering how long before another one of the _vod’e_ decides that life isn’t for him. I don’t… I don’t want to lose this family, Rex. I can accept it, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

 

“I don’t think we’ll be living like this forever, Ahsoka,” Rex said, touching her lightly on the shoulder. “You’re a fighter, _cyare_ , you always have been. Right now, you have a reason to sit out for a bit, we all do, but one day that reason won’t be much of a reason.”

 

“They’re so young, Rex,” she said, “and they need me to be there for them. There are such things as acceptable risks, but how do I know where the line is?”

 

“You’ll know because you’ll be find a fight that’s worth fighting, a place, a people, or a cause you can’t turn your back on because its who you are to help people, to try to make the galaxy a better place. And I will be at your side for all of it,” he told her, and he knew it was true. Hell, _she_ knew it was true. But they had both been scared by fighting a war that turned out to be built on lies, for organizations and people that had been willing to use them as tools and nothing more.

 

“Damn you for being right,” she grumbled, scooting closer to him, and nuzzling against his chest. He let out a soft chuckle, and stroked her central lek.

 

“Ah, but I’m right,” he responded, unable to stop himself from being just slightly childish. She nipped him lightly on the neck for that, and then things proceeded to get rather more adult.

 

* * *

 

Doctor Nel Rend prepped the last vial of the serum for the clone’s genetic therapy treatment. It would be several treatments over a few days, and she was going to administer the treatment on the _Bar’ore_ while Doctor Yendar would stay on and monitor the Null-ARC’s treatment. She had never worked so closely with those who would be receiving the treatment she had devised, and she decided that it upset her professional distance.

 

Learning that they had deserted the night the Jedi were declared traitors, saved a near double-handful of younglings, and exiled themselves to the Outer Rim had made her look at all of them a bit differently. Of course the Empire’s official statements weren’t going to be completely true. Nothing any government said was. But the evidence of her experience cast everything else in doubt.

 

Having spent time with Kix had also made things complicated. Nel hated complications. But she had agreed to help, and it would get her back home, so she would finish the job.

 

“Alright,” she said, surveying her four patients, with Lena, Ahsoka and Kix ready to help them back to their bunks. Kix had argued to be given his treatment separately, and he had won out after a heated argument with his brothers. Nel had broken the deadlock by saying that it only made sense to have four people looking after four patients, which hadn’t earned her any friends, save Kix.

 

But it only made sense, she had reasoned, as this treatment would lay them out for a time, and they would need lots of bed rest. They all knew what to expect, but still, everyone was nervous. Excited, too. Fives was talking a lot, joking with Echo, who kept glancing at Lena as though for reassurance. Tup was quietly speaking to Kix, and it sounded like Kix was giving his brother a very technical explanation that might or might not be helpful. Then there was Rex, contained in a way that belied an intensity she had only briefly glimpsed. He watched Nel prepare the serum with the calm patience of a hawk.

 

“Are you all ready?” Nel asked. The corner of Rex’s mouth twitched upwards at that.

 

“Doc, we were born ready,” he said dryly, and rolled up his sleeve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big chapter to offset the long wait! Am moving and other life stuff, but am still writing. Slooooowly. And sorry if its not as polished as normal, less time to edit. 
> 
> Mando’a:  
> Aruetii = outsider, foreigner, traitor  
> Copaani mirshmure'cye, vod = Are you looking for a smack in the face, mate?  
> Cyare = beloved, loved one


	15. Chapter 14: That perches in the soul

_Kix and Nel – I_

 

“You should be able to find a transport home from here,” Kix said, landing the shuttle on a nice, safe Mid Rim world. The _Bar’ore_ was a ways off, waiting for Kix to return. His brothers had, without any forewarning, told him that all of them were far too busy to take the doc back. And since they were all recovered from the genetic therapy, they didn’t need him around anyway.

 

If Kix hadn’t been so pathetically grateful to spend some time with Nel, he would have rolled his eyes and told his brothers that they were being idiots. Well, they were being idiots, but sweet ones.

 

“Thank you, Kix. I’m… I’m glad the treatment worked,” she said, giving him a slight smile.

 

“Me too,” he said dryly, mimicking Rex’s style of delivery. It earned him an actual laugh, so he figured his brother was on to something. Her laugh spurred his courage, leading him to ask, “Did you want to get lunch before you transferred back to Corellia?”

 

She looked at him for a moment, her dark eyes opaque. He could admit that he liked this woman. Nel Rend was smart and compassionate, and tough. Not everyone would think to set off a magnesium flare when four clone troopers broke into their lab. More, she was dedicated, to her work, to the people her work would save. Which was why she was as good as her word: as soon as their treatment was done, she was going back to her home and her lab.

 

Then she smiled, bright and sad at the same time.

 

“I’d love to,” she said, Kix thought that she might actually regret leaving. Maybe he could give her a comm drop they used, and they could keep talking. After all, there might be unforeseen complications with the treatment, or another thing to look into. It would be nice to get medical advice from an expert without resorting to kidnapping again.

 

“Great!” he said, jumping up and pulling his jacket on, and they walked off the ship arm-in-arm.

 

 

 

_Ahsoka and Rex – I_

 

She breathed in deeply as Rex trailed kisses along her lekku and ran his hand along her side, down her waist and the flare of her hip as he lie behind her. They had decided to spend that night together, and he had mostly enjoyed holding her, but now he was escalating things. Ahsoka grinned sharply, and pressed her buttocks into his groin, drawing a low, rumbling growl from him. One of his arms snaked around her, and pressed her into his chest.

 

“Careful, _cyare_ ,” he said softly.

 

“Or what?” she challenged, turning her head to give him an arch look. Then he used his leverage to effectively pin her on her side.

 

“Or you’ll learn why you should have gotten better at close combat,” he said smugly, and nipped at the nape of her neck, sending shivers down her spine.

 

“You are a bad man,” she breathed.

 

“You kind of like it,” he said, and things were going to get even more interesting judging by where his hand was headed, but then there was a chirp from the door. Ahsoka extended her senses, and felt Maada on the other side.

 

“It’s Maada,” she said, sitting up. Rex sat up as well and sighed. Then he started to get back into his pants before giving Ahsoka a nod. She got up and opened the door to find the small Togruta girl standing there, eyes dark and large. Ahsoka ushered the girl into her room and closed the door behind them, then she knelt.

 

“Maada,” Ahsoka said, only a hint of tiredness creeping into her voice. The girl had always been the most adventurous of the three youngest ones, but out of nowhere four months ago she started having nightmares. This was the third time in two weeks Maada had knocked on Ahsoka’s door. Thankfully, only the second time when Rex had been here.

 

“I know!” the girl said quickly. “I know, but it’s so scary. And Jith and Tal’ror make fun of me because I’m supposed to be fearless, but you can’t bite dreams!”

 

“Can’t argue with that logic,” Rex said, kneeling beside Ahsoka, reaching out to brush away a few tears that had gathered at the corner of Maada’s eyes in her earnest distress. “Things you can bite are always a bit easier to deal with.”

 

Maada smiled at that.

 

“See, Rex understands,” she said airily to Ahsoka. Ahsoka shot Rex a glare and sent him a wave of frustration. He only projected a calm amusement.

 

“Ahsoka does, too,” Rex insisted. “But why don’t you tell us what your dreams are about, _ad’ika_?” Maada shook her head.

 

“Maada,” Ahsoka said gently. “You’ve been having these nightmares for the past four months. It wasn’t the Null-ARCs was it? I know they’re rather large and feel much more aggressive than your _bavodu'e_ , but they wouldn’t have hurt you.”

 

“I know that,” Maada said imperiously. Ahsoka idly wondered if she had been this much trouble as a youngling, and suddenly felt a wave of sympathy for her minders in the Temple.

 

“Why can’t you tell us about your dreams?” Ahsoka asked, trying a different track. At that Maada brightened.

 

“Because I can’t remember them!” she said, all of a sudden cheerful, like they had finally hit on something important. Ahsoka felt a rush of relief. They weren’t Force-dreams, then. Force-dreams were always remembered, at least in part, and they came with an overwhelming sense of importance. These were just normal nightmares.

 

“Right, well, I have a solution for that,” Rex said, and Ahsoka and Maada gave him twin looks of surprise. He all but radiated amused assurance, and Ahsoka had to tramp down the urge to shake her head in disgust. “You’re a youngling, so nightmares like to try to eat you, but, if you have a family, then we help you with the nightmares.”

 

“But you’re already my _ba’vodu_ ,” Maada said. “Doesn’t that count?”

 

“Kind of. We have to say some magic words to make the nightmares come for me instead,” Rex said, and Ahsoka caught on. She wondered if Rex had been sneaking those youngling development manuals when no one was looking. Maada still looked skeptical, however.

 

“There’s no such thing as magic,” the girl insisted. At this point, Ahsoka thought Rex could use some backup.

 

“Not magic, but there is power in words, and you are a Force-user, Maada. As am I. Together, we can make the words mean something,” she said. Then Maada nodded.

 

“Okay!” she said eagerly, and Ahsoka knew that for all that she found Maada’s midnight visits upsetting, the young Togruta girl didn’t care for them much either. Ahsoka dropped into a meditative state, and like she had with the 501st after Umbara, she reached out and started drawing out Maada’s fear and anxiety. As she did, she saw she had been right, seeing Maada’s experience of the Purge from the girl’s perspective, vague images and sounds. But it was Ahsoka’s adult mind that could string it all together: before being picked up by a Temple nurse and stashed in the room where the others had found her, Maada had almost been killed by a trooper and only gotten away by biting clean through his neck. It was horrific, and no wonder why the girl had blocked it out.

 

Meanwhile, Rex had placed a hand on Maada’s shoulder and said: “Maada. _Ni kyr'tayl gai sa'ad_.”

 

With the worst of Maada’s fear bled off into the Force, and Rex’s low voiced words in Mando’a, the Togrutan girl finally looked like she was sleepy. And they might have just gotten to the root of the girl’s nightmares. Then Maada toddled into Rex’s arms and laid a heavy head on his shoulder. He gave Ahsoka a slight grin, stood, and took the girl back to her room to sleep. Hopefully for the rest of the night and properly from here on out.

 

What Ahsoka also knew was those words. Rex had just formally adopted the girl as his daughter, and though he had done it to help her get over the nightmares, Ahsoka knew he never would have done it had he not meant it. As much as the younglings were her charges, and as much as she loved them all, it sometimes caught her by surprise how much the _vod’e_ loved them as well. And it made her heart almost burst to know how much Rex loved them, too.

 

It made her fall in love with him all over again.

 

 

 

_Echo and Lena – I_

 

They had walked some distance away from the others, Echo carrying a pack with some food and a blanket in it. As much as Echo enjoyed spending time with his brothers on a planet, and spending time helping Ganodi learn to fly the ship and with her stellar navigation, sometimes he did need to take some time with Lena.

 

And besides, today was important.

 

Or, at least, that’s what all the relationship books said.

 

They tromped up a small hill, and there was even a shady tree at the top. Deciding that this was a perfect, spot, Echo took in the view. It was nice to actually take in a view without a reflexive tactical assessment springing to mind. He could see the ship and the rest of the crew and the younglings down the hill, likely playing a game of Trooper-Ball. Lena joined him, the top buttons of her shirt undone to cool her off, and Echo couldn’t fault that view either.

 

Then she caught him looking and smirked up at him.

 

“Careful, trooper,” she said, her attempt at an even tone ruined by the laughter in her eyes. Echo smiled and kissed her on her nose, thus ruining the effect entirely.

 

“You softie,” she teased him. “Anyway, you said you had a surprise for me.”

 

“I do!” he said, and with a flourish produced the blanket and started to lay out the food. It wasn’t much, and Kix had helped ( _alright,_ he admitted to himself, _Kix made it all_ ). But still, it was a bit nicer than the ration packs they had been living off. They really needed to get another cargo job, and one would come along soon enough, but Ahsoka had become a little more cagey since the Null’s visit (and subsequent kidnapping of Doctor Rend) seven months ago. She had been waiting for that chatter to die down. Shaking his head, Echo tried to clear his mind of the ship’s business. Today was about him and Lena.

 

Lena sat on the blanket with a surprising amount of daintiness for an ex-Republic Navy pilot. Echo joined her, pouring them each a glass of some wine Tup had suggested. A man of rare depths, Tup.

 

“You certainly planned this out nicely, _cyar'ika_ ,” she said, using the Mando’a term of endearment. She had been picking up more and more of the language, which was handy in case the younglings were around. Though all his brothers feared the day the younglings decided to learn Mando’a.

 

“Well, we’ve been together for a year, _cyare_ ,” Echo said brightly. “I thought that deserved a little bit of celebration.” Lena smiled and clinked her glass to his.

 

“It’s been a hell of a year, at that. Here’s to many more,” she said. And it could possibly be many, many more. “Oh,” she continued. “I just have to know. Did you read about anniversaries or is this from a holodrama?”

 

Echo rolled his eyes, and flopped down on his back in exasperation, staring up at the branches with a put upon expression, and said: “You, too?”

 

Lena laughed, and lied down beside him.

 

“Oh, Echo,” she started to say, and then he struck, tickling her for all he was worth, reducing her to inarticulate cursing in between gasping for breath.

 

“Tease me, will you?!” he declared, and the tickling quickly turned into something else.

 

Eventually, they remembered to eat the food.

 

 

 

_Zatt_

 

The engines of the _Bar’ore_ were, if he had to be perfectly honest, not that good. He had been working on them for over a year and a half now, mostly learning the system and optimizing some of the engine processes. Mostly, he had left the hyperdrive alone, but he had been dreaming up some improvements there as well.

 

But today, today was the day he would finally boost their maneuverability. Ever since they had saved those refugees off of that desert planet (where they had found Lena, who was pretty amazing, and a good pilot, and who Ganodi liked, and make _ba’vodu_ Echo happy, and that made her _ba’vodu_ Lena), Zatt had wanted to make sure this ship wouldn’t be in trouble like that ever again.

 

He had been tinkering for a while, when Fives wasn’t looking. Occasionally he could get Gungi to help, but Zatt had kept all the most secret modifications to himself.

 

Gungi might be tempted to tell if he knew about some of the improvements.

 

Zatt had waited until it was ship-midnight, and everyone except Fives was asleep. There was no getting around someone being awake, but at least Echo and Lena weren’t on the bridge. They would notice in a heartbeat. Zatt could rely on Fives to be distracted, at least a little bit, either by listening to chatter or watching Twi’lek dancing programs (he had seen one once, and thought they needed more clothes).

 

Anyway, working himself up, it was now or never to do a quick system reboot to let his changes take effect.

 

“Three…two… one,” he said to himself, and powered the engine down. There was a brief flicker as the backup power systems took over, and then there was the agonizing wait.

 

After a few minutes, he began the engine start-up sequence.

 

Nothing happened.

 

“Oh… _stang_ ,” he whispered to himself. “I am in so much trouble.”

 

He was, in fact, in a lot of trouble.

 

The worst part, the _worst_ part, was that he had to go tell Fives himself. Fives had been amused at the whole thing, but Ahsoka wasn’t. Ahsoka was frustrated, and no matter how calm she appeared, Zatt could feel how grumpy she was at him.

 

Maybe that was the worst part.

 

“Zatt,” she said softly, “I understand why you did it, and it was a good idea, a sweet idea, but didn’t it occur to you to check the limit specs before making modifications?”

 

“Um… no,” he said, looking down at his feet. Ahsoka sighed.

 

“I’m tempted to say that this is punishment enough, your embarrassment, but I think I want you to see more real consequences of not thinking before you act. So. You’re going to fix the engines, of course, but you’re also going to have extra cleaning duties. I’ll tell you what they are in the morning. For now, get to sleep,” she said, and Zatt all but fled back to his room.

 

The next morning he got his cleaning schedule, and Ahoska made sure everyone knew that he had to do it all himself. Despondent, he went about his day, training with Ahsoka, helping his _bavodu’e_ fix the ship, doing his lessons, and then cleaning. So. Much. Cleaning.

 

But about halfway through, he felt five bright presences from behind him.

 

“We’ll only get in trouble if they find out,” Petro reasoned.

 

“And it’s the right thing to do,” Katooni put in. “You were only trying to help, Zatt.” He smiled brightly.

 

“Thank you!” he said, and they got to work. Ahsoka never said anything about the cleaning getting done really quickly, but Zatt thought she might have known anyway.

 

Ahsoka was good like that.

 

 

 

_Fives_

 

“Now, I think we both know that’s unfair price,” he drawled. He was on some Outer Rim planet (they tended to blur together: uniformly gritty, derelict and semi-lawless), scouting out some new cargo. Ahsoka had agreed that sending someone ahead to act as an agent only made sense: almost every other quality cargo carriers did it, and it also meant that Fives could spend a bit of quality time sussing out potential clients.

 

It also meant he could spend a little time on a planet, having a bit of fun.

 

And sometimes, sometimes, business and pleasure happened to coincide. Like right now, as he was sitting across from a gorgeous Twi’lek, who had legs and lekku that seemed to go on forever, and who also happened to be a representative for one of the largest in system distributors.

 

Fives was honest with himself. He wasn’t like Echo, who was happy enough to be snapped up by the first woman who pounced, or Rex who had loved one woman for longer than Fives thought possible. Then there was Kix, a man pining after a pretty but too academic woman who wasn’t even sticking around! Fives couldn’t be like Tup either, a man happy enough being a monk or something like it.

 

Besides, sometimes his activities got them a bit extra on top.

 

Fives always liked getting everything he could out of life, and never saw any shame in doing otherwise.

 

 

 

_Tup (and Gungi)_

 

This life had certainly become an interesting one. He had gone from a rookie on Umbara, survived somehow, to a weapons specialist on a cargo ship that’s actual mission was to protect nearly ten Jedi younglings in hiding. Even in spite of the occasional spot of excitement (Fives’ words), there was still a fair amount of down time.

 

Certainly they all trained. They had to keep in peak condition, because the excitement they experienced tended to be sudden and violent. Though now they had to be careful because their metabolisms were not as fierce as before. But even then, training and ship maintenance did not fill the entire day.

 

Tup had learned to have hobbies.

 

First there had been reading. He had devoured novels, real proper novels, like a starving man. But he had eventually lost interest when he saw the shape of stories and learned to predict outcomes. Then there had been following sporting events, but it was still far too passive for Tup’s taste.

 

Now it was gardening.

 

He had set up a hydroponics bay, with some fruits, vegetables and herbs in order to supplement their supplies. Kix was certainly happy with that. And that was alright, but growing food lacked a certain… beauty.

 

Hence the tree. It was small, but as he understood it, the goal was to trim it and nurture it bit by bit and form its shape over the years. Tup was just about to make the first trim when his door chimed. Getting up, he opened the door to find Gungi standing there, a hopeful look on his face.

 

“ _Byph said you bought a tree at the market today_ ,” he said, and Tup nodded. “ _Can I help you with it? I like the plants in hydroponics, but I miss trees_.”

 

Tup smiled. Of course he did. A Wookie was meant to be around the massive trees of Kashyyyk, to be a part of nature, not separate from it.

 

“Of course, _ad_ ,” Tup said, and together they decided where the first trim of the tree should be.

 

 

 

_Ahsoka and Rex – II_

 

“Hey, _vod_ , did you even think about how we were getting this bed into your quarters?” Fives teased, setting down the mattress just as they made it on to the ship in the cargo bay. “At least when Lena moved in with Echo, they were considerate of the rest of us!”

 

“Besides,” Echo chimed in, “Why do you guys need such a big bed?”

 

“Clearly, they need the room for activities,” Tup said in his quiet, even voice which set all the _vod’e_ and Ahsoka to laughing. Rex contained himself to a dry smirk and rolling his eyes. At least the younglings weren’t around to hear that. A couple of them were moving into his old room, and they were all rearranging things to their satisfaction.

 

“Hey now,” Kix broke in, carrying some of the bedframe. Ahsoka and Rex were carrying the rest of it. “We shouldn’t tease them too much about this.”

 

“Thank you, Kix,” Rex said warily. Then Kix shot him a smirk.

 

“There are much better things to tease them about,” Kix said. “Like, about how long it took them to figure things out.”

 

“I know! I had money that it would take way longer than a year,” Echo said.

 

“Hey now,” Ahsoka said, interrupting. “I knew I loved him when you lot found me on that planet. It took _Rex_ a year to figure it out.” She shot him a horribly smug look.

 

“What is this, make fun of Rex day?” he grumbled, but oddly didn’t feel upset about it. When he had been a captain, as much as he loved his _vod’e_ , there had always been some distance there. Now, there was none, and they were brothers in truth.

 

“It is,” Tup said dryly. “I put it on the calendar and everything.”

 

“Oh well, if it’s on the calendar, I suppose its pretty much official then,” Rex said, grinning. “Though I guess I can put up with it for a day. I bet Fives that Ahsoka would ask me to move in with her in under a year.”

 

“You what? Is that why you didn’t ask to move in? For a bet?” Ahsoka asked archly. Rex shot her a smug grin, and he might pay for this later, but this was kind of worth it.

 

“Yes, and its beating Fives at his own game. Couldn’t resist,” Rex said, and strode up the stairs to where the quarters were, more than a little excited to build this new bed. Tup was right: there would be a lot more room for activities now.

 

 

 

_Kix and Nel – II_

 

“It’s been getting worse, Kix,” Nel said. The connection was spotty, but then it always was. Not only did distance hamper their talks, but so did the fact that their comm channel was scrambled and bounced to hell and back for security purposes.

 

“Worse how?” he asked. They had been talking in the year or so since she had helped them stop their accelerated aging. And been kidnapped. Kix tried to forget that awkward fact, and Nel had never brought it up again.

 

“The Empire,” she said, and her jaw clenched at that. “We’re getting our funding cut more and more. Almost half my team is out of work, and the work that is being funded is now ‘centrally directed’, and heavily controlled by the Empire’s mandates.”

 

Not for the first time, Kix was happy they were in the Outer Rim, far away from the strong, crushing grip of the Empire. And not for the first time, he wondered about the brothers he had lost to the Empire, and if they suffered or if they were still controlled by their chips like droids.

 

“Kix,” she said softly. “I wanted to tell you… I wanted to tell you that I’m thinking of relocating to Alderaan. I haven’t even told my family yet.” Nel gave him a brief grin at that. “You’ve always been easy to talk to. Anyway, I… I might not be able to talk for a little while. But I promise, I _promise_ , I will let you know as soon as I arrive. I’ll leave a message if I can’t raise you on the comms.”

 

Kix felt a tightening in his chest, worry for her. Travel between the Core worlds wasn’t hazardous, but Kix paid attention to the whispers Fives reported on: the Empire was not above ‘relocating’ people for a plethora of reasons, not all of them benign.

 

“Stay safe,” he said reflexively. “I… I like talking to you, Nel. And… please, be safe.” She smiled at him, that reserved smile that was half mysterious and half sad, or so it seemed to him.

 

“I will,” she said softly. “You do the same out there.”

 

“ _Ratiin_ ,” he said, and they both knew the word meant more than its simple meaning. _Always_ , it meant so many things.

 

 

 

_Ganodi and Byph_

 

Alarms were blaring, and Ganodi felt a rising sense of panic. She had been given the responsibility to not only chart their course, but to pilot it as well. It had been going just fine, and then something had happened, something she hadn’t counted on, and now they were hurtling through hyperspace off balance.

 

“Ganodi, what happened!?” Echo yelled, frantically going over the navigation data.

 

“I don’t know!” she shouted back. Her heart was beating wildly, and she knew they only had moments before something very, very bad happened.

 

“Lena!” Echo called over the comms, “We need you up here!” No sooner had he said that, than Ganodi heard someone coming onto the bridge. Lena would take the pilot’s seat and hopefully save them.

 

“ _Find your center_ ,” Byph said. “ _Don’t let the fear keep you from doing what you know how to do_.” He put a hand on her shoulder and sent her some of his confidence. Over the years Byph had become someone who was steady in ways none of them would have expected before Ilum. Before, he had always been afraid, but now, now he had learned to deal with his fear.

 

Ganodi _breathed_ , and she _saw_ the flow of the Force, saw where they were, where they were going, and if she could just… Yes! There it was!

 

Quickly typing commands into the computer with one hand and keeping a hold of the control stick, she fed the information from the Force into the ship, and hit the emergency stop to bring them out of hyperspace into a spot of normal space instead of inside of a planet or a star.

 

With a sigh of relief, she slumped in the pilot’s chair, turning to see Byph smiling his Ithorian smile at her.

 

All the adults were running around trying to figure out what was going on, throwing questions at her. Ahsoka arrived a moment later, and she must have sensed some of what had happened, because she only looked at Ganodi with that Jedi look of approval, and said: “Well done, Ganodi.”

 

However, it was Byph’s smile that made her feel proud, because it was enough to know that even though she had made a mistake, mistakes could be fixed.

 

 

 

_Ahsoka and Rex – III_

 

“How was it?” Ahsoka asked as Rex and Fives disembarked from one of the shuttles. They had gone on a supply run, and it had taken a couple of days for them to arrange everything. To cover some repair costs, Ahsoka had taken the _Bar’ore_ on an in-system run, and they were only now able to rendezvous.

 

“Not bad,” Fives said, shrugging. Rex sighed.

 

“If by ‘not bad,’ you mean that you eyed every Twi’lek woman in the city and damn near got your head kicked in for it, then yes, not bad,” Rex said sarcastically. Ahsoka watched them interact, the biting banter typical for them. They loved each other dearly, but they got under each other’s skin more than almost any two other _vod’e_ Ahsoka had ever known.

 

But there was something else. Something about Rex’s face. She narrowed her eyes, watching him, as they all unloaded supplies together.

 

“You’re growing a beard,” she said, and Rex looked up at her blankly.

 

“I got tired of shaving it while we were planetside,” he said.

 

“But you’re going to keep shaving your head?” she asked.

 

“Ahoska, where are you going with this? You don’t like the beard, I take it,” he said dryly. She reached out and ran a hand along his cheek, feeling the roughness of it underneath her fingers.

 

“Nope,” she said. He shrugged.

 

“Haven’t decided if I’ll keep it or not, but it certainly would help keep the whole identical clone thing under wraps,” he said. “Besides, its my face.” Ahsoka narrowed her eyes again, thoughtful.

 

“Point,” she said shortly.

 

“Hey, I thought women liked rugged, bearded men,” Fives broke in, grinning.

 

“Togruta are hairless, Fives,” Ahsoka explained. “Hair is weird to me.” Fives blinked at her and collapsed laughing.

 

“So… many… jokes,” he gasped. “Too… much… can’t…” he trailed off and dissolved into a fit of helpless laughter.

 

“I still don’t like it,” Ahsoka said, and Rex rolled his eyes. Part of him was now determined to keep it, if only to make her get used to it. They left Fives where he was. It seemed better that way.

 

 

 

_Echo and Lena – II_

 

“I just don’t see the point, _cyar’ika_ ,” Lena said. “We don’t need more younglings around, and I’m perfectly happy as we are.”

 

“You say that _now_ ,” Echo insisted, getting angry with her for the first time that he could remember. Well, really angry. They had been frustrated with each other before, because they were two people who lived together. Kix had made Echo understand that was bound to happen. But this was different. She was hearing him, but there was something she was missing.

 

“Echo,” she said, “You’ve messed around with your physiology enough, and I’m not particularly interested in having younglings of my own. I get it, lots of people like to have their own genetic off-spring, but I’ve never envisioned myself mother to a pack of babies.”

 

“You aren’t listening to me,” Echo grumbled.

 

“Yes, I am!” she insisted, and now _she_ was getting angry. Echo breathed out sharply through his nose.

 

“I’m going for a walk,” he said, and left their room. There weren’t a lot of places to go on the ship, but he could do a few turns about. Eventually, he found himself in the hydroponics bay. Normally, he liked looking out at the stars, but right now looking at growing things seemed calming.

 

It was past ship-midnight and at least the younglings were asleep. Echo had really enjoyed looking after them, helping them learn and watching them grow. Ganodi in particular had been like a daughter to him over the years, a bright girl who was learning not only the mysteries of the Force but how to be an excellent pilot.

 

Was it so wrong to want a baby of his own with Lena? He thought they would make a beautiful child, and… it was a choice that had been taken from him, like so many others. Lena had decided all on her own that she didn’t want babies: Echo had been made to never have the choice in the first place.

 

Most of the time, on the ship, with his brothers, with Ahsoka, Lena and the younglings, Echo could almost forget what they had been and focus on this new life. But sometimes, there was no hiding from the fact that he had once been property, a commodity, a soldier made to order with no other purpose but to fight and die. Once, that had been enough, but he had long ago gone beyond the limits of his conditioned programming.

 

“Echo,” he heard Lena say behind him. He turned, and she was standing in the doorway, dressed only in a loose pair of pants and one of his shirts. “Talk to me.”

 

“I _had_ been talking. You weren’t listening,” he said. She sighed.

 

“Do you really want a baby?” she asked. He frowned then shook his head.

 

“I don’t know. Maybe. But shouldn’t that choice be mine? Be ours? Both of ours?” he asked, and then her eyes went wide in understanding. Wordlessly, she came to him and hugged him close.

 

“Oh, Echo,” she said softly. “We’ll talk to Kix in the morning and see what can be done. Maybe he can talk to doctor Rend for some ideas, too.”

 

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I mean, you seem dead set against having a baby.”

 

“I am, but you need to find out for yourself,” she said. “And who knows, I might change my mind. We’re all allowed to do that.”

 

“I love you,” he said softly, and held her close, unsure how he felt at the moment, save that he loved her so much and was grateful for her in his life.

 

“I love you, too,” she said. “Now, will you come back to bed?” He gave her a naughty grin and she laughed, “If you’re lucky.”

 

 

 

_Fives and Tup_

 

“So… what do you think?” Fives said. He and Tup were in a local dive, enjoying a little more time planetside after another successful cargo run. Tup, however, was doing a fair job of pretending not to know him. It was easiest to pull this off with Tup, too, because of his brother’s own personal style. Or lack thereof, as Fives saw it.

 

Tup shook his head.

 

“I don’t think he’s got the skill for it, eh fellas?” Tup challenged, dropping his voice down to a lower register. Between that and the dim lighting and the dim customers, this was almost too easy.

 

“Fifty creds, I can make it,” Fives said. Tup barked a derisive laugh.

 

“One hundred says you can’t,” Tup countered. “You haven’t made any throws near that good all night. If you want to throw your money away, that’s fine by me.”

 

And at that, the others in the bar started laying bets.

 

Then Fives made the throw.

 

Grinning, Fives collected his winnings, and as Tup was handing over his “loss”, a large Zeltron male grabbed Tup’s wrist and glared at him and his brother.

 

“You’re kriffing clones!” the Zeltron yelled, and Tup smartly kicked the Zeltron in the knee-cap with a sickening crunch, and ran. Fives was already a couple steps ahead of him. Then the blasters started going off. Fives turned and got off a couple covering shots as Tup ran past him, and they traded off covering each other as they hightailed it back to the space port.

 

They were in luck, and the ship was ready to, and Ahsoka looked up, smiling to see them. She had probably sensed their presence, and then she scowled, rolled her eyes and hit the comms. The engines started to whir to life, and the cargo bay door was closing. Jumping, they made it just as the bar patrons were catching up with them. There was some mild blaster fire on their hull, but it faded as Lena took them up and out.

 

Ahsoka leaned up against a console looking at them with that inscrutable Jedi look on her face. She might have left the Order, but the Order had not left her. Not entirely.

 

“Next time,” she drawled, “cheat better.”

 

“Yes, ma’am,” Fives grinned, and gave Ahsoka a sarcastically snappy salute. Tup wondered what idiocy his brother would drag him into next. He did have to admit, though, it was kind of fun.

 

 

 

_Katooni and Petro_

 

“Petro!” Katooni yelled, “what the hell!?” There had been a box sitting on her bed. It was all nice and wrapped with a bow and everything. It was her thirteenth birthday, and there had been cake, and Coric had even sent a comm for it. Her _bavodu’e_ had all given her presents, just little things that were nice to have, like a new holodrama or a bit of candy from some Outer Rim world. Ahsoka had given Katooni something even more precious: a new Tholoth headdress.

 

Then there had been the mystery box. It had a little card on it that said: _From Petro_ , and Katooni thought that he might finally stop being weird at her. He had been doing strange things, like tugging lightly on her headdress’ seed pods, or teasing her for no reason. Maybe this was him saying he was sorry.

 

Then a gross gizka hopped out.

 

“Hahaha! You should see your face!” Petro exclaimed, pointing and laughing at her.

 

“That’s not funny, you barve!   Why do you have to be so mean?!” she yelled, and stomped off.

 

“Hey, Katooni, it was just a bit of fun, don’t take it so seriously,” he grumbled, and tried to put a hand on her shoulder. She shrugged him off and stomped away.

 

“Fine!” he called out after her, “Be mad at me! I don’t care!”

 

Shaking her head, she went straight to the person who she could always trust to know what was going on and help. She found Ahsoka training in the converted cargo bay, several of her _bavodu’e_ trying to get the upper hand, but she was wiping the floor with them. Then Rex tackled her, almost like she didn’t quite sense him in time. There were a lot of them, Katooni reasoned, and waited for them to be done.

 

Then Kix caught sight of her, and after an exchange in Mando’a, they left, all wishing her happy birthday again, and leaving her alone with Ahsoka. Ahoska gave Katooni an understanding kind of smile, and patted the spot on the floor next to her where she sat. Ahsoka didn’t say anything, and Katooni knew that meant she would have to talk first. Huffing, she drew her legs up to her chest and looked earnestly at Ahsoka.

 

“I don’t get it! Why is Petro so mean to me? It’s my birthday, and do you know what he did? He put a gizka in a box and made me think it was something nice instead. But no, all he thinks about is pulling pranks and at my headdress!” Katooni all but wailed like only a teenage girl could. It didn’t help that Katooni could sense Ahsoka’s amusement, so she shot the Togurta a glare, which only made Ahoska’s amusement increase.

 

“I’m sorry, Katooni, but you’re missing something very important,” Ahsoka said. “Think about it. Does Petro do this to anyone else?”

 

“No,” she said slowly, thinking about it, and frowned. “No he doesn’t. Which is why I don’t understand! Its almost like he hates me.”

 

“He doesn’t hate you, Katooni. In fact, the opposite is quite true. He likes you a great deal, but he doesn’t know how to say that without compromising that brash exterior he likes to project,” Ahsoka explained, and Katooni pulled a face of pure confusion.

 

“That’s stupid,” she declared. Ahsoka grinned.

 

“That’s true,” the older woman said.

 

“Are all boys that stupid?” Katooni asked. Ahsoka laughed at that.

 

“No, its not to do with being a boy. It’s to do with being thirteen. He’ll grow out of it,” Ahsoka assured her.

 

“I hope so,” Katooni said fervently. “Because Petro? That’s just gross.” Ahsoka laughed again at that, and Katooni felt like if she had wanted sympathy, she probably should have gone to Kix.

 

 

 

_The Force Beckons_

 

Ahsoka woke bolt upright, breathing heavily, drawing a shaky breath. Rex woke up beside her and reached out, lightly brushing her thigh. She knew he meant to be comforting, but at the moment, even a slight touch was too much. Shaking her head, she withdrew slightly, and Rex let her.

 

“I… I need to go,” she said.

 

“This has been happening a lot lately, Ahsoka. Are they Force-dreams?” he asked softly, face a picture of concern.

 

“I don’t… maybe,” she admitted, sliding out of bed and pulling on some clothes. “I need to meditate.”

 

“Ahsoka,” he said, and gave her a long look, leaving his part of the bond open. She could feel his concern about this, his love for her, and the steady core that was all Rex. But she kept herself closed off. She knew that it wasn’t fair to him, but these nightmares, these… Force-dreams, they were threatening to drag her back into the political problems of the galaxy.

 

Once, she had wanted nothing more than to be a Jedi Knight, to serve her Master well, to be the person everyone had told her to be. Then came the betrayals, the one perpetrated by the Jedi Order in some ways worse than what Barriss had done to her. She had found a kind of peace on a planet where she rededicated herself to the Force itself, and she had found love and family on this ship. Yes, they had the occasional run in with the Empire, but only to help other people.

 

This… this would be going looking for trouble.

 

Two years ago, they had saved Lux Bonteri, and he had offered her a way to get back into the thick of it. She had declined, but even then Rex had seemed to know that they couldn’t hide forever. But part of her wanted to.

 

“Ahsoka, talk to me,” Rex said. “And don’t close off like that.” She could feel the thread of anger twining through him. It made her clamp down tighter.

 

“I…” she started and then stopped.

 

“This isn’t you, Ahsoka. What are you afraid of?” he kept pushing. She drew herself up and looked at him with all the imperious mystery of a full Jedi.

 

“I’m not afraid,” she said sharply, and stormed out of their room. He wasn’t far behind, pulling on a pair of pants and following her down the corridor. If he had been angry before, he was livid now.

 

“Oh, no, you don’t get to walk out like that. That is not how this works,” he bit out. She ignored him as she strode to the small meditation room they had set aside for her and the younglings. Then she turned as he was approaching and locked the door as it closed between them. He slammed his fist on the door, but then she felt him leave, and because of their bond she could feel his temper flare anew. Then he clamped down on his emotions and damn near disappeared to her senses.

 

Determined to put their disagreement out of her mind, she sat in the center of the room and sank into the Force. It was dark, so dark, and even though she had learned a great deal from those ancient Force-ghosts and more on her own, seeing through the darkness was never easy.

 

But it was there, her vision, waiting for her, like an akul in the tufi-grass, its bright, predator’s eyes full of hunger, waiting to devour her.

 

_Corruption, rot, decay, unclean death_.

 

_A small beacon._

_Overwhelming despair._

_Hope fading, faith stumbling._

_Bright plants turning vile._

_White on orange, a cool voice._

_“I cannot do this alone,” she said, “I need help.”_

 

Ahsoka’s eyes snapped open, and knew it was not just the Force calling for her. It was Shaak Ti. Master Ti was alive! And on… Ahsoka frowned, concentration. She was on Felucia, a planet going mad in the face of the rise of the darkside.

 

Part of Ahsoka was already mentally leaping into action, thinking about how they could best help her old mentor, the woman who had taken her to Shili for her akul-hunt, who had passed on all what it meant to be Togruta. Part of her wanted to curse the galaxy and the Force itself for this. Because she knew, she knew that if she started, she couldn’t stop. The Force and the problems of the galaxy could consume her, as it had so many others.

 

_What about **my** life? My choices?_ she demanded silently, throwing that thought out in the Force.

 

_Your life is a gift, child_ , came the answer, from an impossible distance _, your choices your own, but do not be untrue to who you are._

 

_What they made me!_ she cried out into the sea of the Force.

 

_What you have made yourself,_ the ghosts said, hard and soft at the same time, demanding and understanding all at once.

 

And she knew. She was, as Rex said, a soldier at heart. And she could no longer remain deaf to the cries of those who suffered, could no longer pretend that this life was all she was meant for.

 

Not because she had been raised to be a Jedi, or because she had fought in the war from the time she was fourteen. But because she was, still, and hopefully always, herself.

 

Eventually, she had found her balance again, and made her way to where Rex waited. He was still closed off, turn about being fair play, she supposed. As a peace offering, she lifted her own barriers and let him feel her regret for how she treated him and her tentative hope. Looking up at her, gave her a level glance, which told her nothing. Or would have, did she not know him so well.

 

“I’m sorry,” she said without preamble. “I… I didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to become involved again, to lose myself in a cause because the last time…” she trailed off, looking away, then she straightened and held her head high. “But this isn’t last time. I do this, we do this on _our_ terms this time. We’ll ask everyone if they want to do this.”

 

“I figured,” he said softly, giving her a considering look. “But you can’t shut me out whenever you have to deal with matters about the Force, Ahsoka. I’m not mad we’re getting back into it. I was mad because of how you treated me. Like… like I couldn’t help, or couldn’t understand. I know I’m no Jedi, and that sometimes you feel alone out here, but, damn it, Ahsoka, we’re not just lovers or friends, we’re so much more than that, and I don’t like the idea that your instinct is to go deal with difficult things by yourself. We’re a team, you and me, and…” he drew a sharp breath. “And I need to know that you’re going to let yourself rely on me, even when it’s hard for you to do so.”

 

“Rex,” she said softly, and approached him carefully, slowly reaching out to touch him lightly. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “I do rely on you, and I let my fear for myself get away from me.”

 

He reached for her and drew her close, holding her tightly about the middle and resting his head on her breasts and lekku. She wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and for a time they simply breathed, and Rex dropped his own barriers, springing back into her Force senses like a beacon.

 

“Togruta are a communal species, but my training as a Jedi and my experiences… sometimes everything gets so jumbled,” she said softly, and looked down at him. “But I don’t want to drive you away, or run away from you. Not ever.” He sighed and pressed his forehead to hers.

 

“ _Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar’tome, mhi me’dinui an, mhi ba’juri jetti_ ,” he said softly, and Ahsoka drew in a breath. He had said so much with those words, even with that little amendment at the end, which she supposed was rather fitting if not completely accurate. She smiled, letting her canines show.

 

“ _Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar’tome, mhi me’dinui an, mhi ba’juri jetti_ ,” she said, putting all of her heart into that vow. Because she meant it, every word.

 

Tomorrow, they would talk about going to Felucia to help Master Ti, about emerging from their exile, about even contacting Bail Organa. Tomorrow, they would face the galaxy again, and find themselves back in the thick of it. All of that was for tomorrow.

 

Tonight, now, they were together, and that was more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mando’a:  
> Ad = son/daughter  
> Ad’ika = little one/son/daughter   
> Ba’vodu = uncle/aunt, singular  
> Bavodu'e = uncle/aunt, plural  
> Cyare = beloved   
> Cyar'ika = sweetheart  
> Ni kyr'tayl gai sa'ad = adoption vow, literally: I know your name as my child  
> Ratiin = always
> 
> Yup, the Mandolorian marriage vow, because I’m a sap like that. Slightly amended because, well, they aren’t raising warriors, exactly.
> 
> Mhi solus tome = We are one together  
> mhi solus dar’tome = We are one when parted  
> mhi me’dinui an = We share all  
> mhi ba’juri jetti = Will will raise Jedi
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed these cute interludes. Be prepared for more time skips as we go, though. The last few chapters were all set close together in time. For those keeping track, its two years since the Null-ARCs showed up again, three years since Order 66, and five years since Ahsoka left the Order.
> 
> Alright, been mining this poem for a while, these hopeful chapters. Such a beautiful poem, especially coming from Emily Dickinson, the queen of the macabre.
> 
> Hope is the thing with feathers   
> That perches in the soul,   
> And sings the tune without the words,   
> And never stops at all, 
> 
> And sweetest in the gale is heard;   
> And sore must be the storm   
> That could abash the little bird   
> That kept so many warm. 
> 
> I’ve heard it in the chillest land,   
> And on the strangest sea;   
> Yet, never, in extremity,   
> It asked a crumb of me.


	16. Chapter 15: To that odd fork in Being’s road

As they approached Felucia, Ahsoka could feel the darkness that was eating at the planet. It had always been a spot of sensitivity in the Force, the native Felucians a part of that, but now it seemed to sinking into a kind of decay, a rot at the heart of the planet itself.

 

She felt vaguely sick.

 

“Take us down, Lena,” she ordered, and started to leave the bridge. “I need to check on the younglings.” Because if she was feeling sick, with her ability to filter her Force perceptions, then they might be more greatly affected. She found them in the dining area, looking a little ill at the edges, the youngest three feeling the brunt of it.

 

“Ahsoka,” Katooni said, looking up at her. “What’s wrong with the Force here? It’s… sick.”

 

“I know it feels bad,” Ahsoka said. “The dark side is strong here, but we have to stay balanced. I’ll need you all to be extra careful while we’re on Felcuia, alright?”

 

“We will,” they chorused, even the youngest ones. Even Maada, the queen of trouble.

 

“I want you to stick close to Echo and Lena while you’re off ship,” she said. “And try to focus on those filtering techniques I taught you during our hyperjump here. If that doesn’t work, go to the medbay. Kix has anti-nausea medication. Katooni, do you know where it is?”

 

The Tholothian girl nodded, jaw clenched. She had always been one of the more sensitive of the younglings, picking up the subtle variations that the others often missed. Ahsoka put a hand on her shoulder, nodded, and they all clasped hands. Closing her eyes, Ahsoka sent a small wave of Healing through them all. It wouldn’t completely negate the effects of the planet, but it would ablate it slightly. Looking them over again, they seemed to be a little perkier after that.

 

She smiled and nodded sharply.

 

“Take care of each other,” she ordered.

 

“ _We always do,_ ” Byph said, holding Jith and Tal’ror’s hands.

 

“I know, and I’m so proud of all of you,” she said. “Now, I need to go. You know the rules.” The younglings nodded, and she strode along the corridors of the ship to the gangway, where Rex and Fives waited. Both men had changed over the years. They had grown comfortable in civvies, though both of them kept bits of armor, and Rex still favored his dual blasters while Fives preferred his single shot. Fives had kept his goatee, but had grown his hair out and let it go slightly shaggy. Rex still shaved his head, but had cultivated a full beard. Ahsoka still didn’t like the damn thing, but she was learning to live with it.

 

More, they had grown far beyond their original ‘factory settings’ as they called the Kaminoan programming. Rex was still steady and unflagging, but he had become less contained. Fives was still too curious for his own good, but his love of fun had been allowed to grow.

 

Seeing her, they came to attention slightly, doing some final systems checks. Giving them both a tight smile, she tilted her head slightly, asking without words if they were ready. They both jerked their heads up sharply.

 

“No new chatter about Felucia, just more of what we’ve heard so far,” Fives reported.

 

“I reckon the cantina is our best bet,” Rex put in. “We still going to claim you’re looking for a relative?”

 

“It seems like the safest option, and its not entirely false. Shaak Ti was my _emel’rui_ , my hunt-mother,” Ahsoka said.

 

“Right,” Rex said sharply, already back in trooper-mode. “We’ve got your six.”

 

As they left the ship, Ahsoka realized that Fives didn’t even make a joke about that.

 

* * *

 

Finding information about Shaak Ti proved almost too easy. Once Ahsoka had stepped into the cantina, they had been accosted by angry locals who had confused her with the older Togruta. She tried not to take it too personally. After Rex and Fives helped her make a rather pointed statement, she got directions to where Master Ti had last been spotted, preventing the colonists from killing the native Felucians who had, in the colonists words, “lost their damn minds.”

 

 _That would be the dark side at work_ , Ahsoka thought, testing the air around her and although it smelled normal for Felucia, there was an unpleasant undercurrent. Rex and Fives were a few paces behind her and to either side, moving slowly through the undergrowth, both of them likely lamenting their lack of bucket.

 

They had really liked their helmets, she remembered. Alas, they were a bit too distinctive for their new existence.

 

Then her montrals felt a _ping_ , and she stalked after it, trilling softly and cocking her head to try to triangulate on the source.

 

  
“You have become quite the huntress,” a soft, melodious voice said from uphead, and Master Ti stepped out from behind one of the massive trees. The older woman’s expression was, for a moment, almost joyous, then returned to the calm demeanor Ahsoka was used to. Ahsoka bowed.

 

“Thank you, Master Ti,” she said, and then straightened. “I came because I sensed there was something wrong here, because… I had a vision, truth to tell.” Shaak merely nodded at that.

 

“Then come, we have much to discuss. I sense more, elsewhere, connected to you. Why do you not all come and have a meal with me? I do not have much, but what I have, you are welcome to, as my guests,” the Jedi Master said. Ahsoka brightened.

 

“Master Ti, I think you’re going to like the surprise I’ve got for you then,” she said, and grinned widely at the other woman’s quizzical look.

 

* * *

 

Rex hadn’t been sure what to expect, but a little hovel deep in the Felucian jungle wasn’t it. It was one of many in the village, the older Togruta Jedi hiding amongst the natives of the planet. These Felcuians weren’t crazy, at least.

 

Currently the hut was overwhelmed with the whole lot of them. When Shaak Ti had seen the younglings, Rex had been sure the woman nearly wept, but she kept her control iron tight. The younglings, for their part, were their rambunctious selves. The activity was almost enough for Rex to not notice Master Ti’s reluctance to talk directly to the clones, even though he knew all his brothers here did their final training under her guidance, and that she was fond of them all.

 

After dinner and the younglings had left to go play with the Felucian younglings, they got down to business.

 

“Tell me of this vision, Ahsoka,” Master Ti said peremptorily, and Ahsoka almost responded like a Padawan before bringing herself up short. Inclining her head, Ahsoka matched Shaak for inscrutability.

 

“I think you need to tell me what’s going on here first,” Ahsoka said. “And why you won’t look any of the _vod’e_ in the eye.” Then there was a fast exchange of words and trills almost out of the range of his hearing, and Rex caught some of it.

 

“Very well,” Shaak said sharply. “I came here after that order went out, thinking to hide my Force signature in this jungle. For a time, it seemed that all was well. I had begun to work with the natives of this planet to train their latent Force abilities. But the darkness kept creeping in, more than I could handle. Now the whole planet is rotting and going mad. The native Felucians have begun to attack the colonists, and I have done my best to keep fatalities down, but I cannot be everywhere at once.”

 

“That fits with my vision,” Ahsoka said, bowing her head slightly, a little apology for her earlier behavior, Rex assumed. “You need help, and maybe we can find a way to do that.”

 

“That would be much appreciated,” Master Ti said, without a hint of embarrassment. Rex noticed she did not say why she couldn’t quite look at him or his brothers, but he supposed Ahsoka had allowed the matter to drop. Rex thought he might not, but there were other things to do, it seemed.

 

* * *

 

The plan was simple, and Ahsoka hoped that meant it would actually work. They would split into teams, and with the number of at least semi-trained Force users increased, they could help the Felucians maintain their balance in the Force. Focusing on Shaak Ti as the locus, Ahsoka and the six older younglings surrounded the older woman, each of them making sure to keep one hand on her at all times.

 

Together, they sank into the Force. The first step was to find a place of balance, and Ahsoka was shocked as Shaak Ti struggled to do this. Certainty, it was more difficult now that the dark side made the Force almost roil, but even the younglings were able to simply _stand_ in the Force and _be._ Shaak Ti tried again and again, but to no avail.

 

The older Jedi Master was troubled, deeply troubled such that she could not find balance within herself. No wonder why this planet was going mad and rotting. The one person trying to hold back the darkness was almost drowning in her own guilt and sorrow.

 

“ _Shaak_ ,” Ahsoka said in Togruti, breaking the meditation and signaling for the younglings to back off slightly. They did so, with confused, concerned glances, but they did. “ _stop. You aren’t balanced_.”

 

“ _Do not presume_ ,” Shaak Ti began to say, that Jedi mask in place. Ahsoka gave her an incredulous look.

 

“ _Let’s not lie to each other, Master Ti. Your heart is bleeding on the grass. You cannot hunt like this_ ,” she said, falling back on the old, formal language to help take the sting out of her words. The other woman looked away, and Ahoska wasn’t sure how to handle that.

 

“Bring the clones, Ahsoka,” Shaak said. “I have something to say to them, and they will not like it.”

 

* * *

 

Rex sat, keeping his face impassive. He wasn’t sure, exactly, what this was about, but he knew that Jedi needed to be calm and sure in order to work in the Force properly. And Shaak Ti apparently wasn’t any of that, and it was somehow connected to them.

 

“I was on Kamino when the order came,” she said without preamble. “I ran, as there was little else to do, but I had been cornered on the top of the domes. I do not hold it against your brothers or you. They were not themselves, I know that, I knew that even at the time. But as I stood there, ready to die, some of your youngest brothers saved my life. Either they were too young for the order to have been transmitted to them, or their young minds were flexible enough to fight it, but they helped me escape though the vents and tunnels they were fond of exploring.

 

“They got me to an exit where I could take a submersible, and from there to a starport. When I offered to take them with me they refused,” Shaak said, and then she looked each of the clones in the eye before continuing. “I could have insisted more strongly, I could have drawn them all to me with the Force and escaped with them, but to my shame and sorrow I left. I left them knowing full well what would happen to them.

 

“I am… I am sorry. I could not save any of your brothers, and that is poor repayment for what you have done for the Jedi, in the field and by saving and raising those precious younglings,” she finished. There were no tears. Shaak Ti was a Jedi to her bones, but Rex could see that she was honest. His brothers, all of them younger than Rex, were quick to reassure her that they understood, that they didn’t hold it against her, and that she should forgive herself.

 

Rex held his piece. Part of him wanted to shake the woman, demand to know why she couldn’t save his brothers as he had saved her younglings. But he knew it wouldn’t serve any purpose, and he could feel Ahsoka on the other end of their bond, accepting his anger and that helped.

 

“Rex, is it?” she asked. He inclined his head. “You remain silent. I do not expect your forgiveness, but I can feel your anger. Please, do not spare my feelings.”

 

The he realized, she _wanted_ to be raged at. It would justify her own guilt, and then this whole damn problem on Felucia would keep on being a problem. And while he wasn’t particularly invested in Shaak Ti’s emotional well-being, they were here to do a job, and Ahsoka needed to find her purpose again. This would be the start of it.

 

He shook his head.

 

“You have to be right with yourself,” he said. “I can’t do it for you. Look, it was a war, and you did what you had to survive. But don’t wallow in it. Make their sacrifice mean something, do good, help these people, and learn to forgive yourself.” At that, almost like she was a shiny trooper, Shaak Ti straightened, but then she gave him an apprising look, like she was really seeing him for the first time. Then she looked from him to Ahsoka and her eyes widened.

 

Rex started to feel a little uncomfortable at that, but Ahsoka only radiated pride, so he figured he didn’t do too badly.

 

* * *

 

The next time they tried to touch the heart of the planet, it actually worked. They meditated, Shaak Ti at the center again, but this time actually able to find a point of balance. Then, with all of their focus and power, they drew on the Force and funneled it through themselves and into the planet, fighting the darkness, the anger and hate with light, hope, and love. It was hard going, feeding bits of the Force and themselves into a planet nearly lost, but they made some progress.

 

Shaak Ti, sensitive to the fact that younglings were the majority of the ones helping, broke things off before the task was complete. But the hardest part was done now. She could do more later, and it would be easier as she recovered the center of herself. Hopefully, at least, the native Felucians would stop attacking colonists.

 

* * *

 

That night, there was a happy but mellow gathering in the village. Shaak Ti sought out Ahsoka, and Ahsoka knew what questions were coming, and had prepared herself.

 

“You are in a relationship with Rex,” Shaak said, never one to wander aimlessly where a straight path would do. Ahsoka fought the urge to get her back up, but instead nodded and tried to remain calm.

 

“It suits you,” Shaak said easily, and smiled at Ahsoka’s shocked expression. “What, should I scold you as though you were a Padawan? No, you left the Order, and you are much more than a Padawan besides. You have gained wisdom of your own, and your Rex, he has his own wisdom as well. As I said, it suits.”

 

“Alright, excuse me while I’m adjusting to a Jedi _Master_ saying that its okay I’m in a relationship, full of attachment and all that stuff I was told to _never, ever, ever_ do,” Ahsoka said sarcastically. Shaak Ti laughed, and Ahsoka smiled in spite of herself. This was the woman she remembered, not the shadow she had been earlier.

 

“Ever irreverent,” Shaak said. “It is good to see you are still yourself, Ahsoka. More, do not think I noticed the headdress you wear. You must tell me how _that_ came about.”

 

“Just tried to help,” she said. “I’m glad I could help here, but we’ll be getting back to hauling cargo after this.”

 

“Ah, now who is hiding from the truth, my dear?” Shaak asked lightly, but there was a point to her question. Ahsoka shrugged.

 

“What should I do? Start a one-woman rebellion against an Empire? I have a responsibility to the younglings in my care,” Ahsoka protested, but she knew her heart wasn’t in it.

 

“They could stay with me, here on Felcuia. I could train them,” Shaak offered. Ahsoka shook her head.

 

“Only if they want to,” she said. “I don’t deny, it would be good for some of them to stay, but I won’t make them and neither will you.”

 

“Well, we shall make the offer, but you are avoiding the point, _emel’iell_ ,” Shaak said, calling on the formal mode of address and their relationship established in her akul-hunt. Ahsoka grimaced at that.

 

“Fine. I’m scared. The Force is calling to me, hell, the whole damn galaxy is calling to me. And I know the younglings are no excuse. I was nearly as young as they were when I started fighting. More, I have a way to get in touch with… someone who can help, I think,” she said, thinking of the secure comm device Lux had given her nearly two years ago. She wondered if it still worked.

 

“You foresee this cause bringing you harm,” Shaak finished for her. Ahsoka nodded.

 

“Not like a Force-vision, but its something I worry about. Haven’t we all bled enough?” she asked.

 

“It is not about enough or not enough, Ahsoka,” Shaak said sagely. “It is about who you want to be, and about who you are. And it is a question only you can answer, but I think you know it already. The Force, I believe, is not done with you yet, as it is not done with me either.”

 

“You know, we really should look into a union or something,” Ahsoka said, smirking. “Maybe we could get a better deal.” At Shaak Ti’s incredulous look, Ahsoka burst into a fit of laughter, feeling lighter than she had in a long time.

 

* * *

 

They spent several days on Felucia, resting, enjoying the fresh air and food, and Ahsoka made all the younglings aware of the option to stay. She wasn’t surprised when Jith and Tal’ror insisted on staying. Though they had grown close to the clones, they still had remained somewhat tentative, tainted by the fear of what happened in the Temple. Ahsoka worried about that, but then Byph asked to stay as well, to help the little ones understand their fear. Ahsoka couldn’t have been more proud of him, and he smiled at her telling him that.

 

Gungi wanting to stay seemed to make sense as well. He missed being a part of a natural world, a world full of plants and animals and life. Shipboard life, while not unpleasant, was not what he wanted. More, with his natural affinity for plants and growing things, he would be a great help to Shaak Ti.

 

What surprised her was Tup saying he would stay.

 

She caught his brother’s faces at that announcement, and felt through her bond with Rex, that they were cut at that.

 

“I don’t love you any less, _vod’e_ ,” Tup said quietly. “But Shaak Ti will need help with the little ones, and well, I think this place would be good for me. I want to see how it goes. I’ve given it a lot of thought, since Coric left, what my place was. I think my place is here.”

 

Then there was the traditional clone dog-pile of back-slapping good-byes, and an evening of drinking. Ahsoka watched as the brothers said good-bye to each other, and he could feel Rex’s conflict about it. Sitting next to him, she nudged his shoulder with hers.

 

“It’ll be good for him,” Rex said firmly. “But damn it, am I going to lose all my brothers like this? One by one, they’re leaving.”

 

“They’re making their own lives,” Ahsoka said softly.

 

“I know, and I don’t begrudge them that. I just… wish we could all stay together,” he said. She slipped his hand into hers, and squeezed.

 

“Me too, but we can’t hold on to it all forever. It doesn’t work that way,” she said.

 

“No, no it doesn’t,” he agreed.

 

“Besides, if things stayed the same forever, that would be boring. And I’d still be fourteen and a Padawan and we wouldn’t have nearly as much fun as we do now,” she teased. She could feel his mood lighten at that, and saw the corner of his mouth twitch upward.

 

“Oh, before I forget,” she continued. “We need a new ship. Less people means we can downsize a bit. And I’m thinking we need to focus on speed a bit more.”

 

“That’ll make Zatt happy,” Rex said cautiously, able to feel her resolve about something, tough he didn’t know what.

 

“I was thinking I should comm Lux. See about being part of something… greater again. What do you think?” she asked.

 

“I think we’ll have our work cut out for us. And we’re two men down,” he said, putting on his ‘captain face.’

 

“We’ll just have to be faster and sneakier,” she countered.

 

“We won’t have the same resources,” he reminded her.

 

“Then we’ll have to fight smarter,” she said, holding her ground.

 

“Alright, you made your case,” he said, “we fight.”

 

“But not for the Republic,” she said softly. “Not even for the Jedi. We can’t put things back the way they were. We fight for a future better than this present.”

 

“Now that,” he said, “is a fight I can get behind.”

 

* * *

 

The next day, they made their final good-byes, and Maada was sad that Jith and Tal’ror were staying. They were fun and good friends, and she was sad to say good-bye to Byph and Gungi. Byph was fun to jump out and scare, and Gungi let her ride his on his shoulders as they ran around the ship together. She was also sad to see _ba’vodu_ Tup stay, but he seemed happier to stay. So she supposed that was okay.

 

But everyone else on the ship seemed happy and excited. Maada wasn’t sure why, but it was like a virus, she caught it too, and was happy too. They didn’t always tell her everything, and they spoke that different language sometimes, the adults, when they didn’t want her or the other younglings to know what they were talking about.

 

They had said that they might be fighting the Empire soon, and Maada was looking forward to that, because she had found something that would let her help fight. Then they couldn’t treat her like the baby anymore.

 

Because on Felcuia, Maada had found a kyber crystal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Togruti (again, using Elvish for this)  
> Emel’rui = hunt-mother  
> Emil’iell = hunt-daughter
> 
> Alright, back to a more regular writing. Just one little last nudge to get Ahsoka to accept that she’s getting back out into the thick of it. We’re on the home stretch now I think, and the pace should pick up again as we race to the finish. Thanks for sticking around through some less exciting stuff!


	17. Chapter 16: Our pace took sudden awe

Alderaan.

 

Bright jewel of the Core, a place of art and learning. Now, apparently, the locus of a burgeoning rebellion.

 

Lux had taken some time responding to her comm, and then even when he did, the message was frustratingly short: “You and one other, one that can keep his head down in the Core.”

 

She had given it some thought, and talked it over with Rex, and they had both decided that Kix was likely the best for the job. Rex had to stay with the ship, and Fives and Echo were both too curious for their own good. It made them amazing in the field, but hell for anything that required _not_ getting stuck into secret files.

 

Then they arranged the transfer, and Lux had kept himself separate from them as they travelled. But there was no hiding what planet they had arrived at. Kix perked up at seeing Alderaan, and Ahsoka wondered how to handle the likely request to go find Nel Rend.

 

“Please take your seats,” Lux said, interrupting her thoughts. “I’ll be taking us down shortly. If anyone asks, this is a routine meeting between Senators. Ahsoka…”

 

“I’m your policy advisor,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I remember.”

 

“And I’m your secretary,” Kix said, grinning. “You know what I really like about this stuff, Ahsoka? The glamour.”

 

“You’re picking up Fives’ bad habits, Kix,” she teased.

 

“Only when he isn’t around. Its not the same without the quips,” Kix said brightly. Too brightly. _Stang_ , she thought, _he’s really going to want to find Nel_.

 

Lux coughed, and that brought them out of their banter. Ahsoka could admit that she was nervous, and that she was fairly certain she already knew who they were going to meet down there. They landed easily, and when they disembarked, Ahsoka remembered to hold her datapad in the way she had seen those Senatorial functionaries do, and trailed behind Lux as they walked through the palace.

 

 _Pretty day… pretty birds…_ came the thought, and Ahsoka stopped suddenly, trying to locate where it came from, but no one else near by was a Force-sensitive. Lux shot her a quick, worried glance. She shook her head and they continued, but she could feel Kix go on alert beside her, aware of Jedi habits as any of his brothers.

 

Then they came to an impressive office door, where they only had to wait a few moments before being ushered in by a deferential, neatly dressed man. And there, behind a large desk, was Bail Organa: leader of the nascent rebellion.

 

The door shut behind them, and Ahsoka grinned, wide and true. If there was one person she could think of who would plan for a rebellion on this planet, one person who had been as passionate about freedom and the role of democracy as Padme Amidala, and one person who would see fighting the Empire as a way to keep that fierce woman alive, at least in memory, it was this man.

 

It took Senator Organa a moment, but when he recognized her, his eyes went wide in surprise and then his face broke into a joyous grin. She could feel it through the Force, a rising spike of _hope_ so clean and pure, that she lost the last of her doubts about joining this rebellion.

 

“Senator Bonteri,” Organa said, smoothly recovering himself. “Please take a seat. I believe we have much to discuss.” Ahsoka thought that was an odd way to begin, but was willing to follow Lux’s lead on this. Lux sat, and so did she and Kix.

 

“Thank you, Senator Organa,” he began, and then launched into some speech about a possible trade agreement between their planets. After some time, Organa held up a hand, and pressed a button. Ahsoka felt the hum of electronics, and Organa nodded in a satisfied way.

 

“I believe that will be sufficient, Lux,” the older man said. “There’s enough for the computer to extrapolate a reasonable conversation for us, in case the Empire wants to listen. I hope they enjoy hearing all those pointless little details.”

 

“Thank you, Bail,” Lux said. “Now, if I may introduce…”

 

“I know who she is, son,” he said, standing and coming around his desk to stand in front of her, and he held out his hand. She stood and they shook hands. “Ahsoka Tano, former Padawan to the Jedi Order, hero of the Clone Wars, and a dear friend to Padme. It is good to see you alive, Lady Tano.” Ahsoka was nearly overwhelmed by the warmth in his voice and his sincerity, but she maintained her composure. Just.

 

“Not Lady Tano, or Commander, though I’ll accept Captain, because at least I own a ship. But… I would like it if you called me Ahsoka,” she said. He nodded at that.

 

“Then please, call me Bail,” he said. “Can I get any of you anything to drink?” They all shook their heads, and he led them to sit around a small table to talk, instead of having that massive desk between them.

 

“Now, I understand that you recently contacted Lux, and are interested in helping our little group,” he said, as though he wasn’t planning on overthrowing an evil empire. “I believe you are sincere, Ahsoka, and you proved yourself many times over to be a woman of unique integrity and courage. Further, I will not deny that having you with us would provide certain advantages. However, this is a delicate situation we are in. If we push too hard, too soon, the Empire will crush us. Yet, if we hold back or are too cautious, we will never accomplish our goals. I need to know what skills you offer, beyond the obvious.”

 

“Well, one thing’s for sure, you really do need me, Bail,” she said, leaning forward, giving him her old, fierce smirk. “You need an operative, a real operative who can get their hands dirty. Someone who is used to taking risks and running the odds and getting out alive. You need someone who can recruit likely candidates and even do the odd bit of training. More, I’ve got a five person crew on my ship who are all eager to help, four of the best clone troopers you’ve ever seen and one former Republic Navy pilot who could give a Jedi a run for their money in a ship. Our combination of knowledge and skill, Bail, you’ve got a ready made strike team,” she finished, omitting the presence of five half-trained Jedi younglings. They still needed to figure out how to deal with that, but she had the first hurdle to overcome.

 

Lux laughed.

 

“And she’s humble, too, Bail, just ask her,” Lux said, grinning. She smirked at him, raising one white eyebrow marking, but then redirected her focus back to Bail Organa, the man with the authority. Senator Organa looked at her with guarded eyes, and Ahsoka remembered that he had mentored Padme in the Senate. If Padme had tricks, it was because she learned them from someone.

 

“You certainly sell yourself well, Ahsoka. But there is one thing I need to know,” he said softly, his dark eyes as sharp and knives in contrast. “Why? Why join us? Not just because the Empire killed the Jedi, I know that. But why come out of hiding, why bleed and fight and perhaps die for a people who were quick to forget the sacrifices the Jedi, that you, made?”

 

Ahsoka sat back in her chair, head high, and didn’t even have to pause to think before answering, because the answer was in her blood and bones, it was in her soul, it was who and what she was and always had been. The Jedi had trained her, the war had scarred her, the Force moved through her, but _she_ had always held to hope, even when the darkness closed in. Especially when the darkness closed in.

 

“Because not everyone forgot, Bail,” she began softly, and then found her voice, a calm voice that sounded deep and wise even to herself. “Because no one deserves to live under this tyrannical kind of evil, because too many died in vain if we allow the Empire to continue unopposed. And because… because I believe…” she trailed off and looked to Kix. He nodded. “Because _we_ believe that hope lives on, and it lives on in all of us, as long as we continue to strive and fight, then, perhaps, we can _make_ it all mean something.”

 

“Ahsoka speaks for all of us, Senator Organa,” Kix said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “We were made for a single purpose, but this time we _choose_. And we choose freedom, for everyone.”

 

Lux looked stunned, almost like he was seeing her for the first time, but Senator Organa’s expression remained guarded. Then, like the sun from behind the clouds, he smiled.

 

“My gods, you almost sounded like Padme there for a moment, and I… my dear, I know she would be proud of you,” he said, and a thread of grief hung between them in that instant, tight and aching. Then they both took a breath, and the thread snapped, both of them returning to themselves.

 

“You are right, Ahsoka, we do need someone like you. Indeed, I think we need _you_ , and your crew, more than you realize. There are several tasks that I had not even been able to contemplate until you arrived,” he said. “However, we shall have time to discuss that later. These meetings cannot go overlong, you understand. You are all welcome to take the evening meal with me and my family, and we shall be able to speak more freely in the private family residence.”

 

“Um,” Kix said, the tips of his ears going red. “I actually know someone on planet. I was hoping to see her, if none of you minded, of course!” Ahsoka grinned at Kix, and poked him in the ribs.

 

“It wouldn’t be Nel, would it?” Ahsoka teased. Kix shot her a frustrated look.

 

“You know someone on Alderaan?” Lux asked, incredulous. “No offense, Kix, but how?”

 

“Ah, that’s a bit of a story,” he said. “And kind of Coric’s fault, really, but she’s not from here. She’s a geneticist and she helped us with the fast aging problem a couple of years ago.”

 

“You know a geneticist, someone familiar with clone physiology and who has kept the secret of your existence for two years?” Bail asked, eyes laser focused on Kix. Kix, who had not expected that reaction, looked like he was trying to figure out how to execute a strategic retreat.

 

“Yes, we do,” Ahsoka said, metaphorically diving on the grenade for her _vod._

 

“Then she should come to dinner as well!” the Senator said brightly. “In fact, I think this will be excellent for what I have in mind.”

 

* * *

 

“Kix,” Ahsoka said slowly, voice low and dangerous. “Why the hell did you take my picture?”

 

“Because I’m a good brother,” he said brightly, and she let it go. They had scrounged up properly formal clothing for the dinner tonight, most of it borrowed from various royal wardrobes. Shrugging her shoulders, she tried not to feel naked without her sabers, and they met Lux in the hallway between their rooms. Lux extended her his arm, and she hesitated.

 

“I won’t get any ideas, I promise,” Lux said. “I was informed very firmly that you were off-limits.” Ahsoka shot Kix a glare. He shrugged, not embarrassed.

 

“Like I said, I’m a good brother,” was all he said, and she had to let that go too. One of these days she was going to figure out how they could follow her without question into a fight, but be annoyingly proprietary when she was simply being social.

 

“Shall we?” she said, deliberately bypassing the moment. Lux nodded and led them to the private residence of the royal family of Alderaan. It was a rare treat to dine with the family these days, Queen Breha’s declining health forestalling larger events. They were seen through easily, and when they got to the dining room’s antechamber, Doctor Nel Rend stood there looking glorious. The other woman looked even more amazing when she broke into a radiant smile at seeing Kix.

 

Kix stopped dead, unsure what to do.

 

So Ahsoka, being a good sister, hauled him forward and shoved him at the woman.

 

“Oh Kix, it’s so good to see you, I had no idea,” Nel said, reaching out for the medic. Kix took her hand in his own.

 

“It’s good to see you, Nel,” Ki said softly, and Ahsoka smiled to see them together.

 

“Ah, good, you’re all here!” Bail said brightly, and turned to lead them through the beautifully carved wooden door. “I hope you all enjoy dinner, and I even managed to convince our chef that a few Togruta delicacies would be well received.”

 

“Please tell you didn’t get Thimiar,” Ahsoka said.

 

“No, though I did try. Well, I am glad that works out,” Bail said, and they entered a simply beautiful dining room. The walls were a rich, warm red, and there was artwork everywhere: paintings, small statues or worked into the furniture itself. But that wasn’t what stopped Ahsoka’s breath in her chest.

 

There, in a chair made for younglings, sat a little girl with big, dark eyes and soft, dark hair, the beginnings of a familiar jawline, and a presence in the Force like few had, even at so young an age. Everyone else was sitting, she noticed dimly, and Bail came up behind her, holding out a chair for her. As she said, he spoke softly to her.

 

“Please, may we speak of this later?” he asked. She could only nod, and did her best to focus on Bail’s first mission for her: rescuing a handful of clone troopers scheduled to be destroyed for treason.

 

* * *

 

“You surely have many questions, and I cannot answer all of them right now,” Bail said, later as they sat in his private receiving room. Bail had a glass of wine in one hand, and Ahsoka had one herself. She typically didn’t drink, having never developed a taste for the stuff, as the smell of most human alcohol was off-putting to her Togruta nose. But she made an exception now.

 

“But you have confirmed what I have long feared,” he continued softly. “She has the Force, does she not?”

 

“She’s strong with it,” Ahsoka confirmed, still struggling to find her voice. There was no doubt in her mind who the actual parents of that little girl were, but Leia seemed as happy as any three-year old princess could be. “But you have to tell me, Bail. I need to know. He was my Master, she was my friend and…” she trailed off, unsure how much he knew, or how much she could trust the vision the Force had given her three years ago.

 

“And he went mad. She was given into my keeping for her own safety, that much I can tell you,” he said, and Ahsoka was getting tired of that excuse. Firmly, she held her anger in check.

 

“Why can’t you tell me more?” she asked, keeping her tone even.

 

“Because it is not all mine to tell. I must speak with… someone before I can give you the full story. I have no doubt that you will hear the whole truth, Ahsoka, but I must ask. This is a confidence I cannot betray,” he said gravely. Ahsoka nodded, accepting his answer. For now.

 

She down the rest of her wine swiftly and stood.

 

“I’ll make the run with my crew, but when we’re done, and the _vod’e_ are safe, I’m coming back here, and I want answers,” she told him. Bail looked up at her, an understanding in his eyes.

 

“I’ll see that you have everything you need,” he said. She nodded sharply, and left to make her preparations.

 

This mission, she knew, was going to take a lot of finesse.

 

* * *

 

“Aw, come on, Hunter-2, it could be worse!” Fives said brightly as they were being shot at. Again.

 

“How could it be worse, Hunter-3?” Rex growled. “And don’t answer that! Hunter-6, how’re you holding up?”

 

“All clear here, Hunter-2,” Lena said over the comms, keeping the ship ready to go. They had run a stealth docking on the Imperial transport carrying the clone troopers headed to Kamino to be summarily executed. _Destroyed_ , was what it said in all the official documents, like they were malfunctioning equipment, which in a sense, they were. It only made Rex see red, knowing that line of thinking. It was like dealing with a whole society made of Krells.

 

The mission had started off well. The four older younglings had snuck off their new ship, the _Striker_ , and promptly gotten into the ductwork, and had been having a fine time sabotaging various systems in subtle and ingenious ways. Once the Imperials were distracted, Ahsoka and his brothers disembarked and made their way to the detention levels pretending to be escorting a Togruta prisoner. They had been gifted sets of the new Imperial armor for that task, and Rex hated the stuff.

 

Still, it had been going just fine, until it wasn’t.

 

The one time someone on this ship wasn’t distracted by the various systems failures and was paying attention to the men under the buckets, and of course he’d be in charge of the brig.

 

Then there had been a shoot out, and now they were pinned down and unable to even get to where his _vod’e_ were being held.

 

“Hunter-1,” he said. “We might have to let the cat out of the bag.” Ahsoka grimaced. They were determined to keep her status as a Jedi secret. That would be a sure way to get a lot of unwanted attention, but it might be necessary.

 

Then Ahsoka’s head whipped around, and waves of enraged surprise wafted off of her. Rex turned to follow her gaze, and there, sneaking up behind them all unnoticed, was Maada. Ahsoka spoke in rapid-fire Togruti, and Maada answered just as quickly.

 

“Damn it, we don’t have time for this,” Rex said. “If she can help, she helps. Besides, I remember someone else sneaking their way into a prison-break mission.”

 

“I was at least fifteen at that point!” Ahsoka protested. Then she sighed. “Fine. Since you were talking about cats, let’s give them a cat. Or, well, a kitten.” Ahsoka turned back to the young girl. “That’s your codename, Kitten, and you only use our code names. You need to get into the vents, and give one of these to the men in each of the cells. Tell them Snips is here to help, and they’ll know what to do. Then you find Scout-1 and get back to the ship. Can you do that, Kitten?” she asked, handing a few small grenades to the girl.

 

“Yes! Yes, I can, Hunter-1,” Maada said eagerly, and faster than Rex would have thought possible, the girl was into a vent and crawling through it.

 

“Oh, that girl is in so much trouble when we get back to the ship,” Ahsoka muttered.

 

“I don’t know, I might make her a cake for just herself if she gets us out of this,” Kix said, and didn’t even flinch under Ahsoka’s glare. Then Ahsoka’s cocked her head, as though listening for something. Then she grinned, sharp and bright.

 

“Hunter-4,” she said, and Echo perked up. “I think our brothers are cramped, don’t you?” Echo grinned and got to work, overriding the commands, and the doors to the cells opened, and several grenades flew out, taking the Imperials by surprise. Right on cue, the grenades exploded, and in the confusion, Rex, Fives and Echo advanced to cover the exit of their brothers. Kix gathered them all up and started leading them through the ship to their extraction point.

 

Then they were fighting a rear-guard action.

 

“Uh, Hunter-1, this is Scout-1,” Katooni’s voice came over the comms, sounding more than a little strained. “We have Kitten here, and we’re headed back to Hunter-6.”

 

“Good work, Scouts,” Ahsoka said, “See you in a few.”

 

Once they were back on the ship, and his _vod’e_ were settled, did Rex really process a few things. One, Cody and Waxer had been on that ship. Both of them looked too thin, too ragged to be the men he remembered, and Rex was torn between needing to know what they had endured and not wanting to confront what he had left his brothers to face alone.

 

Two, that Ahsoka hadn’t completely lost it at Maada for that stunt.

 

“Ahsoka, do you need me?” he asked. She looked at him for a moment, reading his face, and sensing his emotions he knew, and he wondered how they had ever done without that bond, the ability to simply know how the other was feeling instead of having to draw it all out and lay it out. She shook her head.

 

“I’ll get the story out of our little kitten,” she said sharply, then her voice softened. “Your _vod’e_ need you, Rex. Go, be with them.” He kissed her on the lips, just a quick, soft kiss, but it was all he could do to thank her for understanding, because a thank you always sounded hollow to his ears.

 

* * *

 

“Maada,” Ahoska said, looming in the doorway to the girl’s room. She shared the room with Katooni and Ganodi, but right now the girl was in it by herself, the other younglings helping tend to the clones. Maada trilled sadly at her presence, but Ahsoka wasn’t in the mood to coddle the girl.

 

“What you did was reckless and could have not only gotten you killed, but all of us as well, and the very men we were trying to rescue,” Ahsoka said, though not unkindly. “I understand why you did it. You wanted to help, because everyone else was helping. I know what it is to feel… left behind, but you are still very young, Maada. You don’t even have a lightsaber, and…”

 

“I could have a lightsaber,” the girl said softly. Ahsoka frowned, and the girl drew into herself, but then looked up Ahsoka with such confidence and then went to her little personal locker. Digging through her things, Maada unwrapped a shirt and held out a small crystal for Ahoska to inspect. Ahsoka drew in a sharp breath and looked down at the girl sharply.

 

“Where did you get this?” she demanded.

 

“I found it on Felucia. I had been playing with the Felucian younglings, and we went into a cave and I got a little lost, but I saw a light, so I went to it, and there it was. I knew it was for me, so I took it,” Maada explained, like it was the most natural thing in the galaxy. Then again, it probably was. Ahsoka sighed.

 

“Maada, just having a kyber crystal doesn’t mean you’re ready to go on missions. I know you want to be helpful, but not every situation is going to be safe for you,” Ahsoka said patiently. “Today, you were helpful and we were lucky. We won’t always be lucky, Maada, and I… I love you too much to lose you like that. Please, don’t do that again.”

 

Maada looked up at her, her eyes dark and too old in this moment.

 

“I love you too, _emel_ ,” she said. “But I knew I had to help, so I helped. It’s what you’ve been teaching us to do.”

 

Between being called _mother_ and understanding that Maada hadn’t disobeyed her orders because she had _wanted_ to have fun or help, but because she had been _called_ to do so, Ahsoka wasn’t sure what to say. Instead, she held out her arms, and Maada climbed into her lap, and Ahsoka held the girl close.

 

“Alright, I can accept that, but no more helping or answering calls without my approval, okay?” Ahsoka asked.

 

“Okay,” Maada agreed, and they sat there for a time, taking comfort in the presence of the other.

 

* * *

 

Rex entered the cargo bay, where Kix had set up several cots for the rescued men. They had been in bad shape, but their training and the adrenaline of the fight had seen them through. Once back on the ship and in the safety of hyperspace, however, Kix had taken one look at them and nearly had a fit. The evidence of torture was clear, but they had been made to withstand torture. What was worse, to Rex, were their haunted eyes, eyes of men that had done terrible things, things they had no choice about, things they had been ordered to do. Things no good soldier should consent to do. But the Empire had never asked; it only told.

 

Kix was in his element, diagnosing problems, sorting out medication, calming patients down. Rex was a little on the backfoot here, but then he saw Cody, a fellow survivor of Geonosis and the whole damn war. Pulling down one of the build-in seats, Rex sat next to Cody’s cot, and put a hand on the other man’s shoulder.

 

“Glad you’re still kicking, Cody,” Rex said gruffly. The corner of Cody’s lips twitched upwards at that, but never broke into a real smile.

 

“Knew you’d be out here. Disappeared after… that night, you lot. I figured you’d made it out, but no one would say. You were declared Lost in Action, you know,” Cody said, and coughed. “But you’re a damn hard man to kill, Rex. Didn’t believe it for a second.”

 

There was no point in saying Rex wished he had been able to find Cody, been able to save his other brothers. They both knew the impossibility of saving over three million men from what had happened, and they both knew that didn’t make the guilt any less real.

 

“And now you’re out here, taking the fight to them,” Cody went on, and a dangerous light shone in his brother’s eyes, but his voice had that same dry, restrained tone it always did. “I stayed. I tried to help our brothers, but it was too little too late. They’re killing themselves, finding ways to die, and the Empire just lets it happen. No more, Rex. We take them down.”

 

“You need to rest first, _vod_ , get better,” Rex said, hoping to reign in his brother, his brother who had seen too much, been through too much, and had never been given the chance to heal.

 

“Killing Imperials should do the job just fine, _vod_ ,” Cody said evenly, lying back on his cot and looking up Rex like he had just read off a textbook answer to a problem. Like it all should be so obvious.

 

And Rex wondered if any of his brothers had really survived at all.

 

* * *

 

Between seeing Leia, and Cody telling her that Master Kenobi had at least survived Order 66, Ahsoka was starting to have a sneaking suspicion that a lot more had happened that day than anyone knew. So after getting the rescued clones settled on Dantooine, Ahsoka called Lux for a pickup and made her way back to Alderaan. Ostensibly, they were there to get supplies and personnel to establish Dantooine as a small base, including Nel Rend who went to administer the gene therapy to the men they had rescued.

 

Rex had liked the location because it was remote and no one cared about it. Ahsoka had liked it because she recalled _some_ of her history lessons about the Jedi. The old temple and the crystal caves would be worth exploring later, but for now, there was more recent history to address.

 

“Twins?” she asked, incredulous. “They had twins? Where’s the other one, why were they separated? Padme wouldn’t have wanted that!”

 

“No,” Bail said sadly. “She would not have, but Obi-Wan and Master Yoda determined it was for their own safety. Together, I was given to understand, their Force abilities would feed off of each other, making them almost like a beacon, which would have drawn unwanted attention.”

 

Ahsoka knew why she cared so much for these younglings that she had only just learned about: they were Skyguy’s and Padme’s, the younglings of the people who had in many ways been her older siblings, her parents, which meant that their younglings were her younger siblings in some sense.

 

“Leia will need training,” Ahsoka said. “She’s too powerful to not have any.”

 

“Some, I will allow, but only to control it,” Bail said. “She cannot draw attention to herself.” Ahsoka nodded, choking down a demand to fully train the girl, but she understood the need to hide her. For now.

 

“As for her brother,” Bail continued. “He is under Obi-Wan’s protection.”

 

“Where?” she asked, trying not to appear eager but failing. She very much wanted to see Master Kenobi again. They had never been as close as her and Skyguy, but he had been there when she had needed him. He was not Plo Koon, who had always cared for her, but his wisdom would be welcome right about now.

 

“Tatooine,” Bail said, and Ahsoka marveled at the mad audacity of hiding Anakin Skywalker’s son on the planet he had been from and hated so fiercely.

 

* * *

 

“I’ll just be home a little later than expected,” she said over the comm. Rex’s one concession to his frustration was a twitch of his eyebrow.

 

“And you can’t tell me why over the comms,” he said simply. She shook her head.

 

“You’ll get the full story when I get back, promise. Its not dangerous, and I need you there,” she said. “Your brothers need you.” He inclined his head, acknowledging the truth of that.

 

“Good hunting, then,” he said, and they ended the comm. She sat back in the cockpit of her ship, looking at the stars, and wondering what she would find.

 

* * *

 

Tatooine never changed. Well, it did. The dunes shifted, different sleemos and low-lifes passed through, and everyone cheated everyone else, but Jabba ran the planet, sand got into _everything_ , and you had to be quick with a blaster.

 

She only had her pieced together information about Anakin’s early years to go off of, but she had managed to find the moisture farm where Shmi Skywalker had been sold to. Though she was a creature of forest and tall grass, she could still stalk through the dunes easily, her montrals and Force-senses guiding her and warning her of danger. That was how she approached the small farm, lying on her stomach on a distant dune, using her macrobinocs to scope out the place.

 

“You know,” a cultured voice said behind her. “You’ve gotten quite good, but you still get a tad too focused, Ahsoka.” She rolled over to see a face she had not in five years. He was older, threads of silver in his hair and beard, but the voice was the same, and although there was the shadow of grief in his blue eyes, they were still full of that same steady wisdom and flicker of humor.

 

She grinned, and he smiled at her.

 

Then she launched herself off the dune and to him, wrapping her arms around him in a fierce hug. For a moment, he was taken aback, but after a moment he hugged her in return.

 

“I am profoundly grateful to know that you’re alive, Ahsoka,” he said, “but perhaps you would like to speak in a place a little less exposed?” She couldn’t help but let out a small bark of laughter.

 

“You never change, do you?” she asked lightly, but he only gave her a tight smile in return as he led her to the small dwelling in a cliffside where he had established himself.

 

Then he told her about Mustafar, about Padme nearly dying, about leaving Anakin to die, about the twins’ birth, all of it. And Ahsoka’s heart broke all over again, because she saw now how it had happened. Anakin had been isolated, she had been taken away from him, Obi-Wan sent away, the Council made suspicious of their Chosen One, and alone, Anakin had turned to the one person he thought he had left. The one person they should have never let get so close to Anakin and his desperate, fearful need for love in the first place.

 

“I still want to meet him,” Ahsoka said. “I need to.” Obi-Wan stroked his beard, considering.

 

“That could be dangerous, Ahsoka. From what you say, you’re now fomenting rebellion. What if you’re captured the Sith get to you?”

 

“I can’t say that won’t happen, but…” she trailed off. “I’d just like to see him. Have you seen his sister? She looks like Padme, you know, and she’s strong with the Force. She’ll need training one day.”

 

Obi-Wan sighed and closed his eyes, holding back a tide of emotion that threatened to break his walls. She reached out, putting a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her, and she saw that for all his wisdom, he was just as mortal as the rest of them.

 

“It’s time we stopped pretending that hiding from emotion was the answer, Master Kenobi,” she said softly. “If anything is going to see us through this darkness, it’s the love all have for each other. It’s love that gives us reason to hope, reason to have faith.”

 

“Love is what caused all of this, Ahsoka,” he said raggedly. She shook her head.

 

“No, it was making him afraid to love that caused this,” she said. “You loved him just as much as I did, and even though I can’t decide if I want to hit you for leaving him like that or not, I know it was because you loved him too much to kill him. Because I don’t think I could have done it either.”

 

“Ah, Ahsoka, you are wiser than any of us in some ways,” he said sadly. He covered her hand with his own, and though neither of them wept, because some sorrow was beyond tears, they let their grief echo together in the Force. Together, they mourned Anakin Skywalker, Padawan, Master, friend, son, father, _brother_.

 

* * *

 

“This is the merchant I met while in Mos Eisley, Owen,” Obi-Wan said warily. Apparently the relations between the Lars household and the old Jedi were not the most cordial. It was only the fact that buyers were scarce this year that Obi-Wan had been admitted at all.

 

“Good to meet you,” Ahsoka said, extending her hand. “Just started up the business, and I’m told the moisture from Lars farm is some of the best!” Owen Lars gave her a level look, but then shrugged.

 

“Well, you’re new to the planet, but I’ll show you around. If you want to buy our moisture, we can talk about price later. Don’t let these other farmers sell you their product until you see their operation,” Owen said, and gave her all the advice he thought necessary for a new business owner on Tatooine. It was a lot of advice, and she wondered if she would ever get away from the man. Obi-Wan gave her a tight grin, and she resisted the urge to punch him for this.

 

Then she saw the boy. He was small, like his sister, but his hair was a sandy blonde and his eyes were a bright blue. Even knowing what she would find, she was not prepared to see the same optimism and hope shining out of those eyes as she remembered from years ago.

 

“Well, hello there,” she said, smiling and making sure to keep her canines from view.

 

“Luke!” Owen barked, “stop playing with those machines!”

 

“Broken!” the boy said and went back to tinkering.

 

“Sorry about that, but we can’t keep him away from machines. Always getting into them and fixing them, but he’s a sweet boy,” Owen said apologetically.

 

“It’s alright,” she said, trying to maintain her cover as a merchant. She could sense the Force moving through this boy, and like his sister he was strong in it, but wild where Leia was more contained, precise, and graceful like her mother. Luke was wild and bright and beautiful, like his father.

 

Obi-Wan sent her a wave of calm, and she remembered to breathe.

 

“I’m Togruta, so we value what younglings bring to the clan,” she explained. Owen seemed to accept that and they went on, and Ahsoka threw a backwards glance at Luke, wanting nothing more than to scoop him up and run and play with him, to make him laugh with joy, to give him and his sister the life and family that their father had never had but always wanted. But she knew she couldn’t. She was running enough of a risk with the younglings she _did_ have.

 

But still. She wanted to be there for them, as their father had been there for her.

 

She knew she couldn’t be, though. What she could do, what she would do, was lay the foundation of a rebellion, pave the way for the destruction of the Empire, and make sure all the younglings of this galaxy could live free.

 

* * *

 

Obi-Wan took her into Mos Eisley and saw her to her ship, which was still there and unjunked, for a wonder. She paid off the dockmaster and he removed the clamp on her ship. She really did not like Tatooine.

 

“Take care out there, Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan said, and held out his hand. She brushed it again and hugged him close again. This time he didn’t even hesitate to hug her back.

 

“I don’t need to tell you to look after him, but…” she said, withdrawing. He nodded. “He’s beautiful, Obi-Wan, and so is his sister. They’re…”

 

“Hope,” Obi-Wan said, finishing the thought. She smiled sadly, and walked up the gangway and left Tatooine, never to return. It wasn’t her place, and it would only endanger Obi-Wan and Luke, but her thoughts would return from time to time, and she would forever remember a messy, sandy haired boy, who smiled easily and loved fixing what was broken, and marveled at the power of second chances.

 

* * *

 

“You found what you were looking for?” Bail Organa asked. Ahsoka had commed him after she had left Tatoonie and found a spot of secure space to drift for a moment, if only to let him know everything was well with his old friend and the boy.

 

“I did,” she said softly. “They’re doing well.”

 

“Good, and I am sorry that you cannot be more involved, but…” he trailed off and she shook her head, her anger and not knowing abated now that she had seen the children and understood how desperate the situation had been when the Jedi Masters and the Senator had made their decisions.

 

“They’re safe, and I can help you keep them that way,” she said. He nodded.

 

“Oh, you might like to know while you’ve been visiting, your rescue has ruffled a few feathers, but more importantly, it has shifted a few previously cautious sympathizers into action,” he said. “It seems, you are the point on which this movement will turn.”

 

“I doubt that,” she said dryly, “I’m just me.”

 

“Ah, you are more than you know… Fulcrum,” he said with a grin, and ended the comm. Ahsoka sighed, and plotted a course to Dantooine, to her crew, to her family.

 

* * *

 

 

She received a riotous return on Dantooine. Nel and Kix had already administered the gene therapy to the rescued men, and they were sufficiently recovered to have nearly buried her under their greeting. There had been the party, and some planning for the shape this rebellion would take. A few of the _vod’e_ had asked to stay, to help the civilians learn how to be an army, while others were determined to get back out there and bring the fight to the Empire.

 

She had taken the time to talk to all of them, but the hardest conversation was when she had told Cody that Obi-Wan still lived. The man looked like he had been struck in the face at that, and Ahsoka was nearly staggered by the relief pouring off the man.

 

“You loved him,” she whispered. Cody looked away, jaw clenched. “Oh, Cody, I’m sorry.”

 

“I know I can’t go to him if he’s in hiding, like you say,” he said, then straightened, looking her dead in the eye. “But I can make him proud and help stay safe. Its my job, after all, keeping my General safe.” He nodded sharply and then turned on his heel and left her looking after him. His back was straight and his shoulders were still broad and strong, but to her Force senses he felt jagged and torn.

 

She hoped Rex could help his brother heal, because she doubted Cody would allow her to help him.

 

And Cody was not the only one among the _vod’e_ who required healing, but they accepted her help, drawing their pain into the Force, helping them let go of their pain and their anger and find themselves again. After a week, she had done all she could do, and had asked _her_ crew to get the _Striker_ ready.

 

“So, what’s the word?” Rex asked as they boarded, grinning. All her troopers were eager to go, to do another run. She had managed to convince the younglings to stay on Dantooine for now, but she knew that as soon as they turned fourteen, they would be demanding to be made Padawans, as she was. Worse, Maada had constructed her first lightsaber, and Petro was teaching her how to use it.

 

The day was coming when they would be used as she was, when they would be sent into death and danger because older, wiser heads believed it necessary. She was determined that they would, at least, have all the information, and have the choice.

 

“Ahsoka?” Rex asked softly, a pulse of concern thrumming through their bond. She smiled at him, clearing those thoughts from her head.

 

“The word is we’ve got work do to. There are supply lines to disrupt, communications to waylay, people to recruit, and an Empire to destabilize,” she said, letting her canines show. “How’s that sound?”

 

“Sounds great!” Fives said, “I say we go with a good old fashioned intel grab, too.”

 

“How about gathering some more medical supplies?” Kix asked.

 

“Oh! More ships!” Echo put in.

 

“Especially small fighters,” Lena said.

 

“One thing at a time, you lot,” Rex said, “We can’t take down the Empire in a day.”

 

“Nah, not a day. Maybe a month, though. We don’t want to be overconfident, right?” Fives asked, teasing. And they jogged up the gangway of the _Striker_ , knowing that it would be a long, hard slog, that they would lose friends and family, that they could lose it all.

 

But that was the risk they took in starting this rebellion. It would be small to start, hit and run tactics, but it was _a_ beginning. A beginning of a new life, a new hope. Because this time they would be fighting not for a bloated and corrupt Republic, but because they had faith in each other, and because they fought for those they loved.

 

And Ahsoka believed that hope, faith, and love would change the galaxy more than any amount of fear, anger or hate ever could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter, lots going on, emotional stuff and some action. Picking up a bit after the slow previous chapter. Thanks for sticking through that slump, everyone!


	18. Chapter 17: Behind, a sealed route

Ahsoka floated in the Force, finding a point of balance, a place from which she could see the diverging and varied paths of the future. Only this time, Maada was with her, no longer a little girl, but a precocious fourteen-year-old Padawan in her own right. And she was trying to teach the girl how to navigate the paths of time through the Force.

 

“Be mindful, Maada,” Ahsoka said, and knew that training Maada had been a challenge unlike anything else. The other younglings had been Jedi from the cradle. Maada had spent most of her life among outlaws, soldiers, low-lifes, and on the run, not to mention having to be one of nine and then one of five young Jedi that demanded Ahsoka’s attention. Ahsoka had done her best, but Maada was still a stubborn creature.

 

“And don’t swear at me,” Ahsoka said, cracking one eye to see Maada’s face fall.

 

“Ugh, how do you always know?” the young woman groused. Ahsoka smiled her most Jedi of smiles.

 

“Because, you always do it. It doesn’t take a Jedi to recognize a pattern, Padawan,” Ahsoka said. “Try again. Focus on your breathing, and…”

 

Then several things happened at once. First the proximity alarm went off, and then Rex’s voice came over the comms: “Ahsoka, need you at the helm.”

 

Ahsoka took off running, and she saw Maada slide down the ladder to take up position on the turret. Once she got to bridge, Rex slid out of the pilot’s seat and made his way out and to the other turret. Ahsoka took the dual-stick control in her hands and started bringing them around, trying to get behind the other ship that had found them in the vastness of space.

 

Whoever was flying the other ship was good, because she couldn’t quite manage to get behind them, to get them lined up in her line of sight, and she narrowed her eyes in concentration. Then she felt something… familiar, something shadowed but not dark, something… caustic with a hint, just a hint of hope underneath.

 

“I think they’re friendly,” she said over the comms.

 

“Friendlies send comms,” Rex said.

 

“They aren’t shooting at us,” Maada pointed out. “And they don’t feel aggressive, at least not toward us.”

 

“I love you both, but you’re really frustrating when you pull this on me, you know that?” Rex asked, and the affection in his voice took out any sting his words might have had.

 

“Unidentified vessel, this is the _Striker_ , state your business,” Ahsoka said, trying several different frequencies.

 

“Well,” a familiar voice drawled, a voice Ahsoka hadn’t heard in twelve years. “I’m glad you haven’t lost your edge entirely.”

 

“ _Ventress?!_ ” Ahsoka exclaimed.

 

* * *

 

“I had to be sure you were worth warning,” Ventress explained, sitting at the table like nothing strange was happening. She was still the same, whipcord slender, all hard edges and angles, but Ahsoka had caught her expression upon seeing Maada, upon seeing a Jedi Padawan alive after the Purge. Ventress _wanted_ to hope.

 

And for all that Ventress was somewhat of a free agent, Ahsoka could feel Rex was on edge. She had always been a dangerous element, even more dangerous when Rex couldn’t be sure if she was there to help or attack them all. For now, Ahsoka was willing to trust her, though she couldn’t say why. That also, she knew, didn’t help Rex’s nerves.

 

“Glad we passed muster,” Ahsoka said dryly. “So, what’s this warning you’re so kindly giving us?” Ventress barked a laugh that was devoid of any actual mirth.

 

“Still the snippy girl, I see. Well,” the former Sith drawled. “It just so happens I encountered some interesting information while I was bringing in a bounty for the Empire. It seems that some younglings, who aren’t so young anymore, are drawing a bit too much attention to themselves.”

 

“Damn it,” Rex growled. “I knew we were playing it too fast and loose.”

 

“Hm, indeed you were, clone,” Ventress said. “And now it seems your younglings are to be a field test for the newest crop of Imperial Inquisitors.” Ahsoka drew in a sharp breath at that. Bail had some intel on the Inquisitors, being a member of the Security Committee from the time of the Clone Wars, and everything about them pointed to Sith-trained Force-users with one mission: kill Jedi.

 

Thus far they had managed to avoid any encounters with them, but it seemed that time was drawing to a close.

 

“I’m assuming this information isn’t free,” Ahsoka said, keeping her mind on the task at hand.

 

“Of course not,” Ventress said, giving Ahsoka a spare, predatory grin. “And the simple fact that your younglings are danger isn’t all that I have for you. I know their likely strategies, locations of ambush, all of it.”

 

It was one thing to be warned, but another for Ventress to offer that kind of information on a platter. It seemed too good to be true. Beside her, she sensed Maada tensing, wanting to _make_ Ventress tell them what they need to know. Ahsoka put a hand on the girl’s shoulder, and then shot a quick glance at Rex. His jaw clenched, but he nodded and stood.

 

“Come on, Maada. Let’s let them hash it out,” he said. Maada looked like she was about to protest, but then she caught a good look at Rex’s face. He wasn’t angry or frustrated or anything, but he was, as always, implacable.

 

“Yes, _buir_ ,” the girl said, and followed Rex out.

 

“Interesting little set up you have here,” Ventress said. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that girl _was_ yours.” Ahsoka knew the other woman was trying to needle her. She did her best to let it slide.

 

“She _is_ mine,” Ahsoka said, letting her amusement shine through. _There, try that one on for size,_ she thought. Ventress huffed and waved her hand dismissively. “Anyway, are you going to try to mock me for having a family, or are we going to do business?”

 

“You’ve changed, Tano,” Ventress mused, “perhaps in all the right ways for what needs to be done. Very well. I’ll give you what you need to know, if you agree to meet my price.”

 

Ahsoka sat back, merely raising an eyebrow at the other woman and gesturing for her to continue. Ventress shot her a glare, breathed sharply, and looked away.

 

“I would like to know if Kenobi lives, and if possible, where,” she said sharply, and Ahsoka couldn’t hide her surprise.

 

“ _Obi-Wan?_ What’s he to you? I thought you hated him,” Ahsoka said, feeling confused, and wondering what in the galaxy it was about Obi-Wan Kenobi that drew people to him. _Probably not the beard_ , she decided.

 

“I… he,” Ventress stumbled over her words, and then drew herself up. For the first time ever, Ahsoka saw Ventress as vulnerable, as someone who… had feelings. The other woman might have helped her in the back alleys of Coruscant, but that had been for a price. Now, now she was asking because it _mattered_ to her.

 

“You didn’t fulfill your part of our bargain after your trial, you know, but somehow Kenobi found out about it, and put the order through, to have the old charges dropped against me. He even came to deliver the data himself,” Ventress said. “And he, he was kind to me. Even after everything. Kind, and he, I thought, might have… understood.”

 

The temptation to tease Ventress was only very slight, because at that admission, that stated need to have someone understand her, Ahsoka’s heart went out Asajj Ventress.

 

 _Well_ , she thought, _how about that?_

 

“He’s alive,” she said, and for a moment Ventress looked like her own heart would burst, and Ahsoka felt a very contained flare of hope from her. “But anything more I can’t give you without contacting him. He…”

 

“He’s being noble about something, isn’t he?” Ventress asked, voice once again as arid as the deserts of Geonosis. Ahsoka grinned.

 

“Isn’t he always?” she quipped, and this time when Ventress laughed, it sounded like she actually meant it.

 

* * *

 

Rex waited up on the bridge. Maada was fidgeting at the nav station, her frustrated pout speaking louder than words about how she felt about being left out. Rex had spent the last ten years raising a handful of Jedi younglings, and by now he knew almost all of the tricks there were to parenting. Though he supposed parenting young Jedi had its own unique challenges, but he had no other frame of reference.

 

“I know its hard, _ad_ , being left out, and I know that you’re worried about her, but Ahsoka’s been handling this kind of thing for a long time,” Rex said placidly.

 

“I know, _buir_ ,” she said, and she did typically call him that more often than she called Ahsoka _emel_ , but then Ahsoka had most recently become “Master.” Being a Padawan, of a sorts, meant a lot to Maada, if only because of the four who had gone before her. “Its just, its my job now to back her up, to be there for her and watch her back. And how can I do that if I’m not there? And I don’t trust that Ventress person. I’ve heard all the stories about her, from you and the other _vod’e_. She’s…”

 

“She’s difficult, I’ll grant you,” Rex said. “But being a Padawan means that sometimes your master will ask you to do things you don’t always agree with or understand. Now, that doesn’t mean you always have to do what they tell you.” He grinned. “Ahsoka didn’t, but if you’re going to disobey an order, it better be for a damn good reason. Orders are important, you know that, and you don’t need that lecture again.”

 

Maada grinned sheepishly at that. She had gotten that lecture on no less than three separate occasions.

 

“But so is your conscience, and the feelings you get through the Force. It’s up to you to negotiate the space between them,” he finished, and he watched Maada digest that information. Ahsoka was good with the younglings, she had been great with all of them in fact. A mother to them in many ways, a teacher, a friend, a sister, and more aware of Jedi blindspots than any other Temple-raised being he had ever met. Still, some lessons were easier for the younglings to take from him or his brothers instead of Ahsoka herself.

 

“Thank you, _buir_ ,” Maada said, and she looked like a worry had been lifted from her shoulders. Then she wrapped her thin arms around his neck in one of her impulsive hugs. Smiling, he hugged her back. “You always know what to say.”

 

“Ah, that’s because I’m old, so I’ve said it all before. Its not hard once you work it all out,” he said, smirking. She rolled her eyes and punched him in the arm. If at one point in the middle of the Clone Wars, someone had suggested that he would have been father in all but blood to some Jedi younglings, he would have thought that person had gone mad. But here he was, still a soldier fighting the good fight, and a father to top it all off.

 

There were, Rex reflected, worse fates.

 

Then Ahsoka strode onto the bridge, her face unreadable, but Rex could feel the worry coming off of her in waves, though there was a strange undercurrent of subdued surprise. But he had no time to ask or even wonder about that, because she was already punching coordinates into the nav.

 

“I take it the price wasn’t too steep,” Rex said as he made some pre-jump checks.

 

“I’ll tell you later,” she said, flashing a sliver of a smile at him. “But we’ve got three of our cells out there to save, and we don’t have any time to lose.”

 

“Whose first?” Maada asked, settling herself in the comms station.

 

“Fives and Zatt,” Ahsoka said, and as she spoke the jump calculations were done. She hit the hyperdrive, and their last minute rescue operation was on.

 

* * *

 

Zatt crouched low, fiddling at the control panel, and trying to make it disgorge all its lovely secrets without letting the Imperials know that their terminal had been sliced. It was not easy work, and it took up most of his concentration. Which was why Fives was watching security feeds.

 

“How you going there, Spark?” Fives asked, sounding relaxed, though Zatt could sense his excitement through the Force.

 

“Just give me a few more minutes, Shadow,” he answered, no longer feeling awkward at the codenames. Ahsoka had mandated codenames for all comms and fieldwork, and he and Fives were in the field a great deal lifting intel from the Empire. Zatt had found a talent for disappearing in the Force, and combined with his technical skill, meant that with Fives as backup, they were a hell of an infiltration team.

 

He was crossing the last few wires and cracking the nasty codes when he felt Fives’ presence in the Force shift. All of a sudden the trooper was tense and on alert, which made Zatt pull himself out of the computer and open himself up to the Force around him.

 

“We’ve got a problem,” Fives said.

 

“I know,” Zatt said, sensing the dark presence that had flared to life in his perceptions. It was like that night at the Temple, when that pillar of anger and fear had walked into their lives and destroyed the Jedi, but much, much smaller.

 

“Sith,” Zatt hissed. “I’ll try to work fast.”

 

“No way, we’re out of here, that’s the standing order. We _do not_ engage with the Inquisitors,” Fives said, and hauled Zatt to his feet.

 

“But…”

 

“No, this intel isn’t worth you dying over,” Fives said.

 

“People _will_ die if we don’t get this intel,” Zatt insisted.

 

“Kriffing Jedi,” Fives muttered. “Fine, be quick. I’ll distract him.” And before Zatt could stop him, he launched himself out of the command center and into the corridors to face a dark Force-user. Alone.

 

For a moment, Zatt was torn between staying to finish the mission and going out to back up his _buir_ , the man who had helped raise him and taught him so much. The man who had loved him not _as_ a son, but because Zatt was his son, in spirit, if not blood. Because to Mandolorians, blood was secondary. Then he grit his teeth and went back to work.

 

* * *

 

Fives was not an idiot, though he might revise that opinion, considering he was playing cat and mouse with an Inquisitor of the Empire. The trick to handling Force-users solo was to never let them get close. Once they got sight of you, it was over, but luckily Imperial bases were ideal for hiding in. Fives reprogrammed another droid and sent it on its way, this time with a nasty little surprise in its chest cavity.

 

A few moments later, the explosion told Fives that at least the bomb had gone off. Hopefully the Inquisitor had been caught in the blast, but he knew better than to actually go see. That would be suicide.

 

“Nice try, rebel scum!” the uncanny voice came from behind him, and Fives mentally cursed. “I will grant that you are inventive, but you are no match for me!”

 

 _Why do they always gloat like that?_ Fives wondered, and kept running, hearing the thrum of a lightsaber far too close for comfort. Looking back over his shoulder, Fives saw him. He was massive, easily as big as a Null-ARC, powerfully built, all in black ( _seriously, why always black, is that like a Sith fashion requirement or what?_ ), and with a really annoying superior smirk on his face.

 

It was the smirk that did it.

 

Fives turned, and let rip with this blasters, and he felt a moment of hope because this Sith wasn’t nearly as good as the Force-users he knew. He couldn’t even properly deflect the blasts back at Fives. Fives grinned, and then he pressed his luck a bit too far, and the Inquisitor deflected a shot right into Fives’ chest.

 

“ _Stang_ ,” he said, and fell. Then, he dimly heard the thrum of more lightsabers, and he could have sworn these were white and brilliant and then there was an oddly cool hand on his face, and a spreading warmth through his body. Then he succumbed to the comfort of unconsciousness.

 

* * *

 

“Ow,” Fives said, waking up.

 

“Hey! I did it this time!” Maada said brightly. “Hey Fives, how’re you feeling? I healed you!”

 

“Just fine, Maada,” he said, sitting up slowly. Then Rex was there, putting a restraining hand on his shoulder and gently pushing him back down to the medical bed.

 

“Force healing still takes it out of you, _vod_ ,” the other man said, a shadow of worry in his eyes. It must have been bad if Rex was visibly worried about him.

 

“What happened?” he asked, and then Ahsoka walked into the medbay, Zatt at her side, and Five was struck by how tall the boy had become. Well, young man, really. He looked a lot like the old Jedi, Kit Fisto, now that Fives thought of it, though more slender. Ahsoka gave him a tight smile.

 

“It seems that all our younglings have been attracting too much attention Fives,” she said. “The Empire somehow got a hold of intel on Zatt, Ganodi, Petro and Katooni, and tasked its newest Inquisitors with hunting them down.”

 

“Oh, _stang_ ,” Fives breathed. “How’re the others?”

 

“We’re not sure yet,” Rex said, and Fives was sure the other man was going mad at not being in several places to save all the younglings. “But you and Zatt were in the most danger, being on Corellia. We could use your help for the next stop, and Zatt got your ship out of there.”

 

“Even got the intel, too,” Zatt said, drawing himself up, rightly proud at managing to finish the mission. “We were just transmitting it before.”

 

“Good job, Spark,” Fives said, giving the boy a proud smile. Zatt smiled back, and put a hand on Fives’ shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. Fives knew what his _ad_ was saying without words, and Fives reached up to cover Zatt’s hand with his own, silently saying a few things himself.

 

* * *

 

“Watch at eleven-north, Starhopper!” Echo’s voice came over the comms, and Ganodi didn’t point out that she had already sensed the Imperial coming at her from above her.

 

“Copy that, Overwatch,” was all she said about that. “Take evasive action.” And they peeled away from each other, letting the Imperial fighter go between them, and her astromech took care of it for her. It exploded behind her a shower of silent brilliance. Then they had a whole secondary squadron screaming at them, because where there was one squadron of Imperials, there were always more.

 

“Nighthawk,”Ganodi said, “what’s your status?”

 

“Five-by-five, Starhopper,” Lena said, the older woman clearly happy to be back in the cockpit of a fighter, and she had liked these A-wings a lot.

 

“Alright, how about we pull a Mad Ivona?” Ganodi asked.

 

“Always wanted to do one of those!” Lena said, laughing.

 

“Whatever we’re going to do, we better do it quick!” Echo said, and they dove right through the enemy formation in a tight formation of their own, firing outwards, taking away the advantage of their numbers in a swift action. The other Imperials fled back to their Star Destroyer, and Ganodi hoped that might have bought the refugee ship enough time to jump to hyperspace.

 

“Thank you for the cover, Talon Squad,” the captain of the ship said.

 

“See you on the other side,” Ganodi said, and the ship jumped out.

 

“Uh, we might have a problem with that, Starhopper,” Lena said, as the Imperial fighters had reformed and this time they were centered on what was clearly a command Tie-fighter. Then they were in the fight of their lives, because Ganodi could sense the darkness coming off of that command-Tie, the exultant hatred, and she almost felt sick. Breathing like Ahsoka had taught her, Ganodi focused on staying alive and protecting her _buir_.

 

She took one hit for Lena, then for Echo, and her A-wing was slowing down, and she saw that commander had deliberately targeted them to draw her out, to make her expose herself, and now he was on a strafing run.

 

“Starhopper! Ganodi!” Echo and Lena called out, a desperate fear in their voices. Ganodi breathed, centering herself, letting go, but the Ties started exploding, and two familiar ships flew into view. She could feel the bright presence of Zatt, like fireworks, and the steady, star-like presence of Ahsoka, brilliant and luminous, and somewhere there was the skipping, flickering brightness that was Maada.

 

Her comms were suddenly full of excited whoops and cheers as they formed up on the _Striker_ and laid into the Ties. Then, the Star Destroyer started to move forward. Ganodi knew her Imperial tactics, and commanders had clearance to obliterate rebels even if it cost them their own men.

 

“Everyone, set these coordinates,” Maada’s voice came over the comms.

 

“Thanks, Kitten,” Gandoi said, in part to keep to the use of codenames, and in part because it was always a little bit fun to tease Maada for not being able to shake the codename she had earned at seven years old.

 

“We aren’t going to be able to calculate it in time!” Lena said. The Star Destroyer was too close. Then another ship streaked into view. It wasn’t massive, but it was armed to the teeth.

 

“Go!” came Coric’s voice, and Ganodi grinned brightly. “We’ll cover you!”

 

“Thanks for the save, _vod_ ,” Rex said over the comms.   


“Thank me later, just go!” Coric said as the Null-ARC’s ship started to fire on the Star Destroyer with extreme prejudice. They wasted no name jumping out, and Ganodi knew they had just gotten out of the closest of calls.

 

* * *

 

In the cargo bay of the _Aay'han_ , Echo held Lena and Ganodi close, not caring that the Null-ARCs were around. He had almost lost them today, and nothing would keep him from making sure that they were okay.

 

“Um, _buir,_ ” Ganodi said, “I kind of need to breathe.”

 

“Oh, right,” he said, and loosened his hold. Slightly.

 

“Be kind to your father, Ganodi, he needs the reassurance right now,” Lena said, and for all that she was teasing him, he could feel her holding them back just as tightly.

 

“Yes, _buir_ ,” Ganodi said, and Echo recalled the day he had formally adopted the Rodian girl. Always one to see to the heart of things, but always too aware, she had asked if he only adopted her once it became clear that he and Lena couldn’t have children. Nel had tried to help them, but it turned out that clone DNA was too heavily modified to combine with any DNA, even that of a standard human. That had been a hard conversation, but when she asked, he knew that he had thought of her as his _ad_ for a long time before then, and when he made that clear, the girl had lit up like the night sky, hugged him and called him _buir_ for the first time. They had all been a little family ever since.

 

“Hey,” Fives called to them. “Hate to interrupt the love-fest, but drinks are on!”

 

“We better go,” Lena said. “Wouldn’t want to be rude.”

 

“Oh, no, anything but rude. I mean, how can we claim the moral high ground against the Empire if we’re _rude_?” Ganodi asked, and Echo laughed, knowing that if her sense of humor was intact, she would be alright.

 

Though he didn’t know if his heart could take any more close calls like that.

 

Then again, he supposed that’s what being a father was all about.

 

* * *

 

Rex sat in the common area on the _Aay'han_ , for the first time in a little while surrounded by his brothers, and although he loved his wife and their daughter, it was good to be with _vod’e_.

 

Even if some of them were Null-ARCs.

 

“How the hell did you find out about any of this?” Rex asked of a smirking Coric and Mereel. Ordo was as impassive as ever. The other Null-ARCs were off on their own missions, they had said.

 

“Not that I’m ungrateful, _vod_ ,” Rex went on and raised a glass in Ordo’s direction. Ordo nodded. “Just wondering how our comm channels have gotten compromised.”

 

“If it makes you feel better, _vod’ika_ ,” Mereel said, unable to stop needling him. He was fairly certain that had do with Ahsoka, but seeing as how she had made her choice years ago, Rex had stopped caring about Mereel’s attempts to get under his skin. “We got the intel from our Imperial sources. Coric likes to keep an ear out for chatter about you rebels.”

 

“Us rebels?” Ahsoka asked. “I take you’re sitting this own out, then?” Ordo shook his head.

 

“We have no desire to live under the Empire, but neither do we think your little rebellion will succeed,” Ordo said. “We do what we can, and for now that is enough. Perhaps if you prove yourselves more fully, we might reconsider.”

 

“Prove ourselves, huh?” Fives put in, a note of anger in his voice. “What would that take?”

 

“Probably throwing over the Empire ourselves first,” Lena remarked. Ordo shot her a glare, but like before, his wife didn’t back down. Luckily cooler heads prevailed. Namely, Echo’s

 

“Hey, we’re here to celebrate getting out a close call,” Echo said. “Let’s just have a good drink and call it good, yeah?” Coric shot Echo a grin at that.

 

“Well said, _vod_ ,” Coric said, raising his glass. “To spitting in the Empire’s eye!”

 

They could all drink to that.

 

* * *

 

Katooni slumped in the dirt next to Petro. They were tired, hungry, and the resistance fighters of this planet were fast running out of supplies. To make matters more difficult, they could only be sparing in their use of their blades and Force-abilities. Doing too much would draw too much unwanted attention, but she had to admit they both were less than perfectly careful about that.

 

A couple of years ago, Ahsoka had finally been persuaded that they all had to split apart into their own cells, to better apply their skills for the rebellion. Zatt and Fives could infiltrate anywhere, and Ganodi flew escort missions with Echo and Lena. She and Petro were ground support for planets that wanted to fight the Empire.

 

They had also, recently, started to become something slightly more than friends and partners, and Katooni could vividly recall Ahsoka, Lena and Nel sitting her down one day to explain all sorts of things basic sexual health and safety didn’t cover. Apparently, Petro had gotten some kind of talk from Rex, as well, but he wouldn’t say exactly what _buir_ had told him.

 

“Hey,” he said, breaking into her thoughts, but not like he used to. He used to intrude rather forcefully, but this was more like a gentle rap on a window. “You were drifting off.”

 

“Just lost in thought, but thanks,” she said, scooting up a little more, trying to keep her mind focused on keeping watch.

 

“What were you thinking about?” he asked, a teasing note in his voice. She could feel herself blushing.

 

“You wish,” she teased back. “Anyway, don’t we have a job to do?”

 

“Only for another couple of hours, then it’s a different watch,” he said, and she could feel the thread of desire between them.

 

“Petro,” she said, caught between wanting to kiss him and hit him. Then they both tensed, feeling not the comfortable mix of affection and frustration, but something dark and _wrong_ in the Force.

 

And it was right on top of them.

 

“How sweet,” an oddly modulated voice drawled. The being was in a full body suit, even their face covered, but it was clearly female. “You get to die together.” Then she lit up her red blade and they launched themselves apart as the blade came down right between where they had been sitting. Both of their sabers lit up, two pillars of blue in the darkness.

 

Petro attacked first, going in from below, angling his saber thrusts upwards, making the Inquisitor focus on blocking. Then Katooni came around and went high, but the Inquisitor powered another blade to life, blocking her easily. Then Katooni felt a Force-push against her chest, and she went flying backwards.

 

“Bastion!” Petro called out, using codenames so ingrained that they used them even now. Dimly, she felt Petro get angry, but breathe through it, like Ahsoka had taught them, to not use the anger but to pass through it like a veil.

 

Shaking her head, she levered herself up. She thought about rejoining the fight, but they needed something else, an edge, so Katooni closed her eyes and dropped into the Force. She could feel it all around her, flowing through her. She could feel Petro, his presence like a pillar of flame, and she heard him draw his blaster and start dual wielding like _buir_ had taught him. There was the Inquisitor, dark and smoldering, like a volcano. Then there was the planet all around her, beautiful and full of life. A lot of life. A lot of very nasty life.

 

“Vanguard!” she called, “give me some room!” She could sense Petro moving away quickly, coming around to her side, and the Inquisitor laughed derisively at what she saw as a retreat. Confident, the other woman stalked forward like a cat, eager for the kill. Katooni reached out, not imposing her will, but asking, drawing, hoping that she could achieve understanding.

 

“Keep your eyes closed, little girl, it will be easier for you,” the Inquisitor said, as though she were being kind. Katooni opened her eyes and smirked the smirk she had learned from Ahsoka Tano, the Queen of Smirking.

 

“You’re celebrating a little too soon, don’t you think?” she asked, and the local animals seemed to explode from behind the outcropping, large yellow eyes focused on the Inquisitor as though she were the tastiest prey on the whole planet.

 

“Running now!” she yelled at Petro, and started off, using the Force to give her an extra burst of speed.

 

“For once, I agree!” he called back, and he matched her stride for stride. Behind them, they could hear the animals growling, screeching, tearing, but dying at the persistent blade of the Inquisitor. Katooni felt the tears fall, but couldn’t spare the time to feel for those poor animals. Then Katooni’s heart sank as she felt another dark presence up ahead.

 

Two. There were two Inquisitors.

 

The sounds of a saber behind them died as the last animal whimpered to its own death, and ahead of them they could see another red blade illuminate the darkness of the night. She stood with her back to Petro, her blade up and ready.

 

“Katooni,” he said softly. “I’m sorry I was a jerk at you all those years.”

 

“Shut up, Petro, this isn’t how we die,” she said hotly.

 

“Still. I love you, know you know that,” he said, and she could hear that Corellian smirk in his voice. She wanted to turn around and see it, to kiss him one last time. But she couldn’t.

 

“I love you, too, but I’m not giving up hope just yet,” she said.

 

“Neither am I, I just figured this would be how I could finally get you to say it.”

 

“You _barve!_ ” she yelled, as the Inquisitors closed in. Then they each launched themselves forward, into the arms of possible death.

 

* * *

 

Maada saw them first, her young hunter’s eyes seeing the flash of lightsabers against the lightening sky. She pointed, and Rex gunned the speeder, heart hammering in his chest.

 

“They’re tired, deathly tired,” Ahsoka said, and Rex knew she was talking to herself, but that didn’t help him any. Soon, he saw them, and he had to agree: Katooni and Petro were on their last legs. How long they had been fighting the two Inquisitors, Rex didn’t know, but it was too long. They had burns on their arms, and it looked like they had given as good as they got, both Inquisitors missing their helmets and with rents in their armor.

 

Then Ahsoka, Maada, Zatt and Ganodi launched themselves off the speeder and joined the fight. The Inqusitors hadn’t seemed to notice four new Force-users showing up, and Rex hoped that would mean a quick end to this. Then he and his brothers piled out of the speeder, Lena taking over the controls, and they got to the staggering forms of his _ade_. Katooni was leaning on Petro, her face wan.

 

“Sentinel!” Petro called out to him. _“Buir_! Help her first! She used a lot of her reserves keeping them off balance.” Rex took Katooni from the young man, and slinging her over his shoulders, he raced back to the speeder. Echo and Fives arrived with Petro moments later, and Echo put a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Go on, _vod_ , we can take care of them. Help our _ade_ ,” he said, and there was a hardness, an edge to Echo there hadn’t been before. Not needing to be told twice, Rex headed back to where Ahsoka and the younglings had the Inquisitors on their knees. Not sparing any of them a glance, Rex put a blaster to each Inquisitor’s head.

 

“No one hurts my _ade_ ,” he said, and he was surprised at the flatness of his own voice. Then he blew their damned brains out. He could see the shock on Maada’s face, and the grim acceptance on Zatt and Ganodi’s faces. Ahsoka looked at him for a moment, and he could feel the war inside her, the instinct to approve of him protecting the clan, that hardwired Togruta reaction, and the knowledge that he had just brutally murdered two beings.

 

“Let’s go home,” she said, keeping her distance from him, and closing her end of the bond.

 

“Sounds like a good idea,” he agreed, and tried not to feel like she’d just kicked his legs out from underneath him. But given the chance, he would do it again, and he wasn’t sure what that said about him.

 

* * *

 

On Dantooine, they healed. Petro hung on Katooni’s recovery, much to Kix’s annoyance, and Ahsoka spoke to them both about how to manage a relationship while being Force-users. She hoped it would take.

 

They also had a few guests for the occasion this time. Coric and Mereel were also in residence, taking stock of the rebellion to report back to Ordo. Ahsoka supposed that was something, at least, rather than continuing to dismiss them out of hand.

 

Then it was time to go give Ventress her payment. She took Rex and Maada with her, along with Cody as well, for good measure, and they made their way to Taris, a good world to meet someone and not have too many Imperials know about it. Too much happened on Taris for the Empire to keep tabs on everything and everyone on the city-planet.

 

Ahsoka found a set of rooms for them to stay in, but Maada had started to feel restless almost immediately. So Ahoska had sent her out with Cody to get them some food.

 

“We were lucky this time,” Rex said softly. She turned to look at him, still all hard muscle and sharp features, save for that damned beard. She had gotten used to it, and was even fond of it at this point. At least he kept it clipped short. He was sitting on the low couch, hunched forward, forearms resting across his thighs.

 

“I know,” she whispered, and vividly recalled Rex firing his blasters into the heads of those Inquisitors. They had both killed before, but this was the first time she could recall Rex killing with something like righteous fury in his heart.

 

“I’d do it again,” he said, looking at her with those golden eyes, eyes that seemed to shine out and make him ever watchful. It was how he had gotten his codename: Sentinel. “I’d do it again to anyone who hurt them, but we…”

 

“I said I know, Rex,” she said, a bit more sharply than she needed to. He frowned at her, and she sighed, going to him, sitting next to him and holding his hands in her own. “I know we won’t always be there, I know that they might… die. And I don’t, exactly, disapprove of what you did, Rex. I worry about what you felt as you did it.”

 

“I’m no Jedi, I don’t need to…” he said, but she squeezed his hands, and he fell silent.

 

“No, you aren’t, but you’re still a person, _mil’sad_. You’re still a man with a heart and a soul that can be corrupted and turned against itself,” she said, turning his face to hers. Gold eyes met blue, and she saw that he was worried about himself as well, that for all that he had been a soldier, he had never felt a righteous anger like that before, had never acted like that before. “I love you too much to see you do that to yourself.”

 

He closed his eyes and bent his head.

 

“I can’t promise I won’t kill anyone who tries to hurt our _ade_ , but,” he said, drawing in a breath. “You’re right.” They stayed that way for some moments, and then Ahsoka felt Maada returning. Squeezing Rex’s hand one last time, she stood, and the door opened, revealing not Maada, but Ventress. Then Maada peeked her head out from behind the slim woman.

 

“Hey, _emel_ , look who Cody and I found!” the girl said brightly, urging Ventress into the room before her, and Cody trailing in behind.

 

“Quite the little huntress you’ve raised, Ahsoka,” Ventress drawled. “She actually managed to sneak up on me, but she did use the clone as bait.” Cody gave Ventress a sharp grin.

 

“I volunteered to help draw you out, you bald bitch,” he said, still clearly unable to reconcile the current situation with his experiences of the woman trying to cut down his general. Ventress raised one eyebrow that spoke louder than words her utter indifference to the man’s emotional distress that she could undoubtedly sense.

 

“Be that as it may, you’re living up to your end of the bargain this time, I’m assuming,” Ventress said, addressing Ahsoka directly.

 

“Actually, I’m getting help again,” Ahsoka said, unable to stop a genuine smile from forming. Ventress looked confused for a moment, and then her head whipped around in time to see a man in a hooded cloak enter the apartment. Cody sucked in a breath as well, because as Ahsoka had figured, he would know his general anywhere, even after all these years.

 

Then Obi-Wan Kenobi pulled his hood back and looked serenely at those assembled. He nodded to Ahsoka, and she nodded back, signaling to Rex and Maada that they should leave. Rex stopped in front of Kenobi briefly, however, to give the man a salute. Obi-Wan smiled warmly, and held out his hand. Rex took in a firm grip, and they shook hands as warriors and fellow soldiers of old.

 

* * *

 

“I cannot tarry overlong, you understand,” he said, keeping his emotions in check by force of habit. “Though it is good to see you both, alive and well.” Ventress sniffed and crossed her arms, looking away.

 

“I need something to drink,” she said, “but I’ll be back in, oh, half an hour.” And she left.

 

“Ah, that should not surprise me,” Obi-Wan said softly, then turned to his once commander. “I believe then, we have some privacy for a time, old friend.”

 

“Sir,” Cody began, and then looked unsure. He felt unsure, and for the first time Obi-Wan was able to identify what his clone commander had felt for him for years. “I knew, coming here, that I would see you, and even if I had to deal with _her_ , I thought it worth it. To see you again, sir.”

 

“Oh, Cody,” Obi-Wan sighed, drawing the man to sit beside him. “I am sorry. It is poor repayment for my life, which you undoubtedly saved that day, but I cannot stay.”

 

“I know that, sir,” Cody said, still clinging to formality. “But I want you to know that I’m out there, doing my duty, and keeping you safe. Still, sir.”

 

“You don’t have to call me ‘sir,’ anymore Cody. I’m no longer a general, and you’re not a commander in the Grand Army,” Obi-Wan said.

 

“What would I call you, sir? I mean…” he trailed off, then took a breath. “Obi-Wan.”

 

“There, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Obi-Wan asked, teasing the other man lightly. Cody graced him with a slight smile at that, and something of the man he once had been came to the surface through the pain and the darkness and despair. What Cody had lived through, Obi-Wan had only the simplest idea, but it had sunk into the man’s soul.

 

“What do we do now… Obi-Wan?” Cody asked. “We can’t exactly tell each other what we’ve been up to, and I’d rather not talk about what it was like under the Empire.”

 

“Now? Ah, Cody, now we simply enjoy this for what it is,” Obi-Wan said, clasping the sturdy man on one shoulder. Then Cody smiled, truly smiled, probably for the first time in over a decade, his heart full.  

 

Just before Ventress came back Obi-Wan was pulled into a swift hug. Cody let him go, looked him in the eye, and finding something there that he approved of, nodded and left. Obi-Wan wished he could give the man more, give the man his whole heart like he deserved to have, but he couldn’t. Whether it was a lifetime of Jedi teachings or his own fear at loving and losing again, he couldn’t say, all he knew is that he felt ten times a coward, and not half so brave as the man who had stood with him through hell and back.

 

* * *

 

Ventress returned on the half hour exactly, clearly pleased to find Cody gone, and she swept into the room, still herself for all that her presence was merely shadowed instead of steeped in darkness as it once had been.

 

“An odd form of payment, if you don’t mind my saying, Asajj,” he said lightly, firmly putting Cody out of his mind for the moment.

 

“Call it an odd form of sentimentalism that I haven’t been able to overcome yet, Kenobi,” the woman said, but he could feel the conflict within her. He did not think she cared for him as Cody did, but in a different way. Perhaps because he was the only real friend she had ever known.

 

“Very well, I believe that,” he said, giving her the smile had always irritated her in the past. Her lip curled, and he felt oddly satisfied to know that it still did. “Now that you have seen me, what next?”

 

“Would you care for a cup of tea?” she asked as acidly as possible. He smiled wider, and they sat, sharing a single cup of tea, and the oddest form of camaraderie either of them had ever known.

 

* * *

 

Darth Vader stalked the hallways of his residence on Coruscant. His newest Inquisitors had not reported in, which meant they had failed. Either they had fled or been killed. If they knew what was good for them, they died before they ran, for if he found deserters, he could inflict punishment far worse than death upon them for their disobedience.

 

Worse, it had forced him to return to this blighted planet, which he hated most fiercely for all the memories of Anakin Skywalker it held. He would much rather be on his flagship, the _Sword of Klar_ , than be here. But this was where he had hidden his most precious weapon, the one the even his Master did not know about. He had been careful, so careful, to avoid drawing unwanted attention, once he recalled what resource had been lingering in the prisons.

 

He had used the excuse of the Inquisitor’s failure to return, claiming a need to test the next class and impress upon them the price of failure, a lesson Darth Sidious approved of with all of his black and shriveled heart. Now, he strode deep into the bowels of the building, and entered the rooms where his weapon was kept.

 

“The Inquisitors have failed to kill these young Jedi we have received reports of,” he said, his breathing apparatus echoing in the vast practice hall where his weapon spent most of the time. “It was most disappointing. However, there was a lesson in this. Killing Jedi requires the utmost secrecy and skill. Do not be hasty. Study these Jedi, be patient, and only when the time is right will you strike. Do you understand your mission?”

 

“Yes, my Master,” Barriss Offee said, her yellow eyes alight with an unholy joy and a madness all her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mando’a:  
> Ad = son/daughter  
> Ade = children/sons/daughters  
> Buir = father/mother
> 
> Togruti:  
> Emel = mother  
> Mil’sad = beloved (lit. location of love)
> 
> As we get close to the end (and it is near the end, the last bits are plotted), this poem seemed to fit. It’s about a journey through the land of the dead, the fear that inspires, and the joy at reaching safe harbor. 
> 
> Our journey had advanced —  
> Our feet were almost come  
> To that odd Fork in Being's Road —  
> Eternity — by Term —
> 
> Our pace took sudden awe —  
> Our feet — reluctant — led —  
> Before — were Cities — but Between —  
> The Forest of the Dead —
> 
> Retreat — was out of Hope —  
> Behind — a Sealed Route —  
> Eternity's White Flag — Before —  
> And God — at every Gate —


	19. Chapter 18: And Being’s beggary

It had taken her some time to find even a whisper of Jedi among the rebels. They were careful now, their encounters with the Inquisitors driving them to take greater care in the use of their abilities. While the Emperor, unhappy at Jedi still living, found a great deal of pleasure at the fact that Imperial operations ran more smoothly for the care the rebels had to take now.

 

Barriss found that she did not care either way.

 

She could not return to her Master unless she found the Jedi and eliminated them all. Even reporting in before her mission was complete would be unwise. Her Master expected nothing less than perfection, and perfection was what she was good at.

 

Or she had been. Once.

 

 _No_ , she thought, pulling her thoughts away from the time before. _Find them and kill them and I will be **seen** for myself._

 

Because she had never been his apprentice, not truly. She knew what she was to Darth Vader: a tool, a weapon, a means to an end. Because there had only ever been one apprentice.

 

Gritting her teeth, Barriss tore her mind away from her memories, too full of a hard metal table, a droid probe, and so… so much pain.

 

She finally had a lead on a pair of them. A human male and a Tholothian female, pair bonded if her information was correct. Foolish younglings, to lose themselves in each other. The Jedi forbade attachment, for fear of its possible consequences ( _yes, the Jedi feared so much,_ she thought), and the Sith… ah the Sith did not have enough heart to become attached, all their love was for power.

 

Barriss wondered if she was truly Sith, for she did not care for power, save what power could bring her. Because one day she would be powerful enough that she would never be imprisoned again, never again be subject to rule by ignorant or incompetent others.

 

Stalking through the busy spaceport, Barriss kept herself contained. Likely, these half-trained younglings would not be able to sense her in and amongst all this cacophonous life. Certainly Barriss found the sheer mass of life grated on her Force senses. But her information said that they were coming here, here to meet a possible rebel sympathizer.

 

It had not been easy getting that information, and but when she had been a healer, she had learned much about bodies and how far they could be pushed. The poor little rebel had not stood a chance, and now she waited for them in the room just beside the one that had been arranged for the meeting.

 

She felt them enter the building, two bright spots in the maelstrom that was this damned city. Bright and confidant, and she sank into the Force, slicing through its currents to establish a visual. As predicted, they were in their early twenties, the young human male clearly a Corellian, with his dark hair, wiry frame and easy smile. The Tholothian female was quieter, but a deep well, with such grace and poise that Barriss would have thought Master Unduli must have taught the girl, had she not known better. Had she not known that her once-Master had died in the Purge and been used as bait for Jedi ever since, Barriss might have felt a stir of hope in her heart.

 

But her heart had been burned to ash long ago.

 

Unlike these two, much to what would be their sorrow, Barris knew. They entered the room adjacent to her own, and she felt their confusion when their contact did not appear right away. Centering herself, she tensed and was about to attack, cutting through the flimsy wall and cutting them down when…

 

“Vanguard,” the Tholothian said softly in the empty apartment, but the walls were thin enough, “something’s wrong. We need to contact Fulcrum.”

 

 _Fulcrum._ But that name was more than a name, there was a face attached to it. _Blue eyes, orange skin_.

 

“You’re right, Bastion,” the human said, “she won’t like this.”

 

 _Lekku, elegant montrals, patient, kind, loving, loved, Master, emel/mother, constant, true, smiling, crying, laughing, joking, playing… Ahsoka_.

 

Eyes snapping open, Barriss staggered backwards in the darkened room as though hit with a blaster. Before she could stumble into a low table, she stopped, and controlled her breathing.

 

 _Impossible. She died, they all died. She would have come for me, she would not have left me to that, she would have known, how could she not have known? Did she ever wonder?_ came the stream of thoughts and questions, one after the other so fast her concealment slipped. Just for a moment.

 

On the other side of the wall, two lightsabers flared to life. Knowing she had only moments before the not-so-young younglings investigated, Barriss fled. She was in no shape now to fight them, and if Ahsoka had trained them… no. Better to collect herself and think carefully about her next steps.

 

Diving out the window, she disappeared into the city, like a snake down a rabbit hole, and as Katooni and Petro burst into the room adjacent to their own, they could only feel a lingering darkness, like oil on their skin, and neither of them could recognize the presence of a Padawan they had known and learned rudimentary healing from in the Temple over a decade ago.

 

* * *

 

Barriss ran.

 

The problem, however, with running from memory is that one cannot outpace it, it always rides at the shoulder like a bloodsucking animal, never ceasing, perhaps waved off, but due to return at a moment’s notice. Through the twists and turns of an unfamiliar spaceport, she went to ground, holing up in a warehouse where the wide empty space and the inventory droids shielded her from the horrible, incessant _life_ on this planet.

 

_Ahsoka, alive. Perfect and whole and beautiful._

_No, corrupt, vile, like the rest of them._

_She left._

_She didn’t stay._

_She didn’t come._

 

 _She **abandoned** you,_ a part of her whispered, a part of her that was deep and dark, and as wide as the space between the stars.

 

Gritting her teeth, Barriss focused on her anger, her righteous rage, and the old fears cleared away, burned back and dissipating into smoke. She knew she had a choice now. She could hunt down all the little Jedi, the young ones, the half-trained ones, or… or she could bring her Master the greatest prize he could ever imagine.

 

 _But if he has her, what becomes of you?_ that dark place asked, and she did not need to answer. She knew. She would be discarded, replaced. Ahsoka would be taken and lovingly tortured and turned inside out until the darkness within _her_ came to the fore, as it had with Barriss. Because everyone had darkness inside of them, no matter how much they tried to deny it.

 

Her Master had taught her that much.

 

He had taught her carefully, slowly, driving her to anger and hate one moment and then drawing out her fears like a lover in another. Then oh, the pain. She had known what he was doing her body, with the needles and the electricity and the cold tables and the heat and the blades, had known and thought the knowing would protect her.

 

She had been so wrong.

 

She _would not_ be replaced, she decided.

 

And so, Ahsoka Tano must die. Then she could kill the others, and report to her Master and perhaps she would finally be worthy in his eyes.

 

Because she had always been more worthy than the Padawan who thought with her lightsaber first, more worthy than the cocky, cheeky girl who took too many risks and could never accept a loss. More worthy than any Jedi Master had ever given her credit for.

 

And she would prove her worth on the body of the woman she loved and hated in equal measure.

 

* * *

 

“It doesn’t look like much,” Maada said, looking out the bridge window to take in the heavily damaged ship that had been sending out a distress call. “How do we know anyone’s still alive?”

 

“Sensors indicate one life form, but no one’s responding. They’re either in stasis or nearly dead,” Rex explained.

 

“So, is this going to be a teaching moment?” Maada asked. Ahsoka shot the girl a tight smile.

 

“I don’t think so, Huntress,” Ahsoka said, using the codename Ventress had inadvertently given the girl. It was a surefire way to keep Maada happy when she wasn’t included in missions. “Rex and I will go over and search the ship. You stay here and keep an eye out for us, alright.”

 

“Can do!” Maada said, giving them both an easygoing salute. Ahsoka nodded at her apprentice, her daughter, and headed toward the derelict. She went one way and Rex went another. She extended her Force senses, looking for that one life signature.

 

Then she frowned.

 

It was moving.

 

Concentrating, she felt it moving through the ship, and there was something about it, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. It was shadowed, almost hidden from view… like how she could hide her own presence.

 

“Huntress,” she said, keeping her voice calm against the growing worry crawling through her belly. “Undock. Right now.”

 

“But…” the girl started, and Ahsoka cut in sharply.

 

“Don’t question me, just do it!” she commanded, and she could feel Rex already headed back to the ship. Because he knew.

 

This had been a trap.

 

Someone who knew that she couldn’t pass by someone in need. Someone who knew she would always investigate.

 

“Hello Ahsoka,” Barriss Offee said, and Ahsoka turned to see the green-skinned woman standing behind her. She was older, but not in the way that Ahsoka was older. The years and left her scared, and something about her was broken in a way that terrified Ahsoka. And her eyes. Her eyes were yellow and mad and full of hate.

 

“Barriss,” she said evenly, striving to give nothing away on her face, to give nothing away of the confusion and horror that she felt, and the guilt. The guilt that she had not tried to find her once-friend years ago. But it was all too late for that.

 

“I must say, you have a charming little family, Ahsoka,” Barriss said, poised and deadly, and Ahsoka wasn’t sure why the other woman wasn’t attacking. But if she could buy Rex and Maada time to get out of here, it would be worth it.

 

“I don’t know how you can stand to let him touch you, let him _inside_ you, though. He’s more of a weapon than a man. Is it like kriffing a blaster?” Barriss asked, voice and face mockingly innocent. Ahoska’s fists clenched.

 

“You’ve been watching us,” she said, tone low and dangerous, with an ultrasonic trill as she spoke. Not a hunting trill. A killing one. Her montrals rang with her own ferocity.

 

“How long?” Ahsoka demanded. Barriss only smiled, vicious and gleeful.

 

“That would be telling. But I think we have bantered long enough,” the other woman said. “Your ship should be away by now, and you won’t be able to help them.”

 

Ahsoka was confused for a moment and then she knew. She had not been stalling Barriss. Barriss had been stalling _her._

 

 _REX_ , she screamed across their bond, and then the explosion rocked the ship.

 

* * *

 

Rex coughed in the fire and the smoke, but stayed down for a few moments longer, shielding Maada with his body. Old habits on the battlefield told him where there was one explosion, there would likely be others, but none were forthcoming, and he got to his feet. Maada stood up like a shot, and started to trigger the fire suppression systems and the shields that would protect them from the vacuum of space.

 

Ahsoka’s warning had reached him just in time to grab their daughter and avoid being killed in the blast. But the ship would require repairs before it could go anywhere, even crossing the gap to get back to the derelict ship to help Ahsoka.

 

“Maada,” he said. “Get the ship in working order. I’m going over there.”

 

“ _Buir_ , you can’t! There’s a dark side user over there, and how are you going to get there anyway?”

 

Rex’s grin was fierce, and for the first time Maada could remember, she saw her _buir_ as a clone captain, a man made to kill, a soldier, an incomparable warrior, and someone who never, ever gave up.

 

* * *

 

The crackle of blades echoed in the ship, and Ahsoka fought not only Barriss but also herself.

 

She couldn’t feel Rex. For over a decade, Rex had been in her head, a presence that become a part of her very existence. Now there was emptiness where Rex _should_ be.

 

Rage, fear, hate, it was all building inside her, and she knew if she called upon them, she could find a power there. A well of power like she had never known, a furious power that would make her knowledge of the light look like a paltry imitation.

 

Barriss could sense it as well, and she pushed Ahsoka back, her two red blades whirring and striking hard against Ahoska’s pair of white sabers.

 

“You have always been weak,” Barriss taunted. “Holding back, attached. You have been chained to others. But I have broken free.”

 

Ahsoka said nothing, quips gone from her mind, all her concentration on fending off the red blades that were aimed to kill. She vaulted off a wrecked droid, and through a hole in a bulkhead to another level. Then she turned and waited for Barriss to follow. Instead, Barriss stabbed upwards through the metal, driving Ahsoka back, and then rose through the gap to press her advantage again.

 

There was no break, no chance to center herself, to try to find balance in the wake of losing _him_.

 

Then, out of nowhere, a blaster bolt took Barriss in the knee, and as Barriss fell to the hard metal floor, she saw Rex, in his old armor, holding a blaster rifle with deadly competence. And Rex’s presence bloomed back into life in her mind.

 

Ahsoka breathed and go of her fear and anger and hate, and moved through her grief to find her balance as Barriss struggled to rise.

 

“You’re wrong, Barriss,” she said softly, stalking toward the other woman, white blades held low. “I’m stronger because I have love. Because I’m not alone.”

 

“Then you never did love me!” Barriss cried, and launched herself at Ahsoka, wild and unrestrained, her swings too wide. Ahsoka side stepped the first cut, blocked the second, and stabbed her short blade upwards. Barriss looked down, disbelief clear in her eyes. Then she looked up, and yellow eyes met blue, and for the first time Ahsoka could remember, Barriss Offee looked lost.

 

“Oh, Barriss, I did love you. I love you still,” she said softly, and turned off her sabers. Barriss staggered, her expression that of a cornered animal. Then Rex solved the problem by knocking her unconscious with the butt of the rifle.

 

“Seemed like if you wanted her dead, you would’ve hit something more vital than her shoulder,” he explained. “What do we do now?”

 

“You aren’t going to like it,” she said. Rex, back under his bucket with those jaig eyes and hash marks everywhere, was nearly unreadable.

 

“I disappeared on you,” he said, shrugging. “I suppose you’re allowed.” Which was likely as close as they would get to any kind of apology for making an emotionally difficult but tactically sound choice.

 

“Then let’s get her restrained and back to the ship. She’s… Rex, she’s not completely dark. There’s still some light in her, I can sense it,” she said, and Rex nodded. He produced a set of restraints from a pocket on his belt. She gave him a dry, mirthless grin.

 

“Is there anything you don’t have in there?” she asked lightly, as he put them on their unexpected prisoner, and Ahsoka applied a bandage to the wound.

 

“I had to be prepared. You forgot the essentials a lot. Like food,” he said.

 

“I did not!” she countered, and although they bickered until Maada had managed to get the ship around to pick them up, they both knew what they were doing. Because they couldn’t rip each other’s clothes off and reassure each other that they were whole and alive, because they could not prove with their bodies that the darkness had not taken them today, the teasing would have to do.

 

* * *

 

“You lied,” was the first thing Barriss said to her. A standard week, and Barriss had not spoken. So Ahsoka did not speak either, but now the woman was reaching out, after they had transferred her to a cell on Dantooine. It was risky, and although Barriss didn’t know where she was, it could all go very bad very quickly.

 

“What did I lie about?” Ahsoka asked, setting down the tray of food. Barriss eyed her warily, and then started to eat daintily. Once she was finished, only eating half the food given to her, which should not have been enough for a woman of Barriss’ size, did she answer.

 

“You said you never stopped loving me. That was a lie,” Barriss said calmly, spearing Ahsoka with her yellow eyes. “Had you loved me, you would have come for me. You would have spoken for me on that day. But you let them take me away,” she said, voice a deadly whisper.

 

Ahsoka knew better than to argue with her though she desperately wanted to. Her _vod’e_ needed her. Then the younglings, and then the rebels. It had left no time to find one friend who had lost her way, or Ahsoka told herself. She knew what Barriss was trying to do, to rattle her, to make her doubt herself.

 

It was working.

 

Taking a breath, Ahsoka stood, picking up the tray, and doing her best to maintain her balance.

 

“You can chose to believe what you like, Barriss, but you cannot doubt what you feel,” she said, and recalled times distant, when they had been friends, when they had been close, and Barriss narrowed her eyes, hissing in anger.

 

“Lies,” she spat. “Lies then and lies now. Just go, Ahsoka, and leave me to rot like you did all those years ago.” So she did. As she left the cell, Rex was there waiting for her, leaning against the wall opposite, arms crossed over his chest.

 

“Why are you doing this to yourself, Ahsoka?” he asked softly, his concern clear on his face and in his heart. “I know you two were close when you were you were Padawans, and I know you’re carrying around a lot of guilt. But that’s not a reason to tear yourself apart.”

 

Ahsoka looked off to the middle distance, and then inclined her head to the side. He understood, and followed her as she wandered through the rebel base to climb a small hill just on the edge of their perimeter.

 

The sun over this world was a kind one, yellow and warm, and the grass reminded her of the turu-grass on Shili, the way it bowed before the breeze. She sat on the hill, her knees drawn up to her chest, and her arms around her shins. Rex sat next to her, not touching her, but waiting. Idly, he picked up some grass and twisted it about his fingers, and she smiled to see it. He was freer now than he ever had been, more at ease in his own skin and sure of where he stood in the galaxy.

 

“Do you remember when I told you that you weren’t my first?” she asked. He looked at her for a moment, considering, and then his eyes widened in understanding.

 

“That certainly would have made the whole fallout of her betrayal all the worse for you,” he said, and she could feel his heart going out to her for a young love turned sour. She shook her head.

 

“No, what it made it worse was my failure to see that she had lost her way. I didn’t really pay attention to her that way. The war, being a good Padawan, being a good Commander, they all took precedence over paying attention to her. I _should have_ known, because I was closest to her, but I didn’t,” she said, feeling an old guilt spilling out of her. “I thought I was doing well, not getting _attached_ , but I… I turned a blind eye to her discomfort, and only when Skyguy brought her before the Senate and she… she raged at them did I see all the hints and clues that had been there but I had not seen. I had been so _selfish_ , Rex, that I let someone I loved lose their way.”

 

He said nothing, but he reached out and drew her to him, holding her against his chest, his strong hands pressing against her back. For a few moments, he held her, and she took comfort in the very _Rexness_ of him.

 

“You know you won’t be able to help her if you let your guilt run away with you,” he said softly. She nodded, and pulled away slightly.

 

“I know, and telling you, it helps with that,” she explained. Then he looked away, and she could feel a kind of trepidation in him, one she had not felt since they had been new lovers. “What is it, Rex?”

 

“If you need to…” he began, and took a breath before going on, “be with her again to help her, I think. I think I could handle that. Or if you wanted to be with her in general, I don’t. I don’t want to lose you, and…”

 

“Rex, that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” she said, talking over him. “I don’t think mixing sex and dark side rehabilitation would be a good idea. And even _if_ she were herself again, and I doubt that even if she returns to the light she will be as she was, I don’t think it would be fair to either of you for me to ask that.” He looked at her sharply.

 

“Would you ask that?” he asked.

 

“Honestly, it hadn’t even occurred to me until _you_ brought it up, you _di’kut_ ,” she said, giving him a ghost of a grin. “But you aren’t losing me, not to her, not to anyone. We made a vow, remember? I took it pretty seriously.” And just like that, she could feel him relax and fill up the space between them as his lips curved into a grin.

 

“Good,” he said, and traced the markings that followed the curve of her cheek with his fingers. He never tired of doing that, she knew, and she never tired of him doing it. Leaning into him, she kissed him softly, slowly, teasing his mouth open with her tongue.

 

And in the grass on a hilltop above a rebel base, Ahsoka showed him just how seriously she took that vow.

 

* * *

 

The second week, Barriss raged.

 

Ahsoka asked for more time.

 

The third week, Barriss wept.

 

Rex took Maada and they took over for a time, serving as a point of contact and keeping the rebellion going. Rex understood, even if no one else did.

 

The fourth week, Barriss spoke. And Ahsoka listened.

 

She listened to Barriss speak about being forgotten, about the silence of the prison, about feeling the Jedi die and no one coming for her, until Vader. The man who had been Anakin Skywalker, and he poured all his hate and rage into her, and she lost herself in it, because at least _someone_ saw her (and found her lacking), touched her (to cause pain), and spoke to her (to point out her faults).

 

Ahsoka was torn between denial, cause this could not be _her_ Skyguy, and knowing, knowing it was true, and her heart broke all over again for him, for herself, and now, now for Barriss Offee.

 

After six weeks, Barriss was not herself, but she was no longer what she had been. Ahsoka would hesitate to call her old friend sane, but she was not necessarily completely unbalanced, in more ways than one.

 

“He does not know that you live,” Barriss said, with an echo of that calm stillness she had once possessed and Ahsoka had so admired. “I thought… I had thought that I would kill you and then, finally, I could replace you. He never said it outright, never said your name, but I knew. I knew he held you up on a pedestal, and I was always found… wanting.”

 

Without thinking, Ahsoka reaches for Barriss’ hands, and holds the in her own, green in burnt-orange. She made her presence steady, solid, like Rex had done for her many times before, and Barriss seemed to take some comfort in that. Because so often there was nothing to say to the things Barriss told her, merely listening until the other woman had talked herself out.

 

“I think,” Barriss said slowly, softly, and almost to herself, “I finally believe that you did love me, and that you love me still, at least as a friend.”

 

“Why is that?” Ahsoka asked gently. Barriss looked her in the eye, then, and for the first time, she could see that some of the yellow had bled away, that one of the physical manifestations of the dark side was giving way. It was not clear if Barriss could ever return to the light, but leaving the dark might be enough.

 

“Because you have forgiven me, otherwise you would not spend this time with me, with… listening, with patience and an open heart,” Barriss explained.

 

“Of course I forgave you, Barriss,” Ahsoka said, “I forgave you a long time ago, but maybe its time to learn to forgive yourself.”

 

And for the first time since meeting her old friend, her first lover again, Ahsoka felt a brilliant spike of _hope_ from the other woman, hope for herself, for a future on her own terms, free of the fear and anger and hate that had consumed her.

 

Hope that second chances existed, and that faith, once lost, could be found again.

 

Ahsoka could not help but respond, though it was a different kind of hope kindling in her heart. It was the hope that there was no one so far gone to the dark that they could not find the light again. That there was some good, still, that could be reached, and that she could find it.

 

It was a dangerous hope, a wild hope, a leap of faith borne out of love, and one Ahsoka knew she would have to take, in spite of what it might cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mando’a:  
> Di’kut = idiot
> 
> Ah, Barriss, you poor thing. She’s not better, not totally, and this chapter is inspired by a Dickinson poem about a unique kind of loss. It screamed Barriss to me, and so, here we are.
> 
> To lose one’s faith surpasses  
> The loss of an estate,   
> Because estates can be  
> Replenished—faith cannot. 
> 
> Inherited with life,  
> Belief but once can be;   
> Annihilate a single clause,  
> And Being’s beggary.


	20. Chapter 19: Till we are less afraid

“I think its time we stopped hiding,” Ahsoka said, doing her best to present a calm face to Bail. The droid, Chopper, had just commed her, desperate to help save its friends, and if Ahsoka had ever learned anything, it was that when droids were afraid, the situation was dire indeed.

 

More, Kanan and Ezra needed help. It was not in her to deny help any Jedi and possible new apprentice. They had to take this chance, they had to help the Lothal sector rebel cell, and finally let the Empire know what they were up to. The freed _vod’e_ on Dantooine had made good on their promise, and now with Commanders like Sato in place, they could start to be more visible, to give hope to ordinary citizens rather than operating in the shadows.

 

 _And we’ve been in the shadows for long enough_ , she thought.

 

“We need to be more visible. You’ve seen what Bridger’s broadcast has done already. Hearts and minds are changing, and we need to capitalize on that. The best way to do that is to show our sympathizers that if they get into trouble, we’ll be there for them,” she argued, putting all her of her heart into it. For a long moment Bail Organa said nothing, and she started to think the comms had frozen.

 

Then he nodded, and there was a hint of a fierce, proud smile in his eyes.

 

“Very well, Fulcrum, let’s let the fleet have its head,” he said, and then cut the comms.

 

“Yes!” she exalted, because this was where they started to find out if it had all paid off, the infiltrating and the hit and run tactics and the bare minimum of support extended to rebellions planets and systems. This was when they saw if other systems, other planets, other people would rise up, would rise and lift their heads and light beacons against the dark.

 

This was if they found out if the galaxy could hope again.

 

* * *

 

Events had run away from her after helping the crew of the _Ghost_ , and the subsequent Imperial campaign on Lothal. But then the Sith Lord had waged a one-man assault on an entire rebel cell and nearly destroyed them all, and when she encountered the mind of Anakin Skywalker for the first time in over a decade, everything had seemed to stop: time, thought, her heart.

 

She had known. She had known from when Rex had told her and she had severed her training bond with him. She had been made to recall when Barriss had found her two years ago.

 

And still, it hurt.

 

How could she explain to Kanan who Darth Vader was, or, rather, who he had been? How could she unload that grief and horror on a man who had his own struggles?

 

Simple, she could not.

 

Instead, she retreated into duty, into what was needed.

 

“A base in this sector would be a big help,” she agreed with Ezra. “And I think I know just who we need to help us find one. He’s a peerless soldier, and knows the Outer Rim like the back of his hand, and has been my partner for over a decade.” Kanan still looked dubious, and she could sense his unease at being part of a larger military organization. If he was who she thought he was, it only made sense. She had harbored her own doubts once.

 

But if there was anyone who was an expert at handling doubtful Jedi, it was Rex and she could take out two loth-cats with one shot, bringing him home.

 

“Great!” Ezra said, “I’ll get Chopper and we’ll make the _Ghost_ ready.” She smiled to watch him, so young and vital. Kanan watched him go as well, his expression guarded and concerned.

 

“Kanan,” she said softly, and he turned to her. “When you find my partner, trust him.”

 

“He’s your partner, so… I suppose I have no reason not to,” Kanan said, but he was still reserved. She let it go at that, and saw them off. She very much wanted to go with them, to retrieve her own family, but she had other plans to put into place.

 

Because all she remembered was who Anakin Skywalker had been; she had to know, for herself, was what he had become.

 

* * *

 

Rex decided he did not like Seelos. It was somehow the worst desert planet he had ever been to, which was like winning a prize no one wanted. He and Maada had both come here, looking for a few last clone troopers that might be willing to relocate to Dantooine.

 

“I’m still not sensing anything, _buir_ ,” she said, lifting up the sand veil from over her face. They had both dressed for the planetary conditions, where sandstorms were frequent and sudden. “Are we sure that the comms were right?”

 

“Fives said they were,” he said. “But even Fives can be fooled. Stay on your guard, and tell me if you feel anything odd.”

 

“Okay, well, if that’s our criteria, I sense a group of people coming in above us,” she said, looking up. “Not much else to sense on this planet. They kind of stick out.”

 

“Are they hostile?” he asked, digging out his macrobinocs, scanning the sky.

 

“Not as such, but they’re on guard,” she said, then paused, tilting her head just like Ahsoka did when she was focusing on something either through the Force or her montrals. “ _Buir_ , there are Jedi on board. Ones I don’t know.”

 

“Well, we should go make a good impression, then,” he said easily, but felt a flutter of worry. Maada would know what a dark side user felt like, but that didn’t mean every single Jedi could be trusted. Rex had learned that one the hard way.

 

It wasn’t long before the ship found them, and it landed close by. Three humans and a… _Lasat_ stepped off, and Rex couldn’t help but be surprised at seeing one of the last survivors of Lasan.

 

“Are you Sentinel?” the tallest human asked, and from his bearing and kit, Rex figured this one for a Jedi.

 

“I am,” he said, and started to remove his own sand veil. As he did, the other man’s eyes widened in recognition. Before Rex could think to curse, the man drew his lightsaber and got between Rex and the others.

 

“You’re a clone!” the Jedi exclaimed, a wildness in his eyes, a fear, and Rex knew he must have been one of the ones to live through Order 66. _He must have only been a Padawan at the time, the poor barve_ , Rex thought.

 

“Kanan, what are you doing?!” the human boy shouted, and the Mando girl and the Lasat weren’t far behind in their confusion.

 

“He’s a _clone_ ,” the Jedi grit out, his green eyes on fire with old memories, bad memories. “They betrayed us, betrayed the Jedi. They killed us, shot us down like womp-rats.”

 

“You’re right, lad, I’m a clone,” Rex said evenly. “But I never killed any Jedi. You can hate us for what was done to you, and I won’t blame you, but I wasn’t the one who shot at you, and I wasn’t the one who turned three million men into living droids.”

 

“You _lie_ ,” the Jedi ground out between clenched teeth.

 

“My _buir_ doesn’t lie!” Maada said, ripping off her own sand veil. “He _saved_ me from the Temple the night it fell. He saved a lot of us, and he’s protected us all ever since. He’s the best man in the whole kriffing galaxy, and if you have a problem with him, you’ve got a problem with me!”

 

 _That_ surprised the green-eyed Jedi. He looked between Maada and Rex, unsure about what to do.

 

“She can use the Force, like Ahsoka?” the man asked, and powered down his blade. “And you’re Ahsoka’s partner?”

 

Rex laughed at that.

 

“Is that what she said? Well, that’s true enough,” Rex allowed. “Name’s Rex by the way, and this is Maada.”

 

“I’m Ezra,” the blue-eyed human boy said, bounding forward and offering his hand. “And that’s Kanan, but don’t mind him. And that’s Sabine, and that’s Zeb,” Ezra went on, nodding at the Mando girl and the Lasat.

 

“Good to meet you, Ezra,” Rex said, shaking the boy’s hand. “It’s good to meet all of you. I’m guessing you lot are here to take us back to the fleet?”

 

“Something like that,” Kanan said evenly. “Ahsoka said you could help us find a base.”

 

“Probably could, but I’ve got a job to do here first. Some of my brothers are here, and need to be talked to. I don’t much care for leaving them behind, so we’ll pick them up first and then head back,” he said.

 

“That wasn’t part of the plan. We get you, we go,” Kanan insisted. “I’m not interested in helping clones.” Once, Rex would have gotten mad about that, would have punched the other man right in the face, and he still might have. Had he not seen the fear in Kanan’s eyes when Rex pulled off his veil, had he not known this man would have been too young to understand, really understand, that the _vod’e_ ’s actions were not their own.

 

“They’re my brothers,” Rex said softly, but with a core of durasteel in his voice. “And they were some of the best.”

 

“Come on, Kanan,” Ezra cajoled. “If we don’t try to help those who need it, what’s the point of what we’re doing?” Kanan frowned at Ezra, but then sighed, looking away, knowing the boy had spoken the truth.

 

“Alright,” Kanan said grudgingly. “We help you find your… brothers, then we’re out of here.”

 

“Shouldn’t be a problem,” Rex said, grinning, only to regret that later.

 

After a paranoid moment from Wolffe and a visit from the Empire, they managed to work together long enough to send the Imperials packing. And Rex had to admit, at least to himself, it was deeply satisfying to take down that AT-AT.

 

“Maada,” he said softly, and she turned to him as they sat in the common area of the _Ghost_ , getting ready to go. “Don’t tell your mother I did that.” She smirked at him.

 

“What’s it worth to you?” she asked archly. The crew of the ship was about their business. The pilot, Hera, had talked down Kanan about bringing back three clones, but the distrust was still plain in the other man’s face. At least Zeb saw him for what he was: an old soldier.

 

“Extra explosives training?” he offered. She let him hang for a moment, then nodded.

 

“Alright, deal,” she said, grinning. He would likely regret this later, but he didn’t need Ahsoka knowing he did something dangerous without her to back him up. Neither of them objected to dangerous action as such, but were fairly particular about what constituted acceptable backup.

 

“Good girl,” he said, squeezing her shoulder. “Now, you don’t have to sit here with your old man. Go on,” he urged her, and she all but danced to where Sabine and Ezra sat, talking with them without a hint of worry. She had Ahoska’s easy way with people, and already she had made fast friends with Sabine. That they could use Mando’a to confuse Ezra seemed to delight the other young woman.

 

Sitting back, he smiled to see Maada so open and free, knowing that he had been part of raising the remarkable girl. Then Kanan came down the ladder, and shot Rex a quick glare.

 

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes and sigh at the predictable behavior, Rex reminded himself that Kanan had his own reasons and his own bad memories to contend with. Though, that would only buy the man so much time before Rex would be compelled to set him straight if he kept it up.

 

But that, Rex decided, was a problem for another time. For now, he could content himself with a job well done and the mission accomplished.

 

* * *

 

She had restrained herself to a hug in front of everyone, but now, here, in the comfort of their own bunk, they clung to each other, eyes taking in all the little details and fingers tracing the lines of change. But Rex could tell when something was bothering her, and he didn’t need his connection with her to do it. It only confirmed his intuitions.

 

“It’s nothing we didn’t already know,” she said softly into the silence between them. “Nothing I haven’t been dealing with for the last fourteen years.”

 

He only gave her that damned Captain look, that look that no one else but her could read. And he knew it.

 

“Alright, fine, its driving me crazy, and I need more information, but its coming, Rex. Something needs to be done about… _him_ , and who else is going to do it? Who else can?” she asked hotly. He drew her close, and in his arms she could let go, could let go of the poise and calm that she had to project. Because to everyone else she was Fulcrum. To him, she would always be Ahsoka first, everything else second.

 

“I’m not disagreeing with you, _cyare_ ,” he said. “I just don’t like the idea of not being able to help you, because I’m getting that’s where you’re headed with this. Didn’t we talk about this? About you not taking these things on by yourself?”

 

“We did, but that was before we had a rebellion to keep alive,” she said, drawing back from him slightly to let him see in her eyes that she wasn’t trying to push him away. “We can’t pull anyone else away from their tasks, and this cell certainly needs you.”

 

“I won’t deny that,” he said, thinking about how their interpersonal problems kept getting in the road of their objectives according to the reports he had. “I’m just wondering how I’ve been raising or training Jedi most of my life,” he said with a dry grin.

 

“Because you have a hell of a lot of experience, Rex. They could use your help. You help Jedi keep their feet on the ground and their eyes on the target, always have,” she said, reaching for him, and she was grateful that he decided not to argue with her.

 

At least for now.

 

* * *

 

Maada decided she liked being with the Lothal rebels. Ahsoka had given her the choice to stay with them or go with Katooni or Petro, and she had chosen to stay. She liked Kanan and he knew a few things she didn’t. She had fun training with Ezra, although he was still learning.

 

Sabine was the most interesting.

 

Well, her hair was.

 

“Maada,” the other young woman said, her tone even but her eyes amused, like _buir_ would do. Maybe it was a Mandalorian thing, sounding grumpy but laughing on the inside. “What is it?”

 

Screwing up her courage, Maada couldn’t help but burst out: “Your hair! It’s so… pretty.”

 

Sabine blinked at that, taking off guard.

 

“I mean, I don’t have hair, not really interested in it, but your hair. It’s beautiful and colorful, and I really like it,” she said earnestly.

 

“Oh, well,” Sabine said, looking away and blushing. “Thank you, Maada. It’s just dyed, not that big a deal.”

 

“You make beautiful things, on the walls, on your armor, your hair, even your explosions are pretty,” Maada said. “I wish I could do that.”

 

“Oh well, I could teach you,” Sabine offered, and Maada could have sworn that the young Mando woman was suddenly oddly shy. Maada smiled brightly.

 

“That’d be great!” she said, and wondered how long it would take her to work up the courage to kiss Sabine.

 

* * *

 

“Right, the line for steely-eyed, square jawed sacrifice ends here!” Rex said, and shoved Kanan through the blast doors. Then it was the interrogation and torture threats, which Rex found particularly boring. Real bad guys just skipped right to the torture. Luckily, the prattling idiot was trying to impress Rex too much and didn’t pay attention to Kanan coming to his rescue.

 

And that mission marked the moment Kanan stopped being afraid of Rex, and Rex felt oddly proud of the other man for that, to overcome his fear and old anger because it was the right thing to do.

 

“Kanan,” he said roughly, as the rest of the crew disembarked.

 

“What?” Kanan asked, the old wariness returning. Rex shook his head and held out his hand.

 

“Thank you,” he said, and understanding dawned in Kanan’s eyes, because that _thank you_ was for more than coming to his rescue. Kanan inclined his head and clasped Rex’s forearm in an old soldier’s grip.

 

“Couldn’t let you get killed,” he said, as they gathered up their gear. “Maada would be angry at me, and it’s been good to have her around to help Ezra train.”

 

“Ah, what we do for younglings, eh?” Rex teased, and Kanan smiled.

 

It wasn’t much, but it was a start. Rex didn’t know why the galaxy kept throwing traumatized Jedi at him. By now he probably had enough experience to be a therapist, though Kix would be horrified at the thought.

 

“You want to get a cup of _caf_?” Kanan asked. “Got hooked on the stuff when I was a Padawan. Always helps after a tense mission.”

 

“Sounds great,” Rex said, and that was true. A cup of _caf_ sounded like heaven right about now.

 

* * *

 

“How do you do it?” Hera asked, and Ahsoka sat back in thought about it for a moment. They had been working out some strategy while everyone else was training. From the sound of the training, Rex was showing them all some old, nasty clone trooper tricks, which even made Zeb grunt in surprise.

 

“How do you handle leading the people you love into danger? Making those choices that mean life and death for others?” Hera pressed, a shadow behind her eyes.

 

It was a question with no easy answer. Maybe some part of her had grown callous at issuing orders, being part of an army from fourteen years of age, because it was simply a part of her now. She never lost sight of the people, not ever, but that never kept her from giving the order.

 

But how did she square that with her self, with her conscious, with the Force?

 

Lost in her own thoughts, she shook her head to clear her mind and looked at Hera. Hera who was looking at her like she actually had answers, like she knew what she was doing, like she was the wise, older leader now.

 

Well, maybe she was.

 

“I accept that everyone here is because they believe in the cause, I accept that it’s their choice to be part of this, and if I don’t give the order, that’s not respecting _their_ choice,” she said. “And that if I’m to do my best as a leader, I can’t let fear make my choices for me.”

 

“How do you know the difference between fear and prudence?” Hera asked. “Where’s the line?”

 

“That is something everyone has to figure out for themselves, Hera,” Ahsoka said firmly, but not unkindly. “It’s okay to be afraid. Only idiots are fearless. Accept that you are afraid, but don’t let that fear rule you. Pretending to be unafraid, that’s just lying to yourself and everyone around you. Also bad, in case you were wondering,” she said, with a smirk.

 

Hera’s lips twitched upwards at that, and Ahsoka could feel the shadow leaving the other woman. She had a lot of responsibility on her shoulders, and Ahsoka knew a little about feeling that responsibility keenly while also thinking she was underprepared.

 

“No great Jedi wisdom, just, ‘don’t give in to fear’? I suppose that’ll have to do,” Hera said dryly.

 

“Jedi wisdom is highly overrated,” Ahsoka said, still smirking, and found she no longer felt anger at the old Order for what happened. “And it’s not terribly unique.”

 

“You really think so? I remember the Jedi on Ryloth. They seemed so… impressive,” Hera said.

 

“They were impressive, but no one place or people has a monopoly on good sense,” Ahsoka countered, and only felt a flicker of grief for times gone by.

 

“Thank you, Ahsoka,” Hera said, her eyes distant and reflective. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

 

“I’ll always be here to help,” Ahsoka said, and didn’t give any thought to how it was a promise she might not be able to keep.

 

* * *

 

“You’re doing really well, Ezra,” Maada said encouragingly. She had to admit that it was nice to train with Ezra, because at least now _she_ was the older and more experienced one. She had even managed to each him a few things.

 

“Thanks!” he said brightly. “It’s been good to have you here. Kanan is really good, but…”

 

“Variety is nice,” Maada said. “Its good to train against more than one person. I sometimes got to train with Katooni or Petro, but they’re off doing lots of things now. They don’t have much time for me anymore.” She tried not to feel too sorry for herself, but she did miss being part of the big family on their old ship.

 

“You talk about them a lot, and some others. How… how did all of you survive?” he asked, and then he drew in a sharp breath. “Sorry! I mean, I don’t want to pry, I know you probably don’t want to talk about it. Kanan doesn’t like to talk about…”

 

“Its okay, Ezra,” Maada said, using that tone Ahsoka used that made everyone feel better. “I was only a youngling, and I don’t remember it all that well. I remember feeling very afraid, and then very angry. Torgruta don’t like being hunted. We’re hunters,” she said, grinning. Ezra gave her a tentative grin in return.

 

“Anyway, I remember a trooper trying to hurt me, and I bit him, I think. Then one of the nurses found me and tossed me into a room where some others already were, and then some older younglings ran into the room. Then I remember _buir_ , taking off his helmet and saying that he would keep us all safe,” she said, dark eyes distant in hazy memory. Then she looked at Ezra sharply.

 

“And he did. Someone carried us through the Temple and got us to a ship and then we found Ahsoka, and, well. Here we are,” she said brightly. Then she noticed Kanan was listening too, but from a slight distance.

 

“What does _buir_ mean?” Ezra asked. “You call him that all the time.”

 

“Father,” Kanan said. “It means father, in Mando’a.”

 

“But…” Ezra started, and Maada knew where this was going. She shook her head, cutting off his question.

 

“You should all know that family is more than blood,” she said firmly. Then she caught the look that Kanan and Ezra exchanged, and she knew they understood, because they were brothers as sure as any she had ever seen.

 

* * *

 

“What the hell?!” Rex shouted as he entered his room, too damn empty without Ahsoka, and found Sabine sitting on the bed he sometimes got to share with his wife. At least she was fully clothed, but she had something in her hands.

 

His old helmet.

 

“You were awarded Jaig eyes?” she asked, looking up at him, a longing in her eyes.

 

“For bravery and courage under fire. Also known as being a stubborn idiot,” he said, sitting next to her.

 

“But you’re a clone,” she said. “Not to be mean, but why would clones follow Mando traditions?”

 

“We were trained by Mandalorians, remember? They passed on more than tactics. They passed on things like Jaig eyes and Remembrance and Clan. It… helped, fill in the spaces in our heads,” he said, forearms on his knees, studying her carefully.

 

“Do you miss your home?” he asked.

 

“No, yes, sometimes,” she said, and then sighed. “My parents were so proud when we finished my armor. They were certain, when I went to the Imperial academy, I would be one of the best. I would get Jaig eyes and bring _honor_ back to our family, to our clan. And then I left. They probably think I’m some kind of dishonorable coward.”

 

“Honor isn’t something anyone can give you, Sabine,” he said, taking his helmet from her and putting it back in its box. “Honor is something you earn, something no one take away from you. And I’ve seen you in a fight.   You’re no coward. You’re a true daughter of Mandalore, in a way I will never be a son.”

 

She looked at him then, and he saw her for the girl she was, and he gave her a pat on the shoulder.

 

“If I were a true son of Mandalore, I would give you your Jaig eyes right now, for what you did out there with those creatures. Seeing as I’m not, you deserve to have a real Mandalorian see you for what you are, for what everyone here knows you to be,” he said, and she nodded, blinking furiously. Then she stood, not tall, but certainly proud.

 

“Come on, we should go. I promised Maada that I’d teach her how to draw. I know she’d like you to see what she’s done so far,” Sabine said, and Rex nodded.

 

“Lead the way, _ad’ika_ ,” he said. She walked ahead of him, but turned to face him at the door.

 

“Thank you, _ba’vodu_ ,” she said, and he smiled. He didn’t know how or why, but he certainly seemed to pick up stray younglings no matter where he went.

 

Maybe the whole damn galaxy was in need of parenting, and that wouldn’t surprise him in the slightest.

 

* * *

 

Malachor.

 

Ahsoka felt a shiver of dread just hearing the name of the planet, and she knew whatever was there would test her, would test them all to their limits. Worse, her limits, her ability to let go, were being tested sorely right now.

 

She found Maada at the edge of the base, the line of sensors keeping the spider-creatures away, though not everything. A bright little convor flew overhead lazily.

 

“What do you want?” the young woman asked brusquely. “I thought you’ve already said everything you wanted to say.”

 

“I don’t want to part like this, Maada. I know what it is to be left behind, but…”

 

“I’m your Padawan!” Maada exclaimed, turning to face her, her lekku flushed with anger, and Ahsoka could feel an undercurrent of fear as well.

 

“You are so much more than that,” Ahsoka said, drawing Maada to her, and for a second Maada remained stiff and uncompromising, then she relaxed into Ahsoka’s arms like she was a little girl again, like she had just woken up from a nightmare and had run to her for comfort and reassurance.

 

“You are my daughter, and I… please, I need you to stay here. I know you’re older than Ezra and you’ve got some training on Kanan, but for those very reasons you need to stay,” she said, and dug out a datastick. “On this is everything you need. It’s all yours Maada. I could think of no one better.”

 

Ahsoka could feel the girl struggle between pride and sorrow, and settled into a strange balance between the two. Taking the datastick, Maada’s head bowed.

 

“It’s like you’re saying good-bye,” she said softly. Ahsoka lifted the girl’s chin gently, looking her Padawan, her daughter in the eye.

 

“There are no good-byes, Maada, because I will see you again, I promise,” she said, “now come on, let’s get some dinner.”

 

Dinner was a rather subdued affair, however, and she noticed that Maada stuck close to Sabine, drawing comfort from her friend’s presence. Ahsoka was glad that Maada had made friends here, that she had found a place, because even if she came back, Ahsoka had a feeling it was time for Maada to find her own place to stand in the galaxy. She could think of nowhere better than with friends.

 

Rex, on the other hand, would be a different story. She had vowed, once, to share everything with him, burdens and all, but she couldn’t take the risk. She didn’t want to have let go of him, but she had learned that one day she might have to, and this kind of letting go was at least bearable.

 

The other kind was not.

 

“You nailed my feet to the floor, you know,” he said without rancor as they undressed that night.

 

“I was hoping you wouldn’t see it exactly like that, Maada staying,” she admitted. “She needs you.”

 

“She needs you, too,” he said, and his shoulders, those broad strong shoulders that had borne too many burdens and not bowed… bowed now.

 

“Rex, _mil’sad_ ,” she trilled softly. Then he looked up and his shoulders squared, and strode forward, gripping her arms hard.

 

“ _Mhi solus dhar'tome_ ,” he said fiercely. “Yes?”

 

“Always,” she said, just as fierce, and then he kissed her, bruisingly hard. And for a time, they were one in truth.

 

* * *

 

Rex cracked an eye as Ahsoka left that morning, and he slowly got dressed, heart heavy. At breakfast that morning, he saw Hera’s eyes, normally bright and green gone dark and distant.

 

“They’ll be back,” he said. She looked at him then, spearing him with her eyes as though searching for something more than a platitude in his words.

 

“How do you stand it?” she asked, voice empty. “How do you love a damned Jedi?”

 

“By not holding back,” he said, and then grinned, seeing Maada skipping back into the mess hall, looking happier than anyone else would think she had a right to. “And, by being there whether they like it or not.” Hera frowned at him, then she caught his meaning, and looked at him with a profound kind of hope.

 

“Maada!” he called to his daughter. “Ship ready?”

 

“All set, _buir_ ,” she said brightly. “You think _emel_ was fooled?”

 

“You gave a masterful performance, _ad’ika_ , but now,” he said, giving Hera his old confident Captain’s grin, the grin he gave his men when he was about to pull their asses out of the fire, when he made sure Skywalker’s plans didn’t go sideways. “Let’s go make sure they come home. All of them.”

 

Because he was a clone trooper, and he would always be there to back up his Jedi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mando’a:  
> Ad’ika = child/son/daughter/kid  
> Ba’vodu = uncle/aunt  
> Buir = father/mother  
> Cyare = beloved  
> Mhi solus dhar'tome = We are one when parted
> 
> “Togruti”:  
> Emel = mother  
> Mil’sad = beloved
> 
> Because Rex and Ahsoka parent the crew of the Ghost, like, a lot. And it’s cute. Also, kind of a fix-it. Because I get it, Rex couldn’t be there cause likely death, but… but… dang it, he SHOULD have been there.
> 
> Chapter title from a Dickinson poem about the half-remembered/half-forgotten heroes of war, which is how I see the early rebels.
> 
> Read, sweet, how others strove,   
> Till we are stouter;   
> What they renounced,   
> Till we are less afraid;   
> How many times they bore   
> The faithful witness,   
> Till we are helped,   
> As if a kingdom cared! 
> 
> Read then of faith   
> That shone above the fagot;   
> Clear strains of hymn   
> The river could not drown;   
> Brave names of men   
> And celestial women,   
> Passed out of record   
> Into renown!


	21. Chapter 20: If I can ease one life the aching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last two chapters and the epilogue are posted together. Because it seemed appropriate.

“I think he’ll have something to say about that,” Ahsoka said to Maul, and Kanan heard her footsteps race up the stairs. He rose, the Temple Guardian mask over his face, and he _listened_ , extending his Force senses outwards. He could _feel_ the dark presence of Maul growing closer, a low, malevolent thing, like a mad hound.

 

And Kanan felt Maul prepare himself to strike. Raising his saber to meet Maul’s blade, Kanan fought, he fought with everything that he was, with everything that he ever could be, not for his own sake, but for Ezra’s. They fought, and Kanan could feel Maul’s mounting frustration and rage, and then he turned it against the other man, directing Maul’s own energy back to him and then… Maul fell.

 

With that threat dealt with, Kanan felt his body try to give out on him. He knew that blow to his face could have killed him, and it took everything that he had to fight the one-time Sith apprentice.

 

“Chopper,” he said, opening the comm to the _Phantom_. “Need some help.” The droid then chirped at him, smug.

 

“What do you mean you’re already on your way, and that you have friends? You don’t have friends,” Kanan said, confused, and then, sooner than he could have anticipated, the _Phantom_ was there.

 

And so was Maada.

 

“Get him to the ship,” he heard Rex’s voice, but Kanan felt an odd moment of disjointedness as he heard a voice without any accompanying Force presence. At all. Maada got underneath one of his arms, and started to lead him back to the ship.

 

“Wait,” he said, a panicked edge to his voice, unable to hide it in his tiredness. “Rex, are you really here?”

 

“Even old soldiers can learn a few tricks, lad. I’ll see you at the top,” he said, and Kanan heard a jetpack fire. Maada drew him into the _Phantom_ , and they started to rise. He could feel her reaching out to him with the Force, and he heard her gasp when she felt the damage to his eyes.

 

“Its alright, Maada,” he said, doing his best to reassure her though he didn’t feel it himself. “What the hell did Rex do?” he asked, still discomforted at the voice that seemed to come from nowhere.

 

“Turns out, he learned how entirely mask his life signature from Force users,” Maada said, dryly. “Been training with _emel_ how to do that, he said, for years. Don’t know how or even why he can do it, but he can.”

 

“That’s… disconcerting,” Kanan said. “But I suppose that gives him an edge when he’s in a fight with us.” Then Kanan drew a breath. “We better get going, we need to save Ezra.”

 

“Alright,” she said, and he felt her refocus herself. He did the same, and hoped this would be another close call, instead of the alternative.

 

* * *

 

Ahsoka saw him, saw Vader, pulling Ezra, Kanan, and ( _no, no, no, not her too_ , her mind screamed) Maada toward him. Sparing no time for anger or recrimination, she attacked, slashing at the helmet that protected Vader’s head, and that broke his concentration. Just enough.

 

The three of them staggered, suddenly freed from Vader’s powerful Force use, but then they all got back up and started to run to her. Again, she did not hesitate, and made the only choice she could make, the choice she would always make as mentor and mother. She used the Force to push them all back, closing her montrals and her heart to their cries of frustration, rage, of sorrow and grief as the walls of the Sith Temple slammed shut.

 

Then she turned to face him, and for the first time in years, she saw the last of Anakin Skywalker, his one eye yellow and mad. She could feel his hate, and she knew that for all that he hated his enemies, or those he thought were his enemies, he hated himself more.

 

He was boiling with it.

 

But between them, the two of them standing there, was a silence, a silence that stretched through the years, because the time for questions was over, the time for recrimination and blame had long since passed. All that was left was this.

 

“I’m not leaving you this time!” she said, defiant though she felt her hope waver. She had helped Barriss, but Vader’s self-hate would be all the more difficult to break through. Perhaps impossible.

 

“Then you will die,” he said, voice unnervingly calm for all the emotions she could feel pouring off of him.

 

Then he launched himself at her, but before he could reach her, a blaster bolt took him through the side, and she saw Rex, in his full armor, come out from behind one of the pillars. He was using that damned trick again, masking his Force presence, and now he was in here with her… and they were in here with him.

 

“Like hell. _Sir_ ,” Rex spat, keeping his blasters level.

 

Without a sound, Vader charged Skywalker’s captain, and Rex moved fast, faster than most humans could, but Vader used the Force to put the clone to shame. Then Ahsoka was there between them, her white blades crossed and holding against red blade.

 

Rex moved off, circling, taking pot shots and keeping Vader from fully pressing his advantage of height and overwhelming power. Vader kept deflecting the blasts, though, and Rex had to be careful, making sure that the angle wasn’t good for a proper deflection.

 

Ahsoka then came in low but suddenly switched her angle of attack, using the Force to launch herself over his head, always the nimble fighter, and kept her blades beneath her to keep him from scoring a hit. Vader had to defend against her, so he left himself open to another shot from Rex, and this blaster bolt took Vader through one leg.

 

But he did not even slow down.

 

The ground continued to shift under their feet, but Ahsoka and Vader kept their balance perfectly, the both drawing on the Force in huge amounts. If Vader was surprised at the power that Skywalker’s apprentice now possessed, he gave nothing way. Ahsoka’s worst fears, however, were proving true. Vader was powerful, powerful and terrible in a way Skyguy had never been. Only Rex’s interference was keeping her alive this long.

 

Then he came at her, using his sheer presence like a battering ram, his fury a thing almost sharp and pointed enough to stab her in the heart. Quick and deadly, he began a series of overhand strikes that took all her strength and both blades to turn aside.

 

Rex, taking advantage of Vader’s focus on Ahsoka once again, twirled his blaster in his right hand as he boosted across the shattered floor. Using all the momentum he could muster from his old jetpack, he slammed the butt of his blaster into the exposed part of Vader’s face, again and again and again, buying Ahsoka time to recover herself.

 

And Rex was more grateful in one way for his disappearing trick, for the hours he had spent at first only learning how to filter the bond he shared with Ahsoka, then learning how to hide from her, and eventually learning how to manipulate his own Force signature just enough, just enough, to do this one thing. He was grateful, because at least Ahsoka wouldn’t be burdened with his own rage, his own fierce fury at the man who had once been his general, his brother, his friend.

 

 _For the Republic you betrayed,_ Rex thought at the first blow landed. _For all my vod’e, for the younglings you slaughtered that night!_

 

Rather than regroup, Ahsoka decided to press the advantage and went for Vader’s legs, swinging her dual blades low. And for all that Vader had taken a beating, he was still Darth Vader, a Sith Lord, who had once been Anakin Skywalker, the Hero Without Fear, the Chosen One. With one hand, Vader focused the Force and slammed Rex to the ground while simultaneously he deflected Ahsoka’s blades.

 

Having been hurt, Rex’s concentration slipped, and he once again appeared in the Force. Ahsoka could feel that he was still alive, just knocked around, his armor keeping him mostly safe from that kind of impact. So she pressed Vader away from Rex, giving him time to get up, unleashing a fast and deadly assault of her own while Vader seemed distracted by Rex’s reappearance in the Force.

 

She caught Vader’s look, to Rex and then back to her, and she felt something else from him then. Something deep and dark, a mixture of grief, hate and exultation. It made her skin crawl, and she drew on her bond with Rex to shield her against the dark, wrapping herself in his love.

 

Then, as the floor shifted again, beginning to crack apart, he shifted his weight, leaning forward, about to attack again. Taking the opening, she leapt backwards, giving herself some distance to prepare for his next onslaught.

 

Vader charged, running along the broken, breaking floor of the temple, shifting and sliding in perfect time to the stones under his feet.

 

Ahsoka dodged his charge, and tried to score a touch along his leg, but his charge had been a feint. Vader shifted his stance, and used the Force to push her back with extreme violence. Then she felt her head connect sharply with the stone wall of the temple in a sickening thud.

 

“Ahsoka!” Rex shouted, and in his voice and across their bond she could feel his fear, his heart-stopping fear, but over riding that was the determination to do his duty, to stand between her and danger. Dimly she saw him advance on Vader, firing his blasters for all he was worth, coming to stand between her and what had become of her Master. She struggled to rise, pulling herself up weakly, focusing on fighting the pain and the damage, sending some of her Force reserves to heal her head.

 

Then she saw Vader raise one hand into a claw, and Rex began to choke, to gasp for air.

 

“Rex!” she cried weakly, one hand held out, trying to break the connection that Vader had established, but it was no use. She could feel his pain, and it staggered her again. Vader, somehow, knew about their bond, and was using it against them.

 

Vader slammed Rex to the ground, and Rex’s helmet was knocked loose this time, rolling away on the tilting, broken floor. Then he pulled Rex back up and inspected the face of a man who had, once, been as loyal and true as anyone could have asked for.

 

“How long, _Captain_?” Vader asked, a terrible eagerness in his voice. “How long? When she was still a child? Was that how it was?” And Ahsoka felt Vader losing what little control he had, something about the love she had for Rex, and the love he had for her, driving him into a frenzy.

 

Rex, for his part, refused to give Vader the satisfaction. He knew where he stood, who he was, and who he loved. _Let Vader drive himself mad with implications_ , Rex thought with a grim sense of satisfaction.

 

And Rex, former Captain of the 501st, smiled like a wolf at a Sith Lord, and his golden eyes burned with a fire all his own. Ahsoka felt Vader’s anger rise at Rex, and he drove his lightsaber through Rex’s leg. Rex screamed, half in pain, half in defiance, and there was an obscure sense of satisfaction from Vader at that.

 

Vader then looked at Ahsoka, who was only now starting to stagger to her feet, a strange, dark hope kindling in him.

 

“You love him,” he said to her, his voice half his own, half that deep measured tone from his vocoder. Vader held Rex on his knees with the Force before him, like a hound before a master. “Join me,” Vader said. “Be my apprentice once more, and I will let you have what was denied me.”

 

Ahsoka’s heart froze in her chest.

 

This was her test, perhaps her final test. She could cling to Rex, keep him like a possession, like a toy, like a thing. He had started life as that, a toy soldier for the Republic to deploy and sacrifice at its leisure, but he was more. So much more.

 

He was a brother, a father, an uncle, a friend, a lover, a husband, a good man, a kind man, a warrior, a leader, a man of dry humor and deep thought. All that and more, he had become her heart.

 

Rex looked to her, his eyes full of understanding, and in that moment their bond flared into life like never before: eighteen years of living, full of laughter, sorrow, joy, anger, lust, frustration, faith, hope, and love, a love that had led them down a path all their own from friends to partners in every sense of the word. The space between them was full, full of their life, the life they had made together, the life they had shared, and the love that had grown between them, strong and true and for a moment, a solid, real thing.

 

“No,” she said softly to Vader but her eyes were all for Rex. _I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,_ she thought at him, _I love you, I love you, I love you._ “Never.”

 

“So be it,” Vader said, and Rex’s last moments were defined by feeling a lightsaber cut through his torso, slicing upwards in the most painful way possible to his heart, by Ahsoka’s blue eyes, by her love for him, and the one last thing he could do.

 

 _Never be sorry, I love you_ , he sent along their bond, and then Rex slumped to the floor. Dead.

 

Ahsoka screamed, in part in an echo of the pain Rex had felt in his last moments, and in part in grief, in sorrow, in _rage_. It was all too much, threatening to overwhelm her. She could feel Vader watching her, waiting, because if he could not have her willingly, he would do what he could to drive her to him.

 

“Yes,” Vader said, satisfaction laced in his odd doubled-voice. “Now you now what it is to lose your love. You _feel_ it. You can join me still. Feel your anger, _use it_ ,” he commanded. And she was tempted, oh, so deeply tempted. To avenge Rex, to avenge the younglings, the Jedi, to avenge them all.

 

But that would be a deeper betrayal. She would be turning her back on everything she had ever had, the love she had known with Rex, the love she had found in their family, and most of all, it would be a betrayal of her _self_.

 

Then she closed her eyes for a moment, for just a moment, and she breathed.

 

And she let it go.

 

She let it all go.

 

Where she had, briefly, been a dark spike of pain and loss and suffering, she was once again a bright pillar, incorporating her grief and sorrow into herself and moving through it, not letting it determine her actions. Lifting her head, she could sense that her acceptance disturbed Vader. He was confused, at a loss for how she could endure what he could not.

 

“I will never join you,” she declared, her heart clear and free, and she charged, the stones beneath her feet truly precarious now.

 

Her feet only lightly touched the ground as she bounded to him, and he readied himself. Their sabers clashed in a shower of sparks and light, white on red, and they danced. She could feel his control slipping. Her refusal, even after Rex’s death, disturbed him. He had not expected such defiance, such acceptance.

 

It was anathema to Vader, accepting what he did not care for, as it had been anathema to Anakin Skywalker. He never could accept loss.

 

With a bellow of rage, Vader attacked. High, low, from the side, he became faster and faster, drawing on depths of pain and rage and hate that Ahsoka could not have imagined existing in a single person.

 

She had thought, she had hoped, she would find a way to break through to him, to make it clear that he could still change, as Barriss had changed, that it was possible to leave the darkness behind. It had become clear to her, now, that Darth Vader did not want to leave the darkness, that he clutched his anger and self-hatred to himself, because he believed he had nothing else. That there _was_ nothing else for him.

 

The darkness he drew on let him fight through two blaster hits, a sound pummeling, and the touches she was now scoring on his arms and legs. But it didn’t matter, because Vader now only had one goal: to kill her for being what he could not.

 

For all her clear heart, it was not enough to keep him at bay, and her head wound still hampered and drained her.

 

One of her swings with her short blade was a bit too wide, and he caught her arm in his hand and with a twist of his mechanical arm, he broke her wrist. Unable to hold her blade, it dropped to the ground, turning off and clattering away. She cradled her broken wrist to her, and still fought on, dancing over the stones, forcing him to try to keep up.

 

They traded blows, but with only one arm she could not hold her ground.

 

Forced to retreat, she desperately deflected one blow, then the next. He was fast, and somehow getting _faster_ , likely burning through all the reserves that he had. Over hand, then from the side, and with a looping thrust, he knocked her primary saber out of her hand.

 

For a moment, they stood there, in the Sith Temple that was about to kill them both regardless, so many words, so much to say left between them.   In that moment, that one moment, Darth Vader felt a twinge of doubt, seeing Anakin Skywalker’s apprentice back to the wall, unarmed, but still standing and defiant and herself to from her toes to the tips of her montrals.

 

 _I’ll never let anyone hurt you, Snips_ , the past called out to them both, a time when love had still been possible for him.

 

But love was not possible now, not for Darth Vader.

 

With a roar, Darth Vader lunged, and his lightsaber cut into her torso and into the wall behind her. His one exposed eye told Ahsoka all she needed to know, because underneath the rage, the fear, the hate, was something else. He was surprised, surprised at his own actions.

 

He had not been sure he would, that he could, do it.

 

And perhaps that was enough.

 

With the last of her strength, with a heart full of love, she walked toward him, walking into his blade. The stench of her own burning flesh in her nose, she pressed on, and her one good hand reached up to touch his face. He flinched, but let her cool fingers make contact.

 

“I forgive you, Skyguy,” she said softly, with a small, sad smile, her blue eyes brimming with the truth of her words even as there was blood on her lips. Because she did forgive him, because she still loved Anakin Skywalker, and she knew he was still in there, somewhere. If she could not set Anakin free, perhaps she could make him aware that freedom was possible.

 

She hoped it would be enough.

 

She had faith that it would be.

 

She knew that love would save them all, in the end, as it had saved her, because it was love that made life worth living.

 

And then Ahsoka Tano died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I can stop one heart from breaking,  
> I shall not live in vain;  
> If I can ease one life the aching,  
> Or cool one pain,  
> Or help one fainting robin  
> Unto his nest again,  
> I shall not live in vain.  
>  \--Emily Dickinson


	22. Chapter 21: You left me, sweet, two legacies

“It’ll be okay, it’ll be okay,” Maada recited, half to herself, as she helped pilot the _Phantom_ out of that temple. She was tuning out Ezra’s cries, and could do nothing for Kanan’s eyes. So she got to work, like her parents had taught her to do. “They can take the ship _buir_ and I came here in, it’ll be…”

 

Then she felt it. Felt Ahsoka’s (her Master’s, her _emel’s_ ) death ring out through the Force, and beside it, because she knew him so well, she felt her _buir_ go as well. It was worse than any physical blow, worse than any heartache, because this wasn’t pain, but an absence of the steady, loving presence she had known for most of her life.

 

She screamed, high and trilling into a range only a Togruta could hear.

 

And Kanan found himself cradling two Padawans in his arms, doing his best to master his own sense of grief and loss, because it was all on him now, to help them, to guide them, to protect them.

 

Desperately, he hoped he would be up to the task, and feared he would not.

 

* * *

 

On Felucia, Shaak Ti woke out of a sound sleep gasping for breath, and she felt tears running down her face. She did nothing to stop them, to wipe them away, because she could not deny her sorrow at losing her fellow huntress, her student, her friend.

 

She heard Gungi raise his voice in sadness, the Wookie’s mournful cry echoing through the jungle, a powerful expression of loss.

 

Then Tup, sweet, thoughtful Tup, entered the hut, a question in his eyes and dread in his face.

 

She had nothing for him save her own mask of grief.

 

* * *

 

Zatt stopped in the middle of drinking, and knew that the galaxy had just grown darker. Fives looked at him over the rim of his own glass, eyebrow raised in a question. They were in a seedy bar in a tough city on a nasty planet, subtly celebrating a mission well done. So all Zatt was able to do was clench his teeth and mutter fiercely: “They’re dead.”

 

Fives, ever the soldier, ordered them shots, and Zatt thought it would be best to _not_ feel.

 

* * *

 

Ganodi began sobbing uncontrollably over breakfast. Not since the night of the Temple raid had she felt like this, had she felt so alone and scared and _lost_. Because she was a pilot, and she needed something to navigate by. And the brightest star had gone out now.

 

“They’re gone!” she exclaimed.

 

“No…” Echo whispered, heart sinking.

 

“They’re gone!” she wailed, and felt her despair threaten to overwhelm her.

 

* * *

 

On Ryloth, in a meeting with Cham Syndulla, Katooni and Petro stopped paying attention to the rebel leader, a noise like static filling their minds, drowning everything else out.

 

Petro’s anger burst into life, and he was already thinking of ways to kill whoever had done this, whoever had taken away the people he loved, willing to tear the barve apart. The Twi’leks near him stepped away, suddenly wary, but Petro didn’t notice. He couldn’t notice, because his anger and his grief obscured everything else.

 

Katooni suddenly felt very afraid, alone and unsure, her mind racing with a million questions and no answers. She stopped, eyes staring at nothing, as her loss hit her like a hammer to the chest. Like a cornered animal, she reeled and looked for a way out, any way out, but there was no way out of death, no way out of loss.

 

* * *

 

On Alderaan, Princess Leia hesitated as she was about to sign another official request to deliver relief aid, feeling unspeakably and inexpiably sad. Her father, ever observant, noticed his daughter’s distress.

 

“Is something wrong, Leia?” he asked, in his steady, gentle voice.

 

“I don’t know,” she said, and looked up at him, confusion and sorrow in her eyes. “I just felt very sad all of a sudden, but I couldn’t for the life of me tell you why, father.”

 

At that, something in her father’s expression softened and a flicker of grief played across his face, and although Leia didn’t know it, that was how Bail Organa learned of Fulcrum’s death.

 

* * *

 

In her ship, going from one bounty to the next, Ventress felt the brat die, and she wondered what else she ever expected from Ahsoka Tano, except to die young and stupidly, probably helping others in some grand, noble effort.

 

Well, Ventress wouldn’t mourn her. No. There was no profit in that. No profit in remembering a snippy girl with a quick blade and a quicker a mouth, or a young woman who had been kind to her, in a way.

 

No point in that at all, really.

 

Narrowing her eyes, Ventress did her level best to turn her mind back to the task at hand, and put out of her mind a girl who had made her think hope was possible. If only for an instant.

 

* * *

 

On Dantooine, Barriss screamed in rage. She felt Ahsoka’s death like a hand had plunged into her chest and was ripping her heart out. She felt bloody and broken and knew, _knew_ that she was losing her tenuous grip on sanity, because Ahsoka had helped her recover herself, and now that pillar of certainty was gone.

 

Kix and Cody jumped into action; Cody trying to project a steady calm he no longer felt, and Kix scrambling for a sedative, his hands unexpectedly shaky.

 

Because they knew their brother, the man they had all counted on and worked hard for, the man they loved and admired, was dead, too.

 

* * *

 

In a hut on Tatooine, Obi-Wan Kenobi’s breath caught in his throat, his fist clenched, and he sharply punched his own leg, trying, desperately trying not to cry. To be the Jedi he always had been, and not to let grief overwhelm him, because he had hoped that he would no longer have to feel a death like that ever again.

 

However, he could not help _but_ remember. Remember a small Padawan with bright eyes and a quick wit, a girl who pushed them all to be better, who cared deeply and true, and a young woman he had loved, nearly as dear to him as his own Padawan had been.

 

A small huff of sorrow escaped him, and he covered his mouth with one hand in a futile effort to not, for a moment, give in to his grief. But he could not deny the tears that overflowed his eyes and mingled in his beard.

 

He could not deny the ache in his heart, and this time, he stopped trying to do so.

 

* * *

 

Elsewhere, on Tatooine, a young sandy haired man stopped in the middle of his work, all of a sudden feeling like something was very, very wrong. That the galaxy had, somehow, lost something.

 

“Luke!” his uncle yelled. “Get back to work!”

 

“Sorry, Owen!” Luke called back, hunching his shoulders, fighting down the frustration that he felt at being _here_. Somehow, it seemed hopeless that he ever would get to leave, to be more than a kriffing moisture farmer.

 

Suddenly angry, he wondered what the point of it all really was.

 

* * *

 

Old beyond understanding, not only in years, but experience, Yoda had known death for a long, long time. Death, he knew, was not the end, and that more existed after death than most might dare to dream.

 

But still.

 

He was alive, and Ahsoka Tano was dead. Unable to gaze at the stars, for the swamps of Dagobah were thick and enclosing, Yoda could only close his eyes and wonder at the will of the Force. Why would it take one such as her, so vibrant, so alive, so hopeful, and leave him, old and tired, to carry on?

 

Alas, he knew, such questions were not often answered.

 

* * *

 

Darth Vader, who had once been another man in another time and another place, used the last of his Force reserves to free himself from the ruin of the Sith Temple. His breathing was labored, his leg dragging behind him, but he pushed on, because his Master would require an accounting, because there were yet Jedi to kill, and because… because he could not stand to be there for a moment longer, with the bodies.

 

With the dead.

 

Because the dead, the dead were always with him.

 

 _Why_ , he raged inside his own mind, _why was she so blind, so **weak**?_

 

She could have had _everything_ , and she threw it away. It had made him hate her all the more, for leaving him the first time, and for finding and having what he had been denied, what had been destroyed.

 

And he knew her forgiveness for a lie, another lie, another attempt at control and manipulation. Because forgiveness was not possible, not for what he had done, for what _he_ had destroyed, laid to waste and ruin.

 

 _She would **rot**_ , he decided. For her lies, for her life, and for her love.

 

Lost in his own hate and anger, Darth Vader single-mindedly strode over the surface of Malachor back to his ship, and did not see a bright yellow bird, a convor, fly over the smoking pit where the Sith Temple had once been. He did not see it perch on the highest remaining pillar. He did not see it settle in, as though waiting for something.

 

Had he seen, he might have remembered that there was more to Ahsoka Tano than anyone had ever guessed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You left me, sweet, two legacies,—   
> A legacy of love   
> A Heavenly Father would content,   
> Had He the offer of; 
> 
> You left me boundaries of pain   
> Capacious as the sea,   
> Between eternity and time,   
> Your consciousness and me.  
>  \--Emily Dickinson


	23. Epilogue: The exponent of breath

Ahsoka knew she had died.

 

The fact that she could know anything or have any kind of thought was unexpected, to say the least.

 

What was even more unexpected was to feel the presence of Rex, so close to her. Though, she wondered if time or space had any meaning for her, being dead.

 

“Try not to think about it,” he said dryly, and like she opened her eyes, she saw him standing next to her. Then it was as though the rest of the place bleed into existence from their location, tall grass growing and rolling hills spreading before them until they met the horizon that had sprung into being.

 

She blinked, and then wondered why she was registering physical responses if, as she suspected, she didn’t have a body any more.

 

“This is going to give me a headache, and I don’t even have a head anymore!” she exclaimed, and smiled, feeling oddly in good cheer for being dead. Rex shot her his laziest grin, and they reached for each other, fingers ( _or, was it just the manifestation of their souls?_ she wondered) twinning together.

 

“Any idea on… what this is supposed to represent?” he asked, looking around. “Looks like Shili, from the files. And it would make sense for you. Not like I wanted to return to Kamino.” She shook her head.

 

“Its not Shili, I don’t think. It doesn’t feel like it,” she said, looking around, and something about this place felt old and deep in a way Shili did not. “I think… I think this is the planet I went to, with the ghosts.”

 

Then, as though her recall summoned them, the four ghosts she had met sixteen years ago appeared, and now, here, she could see them clearly for the first time, but she could not identify their species. They were all tall and bipedal, but instead of skin they had some kind of scaly hide of shifting colors, and crests of feathered hair running from their heads down their backs. Their eyes were the most disconcerting, because instead of a solid color or having an iris around a pupil, their eyes seemed to swirl with color.

 

They smiled, and she could see they all had sharp canines.

 

“Well reasoned, child,” the Seer said, her eyes swirling gold and grey, impossible to read. But Ahsoka could sense a subdued pride there.

 

“You have done well, child, passing on what you learned here,” the Healer said, smiling, focusing her white and green eyes on Ahsoka and Rex.

 

“What was once forgotten, will now live again, through you, because of you,” the Warrior said, and nodded gravely at her, his eyes silver and blue.

 

“But this need not be the end,” the Guardian said, the largest and yet quietest of them all, his eyes red and black. “There is more you can learn, more you can do. If you wish it.”

 

She looked to Rex, then, the question unspoken between them, and she realized how he was here, with her. Their bond, the bond she had forged between them, only as a means to locate each other, had not been made with the Living Force, but the Force that was their very _selves_. It tied their souls together, and had only become stronger as the years had gone by, each moment a buttress, a support, a strut that forged something unbreakable, even by death.

 

“No rest, even after death?” he asked, his golden eyes dancing. “Somehow, I’m not surprised.”

 

“Come on, Rexter, it could be fun,” she teased, and she knew what his answer would be, what her answer would be. Because neither of them could ever be idle. Turning back to the ghosts, to beings so ancient she didn’t even know what they were, she squared her shoulders and lifted her chin high.

 

“What’s the job?” she asked.

 

They looked at her, their swirling eyes almost hypnotic, their scales bright and brilliant even in this place with no sun or discernable light source.

 

“You know, child, for you have the last remnants of Mortis inside of you,” the Seer said.

 

“The last remnants of one who was called Daughter, the last offshoot of our race,” the Healer continued. Ahsoka frowned, and suddenly she could now recall that time, recall the time she had been turned to the darkness by the Son, had died, and Skyguy had saved her with the last of the Daughter’s light. Remembering that time, clearly now, she felt a moment of distress, but then Rex was there, his hand on her shoulder, and his presence as steady and loving as ever.

 

“You remember,” the Warrior said. “You have been to the realm of death before, and you know the boundary is not as solid as some would have it.”

 

Ahsoka felt herself steady, the idea forming in her mind, of what she could do, for now, to help, to not strike a blow against the darkness, or tear it away, but instead to rekindle the light.

 

“Yes, you see it now,” the Guardian affirmed. “The light and the dark, they are part of a whole, fighting against balance, but it is _love_ that turns the wheel.”

 

So, even after the last, Ahsoka Tano would work in service of something greater than herself.

 

Ahsoka held Rex’s hand, though she supposed hands were just a construct, a memory of having bodies, and she drew on their bond itself and the last remnants of the Daughter that lived in her still and struck one last blow against the dark. She projected forgiveness for transgressions, real or imagined. She projected hope that freedom was possible, that tyranny could be overcome. She projected faith in those still fighting, in the rightness of fighting for those who could not defend themselves. And she projected love, her love for those left behind, for those lost and forgotten, because here, in the Heart of the Force, all were remembered and cherished.

 

She projected _light_ , and a tide, a flood, a torrent swept through the Force itself.

 

* * *

 

And in the next moment, between wondering at the will of the Force and all the bright lives snuffed out too soon, Yoda felt the Force burst with light. He lifted his head, ears perking up, and for the first time in over a decade, he laughed.

 

* * *

 

Ventress, hard edged and practical, smiled suddenly. It was a full smile, full of a hope she had though she had lost years ago, a hope that had been ground down by death and loss and one betrayal after another. But it flared to life, a fire rekindled.

 

Where it would take her, she didn’t know, but she would follow it.

 

* * *

 

On Felucia, Shaak Ti felt the Force _heave_ , and she felt herself go from grief to joy so suddenly she could not help but trill out a call of exultation. Gungi raised his voice with hers, and the others joined in. What had been a subdued wake turned into a celebration of all things still living, all things still loving.

 

And Shaak knew who she had to thank for that.

 

* * *

 

Barriss suddenly calmed, and Kix hadn’t even given her the sedative. Looking at the clones around her, she smiled. Because for the first time in a long time, Barriss Offee felt loved. Loved in and of herself, for herself, and knew that she was cherished though no longer whole. She reached out to Kix and Cody, touching their faces gently.

 

“All will be well,” she said, her eyes clear and calm and full of a love she had thought lost long ago.

 

* * *

 

Obi-Wan’s breath hitched, and he felt his heart lift, for the burden on his heart suddenly lightened. It had been there so long, he had grown used to it, had become accustomed to the weight of guilt and self-recrimination that had been his constant companion since that fateful night.

 

But it was gone now, as though scoured away by the gentlest sandstorm, until he stood, clean and free.

 

* * *

 

Across the galaxy, the younglings Ahsoka had raised, who were no longer so young, felt her presence once again.

 

Zatt put down his drink, and decided to stop hiding his pain.

 

Ganodi felt hope once again, her despair dissipating like a fog before the sun.

 

Petro’s anger evaporated, overwhelmed by the love he had known, by the love that had shaped his life.

 

Katooni let go of her fear, and started to believe in herself again, because Ahsoka had always believed in her, and she could do no less.

 

And in the _Phantom_ , Maada started to laugh, a trilling, high laugh, wiping the tears away from her eyes. Kanan and Ezra looked at her for a moment in confusion, and then they felt it too, _her_ hope, her faith, her love. It was still there, and would always be there, even if _she_ was not.

 

Because any one person was so much more than their physical shell, and they all knew that although Ahsoka Tano was dead, she was not gone. Not gone from the universe, and certainly not gone from their hearts.

 

* * *

 

On Coruscant, Emperor Palpatine, the man who was Darth Sidious, had been caught up in a dark revelry at the death he had felt in the Force, the old apprentice of Skywalker’s was no more. In a way, it had been the last test of his own apprentice, and now Darth Vader was more sealed to him than ever before.

 

But then, then he felt it rocking through the Force, that hideous _light_ , full of saccharine emotions, and his lip curled in distaste. And for a moment, he knew _fear_ , a stabbing, horrible fear that he had misstepped, that he had gone wrong, somehow, somewhere, in eliminating the apprentice.

 

And try as he might to put it out of his mind, the thought _ate_ at him.

 

* * *

 

Throughout the Empire, and all over the galaxy, a change was happening. It was not anything obvious or even tangible, but a change in hearts and minds.

 

A class of Imperial pilots began to wonder about their orders and the practices of the Empire they had been learning to serve.

 

A hardened agent of the ISB, a man who had done his duty and _believed_ in it, began to think that, perhaps, he had put his faith in the wrong thing.

 

Leia Organa suddenly smiled up at her father, and determination lit in her brown eyes. Because she would be a part of this rebellion, she would see it through and fight the Empire. And she would save as many people as she could while she was at it.

 

Half a galaxy away, Luke Skywalker looked up at the stars and let go of his frustration and anger, because he knew he _would_ get out there one day. He would help people and be a part of something greater than himself. He knew, because he felt something out there call to his very soul.

 

Across the galaxy, on every world, moon, station and ship, sentient beings of every species forgot, for just a moment, their fear, their anger, their hate, their petty worries and problems, and started to believe again.

 

* * *

 

And on Malachor, a convor sang.

 

Darth Vader heard it, its bright, clear voice carrying easily through the still air, and then he felt it.

 

He felt _her_.

 

Her love, her forgiveness, her hope.

 

Staggering on, he did his best to deny it, to disbelieve it, because she could not forgive him, not truly for all that he had done. But the idea burrowed in his heart like a seed taking root. And no matter how hard he tried to ignore it, it resided there, waiting.

 

* * *

 

As the burst of light played out, Ahsoka looked at Rex and knew if there was still work to be done, they would do it, together, and she felt the same love and determination in him that was in her. She thought, then, of the life she had lived, of the places she had seen, the things she had done, and the love she had known.

 

There was no regret, no fear for what came next, because she had seen wonders, done all she could do, and had loved with everything that she was without losing herself.

 

No, there was no place in any part of her for regret.

 

Because, in the end, Ahsoka Tano, had _lived._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love is anterior to life,  
> Posterior to death,   
> Initial of creation, and  
> The exponent of breath.   
>  \--Emily Dickinson
> 
>  
> 
> That's it! Thank you, everyone, for reading. Thank you to everyone who gave Kudos, and thank you especially for everyone who commented. You are all lovely. This is a great fandom and community. <3


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